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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 4, 2008 13:55:22 GMT -5
Hi-I have been looking for a place to share and try to find support. I have signed up for the yahoo messiness/hoarding board, but I find it hard to navigate. Here is how I will introduce myself....
I have been trying to figure out if I am a hoarder or just plain
***. I worked on cleaning off my kitchen table yesterday and I
decided to throw away a few wallet sized photos of my children,
because they had residue from tape on them. I know I have copies of these somewhere, but every time I think that I just threw them away, I get pain and nausea in my stomach. Am I a hoarder?
Two weeks ago, I took down my Christmas tree that has been up for 1 1/2 years. Am I a hoarder?
Yesterday, my son and I carried out part of the dropped ceiling in a spare room that fell down over a year ago. Am I a hoarder or just ***?
I will say that these small steps (except for throwing away the
pictures) have made me feel better and feel like progress in
organizing my home. I have alot of work to do yet, but I hope I can find some helpful information here on this board.
I need my home to be a clean and safe haven that myself and my boys are not embarrassed to bring people in.
Thanks
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 4, 2008 13:56:18 GMT -5
For some reason the word "l-a-z-y" is in asteriks??
I have read a few threads on here and I am just about in tears, because I think I have found a place where I can find help. Here are just some thoughts.
I feel like I need permission to throw away old clothes that belonged to my children when they were little (they are 16 and 12 now). I cannot give them away because they are unlaundered and sitting in piles where I laid them when I moved into the house.
I feel the same way about toys that they are too old to play with. Some are in give-away condition, but some are not. Why can't I just throw them away?
I tell myself if I had a dishwasher, I would keep my dishes done, but I know this is not true. I let them pile up and just wash what we need to eat with.....or buy paper plates and plastic cups and bowls.
I am happy that I found this site, but just today have felt sick to my stomach about this situation I have gotten myself into. I don't really know what to do, but I did read in the threads about the "three" things at a time. I will try that.
Thanks for listening.
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Post by Mystic Pegasus on Aug 4, 2008 14:31:51 GMT -5
That's considered a *word non grata* here, and isn't allowed.  |
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 4, 2008 14:36:33 GMT -5
That's considered a *word non grata* here, and isn't allowed. Thanks Mystic, that explains it. How can I tell if I am just "l-word" or seriously a hoarder? I feel like I am just "l-word" and need to get off of my butt.....but I can't! |
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Post by pianobirdy on Aug 4, 2008 15:27:14 GMT -5
I am new to the site -- here since sometime last week. I have learned that there are many other factors in our lives that can manifest itself in a cluttered home, the least of which is that L-word. Depression and other similar issues, unresolved grief, physical ailments (known and those yet undiscovered), lonliness, relationship issues, low self-esteem, childhoods, -- these are only several of the many reasons why we have clutter in our homes. With encouragement from all of the members here, I am learning to not label myself or beat myself up over the present state of my home. I am also learning that any step taken toward clearing the clutter, no matter how small, is progress which is good. This is a place where we can talk with others who want freedom from the clutter. As we talk to each other, we come to realize things about ourselves that perhaps we didn't see before. The most important thing I have found here is acceptance and sincere caring -- something that we don't necessarily get elsewhere because most of us have been hiding away in our chaos. Being accepted here is, for me, HUGE. I simply feel better about myself because I know that I am not alone. I am not a bad or stupid person. I am not weird. I am beginning to see what some of my issues are, and that is giving me an opportunity to think about them and work on them. At the same time, if I throw out three things today or put three things back where they belong or create a home for a part of my clutter, I am moving in the right direction. If all I can do today is look through this site and find food for thought from a post, that is OK, too. We are always trying to put a label on ourselves to explain away the things we don't like about ourselves. Labels are usually not a good thing. I don't believe we should try to find a little box to put ourselves into. Instead, I am trying to embrace my uniqueness and appreciate myself with all of my flaws and shortcomings, remembering that those flaws and shortcomings are defined only by me. What needs to be done in my home is what I need, not what I have to do because others say I should. When it comes down to that, I can handle it much better. We need to be kind to ourselves, you know? "Love they neighbor AS THYSELF." We are supposed to love ourselves and be kind to ourselves. That's not being selfish. That's taking care of our #1 responsibility -- ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, we are limited in our ability to care for others. Keep track of your accomplishments and progress, no matter how small. Come here often for encouragement. It helps tremendously. Know that we are sisters and brothers here who want nothing more than to support each other while learning to make progress in our own lives. It's a great place to come. I find myself coming here throughout the day, and I have been feeling much better about things. I've even cleared away some clutter (I can finally see the floor in my bedroom) that I wouldn't have ordinarily done, all because of the motivation I get from just being able to relate to everyone here. It's amazing how a few little steps each day can add up to having a cleared floor!  Know that you are a wonderful and valuable person, and I believe that you will find nothing but warmth and good feelings here. Welcome, welcome! And thanks for sharing. We are all here for you!  |
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Post by glowworm on Aug 4, 2008 16:04:54 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome! You know what? I think you are making fantastic progress. Your house most likely didn't get messy overnight, so it's not going to get clean overnight. Do a little bit each day, as much as you feel you can keep up, and savor each victory as it happens. Try not beat yourself up over what's already done. |
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 4, 2008 16:07:09 GMT -5
Depression and other similar issues, unresolved grief, physical ailments (known and those yet undiscovered), lonliness, relationship issues, low self-esteem, childhoods, -- these are only several of the many reasons why we have clutter in our homes. Thanks so much for your comments and the welcome. I think I am going to like it here. |
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Post by messymimi on Aug 4, 2008 16:33:26 GMT -5
Welcome, annieokie.  Glad you found this site. Sweetie, you are not l***. None of us are. That is why that word is not allowed. In fact, you are probably busy most of the time. The problem I have is that I am usually busy doing the wrong things! As to the "what is wrong with me" and "am I a hoarder" questions, the reasons we find ourselves in this situation are as varied as the people here. You may be a hoarder with OCD or depression, you may just be a swamped, not very organized person. Some of us have physical reasons that lead to inability to stay on top of the cleaning. Some of us just never learned how to keep a house. Often we feel we "just can't" because we are perfectionists (we feel if we can't do it all at once and perfectly, why bother) or are demand resistant (as soon as we feel it is demanded of us, we don't want to). There is a good deal of information about hoarding, causes, and overcoming at the original website from which this forum grew, squalorsurvivors.com/ . If you really feel the need to define yourself, it might help to do some reading there. I find that it is better for me to quit trying to read and define me and just do something (see the above comment about too busy doing the wrong things!  ). A big  on the steps you have taken. Coming here and posting our thoughts, triumphs, challenges and changes can help us as we strive to do just what you want and what you are doing, make our homes a place of peace and a haven for our families. Remember that here you will have people to cheer you on  , sympathize when things are going badly  , and just generally listen and encourage. messymimi |
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 4, 2008 20:59:49 GMT -5
Welcome, AnnieOkie! I hope that you will find this community to be as helpful to you as it has been for me.
My kids, like yours, are old enough to help. They have been invaluable at helping me reclaim my home. And reclaiming my home has been invaluable at helping my kids! After all, I could never tell a kid "do the dishes" when I had piles and piles of dishes. But now, since we almost always have less than a 1 day supply, I can tell a kid "do the dishes" and they can do it! And they are learning the skills they will need when they are adults, too.
Glad you found us, and I look forward to hearing updates from you! (Sometimes people take off and do well right away, other times people really struggle with getting started. Either way, I like to hear from them! )
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 4, 2008 21:09:38 GMT -5
Thank you all for the kind welcome and kinder words. I am excited about being a part of this community.
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Post by zinnia on Aug 4, 2008 21:23:26 GMT -5
I feel like I need permission to throw away old clothes that belonged to my children when they were little....... I feel the same way about toys that they are too old to play with. You have my permission to dispose of those things. But really, you just have to give yourself permission. Maybe take photos of some- maybe even keep a few for a while yet. Even if they are still in good shape- you can just put them in the trash. Those things served their purpose in your household. You spent money on those things long ago-- but now it is costing you emotionally. When your home is in better shape, you can do more recycling/donating. (Edited to add: P.S.- Welcome!) |
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 4, 2008 23:45:05 GMT -5
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