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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 18, 2008 19:46:34 GMT -5
My daughter and I met with her therapist today to discuss the squalor issue. I couldn't bring myself to call it that, but it is the most open I've been about the subject with anyone IRL (in real life) ever. We discussed the issues around my soon to be ex's hoarding, and tried to come up with strategies to work together on cleaning and decluttering. I was trying to drive home to my DD that we have to do this NOW due to the plumbing issues. The access panel to the bathtub is in her bedroom closet. We agreed to work together on Saturday and Sunday. I will take care of the rest of the house and help with her room; she just has to do her room. My DD gave me props for all my hard work, and how I've been maintaining what I've done. I told the therapist about this group (not the name, because then I would have to mention the work squalor, and I can't just yet), and she agreed that it was important to maintain, give yourself credit for what you've achieved, and to see every step as an improvement. She had originally suggested to my daughter that she just take 5 minutes a day to work on her room, but now that she realizes the plumbing problems are looming, she wants her to do a little more. Cut down on the sleeping and socializing (big avoidance issues) and concentrate on the work.
I feel better. It was good to talk to someone about this.
I also briefly addressed the issue that I have with people coming in the house; that it isn't just because it's a mess, but because it's something I'm really not comfortable with. She suggested that the mess might be my way to control things. My daughter would never have friends over the way it is, but she would if it were clean.
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Post by phoebepj on Sept 18, 2008 23:40:21 GMT -5
you know, i never thought of it that way, mess being a way to control the ppl coming in and out. in a way that makes sense for me. I always had issues growing up with my parents arbitrarily barging in on my room without knocking as an adolescent.. not because they were trying to look at me when i was changing, but it was still embarrassing... plus i got the whole "i wiped your butt" speech. .... i think i need to start a new thread to address this and the "room changing around" issue (putting that here for a place to refer to when i open a new thread....
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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 19, 2008 20:17:43 GMT -5
Good news! My daughter actually followed through on the plans she made with her therapist yesterday. She got up early, went and bought some laundry baskets and a couple of storage bins, and started in on her room. She was only "scheduled" to work for an hour before she had to go to work, but she got into it and worked longer. She realized that she is a compulsive shopper, and doesn't need 3/4 of the clothes and shoes she has in her room. It's strange, because at the time she was cleaning, I was at work, and I remember thinking I hoped it occurred to her that she has way too many clothes due to her compulsive shopping.
It is so great that she's doing this, because, as I've mentioned before, the access panel to the bathtub is in her bedroom closet.
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