|
|
Post by stressedbythemess on Sept 8, 2008 20:51:58 GMT -5
physical things become the only connection you have left to somebody who is gone?
I lost my grandmother earlier this year (I don't remember if i mentioned this here), and to say that she was special to me is a real understatement. My parents have lots of photos (that I hope to one day get copies of) but for the moment I really don't have hardly any. I have the quilt (dear god the colors) we started when i was 9 and never finished. I have 117 (yes 117 and that is maybe 1/4 of the collection she had - one day I will presumably inherit the handwritten ones from my mother) of her cookbooks, and a stack of recipes that she had cut out or came from her magazines, as well as photocopies of some, and handwritten copies of others.
And other than the cutouts from the magazines I just..I get really emotional at the idea of getting rid of anything. I don't need 117 cookbooks, nor photocopies of her handwriting (which is very difficult cursive), but I'm just bawling at doing it. I know i should keep the quilt and the letter she sent me as a child and some things like that - the glass bluebirds that she and I both had sets of (i now have both sets) , but the rest (like the photocopies, the chipped pot) I am both beating myself up for not getting rid of, but extremely upset at the concept of doing so.
That and i guess i dont know what to do because there are times i just want to scream at the world that it's all wrong because she isn't here.
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
|
Post by hopehope on Sept 8, 2008 21:04:07 GMT -5
my dearest dear. you're absolutely right. it is all wrong that she isn't here. Do not force yourself to pick this scab until it's healed over. I'm sure you've got ninety-three other areas of mess that could use your tlc for now.
it's not time yet -- can't you see? be gentle w/ yourself. hh
|
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Sept 8, 2008 21:43:41 GMT -5
I agree with HopeHope. Can you put the cookbooks in a storage box to reassess later? Or keep two or three out to use, and put the rest away. When the time comes, it may be easier to let some of those treasured cookbooks go. Someone else will cherish them for the old recipes. But for now, you can hold them.
She is a part of you, and looking down in love. 
|
|
|
|
Post by brenda on Sept 8, 2008 21:51:50 GMT -5
Lovingly box up all the books so they stay in good shape. Put them someplace dry for safe keeping.
Some items are reasonable to keep because of emotional reasons. This seems to be the case here. If in time you can release some great if not do not beat yourself up. Instead find a similar volume of other items and let them go. This way you have the space for the books and you are still working toward your goal of decluttering.
Brenda
|
|
|
|
Post by catcat on Sept 8, 2008 23:51:07 GMT -5
It is very hard to let go of sentimental things before you are ready to do so. I found that 14 years ago, when I lost my Mom, I wanted to keep so much of her stuff. For awhile I did, & found that as time went on, I was able to release many items, telling myself that I did not need to keep everything she ever owned. However, I still have things of hers that I keep & may never get rid of. Handwritten recipes, 2 sweaters that she loved so much that she wore them to nearly every Holiday gathering in the winter. A music box that I had given to her as a gift b/c it was of a gray haired lady who resembled her, in a chair , reading to a little girl. I had gasped when I saw it in a gift shop; she had cried when she opened it. Little notes from her. Her Graduation picture. Two photos which we had restored & framed & given to her for Christmas one year. One of her as a toddler & one with her two sisters, sitting on a porch in a row.
Given time, you will probably be able to sort out the most precious items---for example, the bluebird sets, the quilt you started together; be kind to yourself & don't try this too soon.
An idea-----Since the quilt was never completed, would you or someone else be able to take the best looking part in a size that could be bound or framed as a wall hanging ? Or even two of them ? You could get some enjoyment when you could view them in your bedroom maybe, instead of having it packed away in a box.
Bless you for being so loving & sentimental. I know your grandmother must have cherished you.
Love, catcat
|
|
|
|
Post by stressedbythemess on Sept 9, 2008 7:31:08 GMT -5
thank you all for the support, and in hindsight you guys are very right - I just really couldn't see it at the time.
Cat cat - regarding the quilt - I am seriously considering trying to finish it with 1 swap out of 1 of the fabrics to make it a little less of a "dear god a 9 year old designed this" look. Then it becomes both sentimental - and functional as a quilt. I believe enough fabric was purchased for 2 matching pillows so I might keep the original fabric in one and frame it- like you said. That is a very good idea.
|
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Sept 9, 2008 8:44:54 GMT -5
Dear stressed-I understand how you feel. My Mom died seven years ago and I still have boxes of her things that I haven't dealt with. Don't know when that will happen, but it's okay!
I love the ideas about the quilt!! I hope you are able to get that done and have a treasure to look at and remember her every day!
|
|
|
|
Post by BDG on Sept 9, 2008 11:28:14 GMT -5
I think everyones ideas of storing most of it until you are better able to deal with it, would be the best way to go. Can you have the quilt finished, or perhaps finish it yourself, if you still like to sew, and hang it up as an art piece?
Hubby's sister kept all of his Mom's good quilts that she had made for her children and gave Hubby, a scrappy one that was falling apart and though I have not repaired it, at one time I did hang it on the wall and I took great comfort in looking at it and touching it, right now it is in a trunk and I hope to be able to repair it someday soon.
Of course you may not like looking at it everyday, while I took comfort in it, Hubby seemed to not do so, I'm not sure if it was the sorrow over losing his Mom or the way he felt after his sister did the way she did afterward that upset him, or both. At any rate, I packed it away in the trunk for now, until he can deal with it all.
Everyone grieves differently, it sounds as though you treasured your grandmother, not all grandmas get that kind of love returned to them, so I am sure she felt blessed to have such a wonderful loving relationship with her grandchild.
|
|
|
|
Post by anonymoose on Sept 9, 2008 15:36:11 GMT -5
Agreed - don't do it until you're better able to handle it. If they're things you truly care about, when the rest of the mess is gone, you'll find a home for them. To me, the whole point of getting out of squalor is to get rid of the unneccessary and UNLOVED stuff to have room to enjoy what you do care about.
|
|
|
|
Post by lettinggo on Sept 10, 2008 3:39:01 GMT -5
To say I understand would be an understatement. My whole family is dead. Four siblings, two parents. And I am not old. They were all dead by the time I was 45.
And my whole life, I was never able to let ANYthing from my childhood go. Gee, I wonder why. It would really stress me out when my mother would throw something old out.
So, here I am, decluttering the house in inherited (which was NOT in a cluttered condition), and throwing away so many things from my childhood. This week, I let my mother's sewing machine go, and the old Christmas tree. And I've let slides go, and I've thrown out photos.
Because NONE of those things are my family. And NONE of those things are my memories of my family. They are just manifestations of memories. They are just THINGS. My family is gone. But my memories are not. So, my family lives.
|
|
