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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 9, 2008 19:17:05 GMT -5
Ok, here goes. My problem has to be worse than most. I read about someone using squalor to keep people away. That's part of my problem. I don't have people over because of the mess, but I also feel more comfortable not having people here. But, I know this can't go on.
I bought a fixer upper with my now ex about 10 years ago. Unfortunately, due to lack of money, nothing got fixed up. The ex was also a pack rat, and a lot of his belongings are still here. This house has never been a home. So, besides the clutter and lack of cleaning, there are repairs that have to be made, but I can't let anyone in the house to do them To add to the mayhem, we had a large dog for a while that ruined the floors, and somehow managed to pull the drawer fronts off the drawers in the kitchen.
I don't know what to do. Even if I declutter and clean, there are bathroom repairs, kitchen repairs, ceiling repairs, electrical repairs and plumbing repairs needed. I wouldn't even know who to call. I am heartbroken. One adult child has already moved out, without ever having a comfy home; the next one will be ready to go within a year or two. Please, please, help me.
I've been I trying for years, and the house actually is in better shape, cleanliness wise, than it was a few years ago, but still not good. I feel like an alien around the "normal" people at work who take their shoes off when they go home so as not to dirty their floors/rugs; I keep my shoes on to keep my feet clean. I get take out and eat in my car in the driveway sometimes, because there's no really comfortable place to sit inside. It's liking cleaning and decluttering is a foreign language to me.
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Post by pegasus48 on Sept 9, 2008 19:53:10 GMT -5
Welcome to S.O.S., tiredofthis. I understand why you feel overwhelmed. When you look at the whole mess at once, it feels like too much, so instead you have to "eat the elephant one bite at a time". Babysteps will get you there. I think getting the place decluttered enough to have a plumber in is a good place to start. (Get the trash out, and anything smelly out, and make a path to whatever needs fixing. The house does not have to be "perfect" to have the plumber in and actually can't be at this point.) You don't say what the plumbing problems are, but any clogs or leaks or non-functioning plumbing items make life a whole lot harder and/or create more damage. You can do it! We are all here to support you.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 9, 2008 21:37:43 GMT -5
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 9, 2008 21:38:38 GMT -5
My home needs many repairs, too, and we have not been very good over the years at saving money to do the repairs, or at working on things. It was very difficult having a mess and underneath having things falling apart. (I really still hate that the paint is peeling off the exterior of my house. It just looks awful!)
Your post really hit home with me about needing to wear shoes inside to keep your feet clean and safe. I always truly hated getting black feet, and dirty socks, inside! It took a while, and I have a housekeeper who comes in and helps every two weeks...but I am finally to the point that I mostly have clean feet/socks! It is possible.
It seems hopeless at first sometimes. But you and your almost adult child can work together. It sounds like you have made great progress already. Now that you have found this forum, I think that you have found the support to move forward, and reclaim your home.
Welcome, TiredOfThis...I'm so glad that you are here!
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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 9, 2008 22:44:49 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone, for resonding to my post. I worked a little in the kitchen today. (Almost) all of the mail, papers, etc, off the table, counter and floor. Next, I'll work on the dishes, then the stove and oven, then the floor. Then, I'll move on to the living room (very little furniture left; it was destroyed by the big dog that ruined the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen.)
What makes it even harder is that my stbx (soon to be ex) is a hoarder. Even though he hasn't lived here in years, all available storage space (the basement, the two car garage, and various places in the house) are filled with his stuff. It is actually the only thing that is stalling the divorce. He basically wants to stay married to me so he can leave his stuff here. I want it out so I can store things appropriately. He ends up hysterical and in tears (literally) when I tell him that he will have to get it out in a set amount of time... he keeps trying to extend the time. from one month to 3 months, etc. We are going to end up going to trial over this. It has already cost me additional money in legal fees, because he keeps dragging it out... money that could be used for repairs to the home.... *sigh*
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Post by Vivre on Sept 9, 2008 23:37:24 GMT -5
Welcome I am so sorry you are having to deal with not only your stuff but all of this OTHEr stuff too... it must really make it seem overwhelming! Please know you can come here and get the boost you need to keep on keepin' on!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by heylady1 on Sept 10, 2008 9:42:25 GMT -5
Welcome Tiredofthis!! I'm sorry too that you have to deal with all your house issues and almost ex-husband issues too! Especially since your ex is acting the way he is and dragging things out. I don't know how you feel about this (so please don't be offended) but would you consider taking pictures of his hoard and showing them to the judge? Explain to him about your ex and his stuff and make the judge set a time limit? That way the ex cannot wriggle his way out of it. Sorry again if this makes you anxious or offended!!!!! Read the link that Lioness gave you....Fivecat's story is soooooo inspirational!! And I agree with Pegasus, when you can, get a plumber in. Without good plumbing it can make cleaning up and maintaining oh so much harder!!
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Post by Fivecat on Sept 11, 2008 23:09:18 GMT -5
Hi, I'm fivecat. First, welcome. I think you'll find in this community you have found the lifeline that you need. I know it certainly was for me.
Second, I had a thought. Would your ex consider/be able to buy you out and you just move? That way you could get a fresh start somewhere else and he could just have the house and the hoard. That's what I would try if it were me.
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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 11, 2008 23:16:35 GMT -5
Would your ex consider/be able to buy you out and you just move? That way you could get a fresh start somewhere else and he could just have the house and the hoard. That's what I would try if it were me. Hi Fivecat, At this point, that sounds like a wonderful idea, but he can't afford to buy me out. He's unemployed, no savings, no nothing. I appreciate the suggestion, though!
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Post by houseworkhater on Sept 11, 2008 23:38:14 GMT -5
welcome, tired of this. i doubt you are any worse or better than any of us. we are all different, but we are all here for the same reason. i hope this board helps you like it has me. try to come to chat one night. i am trying to get there as often as possible, as we do challenges where we leave for 10 or 15 minutes to accomplish something then report back. it really helps motivate me!
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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 11, 2008 23:45:32 GMT -5
Hi houseworkhater!
I've tried several times to get into chat, but I keep getting error messages to try again later. What time do people generally chat? I belong to another online group (different issue), and I usually chat there from about 10:30 p.m. till 11 p.m.
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