zombie
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 10
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Post by zombie on Aug 27, 2008 4:29:28 GMT -5
I used to post over at SS. Hello to all the people from there, and hello to all the new posters.
My story (short version):
I grew up in a "cluttered" environment, and had household responsibility thrust upon me in at a very young age. I never really learned the value of letting things go. When I became an adult, I went through periods of really hard financial situations, so that sort of re-enforced my habit of keeping things that I really didn't have the room for. I also suffer from Major Depression.
Things started getting out of hand when I moved to a place where I knew no one. I had barely any furniture, but I had boxes of clothes and papers and crap. Eventually, I moved to a studio apartment. I married my husband when I was there, and while he didn't really contribute to the clutter, it didn't help to have another person's things (although admittedly a very few) to live in. Our place was very small.
Time passed and things sort of got away from me. I lived without a fridge for a year or so because I didn't want the landlords to come and see my mess. I became adept at fixing things myself.
I don't know if there was a light bulb moment for me (there probably was), but I decided I was going to clean it up. I wanted a working fridge. But I was also sick of living like I was.
Over the course of a few days I decluttered. It started in the bathroom and worked outwards. I threw out boxes of clothing and papers. I washed the walls and ceiling. I scraped gum off the floor. I washed loads of clothes.
Over the next two years, I maintained. We got new furniture. We eventually got a bigger place. I never learned to not live in fear of a knock on the door, even when my place was spotless.
Last year I moved across the world. It was hard getting rid of most of my stuff, but somewhere along the way, I learned that stuff is just that. It's not what life is made of, and saving stuff won't make your life that much easier if something bad happens.
We're not in the best of positions right now. We have quite a bit of debt due to the move, and are in a room in my husband's parents' flat. Because we're shouldering most of the financial burden here, we're considering moving to our own place before we planned, just because it seems as time goes on we pay more and more than our fair share.
But I am sort of back to square one. I have very little stuff, but we don't have the room to put anything. His parents "collect" things, so I do not concern myself with what is outside of this room. Don't get me wrong, I clean the bathroom, clean up messes we make, take care of odds and ends, but it's not my home and not my problem. If it became my responsibility, the first thing that would be addressed is the shear amount of stuff. Weirdly, I think that his mum thinks of it as her wealth and legacy.
But that has been an issue with me all along. Since I decluttered, I have this huge fear of going back, and I push away anything that I think will make me used to living the way I did before.
Our area of the flat is cluttered. Most of it isn't my stuff (kind of an understatement), and I've tried to make homes for what I have, but there just isn't that much room. I am trying to do the best I can, but I also don't think it's fair that I downsize any more than I have. I have a few things (all my things fit in 2 suitcases and a single small crate sent over when I got here).
So that's pretty much it. Maybe someday I will write a big eloquent story about it, but it's a journey I still think I have to continue taking before I earn great wisdom. I still need to learn to adapt while staying out of squalor. I need to learn not to be so afraid of being overwhelmed again.
I look forward to getting to know/reknow you all.
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Post by zinnia on Aug 27, 2008 7:23:07 GMT -5
It sure sounds like you need your own place soon-- financially, physically, & emotionally it will be so much better. You seem to already be very good at handling stuff/things-- and the emotions that can complicate dealing with them.  Welcome! |
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 27, 2008 17:06:48 GMT -5
Hello Zombie! It sounds like you have gotten rid of all the "extras" and are down to zero clutter. It must be hard having to live with someone else's stuff after having won your personal battle. I hope you get to move into your own place soon. In the meantime, welcome aboard!!  |
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Post by messymimi on Aug 27, 2008 18:43:34 GMT -5
Great to hear from you "across the Pond!" Ditto on hoping you get a place of your own soon. messymimi |
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 27, 2008 22:11:47 GMT -5
Welcome "back", Zombie! I'm so glad to see you, and to hear that you have maintained your own squalor-free space despite living in such a cluttered home! 
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zombie
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 10
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Post by zombie on Aug 28, 2008 4:01:24 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcomes. We are moving as soon as we can. My husband realises that we may be paying down our debt here (slowly), but my inlaws' instability threatens that. (Little vent here) We've paid them our share of the rent, council tax, and one other small bill every month since we've been here. Initially, my mother and father in law were to pay food and their part of those bills, brother in law pay his part and gas, and we were to pay those bills and electric. We began buying our own food. Totally our choice, but now we are also expected to chip in on things like cleaners, kitchen roll, bin liners, and so on. We pay the biggest utility bill, and while it might seem like such a small issue, it grates on me because it was supposed to be someone else's bill. If someone actually came out and said "Hey, could you pick up some liners and kitchen roll" it would be less of a big deal. I could just then say "no" or "yes, this time, but it wasn't a part of the agreement for us to buy things like that". But what happens is I go to use the kitchen and the bin is overflowing and there's no liners. Well, this month our in laws asked for help with the rent. We'd already paid them for this month, but due to some action against my brother in law's bank account, our money was frozen. Fine. We go to pay it and it's more than it's supposed to be. Turns out, they had missed payments. I don't know what's happened to the money we gave them for it. It's hard not to be resentful about it, and I don't want to be resentful towards them, so moving is the best thing. I also honestly think that things are just going to snowball in the financial dependency area. End of little rant. But as for our space, it's not squalorous, but it could be neater. I force myself to make the bed everyday. I clean Zombie kitty's box daily and empty it every few days. It's just that there isn't a lot of room for stuff so things over flow. I have been putting off ripping out an old, inefficient use of space built in shelf unit because I am hoping we will move. There's really no sense in doing it, but I suppose if we get furniture that we can move to our new place, there's value in it. Dust is a huge factor. I bought a duster, but it's not my ostrich feather duster. I really have to find one of those here. :-D I will probably do some challenges, but I am limited to what I can get rid of because it's mostly my husband's stuff. And to be totally fair, besides having two cabinets full of clothing to my one, he's not exactly the king of hoarding. But you have to downsize to fit your space, and it's just not in a big supply right now. |
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Post by roseoftexas on Aug 28, 2008 4:33:59 GMT -5
Welcome back, Zombie! What a journey it was for you... and now to hear from you from the other side of the world... the journey continues! I wish I had more to offer in the way of advice for dealing with your in-laws. Being in my current living situation, I sure understand how complicated these things can become and they do, after awhile, begin to take a toll on family relationships. I do think your plan to move out sooner than you'd expected is definitely a good one. Better to do that and maintain as positive a relationship with your in-laws as you possibly can! What stood out to me the most in both your posts was this: I have a few things (all my things fit in 2 suitcases and a single small crate sent over when I got here). is quite an accomplishment! I cannot imagine trying to narrow down my own number of earthly possessions to 2 suitcases and a small crate - wow!  You go, girl!  You rock! |
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zombie
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 10
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Post by zombie on Aug 28, 2008 5:07:54 GMT -5
Well, the small crate is probably bigger than it sounds. It is smaller than the standard small shipping container (which is about the size of a small truck box). It had my dresser, some clothes (both of us), some momentos, our kitchen table (collapsable), and some books. Almost everything fit into the dresser with like 3 medium packing boxes to spare.
Yeah, there's nothing like the price of shipping things overseas to really motivate you to de-stuff. I really hate to say "clutter" because we had really pared things down over the years.
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Post by heylady1 on Aug 30, 2008 9:45:58 GMT -5
Welcome back Zombie!! That's amazing that you could let go of so much, good for you!!!  And yes, it would be better if you and your hubby had your own place. You really want to be able to let go of any resentment you feel towards your in-laws so the sooner the better! Good luck to you!!
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Post by eagle on Sept 5, 2008 8:06:19 GMT -5
It's good to see you here, Zombie. I hope you find a new place soon. Even in the best of conditions, I think it's hard living with one's in-laws, or even one's own parents.
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Post by woolybooger on Sept 8, 2008 22:37:27 GMT -5
Oh I feel for you.Living with the inlaws will cost you emotionally even if it saves financially.And your post indicates that its getting increasingly expensive.I would be getting things in gear to move ASAP.
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