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Post by brenda on Sept 2, 2008 1:00:23 GMT -5
I was a complete slob for many years and reformed about 8 years ago. Now I feel myself slipping and I am scared to return to that awful way of living.
My mother who I lived with only until age 5 was profoundly mentally ill and we lived in complete filth. Moved in with my father and his new wife who was a hoarder. As a child I was often told to not come out of my room until it was clean but I had no idea how to get it that way and could never get it done right. When I went to college I was always an unpopular roommate because of my gigantic mess and disorganization.
As a young adult I could never get it together and lived in filth. I am not sure what changed but I became a perfectionist cleaner in my ate 20's. It was gradual happening over a few years and I read many books on being organized and learned skills I thought one had to be born with.
Six years ago my now husband and I moved in together. At first he accommodated my cleaning perfectionism and help to keep the house just so. In the last few years he has slowly rebelled and I am having a lot of difficulty adjusting. I know two speeds slob or neatnik.
I am in the midst of getting laid off from my accounting job and have been sleeping a lot, not keeping up with the cleaning and it is starting to spiral out of control. The funny thing to me is that if you entered my house most people would think it was fairly tidy but I see the writing on the wall.
Brenda
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zombie
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 10
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Post by zombie on Sept 2, 2008 4:25:30 GMT -5
Hey, Brenda. Welcome.
I think it's common for people to vassilate between being a neatnik or totally overwhelmed. Perfectionism is a pretty standard trait in people who have/have had squalor issues.
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel about keeping the house clean? Do you think you may be depressed (the sleeping a lot)?
I wish you the best. Sometimes just setting small goals daily and building upon them (sort of a modified Flylady routine) can help when you think things are getting out of control.
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Post by mouse on Sept 2, 2008 9:21:44 GMT -5
Hi Brenda! Zombie may have a point: sleeping a lot is often a way of coping with depression (sometimes it's situational depression, like nervous exhaustion after being laid off from a job). Maybe you could start identifying the spots in the house that you really want to keep perfect, and work your way down from there in terms of priorities. For instance, I like to have my bathroom and my kitchen really clean (doesn't always work out that way, but this isn't a perfect world). After that, if there's some dust or a bit of clutter in the other rooms, it's not so bad, as long as I can let someone in and they can both move around and find a place to sit.  Best of luck! ~Mouse |
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Post by brenda on Sept 2, 2008 11:58:47 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcome and the suggestions.
Brenda
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Post by houseworkhater on Sept 2, 2008 15:31:35 GMT -5
Wow, Brenda, that is a tough one. I admire you for making changes but I can imagine that you are always feeling just one slip away from how you grew up and it must cause a lot of anxiety.
Not much advice but welcome and keep posting!
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Post by anonymoose on Sept 2, 2008 16:21:41 GMT -5
Hi Brenda,
You've achieved a huge chunk of the battle just by recognizing that a bigger problem is pending. I'm sorry you're going through layoffs, I know how that can just knock your feet out from under you - so much stress involved. Welcome!
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 2, 2008 21:15:28 GMT -5
Welcome, Brenda. I think that just as you taught yourself how to keep a clean house, you will now be able to teach yourself how to have a clean enough house. You can adjust and learn to set new goals. Maybe since you never had a good example of what a clean, comfortable home looks like, a part of you thinks your home needs to look like a picture in a magazine.
Do you have some friends who you admire, who keep a pleasantly clean, but very imperfect home? Maybe that would be a good person to role model yourself after. When we first started decluttering and cleaning, I used a cleanie friend to help myself identify if my home was clean or not. (It has never gotten as clean as her home, but at least it helps me to look around, and realize that, no, she would not have trash sitting on the table!)
I'm glad that you found us, and I'm certain that you can learn new skills here, and share some of your pointers with us.
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Post by heylady1 on Sept 4, 2008 13:27:42 GMT -5
Welcome Brenda!  Like Crazycatlady said, you now need to learn the "good enough" method of cleaning. In other words don't let it get to you if your home is not immaculate. Dust on the entertainment center is no reason to give up cleaning totally. You need to find the middle ground between squalor and neatnik. I understand that you could be depressed so instead of setting unreachable goals that will only make things worse, instead set goals that are doable. Make sure you clean up after dinner and that the trash is taken out nightly. Keep up with the laundry. That kind of stuff. I understand your fear of back sliding but the biggest deterrant (for me anyway) is the knowledge and awareness that you could do so and the fact that you don't want to do that again!! Good luck to you Brenda!!! 
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Post by brenda on Sept 6, 2008 22:38:45 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcome and the advice.
I agree I need to be able to accept good enough cleaning. It is tough finding that middle ground and not fretting when things are not just so.
Brenda
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 7, 2008 19:50:18 GMT -5
Set goals. Instead of "I will sweep my kitchen floor every time it looks at all dirty", set a time...then if it looks a little messy, you will know to leave it, because today is not kitchen floor sweeping day....but that day is coming up, so its ok.
My Mom kept a comfortably clean home. It was never squalorish, although she was a bit of a packrat with some things. My sister had a friend who had a cleanie Mom. I babysat for them...every room in the house was always spotless and looked perfect. The garage was clean and neat inside. Drawers were neat and closets too. (No, I didn't snoop, but I babysat often enough to move around the home quite a bit.) And the door to the master bedroom was left open! My parents bedroom door was always closed, and there was always stuff on the dressers, etc.
My sister's friend used to love to come to our "not too clean" house. It felt comfortable to her. It was welcoming. That is your goal...perfect is only for magazines. True beauty is a lived in, loved in home. Make that your goal. I know that is my goal!
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