|
|
Post by Vivre on Sept 12, 2008 8:21:09 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by brenda on Sept 12, 2008 10:30:21 GMT -5
You should check out flylady's site. She talks about letting go of the anger and resentment and succeeding regardless of what your family is doing.
The truth is it can be done even if he does not help the way he should.
I know it is tough not to be angry but that anger will keep you stuck in a bad situation.
Brenda
|
|
|
|
Post by DJ on Sept 12, 2008 13:29:27 GMT -5
since we've been talking lately i hope i can ask this question without being obnoxious. but so many people seem to feel like housework is a punishment.. and they're well. kind of mad about it. like it's a punishment they don't deserve.. and i'm like.. i don't really get it.
i can understand being frustrated with a partner that doesn't contribute and at the moment i'd like to go boot your husband for refusing to get out of bed and take his daughter to school when you can't drive, that one's baffling me too.. are you angry with your dh or with maintenance itself? just thought i could safely ask you without upsetting you by not understanding.. maybe i'll catch you in chat later?:>
|
|
|
|
Post by iprocrastinate on Sept 12, 2008 15:51:27 GMT -5
:-*Mysmom, I think that doing cleaning and other chores may never be something you or I like, but it may become more of a habit and not a huge added burden to our lives. I guess my example is walking the dog. There are so many times I wouldn't walk but the dog has needs and walking him in the am is just something I do. Now brushing my teeth 2x a day and flossing are still not yet something "I just do". I'm working on it.  |
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Sept 12, 2008 18:18:09 GMT -5
Coming to the place where you understand why you hoard may be the best thing that has happened in your journey out of squalor so far.
For you little girl, have you thought about using the House Fairy? It is a game where the fairy comes to inspect when she is out and leaves treats if she has kept her room neat, you can learn about it at housefairy.org.
As far as your husband is concerned, you might want to pick a quiet, peaceful moment to ask him if he could do you a huge favor. Then mention the one or two things he could do that would help you most in maintenance, like clothes in the hamper and dishes in the dishwasher, not left out. If you are both Christians, you might put this as how the two of you should be trying to serve one another in love, and these small services would minister to you greatly.
I hope you are feeling better, and I'm sure you can maintain what you have done.
messymimi
|
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Sept 12, 2008 21:45:19 GMT -5
A little known secret is that although continuous anger is not healthy, it is really perfectly ok to get furiously angry at times. It is ok to quit, occasionally, and to feel overwhelmed. So long as you get up again and start going again.
And...something that I learned after I began to desqualor is that it is much easier to clean in a desqualored home. Fifteen minutes in my kitchen used to be about enough time to get all the dishes into the sink. Now it is often enough to clear off the counters and wipe them down with a bleach wipe, and sweep the floor.
I don't love cleaning, but I do really enjoy having a clean home. So no, I don't "enjoy" sweeping the kitchen, but I enjoy that it is possible to sweep the kitchen without having to sweep around piles in the corners. I don't enjoy clearing and wiping the kitchen table, but I enjoy that it is a 5-10 minute job now, instead of when clearing off the table took months and months.
You are under the pressure of an inspection. That totally stinks...way too stressful. But you have risen to the occasion.
I'm extremely proud of you for turning down freebies. You are well on your way to recovery from squalor, sister!
|
|
|
|
Post by DJ on Sept 12, 2008 22:32:19 GMT -5
eek eeek eek didn't mean to imply you should be sorry for being angry, like i said you're in some good company with it. i'm just wondering -why- it worked that way. i'd done the squalor things with myself, family, and buds and hadn't seem to have seen that sort of anger about it, not anger that there's maintenance, maybe people just weren't fessing up about it though:> just wasn't sure how it worked.. this is kind of the place to vent, tangent, talk, and work through things though... but uhm. my mancreature seems to get really resentful about having to do things, i thought it was because he figured it was -my- job.. no, just turns out he's resentful about having to do them and indignant that things get dirty again and require attention and maintenance kind of thing.. realising that it wasn't because he was waiting for -me- to do and taking that personalising thing out of it made it far less emotionally charged and i could talk to him more calmly about it.. but i still don't really get it. and it's still a touchy subject. alas. :/
|
|
|
|
Post by razy on Sept 13, 2008 2:13:26 GMT -5
I get angry about having to do housework, I don't know why......I know that there are heaps of things that I would rather be doing and I resent that if I do them then the housework becomes harder and causes me even more stress......even seems like this horrible, heavy ending, unescapable cycle.......
|
|
|
|
Post by DJ on Sept 13, 2008 16:31:26 GMT -5
for me housework actually is a sort of soothing strange meditative activity when i'm stressed.. i can focus on what i'm doing and set things to rights... and i dunno.
my mom use to know when i was really upset, stressed, frustrated because i'd empty my whole closet, go through everything, do all the mending, wash every thing in it, iron everything, and reorganize it.... she'd see the piles and piles of sorted clothes by the washing machine and make me tea and sit me down and ask what's wrong...
yes, i still claim a rightful place here because it seems that i hoard;) and just the animals alone can turn the place to level 3 squalor in the blink of an eye. alas.
|
|
