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Post by kmogirl on Jul 3, 2010 16:35:12 GMT -5
My problem is I spend so much time/effort/etc PLANNING all of the cleaning and projects I want to do around the house, without actually doing anything. I have so much I'd like to do, but it seems when it gets down to it I never have the money, or the energy, or the time. I'm always letting something hold me back.
That, and I keep falling into the trap that if I had something, suddenly I'd be motivated to do things. If I had a scale, I'd be motivated to lose weight. If I had an effective set up for my desk, I'd be motivated to study. If I had an easier-to-deal-with vacuum, I'd vacuum more often. If I had a dishwasher, my kitchen would always be clean. If I had more countertop space, I'd cook more often.
How to you break that sort of thinking? I tell myself if/when I start actually doing the things I might let myself get the nicer scale/vacuum/etc, but then I'm always filled with anxiety over doing the things I should.
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jul 3, 2010 17:59:01 GMT -5
Aha! But if you are thinking that you could start doing these things AFTER you break that sort of thinking, you are just doing the exact same thing!
The only way to start doing those things is to START DOING THOSE THINGS! Like Nike says, Just Do It. Like we say here, motivation FOLLOWS action.
I hope that helps, I know I do the same darn thing all the time and the only time I ever, ever get anything done is when I just start and keep going.
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Post by messymimi on Jul 3, 2010 18:16:27 GMT -5
A common problem for many of us, Kmogirl.
Sometimes it stems from being told, over and over, that if we couldn't do it right, to not do it at all. Since "right" had a very narrow, perfectionistic definition in the mind of the person who said it, we learned we couldn't meet their standard, so we got in the habit of never starting, of doing nothing just like they told us.
Sometimes we don't start because then we would feel badly if we didn't finish, or we are afraid to finish and have the final result "judged," often by the same perfectionists mentioned above.
The way to break through a good bit of this is to do something, anything, for 15 minutes. Then tell yourself you did a great job, and move on to something else.
Wait! Your inner perfectionist is shouting. You can't do anything in just 15 minutes, and certainly not finish and do it right, as you were told.
Well, tough, you learn to tell that inner critic. I may not be able to do everything in 15 minutes, but I can do anything for 15 minutes, and that is plenty. Then, you teach yourself, over time, that done is better than perfect, it's okay to break a job into smaller jobs, and that you are not going to strive for an elusive perfect that only lasts a few minutes anyway.
You can do this. You have already started, as MiSC once pointed out, and now all you have to do is decide where you are going to continue.
messymimi
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Jul 3, 2010 18:50:47 GMT -5
hi.
lots of support. feel free to ignore anything that isn't for you.
"If you build it, they will come..."
the gods of decluttering like you to start, then they pitch in and provide the additional tools.
the good vacuum, etc.
but they ain't givin' jack to someone who's just sitting there...
yes, a vacuum you don't hate -- etc. -- does help.
but the problem is in ourselves, not our tools....
and the fix is, too.
just take the first step. breathe. then the one after that. :-)
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Post by eagle on Jul 3, 2010 22:16:09 GMT -5
I get that. Over planning. Not a lot of doing. If only's. These are all traps.
Do something different. Next time you think one of those thoughts, STOP yourself and do something different. DO something.
You know it doesn't matter if you have a dishwasher. I am confident that you know that. Doing the dishes can even be managed just fine if your water heater breaks. I know. I've had to deal with just that situation. Boil water. Do I moan & complain, or do I do it because it needs to be done? It's my attitude that makes the difference.
If my attitude sucks, I can force myself to work anyway and pretty soon, stuff gets done and my attitude improves. Give it a try. Act as if you are capable of doing these things and do something. Soon you will be happy to see results.
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Post by razy on Jul 3, 2010 23:40:54 GMT -5
I do all that!
When I catch myself doing it I say to myself - Just Do It!
I sometimes feel concerned because I have not planned for all the possibilities and i often do not get things done as well I hoped I would have if I planned it all HOWEVER I do get something done which is different from when I plan and plan and get nothing done.
For example : I have some mould on my kitchen window and I have been thinking about cleaning it off all week. Today I was showing it to G and I just picked up a cloth and wiped it away. It took as long to do that as it did to point it out to him.....and now it is done!
Good Luck!
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Post by success19 on Jul 4, 2010 14:32:02 GMT -5
Your a planner and thinker - me too - but we got to just do it!
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Post by kmogirl on Jul 4, 2010 16:03:32 GMT -5
Thanks guys,
I know what y'all say is true, I just need to get in there and do it.
I've got to just take it a day at a time and not get down on myself when I slip a bit. Sometimes I have a hard time finding the line between holding myself accountable and beating myself up.
I appreciate the encouragement!
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Post by Meme on Jul 4, 2010 20:33:12 GMT -5
I do remember this stage in my life and breaking free was not easy but once I faced the truth in me I was able to start baling out-- a lot of things we tell ourselves are either half_truths or fantasy---
Self_ discipline was the hardest obstacle for me to apply -- and rewarding my self with pride of a job well done ---those two things were the beginning of my healing---
and I finally wanted a clean house and realized that the only way for that to happen was to clean it--very over whelming for a long time but finally I have reached my goal. (sadly a long time means years in my self-destructive behavior ) and now I am accountable to me and my personal happiness.
You know now what is wrong as you told us and yourself so now begin to work on overcoming your self -- and we will support you with encouragement.
hugs from Meme
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Post by messimo on Jul 5, 2010 2:45:04 GMT -5
I have nothing to add to the wonderful advice you've received already. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm the same way. I look forward to seeing the progress that you report here, kmogirl.  |
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Post by Rory on Jul 5, 2010 9:26:08 GMT -5
In my mind I can perfect the world.
I open my eyes and my room is a mess.
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Post by gini on Jul 5, 2010 10:51:04 GMT -5
kmogirl
Ah yes, Perfectionism + Procrastination = Paralysis.
I also struggle under the yoke of this powerful equation.
Becoming self-aware is part of the stepping out of squalor process, so that in itself is progress for you.
I naively thought that once I was finally aware of my self-sabotage, that awareness alone would be enough to end it.
Well, it was not enough.
Try to follow the terrific advice given here by others, and DO one task, any little old thing at all.
Then it's important to kind of stare at it and admire it, and say to yourself, "kmogirl baby, this is very good work."
There will be lots of support for you here when you get stuck.
So many times I went into Chat to say "I'm paralyzed today." or "Still in my housecoat and it's 4:00 P.M."
There's always some nice understanding people there, ready to give you a gentle nudge to action.
It's one step at a time for all of us here.
You can do it, too.
gini
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Post by uualto1973 on Jul 5, 2010 11:23:59 GMT -5
I do that exact thing in my head. The just found this website (15 min. ago) because I convinced myself that "if only I had some motivation and support from others..." I would tackle my kitchen.  Put up reminders in your house... "Just do it"... "A small difference is still a difference".... "I can create what I want NOW"... etc. |
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Post by puppybox on Jul 5, 2010 16:03:05 GMT -5
when I was first starting I would make myself stand up and set a timer for x amnt of time (the length is a personal decision, maybe 5 minutes is good) and I was not allowed to sit down until I did SOMETHING. standing there like an idiot forces you to LOOK at your place. (no fair keeping the tv on unless you can not watch it). then usually some easy action presents itself as being doable. After 5 minutes you can sit down even if you did nothing, but you have to do it again in 5 or 10 more minutes.
I found I would sometimes just start to cry as I couldn't make a decision, and I am not a cryer. BUT I was still not allowed to sit down until do something or timer ends.
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Post by def6 on Jul 6, 2010 15:27:43 GMT -5
I break that "stinking thinking" by just dressing nicely with what I already have. Cleaning with what I have on hand and so forth. Also if it is not the right time , season of the year or if I was supposed to start a progect 1 hour ago( or 1 day ago) I just start anyway. I do this on purpose to correct my thinking. You do this too alright and it will become easier over time.
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