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Post by greenfuzz on Sept 21, 2008 0:17:48 GMT -5
I visited the old site years ago, cried a lot, posted a teeny bit for a short time, did little bits of cleaning. But have never gotten fully out of my squalor for more than a few months at a time. Friends have helped me at times, but I always go back. Any of the few times I've done it I never felt it would last. If I get depressed it's the first thing to go. I think within a year of me finding the original site, my mother died suddenly and that set everything in my life back a few years.
I'm the messiest person any of my friends, lovers know, except for stories that end up on the news and such.
I guess I'm usually between levels 2-3. I have roaches, this apt has always had them since I moved in. In years past they got really bad, and sometimes i get them down to a reasonable level. But my squalor and neglect of maintaining the control methods brings them back. Right now they are not horrible, but much worse then they were a few months ago when I was working on getting rid of them again.
I really want to live without squalor, I'm so happy when I'm in other environments that are clean. I would love to be able to give that to myself. I have ADD, but no treatment has ever helped that and I live with it at a manageable level. So I've trouble organized space and staying focused on boring tasks. I'm also afraid to touch the squalorous stuff so it just gets worse.
Today though, I did all my laundry, including using stuff to get the cat pee out of it. Usually I do manage to do laundry. I did some of my dishes which had been piling up for months (I did some a couple days ago also). I threw out one bag of garbage. I put clean sheets on the bed and made it. I said to myself that I was going to act as if I'm an entirely different person and not analyze the situation too much. I'm not sure that worked, but I did the stuff anyway. I joked about my squalor with a friend, it released some of the power of it.
Anyway I recently lost my job, my company folded the division. I've to look for new work, but I remember the last time I was unemployed and had a large severance package and never cleaned the apt. This time is different, even though I've only a month of severance I want to use some of my new free time to clean so I can be happier where I am. I want to feel like I'm valuable and can be someones partner.
I want things to be clean so I can work more on getting rid of the bugs. I want the super to fix my leaky faucets and shower and tub and toilet tank, and broken kitchen linoleum.
Squalor is one of the last big obstacles in my life that is left. I've had a hard road through a lot of dysfunctions, but this is the remaining daily obstacle that's hardest to budge.
Anyway I am just going to fake that I believe I can change until I do change. I want this to be something I face and deal with.
greenfuzz
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Post by butterflyrider on Sept 21, 2008 1:12:10 GMT -5
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Post by tiredofthis on Sept 21, 2008 6:53:40 GMT -5
Welcome greenfuzz. I guess the first step to conquering any problem is admitting that you have a problem. I've only been here for a couple of weeks, but it has helped me immensely. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. You deserve an environment that makes you happy. Keep us posted, not only with your progress, but if you feel you're slipping. There is no shame here.
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Post by ivorytower on Sept 21, 2008 8:23:18 GMT -5
Hello greenfuzz. I'm glad you've joined and I hope you stay. I understand about making progress then slipping back but this forum has helped me to keep moving forward.
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Post by heylady1 on Sept 21, 2008 10:49:07 GMT -5
Hello Greenfuzz and welcome too!!  I know you can change. You've already started!!  You've done laundry, and dishes, taken out garbage and made your bed!! Good for you!! Change is what this site is all about, something we all have to do, and many, many of us backslide so just keep posting we will cheer you on!  |
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Post by Tiger on Sept 21, 2008 12:28:48 GMT -5
Hi Greenfuzz,
Welcome to the board. Glad to meet you. You posted in "Working in Threes", so I went looking for a post in introductions. I'm a major scatter brain, so a list of three suits me. Some days, I can only do one thing at a time. Things are slowly improving for me and I've been here for 15 months. So, don't allow yourself to become discouraged.
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Post by pegasus48 on Sept 21, 2008 14:41:59 GMT -5
You are off to a great start, greenfuzz! Just keep "faking" it until it becomes a reality. I know you can do it. Welcome to S.O.S.! |
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Post by ghettofabulous on Sept 21, 2008 15:11:01 GMT -5
Hi Greenfuzz,
I'm glad you are here! It sounds to me like you are in the perfect mindset for change!! Please don't let the past define who you are today. Your current situation does not reflect on who you are, it reflects who you WERE. Just because we've slipped or relapsed into squalor in the past does not mean we are destined to repeat ourselves, that is not the inevitable outcome! The power lies within you to sculpt your future, if, as I am constantly telling myself, we learn to live in the NOW.
You write, " I want to feel like I'm valuable and can be someones partner. " There's your sign, friend. You ARE valuable, you are UNIQUE, there is no one on this planet just like you, there never has been, and there never will be. You are a one of a kind creation, and perfect at being you!
If neatness were a measure of a person's worth, if having all your little recipe cards perfectly clean and organized in a spotless little caddy made you a good and valuable member of the human race, well then Betty Crocker would be Mother Theresa.
If you don't want to touch the mess, just get yourself some Squalor Tongs and start baby steppin' it. And if the bugs scatter, GOOD!!!! You've been running from your squalor long enough, it's about time it ran away from YOU, and it will, when faced with your determination and thirst for change.
GhettoFabulous
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Post by messymimi on Sept 21, 2008 17:34:17 GMT -5
Welcome, greenfuzz !
I hope you create the environment you want with the support of this group. I'm still working on that myself.
messymimi
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Post by greenfuzz on Sept 22, 2008 8:26:09 GMT -5
thanks everyone. I did good stuff yesterday. I'll post my results on listzilla. I'm going to take some baby steps today also.
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Post by AnnieOkie on Sept 23, 2008 11:21:21 GMT -5
Welcome greenfuzz!! I know it is easy to feel like messes are taking over your life. Every small step you make will take you closer to freedom. I am at the point of trying not to take backward steps from a few small successes I have made with the help of the wonderful people on this board. But seeing what I have done (posting pics on the Photos! thread) really gives me hope for all the work I still have to do. It can't be done overnight, but IT CAN BE DONE SISTAH!! We will overcome!!  Glad you are with us. Annie |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 24, 2008 22:32:02 GMT -5
- I said to myself that I was going to act as if I'm an entirely different person and not analyze the situation too much. I'm not sure that worked, but I did the stuff anyway. I joked about my squalor with a friend, it released some of the power of it.
Squalor is one of the last big obstacles in my life that is left. I've had a hard road through a lot of dysfunctions, but this is the remaining daily obstacle that's hardest to budge.
Anyway I am just going to fake that I believe I can change until I do change. I want this to be something I face and deal with.  Hi there, greenfuzz ! Welcome ! You seem thoughtful and strong. I have faith in you ! I thought I would let you know we have a random-cleaning-word-of-the-day game. (Not posted every day, but posted often). It doesn't address serious squalor, but it helps us just "do" something ... instead of overanalyzing, as you were saying. The challenges can be done in any order ... and they're NOT "challenging". They're just games to get us moving. It helps on days when you're feeling stuck. As your name is "greenfuzz", I thought I would give you the link to the "fuzzy" challenge: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=1389- |
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 28, 2008 21:28:40 GMT -5
Welcome, [glow=green,2,300]GreenFuzz[/glow] I'm so glad that you joined. Whether or not you ever get out of the mess, you are a wonderful person just as you are. Never forget that.
However, I am finding it much more pleasant to live in my home, the more I declutter and clean it. As a person with ADD, I struggle with regularity and routines. One routine that helps immensely is having a cleaning lady come every two weeks. That way, no matter how much or little I am accomplishing, the toilet and tub are scrubbed, the floors are vacuumed and mopped, etc. (Of course, since you lost your job, I understand that is probably not an option now, but for later, do please consider putting it on your wish list!) If you have any friends who are willing to help, go ahead and ask them again. It will be a blessing for them, as well as for you.
I like chat and listzilla, because if I am bewildered and have no idea what to do next, I just read what someone else is doing, and that usually helps give me an idea.
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