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Post by messymomof2 on Jul 31, 2008 18:30:55 GMT -5
I am one of those folks who used to be a neatfreak and now am a self declared slob! something that has happened slowly over the last 10 years or so. it really has affected my self esteem and my whole life really! I'm a single widowed mom with no support and it's really easy for things to spiral out of control. especially when I'm depressed. I don't know where it all began but I hope to stop the cycle before my kids become more aware of the messy house (they are little). I'm sick of being embarrased to have people visit and I'm sick of living this way! it's just not fair to any of us. I think this board will be just what I need to get on track!  |
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Post by squalorwallow on Jul 31, 2008 18:44:00 GMT -5
Hey sweetheart. Curiously I'm a slob turned neat freak. What made you change? Do you think you got burnt out on super cleaning? Or what?
Glad to have you here and I'm routing for you!!
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Post by messymomof2 on Jul 31, 2008 19:12:22 GMT -5
in one word; depression. which when my house is a mess feeds it  it is a vicious cycle I have found. I am also alone with to little ones which doesn't help. While I clean and they are in the other room making messes. I have no babysitter or relatives nearby. and my friends are too busy to help. I just need to not let my house get out of control! I took some pics about 6 months ago and I do have to admit things are much better (some areas- the garage and spare room not included)but they are still not where I want them! but it's getting better little by litle. this board will help!  |
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Post by squalorwallow on Jul 31, 2008 19:14:07 GMT -5
:hugs: Depression is what got mine messy too. Well Grief and Depression which go hand in hand a lot of times. I just decided about 4 months back to clean and I did it. And it WAS nasty at times but it's mostly done, now I'm just cutting back on clutter
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Post by messymomof2 on Jul 31, 2008 19:14:42 GMT -5
oh yeah and I should add if I don't have time or energy to do the job perfect I just won't bother. I am also queen of putting things in closets and shutting doors.
when I was a neatfreak I lived in much smaller spaces too. my house is way too large for me to keep up but I will never be able to sell/rent it like it is currently! (oh did I mention it's a remodel we have never really remodeled? ugh!)
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Post by squalorwallow on Jul 31, 2008 19:18:35 GMT -5
Awww sweetie! It sounds like you are lacking encouragement also. Do you have anyone to tell you you've done a wonderful job when you clean too?
I admit i'm a big procrastinator. I've had days where our trash was over flowing and I just kept putting it off. I'm much better about it now. I literally force myself to do it.
When you are comfortable please share photos and maybe someone can give suggestions on where to start with your home *hugs again*
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Post by messymimi on Jul 31, 2008 19:37:54 GMT -5
Hi messymomof2, Sounds like grief, depression, and perfectionism, a triple whammy. Here you will find people to encourage you, offer practical suggestions, or even just listen when you want to rant about how hard it is to raise those babies alone. One idea for tackling perfectionism is to let the children clean something. Maybe slip socks on them and get the socks wet with soapy water, and "skate-mop" the kitchen. Or fold socks and underwear, put away the forks from the dishwasher, anything small they can do (you will be surprised at how much they can do themselves). Then, and here is a key, do not go behind them and redo whatever they did. Praise them for how hard they have worked, and practice accepting a less than perfect result. Then be as gentle with yourself as you are with them about such things. Done is better than perfect. Also, perfection is fine, but good enough lasts longer.  messymimi |
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 31, 2008 20:20:20 GMT -5
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Post by messymomof2 on Jul 31, 2008 21:08:16 GMT -5
thanks everyone! this board is great! I'm so sick of feeling shame then more depressed. I had given up for awhile but know I will never be able to move until things are tip top shape! (it's funny the problem has building been since I moved to this house) I think it's just too big! when we moved in we had barely enough to furnish it, now it's overflowing! I have gotten rid of sooo much stuff too! truckloads! I don't hoard but I have people that give me stuff alot (rather my husbands relatives when he was living) the good news is living alone without a spouse is easier in a way house wise. though it's harder in a way too with children of course! anyway things are changing so that's a positive! thanks for the encouragement! I appreciate the kind words. I will post pics eventually. though it's not all that horrible. you can walk in most rooms anyway! just messes here and there (and those two messy rooms I mentioned earlier-I'd say on a 1-9 basis it's about a 5- the rest of the house like a 2 or 3. though when it gets bad it could be 4! ) it feels like an uphill battle somedays! |
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 1, 2008 22:03:15 GMT -5
Welcome, MMO2! I wonder if it is possible to just shut down some of your rooms...move the kids into one room and close off the other. Some way of temporarily making the home smaller?
And woo hoo on the progress that you have already made. I think that anyone who cleans anything with small kids in the house deserves a medal!
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Post by Platypus on Aug 3, 2008 10:41:20 GMT -5
Hiya  Perfectionism hey? That was me! Do you recall that old saying often quoted to young people, "if a job's worth doing it's worth doing well"? Well, that's great for carpenters and neurosurgeons but has no place in house-keeping! A half-pickled job is better than none at all. For example: Washing the dishes but not drying them may not mean the the sink is clear and sparkling like a diamond, but at least the dishes are clean. If the dishes are soaking in the sink over night at least they are not under the couch! The clothes might be in a heap on the bed but at they are washed, dry and inside! There might be a sack of rubbish to go out but at least it is IN the sack! We take our victories where we can. |
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Post by zinnia on Aug 3, 2008 22:09:37 GMT -5
I have no babysitter or relatives nearby. With two young children and no help, make sure you put your needs near the top of your to-do list! Welcome! |
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 5, 2008 14:54:49 GMT -5
hi mmof2, and welcome! Boy, what a lot of great advice and support you are getting from these wonderful wise people! I hope it helps you to let go of the shame and just start somewhere, anywhere. Your situation is not easy, with 2 little kids and no help, but there are some great ideas here, based on experiences of those who found that they work! Kids, even very small ones, love to help and letting them creates self-reliant, confident people when they are older.
congratulations on all that you have done on your own! It sounds as though you are already well on the way, and it probably won't take nearly as long as you think it will, once you get started. We are cheering you on!
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