victoriaj
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 58
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Post by victoriaj on Jul 15, 2010 11:18:39 GMT -5
Hi,
I haven't been around much since I lost my last home. I've been staying at my mother's house and between having no space (to squalor or not) and just generally feeling not up to talking to people I haven't really been on the board.
I have just signed a new tenancy to begin next month. It's a bit before I was really ready to move - which is a loss financially, but means I can take a bit of time to move in slowly. It's within walking distance of work, it's £50 a month cheaper than the last place, and it's a bit odd but should suit me fine.
(They also didn't do a background check. I wasn't about to lie - but I was prepared to have a guarantor and everything. I got to do it all by myself).
It felt great for about 20 minutes. But I'm terrified.
I'm terrified it will fall through somehow. I'm terrified it will turn out to be a bad home (and for the second time I've taken the first place I've looked at, which I guess isn't normal ??).
I'm terrified about the hard work of moving.
I'm terrified I could make it into a horrible pit of filth again. I HATED my old place, and it spoilt every part of my life. I lost the home because it was so bad, lost a huge amount of my stuff, ended up with debts.
I'm terrified about other people's expectations. And that people will be watching me. If I ever don't want people round they'll assume it's horrible - but one of the things about hoarding and squalor is that it does mark space as yours and no one bothers you (until they evict you). And when people do come round they'll watch for things that they probably wouldn't care about in someone without my history.
I have so many dreams for a nice home where I can feel comfortable, have some space (mental space if that makes sense), be able to write and do creative stuff, to cook properly, to actually allow friends and family in.
I know that my expectations are too high. Even if the house was reasonable it won't solve all the other problems.
I'm terrified about having to get on with the rest of my life. And once I'm in I'll need to deal with the rest of the debts, and I'll have one less excuse for all the things I haven't done.
Any way I'm up and down and panicking.
I wanted to know how other people had managed moves to clean houses - and what tips people have.
I used to read this site and try and understand what it would be like to be in "maintenance". I also used to think that while the task of cleaning was impossible if I could only put the clock back and not let it get so bad things would be so easy.
So how do I do it ?
Victoria J
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 15, 2010 11:33:05 GMT -5
Victoria, that is so exciting to have another chance to make your place the way you want it!
I think a key part of keeping it that way will be participating here--posting to the forums, using Listzilla to set up a rough cleaning schedule, and just keeping accountable. It's good that you'll be able to move in slowly, that way you can bring in the essentials and see how they look in your new place. Then when it's as full as you want it to be, you'll know that the rest of what you have should be given away or thrown away.
I don't think that your expectations are too high. We all know that our mess affects all sorts of areas of our life--if you are not ashamed of your place, you CAN invite people over, you WILL have room to be creative, you CAN cook because you'll have a clean stove and counter. You don't have to expect to do things perfectly, but so many things will be better for you. And if you think that people will judge you because of what they know of you in the past, you can always meet some new people and invite them over--they will only know the person you are now.
Is there anything you can do to take advantage of the time you have until you move in? Can you go through your things to see if you want to take all of them with you? Or, if you don't have a lot right now, you can make a list of items you'll need when you move in. You can also read the recent posts about cleaning schedules and maintenance, to see how often other people do different cleaning chores. You'll develop your own schedule but it helps to start thinking of it now.
I'm very happy for you! Just take one thing at a time, you've already done the most important and that is finding a place--now you can keep working and make yourself a nice home!
Diane
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Post by messymimi on Jul 15, 2010 14:20:39 GMT -5
Dear Victoria,
Good habits are the key to success.
Start now to build the good habits that will keep everything the way you want it. Dishes washed every day. Laundry never left lying around. Trash out the door every day if needed.
Only move what you love and will use and will want to take care of.
If people come to your new place and are more interested in how you are keeping the place than in you, don't invite them back. If they fuss about things that they would overlook in other people's homes, let them know that their perfectionism and criticism are not welcome.
You can do this. Deep breath. Start building good habits.
messymimi
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Post by littleengine on Jul 15, 2010 15:56:16 GMT -5
 I am not in maintenance yet so maybe it's silly to respond to this. But just my two cents: You have so many things you want to take care of, of course it's overwhelming. Write down the most urgent three, and then make a step by step plan for taking care of them. Everything else can wait until later...don't worry about them now. Make sure one of your three priorities is something that gives you pleasure. I find that maintaining clean areas is 1000% easier when I'm happy. You mentioned writing/creative pursuits....
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Post by def6 on Jul 15, 2010 23:01:44 GMT -5
It sounds really great! You will do just fine in your new place Don't worry so much. Just put one foot in front of the other.
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victoriaj
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 58
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Post by victoriaj on Jul 16, 2010 14:58:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone.
I am excited - but it is scary too. People who don't have this problem don't really get it.
I have a fresh start but I cheated. I didn't take the steps to put right the squalor I just left (if not by choice). I haven't learned the good habits that make the difference.
Plus I lost so much of my stuff. I've been really limiting the things I have been buying (though I have replaced a lot of clothes and am replacing craft stuff) and I have a little money so I can buy some new things. I think I'll need some furniture and I need to replace bedding and most of my kitchen stuff - saucepans, bakeware, plates and stuff.
Which is exciting. I got house-broody a month ago and bought some kitchen utensils I liked the look of. But I just had to box them up. Is that healthy, or hoarding ?
What is it actually important to have in a house ?
Victoria J
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