louise
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 96
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Post by louise on Sept 24, 2008 9:13:59 GMT -5
Hi all, I recently stumbled across SoS and wanted to post a quick intro.
I'm 26 years old and live in a small apartment with my fiance in London. I don't know why my problem started, I just know I've always been messy! Whilst I was still living with my parents I always had someone pushing me to tidy things up so it never really got out of hand. But then I moved out with my fiance and found he's just as messy as me and our clutter and sheer *** has taken over.
To start with I blamed it on us renting, we were never in one place long enough to make it feel like home. But two years ago we bought an apartment for the first time and thought we would finally get things in order now we had a place that was our own. Not so! I've spent the last two years making excuses as to why the place is such a mess. We don't have enough storage because we put all our money into buying the apartment, we're just too busy to keep on top of everything, it's not me that's the problem it's all his belongings and I can't sort through them. I'm sure you get the picture! The reality is we BOTH have too much un-needed clutter and although we hate living like this neither of us are doing anything to change the way we live.
Then I found Flylady and thought I'd found the answer. It all seemed so simple, just break it down into 15 minute chunks and start at the kitchen sink! So with new found enthusiasm I threw myself into the system and for the first time since moving in my sink shined and I felt I was making progress. But then my fiance came home from work and all my hard work was undone in a matter of minutes. That's when I turned to the flylady forums in the hope that it would help spur me on. Instead I spent more time reading about everyone elses progress than making progress myself. With all their talk of maintenance and having time for good home cooked food they all seemed so much more organised and further down the line than me. The crunch came when one of them posted a link to some photos on the original Squalor Survivors site and the responses flooded in with comments like "that has to be faked, no one would ever live like that!". That's when I realised I was too far gone for flylady to save me!
So here I am! I work from home now so I'm surrounded by my mess 24/7 and it's getting me down more than ever. My storage cupboards are full of boxes of stuff that have moved house 3 times without ever being opened. My bookshelves are full of books that we never read, CD-ROMs full of 10 year old software that we would never dream of using and magazines that we just don't seem to be able to get rid of. The things we do use don't have a "home" because there's nowhere left to put them so they're just scattered around the apartment on any spare surface, in boxes on the floor or piled up in corners.
Now I'm determined to do something about it. Our financial situation has improved recently and we've decided to spend some of the money on turning our squalid pit into a home. We've ordered a new sofa, some furniture and as many nice storage boxes as we could afford. So now I've got a deadline, the sofa arrives in 4 weeks and I'd like to have at least the living room sorted by then. I'm hoping that having a deadline and finding such a supportive community of people who can relate will help me to finally have a home I can be proud of.
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Post by BC on Sept 24, 2008 10:00:30 GMT -5
Welcome Louise!  Glad you found us! This is a fantastic place with fantastic people... We'll all be around, just shout!  Sending some virtual de-squaloring vibes your way!  |
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Post by pegasus48 on Sept 24, 2008 11:44:41 GMT -5
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Post by houseworkhater on Sept 24, 2008 13:37:54 GMT -5
welcome, louise! this is a great place to be!
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Post by Arid on Sept 24, 2008 13:43:17 GMT -5
Welcome, louise: I really enjoyed your post. You are an excellent writer!
Arid
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Post by pillowfreak on Sept 24, 2008 16:15:54 GMT -5
Good luck. And I agree that this was written well.
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Post by messymimi on Sept 24, 2008 20:03:16 GMT -5
Welcome, louise !
Funny that you should mention Flylady; there are a couple if recent threads on her. Some love her, some loathe her. Many agree to take from her what you can use, leave the rest.
Good luck with the living room, may it be the start of a beautiful home for you.
messymimi
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louise
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 96
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Post by louise on Sept 25, 2008 4:04:15 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome, it's a real relief to come here and "come out" about my situation without feeling like a freak.
Pegasus, I would love to donate a whole bunch of unused stuff but we've decided we're just going to trash most of it and gift the most valuable/precious items. We tried donating things previously but it just wasn't working for us. We don't have a car at the moment so dropping things off to charity shops isn't practical, and as for freecycling we both love the idea but we never seem to get round to doing anything about it. We get as far as creating a pile of things to offer but writing up listings for all the items takes too much time.
At the moment I've just kind of stalled with everything. I've got so much that needs to be done and it's all high priority! The list seems as long as my arm, I've got work to do, the mortgage needs renewing before the discount rate expires, the apartment needs decluttering, things need ebaying etc etc but I've hit a mental block. I KNOW all these things are important but I feel as though picking one task and working on it is taking time away from the other important tasks and I feel guilty. So instead I seem to chose the denial route and just sit down, knit, and still feel guilty!
And a very big thank you to Arid and Pillowfreak too. That is the first time someone has positively commented on my writing and I can't tell you how much that means to me. I'm actually dyslexic and although my spelling isn't too much of a problem I've always found it incredibly difficult to put my thoughts into words. It's incredibly frustrating at times, I have so much to say but some days trying to organise my thoughts into words and sentences that make sense to me let alone anyone else can be an almost impossible task. In my mind I just get small glimpses of what I'm trying to say. It's almost like I'm reading a book but only "seeing" one random letter from each word. Something usually gets through but not enough to make any sense! So thank you both of you, I think that's the biggest compliment I've ever received.
Messymimi, yes I saw one of the flylady threads. I think a lot of people have quite strong feelings about her and the system! Personally, I can't stand her sweeter than sweet manner and her system can seem very rigid at times but for the most part I can see past all that. I don't like her baby steps approach though. I've got to the stage now where I want to see instant results to feel like I'm making progress, 15 minutes towards a task just isn't enough to make a dent in the mess anymore! I don't want to be told that things don't need to be perfect, that I'll burn out if I do too much etc, it just gives me an excuse to leave things how they are. I'm sure I will be using some of the system for maintenance once I get to that stage though. But as I breifly touched on previously, what really gets to me are her followers! Many of them have such a strict, orthodox view of the system and can't deviate from it in anyway. Great, it's worked for them and they're "finally loving" themselves and their homes, but do they really need to look down their noses at those who are still struggling? It's almost become like a religion, and that's a subject you don't want me to get started on!
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Post by Vivre on Sept 25, 2008 8:07:51 GMT -5
welcome-welcome -welcome to Louise amd PillowFreak  |
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Post by heylady1 on Sept 25, 2008 14:24:00 GMT -5
Welcome Louise!!! I'm glad you found us! I think I can speak for all of us here when I say that we know the feeling of being overwhelmed! Considering some of the things you listed, I think the mortgage refinancing is a good place to start! As for the rest, I find for myself that it's easier for me to do a little bit in one room then move on to another task somewhere else. That way I feel like I'm getting things done but I'm not overwhelming myself with trying to do like an entire room at one time. Example; I will clean my bathroom sink then go and do dishes. Feed and water the dog and bird then go put a load of laundry in. Make the bed then go and empty the little garbage bag in the bathroom. It breaks it up which sometimes helps. BTW, you have amnesty when it comes to recycling, donating, etc....you are trying to clean out your home and you do not have the time, room, or energy to sort this stuff out. Feel free to toss!!! Maybe later on when you get your home in order you can do these things but right now your first priority is you and your home!  I would never have known that you had any kind of communication problem if you hadn't said so yourself! You express yourself very well!! 
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Post by Arid on Sept 25, 2008 19:09:18 GMT -5
louise: here in the States, those of us who live in the cities often can call a charity to come pick up what we have to donate. There are two ways that this works. First of all, if a person has a quite a lot to donate--say from a major decluttering or the leftovers from a yard sale--,it is worthwhile to the charity to make a trip with their truck to pick up your donations. The other way that it works is that some charities have regular "routes" that they run to pick up donated goods. For example, I occasionally will get a phone call, "Mrs. Arid, we will be in your neighborhood on Oct. 3; do you have anything to donate?" If my answer is "yes", I tell them where I will leave the items (end of the driveway, or on the porch, etc.), and they instruct me to label it with a note that says "donations for Charity XYZ." The charities to which I have donated in this way used to come around about every six weeks. I haven't donated in this way for a long time now (I take the stuff to the shop directly, now), so they don't call me anymore. However, I know that if I wanted to do so, I could give them a call to arrange for a one-time large pick-up or to be put back on their list of route stops. With the cost of gasoline these days, I wouldn't be surprised if charities have to cut back or cut out completely doing the neighborhood pick-ups, but you might want to check if any such services/charities are available in your part of London. This would help you get around the "not having a car" problem.
Arid
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Post by crazycatlady on Sept 28, 2008 21:33:33 GMT -5
Welcome, Louise! I'm glad that you joined. Sometimes when you stall with everything, it helps to just set that timer, either for the 15 minutes, or more or less, and just do. Pick up trash, or clean a plate, or vacuum. It doesn't matter so much what you do, just to do something to get yourself moving again.
Listzilla helps alot with this, as does chat. Best of luck as you declutter and decorate your home! 
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OnTiptoe
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 13
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Post by OnTiptoe on Sept 29, 2008 4:40:49 GMT -5
I have been on flylady forum for years. At first I used the ideas too, breaking down my tasks to 15 minute intervals. I never got around to making a control journal though. I had bought all the cards and a special box to impliment the system used by sidetracked home executives. Made up the cards of tasks, but never seemed to develop a habit for this either. Lately, I feel so discouraged though. I don't even read all the emails I get from flylady. Barely time to just read my personal email! I imagine all those on her list as women who are just working at home, caring for house and kids, with no outside obligations. They have this lovely, settle routine and can daily spend a few minutes here and there to sit down to the computer and be inspired to take on the next task. They have time to cook homemade meals, time to clean up afterward and maybe even have got family members into the habit of helping. Sort of "Leave it to Beaver" picture. And I'm so much more discouraged. My life doesn't look like that!
Sure, I'm always on the baby steps... with the big desire to fly. Just can't seem to grow the wings to do it... or maybe I have them, but I took them off somewhere and they ended up buried in the bottom of my closet, or were left in the piles of my old basement. I just don't know.
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