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Post by maggie on Mar 25, 2012 11:29:22 GMT -5
I've been thinking about this thread, and it just makes me so angry. It's as if they think that THEY are doing YOU a favour by having you clean and deliver valuable items to them for free. Grrr.
Once, my brother needed some mending done. I'm not the handiest with a sewing machine, but it was fairly simple, so I told him I could do it. I had to explain three times, in detail, precisely how I was going to undertake the repair. Then he thought about it for another half an hour before agreeing to let me do it. It then took me almost an hour to fix (my mom could probably have done it in 15 minutes). While I am happy to help out my brother, that experience made me decide that I was no longer willing to audition for the priviledge of taking on extra work to help someone out. I feel the same way about donations. It has been my experience in life that if I am giving something away, I am going to be expected to deliver it at the recipient's convenience, since they are being to kind as to take the item off my hands. The only two times someone came here to pick something up was when I gave things away on freecycle.
In the future, you could tell those moochers, "I gave the item away to someone who was willing to come here promptly and pick it up as is, where is."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2012 15:13:42 GMT -5
Amen maggie. Enough of this donating to family!
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Mare
New Member
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Post by Mare on Aug 22, 2013 18:19:20 GMT -5
 Waving the Amnesty Flag I saw on page one. Still reading to catch up (I'm new here) and be encouraged to carry on, to have permissions, to find stories and tips, to find motivation, to be accepted without judgement or criticism, to find hope. Hoorah. |
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Aug 22, 2013 18:25:14 GMT -5
Amen to what Maggie said about no longer auditioning to help people out! I offered all my writing, social media, marketing and nonprofit experience on a volunteer basis to help this stupid boy out and he "had to think about it" and then never responded to say yes or no.
A little of topic but what Maggie said really struck a bell with me.
We try to be nice people and try to help others out but we need to do so with boundaries in order to protect ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, nobody will!
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Post by lucie on Jun 14, 2014 5:52:33 GMT -5
Hurricane, Do yourself the favor and stop donating to so many charities, friends and family. Your health, finances and family are more important than all the charities. My mother always said "I do it because I want to, not because I have to. If you expect me to do it, then I won't." Take care of your family- you, DH and kids only. The rest of the world will have to cope. I know this thread is not actually recent, but when I read this, it definitelly rung a bell: this is what I feel too! I am willing to help or do something more for people, but when they take it as granted, I stuck and refuse to do anything for them. This thread is a good reminder to anyone who donates now in June, when purging. |
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Post by larataylor on Sept 11, 2014 21:27:03 GMT -5
Last summer, after clearing out our old house, I set up an account on Craigslist advertising free stuff on my driveway. I kept putting out more things, and updating the list on the site so people would know what was there. This worked really well. Lots and lots of things disappeared.
A few bits of furniture got rained on too many times and became Big Trash. I felt a little sad, but I wasn't about to bring anything back into the house.
We also have a really good local thrift shop. I take bags of items and put them in the back of my van to get them out of the house. Then I *try* to remember to stop there and drop them off.
I do clean things up, and launder things. They request that things be clean. I remember, though, years back, getting a play kitchen for my daughter. It was plastic, had been kept outside, and was really dirty. I bought it for $3 and scrubbed it. I was really happy to scrub it--that was part of the price for me acquiring this thing for my daughter to enjoy. So why should I be uptight about things I donate being clean?
We had someone move into our family cabin for a while. I try not to think about the cabin, or go there often, because I have conflicted feelings about de-cluttering it. But having someone move in there seemed like an opportunity. I emptied drawers and closets, and brought stuff home, but I was determined to NOT bring it all into my home. I left it in piles on the driveway, and thought I would take it all to a coin laundry, do it all at once, and donate it. Well, the piles got rained on, and rained on, and I finally brought in the sheets and towels and washed them. And the clothes got rained on a few more times, and then …. I just put them in the trash. I felt guilty, but it was such a RELIEF.
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Post by lostchild on Sept 11, 2014 22:40:12 GMT -5
No one has the right to demand donations...that said I think these people thought you would comply with unreasonable demands because you did for so long.
Donate if you choose to who you choose that is the best situation for you and if that a free sign or Goodwill so be it.
Reevaluate these so called friends they are just mooches who are trespassing on your loving nature and you don't deserve that.
I too have never had a baby shower though I have given till it hurts too and I frankly would say when asked I no longer have the time to donate to YOU and walk away. If they don't get it don't worry about it. You are not their only resource I am sure.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 24, 2014 3:01:09 GMT -5
FYI: this thread is two years old.The original poster (the person who started the thread)
-- dealt with her situation two years ago.This thread was bumped forward by those who could identify with the *concepts* within it. And that's totally fine.  This thread may be helpful to others in similar circumstances. Some of the concepts discussed here ... are quite timeless.
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Post by def6 on Sept 24, 2014 17:20:30 GMT -5
Hello Hurricane!  I think you were "perfectly processing" to donate here...which is something that I do. I'm soooo glad that you decided enough was enough. Just curious though...fast forward to now...have you gone back to working hard to prepare to donate or have you been able to (gasp) just chunk the stuff in the trash?? |
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Post by dairy2mama on Oct 4, 2014 21:06:18 GMT -5
Thanks for the bump up. I threw away a bag of stuff that I was going to donate. I just don't have the time right now. I rarely throw good items away. This thread made me think: is it junk and I think it is good or is it really good items. Thank you.
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2014 11:53:46 GMT -5
I took a "staycation" this summer; for 2 weeks I cleared out stuff and sold or donated it. I couldn't bring myself to dump it all at the Goodwill, because I knew of other charities that could make better use of some of the things. So I took some extra time to make sure everything went to the perfect new "home".
But now, I'm busy with a full schedule at work, and I've decided to donate only the very nicest things. For instance, I have some clothes with tags still on them, and some paintbrushes still in their original packaging, and some expensive-type things that I could probably sell if I had the time and energy to do so. These items are worth the trouble to donate to a charity that I care about.
Everything else will go in the trash.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 5, 2014 11:59:31 GMT -5
Rag-bagging has changed my life. I learned that my local thrift shop will take almost anything made of fabric, if you put it in a bag and label it "rags."
It goes to third world countries, the homeless, and to recycling. So no more stressing about whether something is good enough for the thrift shop or bad enough for the trash. That whole gray area goes in the rag bag.
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