cassy32
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 1
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Post by cassy32 on Sept 11, 2008 8:50:59 GMT -5
Hi everyone my name is Karen i live in Scotland I'm married with 2 boys aged 9 & 14 iv been trying for so long to get into a rountine my house is so untidy & i feel I'm letting my family down as i wont let anyone in so the boys are suffering not being able to have there friends in because I'm so ashamed of all the mess iv got so much clutter,laundry & dishes lying around i go from room to room wondering were to start which makes me so upset & anxious I'm a total failure to myself & especially my family all i want is to be a good wife & mother. Iv suffered from depression for years now .Iv been in & out of hospital due to stomach problems which only started 4yrs ago after i had a miscarriage after that my body just fell apart iv had pneumonia then a few weeks after that i had to get my appendix out. Iv been for so many test to try & find out why I'm getting so much pain in my stomach but nothing ever shows up I'm starting to wonder if its due to anxiety but thats no excuse for living in a squalor. Now i feel its time to get organized & start living again iv sat & wrote a list of what iv to do in every room in the house. I got boxes and black bags & wrote out stickers for what each one is for like charity,laundry which i put in separate bags one for whites & another for darks iv got a bag that says rubbish so I'm not having to waste time running down stairs putting it all were it should go IL do that once iv got upstairs tidy. Being able to complete each task iv put on my list & ticking it off makes me feel proud & confident that i can do this its like a new start I'm working to & i actually feel excited about the future instead of dreading it. In years to come i want us all to look back on all the happy times we had together instead of looking back & thinking how we never done anything as a family because i was always tired & not well. I cant change the past but I'm certainly going to make up for that by giving my kids a better future & when there older it will be good to talk about the happy times & everything we did together i want them to have good memory's of there childhood so they can share them with their families in years to come so their children can have that to. I'm getting loads of help & support from doctors,psychologists,support workers & I'm starting cognitive therapy behavior next week with my cpn now its time for me to help myself instead of thinking these people will do it all for me which doesn't work that way iv got to work with them to in order to help myself iv got the chance of turning my life around & I'm going to grab it with both hands. Joining this forum is going to help me so much too talking & getting advice from people that are in the same sort of situation as me is great cause i felt so alone I'm so grateful for being a member & looking forward to meeting new friends & sharing my journey of finding the real me the ups & the downs The good & the bads days i can share it all & not feel so scared as i no iv got new friends that can help me get through this & being able to help other people makes it all the better thank you everyone I'm looking forward to getting to know you all as i hope you all are to. XXX  |
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Post by Memo on Sept 11, 2008 9:10:54 GMT -5
 welcome welcome... sounds liking your moving in the right direction...  mysmom... 
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Post by heylady1 on Sept 11, 2008 10:27:07 GMT -5
Welcome Karen!!! It sounds like you've had a rough time of it. Lot's of our members here have health issues so you won't be alone, depression issues too. You've got a good support system in real life and you will have a good cyber support system too! It really does help to read about other peoples progress and to cheer them on! And when you write about your own progress you will have a bunch of people cheering for you too!! You can do this Karen!! 
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Post by BC on Sept 11, 2008 10:35:22 GMT -5
Welcome, Karen!  It sounds like you're making some great steps! I'm sure everyone here will be here for you to help you keep going! Good luck!  |
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Post by pegasus48 on Sept 11, 2008 12:51:55 GMT -5
Welcome aboard, Karen. You have been through a lot, but you have a strong spirit. I can hear your determination to get rid of the squalor, fight the depression, and live a life of joy. You are moving in the right direction, and I am sure you will be able to build good memories for your boys. I'm glad you found us. |
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 11, 2008 18:47:42 GMT -5
Great progress, Karen! And may I please suggest one new task to add to your list? Teach your boys how to clean up, too. I have kids about the same ages as yours (as well as two older kids  , and they have been so very helpful in conquering squalor. Give the kids some small tasks to work on. Find out their strengths, whether they are good at scrubbing out a sink, or sorting items in a box and deciding what to throw away-the best thing you can do for them is let them learn the skills they will need to keep a house clean.
Some fun "challenges" that I have done with my kids include making a list of things to do (that would take about 10 to 15 minutes), and then labeling them 1-6 and rolling the dice. Whichever number comes up is the items we do. (I learned this idea in chat.) One time when we played this game, I couldn't find any dice so we used a partial deck of cards. I labeled the 8 card "crazy 8" meaning the kids would have to play video games for 15 minutes. Boy did they laugh when that was the first card I pulled!  ! You would use your own judgement on how many challenges the kids would do...you don't necessarily have to do the whole list!
When my house was horribly messy, rather than setting a goal like "do the dishes", I would set goals more like "take 10 dirty dishes to the sink", or "wash 5 dirty dishes". Sometimes I send the kids into their rooms and ask them to throw away 25 items. Sounds like a lot, but they will pick up little bits of scraps and things....wonderful to get them out of their rooms!
Best of luck to you, Karen. Keep up the GREAT work!
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 11, 2008 18:50:23 GMT -5
P.S. You are NOT a total failure. You are already a good wife and mother, you just struggle with being able to keep a clean house. You can learn that skill, and you will continue to be a wonderful special person, you will just be that good wife and mother in a cleaner house.
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Post by houseworkhater on Sept 11, 2008 23:40:23 GMT -5
hi karen, and welcome...keep up the great work!
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Post by AnnieOkie on Sept 12, 2008 13:42:19 GMT -5
Welcome Karen!! My boys are the biggest reason for me wanting to get my home in order, so I understand your concern. You are in a wonderful place with supportive people. Keep coming back and I know you will do great things!!
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