chosen
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 7
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 11:13:02 GMT -5
Post by chosen on May 26, 2008 11:13:02 GMT -5
Hi all, my first post here at the new place. Looks great, thanks for all your hard work!
Now I have a question. Do you have any coping ideas for anxiety? I am feeling very anxious today. I had big plans to spend the day cleaning and getting lots done but when I went to start, there were just so many piles and so many decisions. Now I am paralyzed. I always do this. The house has gotten completely out of control I don't know how to keep going when I get this way, I usually just curl up in a ball until my husband gets fed up and makes the kids clean up. Then when most of the clutter is gone, I can do something.
Clutter is my problem, I can't cope with it. I can't function with it. I can't do anything about it. I just can't handle it.
I don't know what to do. I have been trying to get my house under control for years and years. I have not made any progress, I am not going to win.
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 11:21:06 GMT -5
Post by onwardandupward on May 26, 2008 11:21:06 GMT -5
First of all, I get the same sort of thing. I get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task.
Breaking it down into 15 minutes of work at a time helps me a lot...and chat helps. The most effective way for me to get past the anxiety block is to make a list of 6 things I can do in 15 minutes each...then I go to chat and someone picks a number. I go do that thing for 15 minutes and come back and talk about it..then the next number is picked and so on.
I am in chat if you want to try it!
Onward
|
|
chosen
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 7
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 11:29:53 GMT -5
Post by chosen on May 26, 2008 11:29:53 GMT -5
Thanks onward and upward, I appreciate your reply. I have tried the things you mentioned and they do help sometimes but then I always fall right back into my old ways. I feel like I am going to lose my mind.
The funny thing is that I don't feel attached to my things at all. I really would like to just light a match and set the whole thing ablaze. I know, I know, a fire is not a good thing, very awful, the house I grew up in burned down when I was 17 and logically I know it would cause more problems but oh man the thought of it just seems like the only way out.
I am going to go take a shower first then I will try to find the chat room, i can't seem to locate it right now.
|
|
moineau
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 57
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 11:46:01 GMT -5
Post by moineau on May 26, 2008 11:46:01 GMT -5
Hi Chosen,
You WILL win! Perhaps don't try to start by winning the war, start by winning small battles. I know you will have heard it all before but it does work. Think small pieces of a jigsaw, not the whole picture.
Perhaps you are expecting too much of yourself, rather than thinking of getting lots done, perhaps think of time spent...perhaps work 15 mins on and 15 mins off...this way I managed to eliminate the sense of failure I got if I did not finish an area or a room...you can only do as much as time will allow.
Something I found helped was before I started a decluttering session was to have a means to getting the clutter out and dividing the done piles up from the undone... by that I mean actually have a trash sack next to you as you work and maybe a box for the things you want to keep but don't have time to actually find homes for right now. I also found that a timer helped, the good old 15 minutes works wonders. When I use a timer it is as if I have permission to stop when it goes off...rather than working till I am exhausted.
I found that having a trash sack to put stuff into right away helped as at the end of the 15 mins or day's sessions of 15 mins. I could just pick up the sack and get rid of it there and then, straight in the trash can and out of the home.
I hope this makes sense.
Don't give up, you can achieve today. Little by little and it WILL get better.
Moineau
edited to take out the shocked smilies which I meant to be smiles
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:14:56 GMT -5
Post by hopefulnic on May 26, 2008 12:14:56 GMT -5
Hi, Chosen! I suffered from major panic and anxiety attacks for years. Thank the good Lord, I am in a "remission" right now. In fact , I blame my attacks for a portion of the mess that has piled up in my house. But, I think you are asking about a different type of anxiety. More of being completely overwhelmed with the enormity of everything. I too am overwhelmed. The best advice I can give is to start small! I have a little list I follow. To most everyone except me this list would seem like the most stupid list ever. My husband found it and he actually got angry. But this list is not for him or anyone else, just ME. I have a hard time with paper clutter: old mail, etc. I probably have mail somewhere in my house from 14 years ago, sad I know. I know this is a big problem for me. So, #1 on my list is to Toss Some Papers! I make myself do this before I do any other cleaning. My next big concern is my living room. It has not been presentable for having company in years. So #2 on my list is to Toss Some Trash In The Living Room. If I make it through my list I start over. Sure, baby steps take a while to notice a big change, but YOU know that you are doing SOMETHING to change the situation. In my opinion, throwing 1 thing out is better than not throwing nothing out at all. Also, on another group I am a member of, I started a DECLUTTER idea. On Sunday, Declutter 1 thing. On Monday, Declutter 2 things. On Tuesday, Declutter 3 things and so on. Decluttering seems a little less intimidating this way. And I promise you will see a change. Slow and STEADY wins the race! I hope this helps out a little!
Nichole hopefulnic
|
|
chosen
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 7
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:23:40 GMT -5
Post by chosen on May 26, 2008 12:23:40 GMT -5
Thank you all so much for your encouragement.
I was thinking I would go to the chat room but I am so bad at leaving on a mission and not coming back that I think it would be a bad idea.
Hopefulnic, actually, though I am not having a panic attack today, you are right, it is more of a completely overwhelmed thing, I do struggle with anxiety attacks as well, can I ask you what you did to get over those?
I have started some laundry and I do feel a little better now. I also have decided to change some things in our school day that are making me feel a little better as well. I am way behind on record keeping so I think I will go back and forth between laundry and record keeping today until I feel better.
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:31:49 GMT -5
Post by Script on May 26, 2008 12:31:49 GMT -5
. Do you have any coping ideas for anxiety? I am feeling very anxious today. I suffer from ongoing moderate anxiety, currently exacerbated by my medications and fibro flares. Here are things I do: *bath *do manicure *read something *clean anything *toss stuff out *put on music These things help, to a point. BUT what is MOST HELPFUL: remind myself that THIS FEELING WILL PASS. It is JUST a feeling! Now, dear friend: you do NOT KNOW that you will not win. You are not a mind reader or a fortune teller. This kind of self-talk is called 'stinkin' thinkin' as per Dr. David Burns. His list of cognitive errors is so useful to me! I once carried a copy of them IN MY DAY-TIMER so that I could read and re-read them at work! You are not alone! edited to add: here is material which I WROTE MYSELF, posted on the permanent board at SS: www.squalorsurvivors.com/overcoming/yourself/depression.shtmlit is a good article (if I say so myself ) on depression and squalor, with particular reference to Dr. Burn's cognitive distortions.
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:37:41 GMT -5
Post by hopefulnic on May 26, 2008 12:37:41 GMT -5
Chosen, I have been on Zoloft for many years. It was a lifesaver for me. I read a lot on panic and anxiety attacks , I went to therapy for a while but I think the biggest help of all is knowing I am not alone. When I first started having attacks, I thought I was the only one, a "freak", crazy. Now I know millions suffer. The next biggest thing I learned was to not fight the attack. It would just get worse. Try to concentrate on taking deep, relaxing breaths. Go outside in the fresh air. Just getting online would help to calm me down. Anything to take my mind off of my symptoms. My attacks were mostly at night, the time I felt most alone or unable to get help. At my worst, if I was having a attack and I would wake up my husband he would get so angry with me. And of course the attack would just worsen. Having kids also helped me too. I had less time to focus on me. Hope this helps!
Nichole hopefulnic
|
|
chosen
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 7
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:42:54 GMT -5
Post by chosen on May 26, 2008 12:42:54 GMT -5
, that made me smile, I should just have a couple more kids. Seriously, thank you for the suggestions, I really appreciate them, I am going to try to keep them in mind next time. They are alot less frequent now than they used to be though. Script thank you for the link to the article. I read it before but I am going to go read it again, it did help me last time, I am sure it will help to read it again.
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 12:52:28 GMT -5
Post by hopefulnic on May 26, 2008 12:52:28 GMT -5
Chosen, I am so happy I could put a smile on your face! Have a GREAT day!
Nichole
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 13:10:33 GMT -5
Post by artsygal on May 26, 2008 13:10:33 GMT -5
I too have anxiety/panic issues, luckily they are 90% better, when I have them they're more annoying than scary (25yrs experience in that field ) I want to commend you for joining and posting for help that is a very brave and huge step!!! You need to give yourself a lot of credit!!! All of the suggestions are great, baby steps are so important otherwise it is paralyzing. Maybe you can fill a garbage bag every other day or even more time if you need it and then your husband can take it out of the house, so in your home you don't feel so alone in this process. It sounds like once you have a clear area you feel better. if ever you find yourself overwhelmed or anxious come back and post again, which I see you're are doing, that's wonderful. Remember you are not alone, we're here to help each other, Also sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, I post here and encourage someone else. Giving back and helping others keeps me out of my head, makes me feel better and helps someone else while reminding me that I'm not alone!! (((Welcome))) artsy
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 13:12:01 GMT -5
Post by pegasus48 on May 26, 2008 13:12:01 GMT -5
I too get anxiety attacks and get overwhelmed very easily. I call it getting "frozen" because I seem to be frozen in place, just sitting, unable to do anything. One thing that works for me is what I call "The Rule of Ten". I tell myself I only need to put 10 dishes in the dishwasher. Then I can stop if I want to. If the first 10 don't seem to go too badly, I may tell myself to put in another 10. If I am having a hard time, I go do 10 of something else (like pick up 10 pieces of clothes off the floor, or toss out 10 pieces of paper). Usually, I start perking up after I have done some 10's and then I can keep rolling. You might want to try it!
P.S. Thank you script for the article you wrote. It's very, very good.
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 13:57:36 GMT -5
Post by DJ on May 26, 2008 13:57:36 GMT -5
howdy, i have problems with depression and anxiety. cleaning i'm pretty much all good with but the clutter freaks me out. i get totally overwhelmed and can actually start crying. things i do to deal with it- have company while i declutter, my boyfriend playing psp, a friend watching a movie, someone to chat with though personal presence helps more, someone on the phone. make it as enjoyable as possible. this might mean cleaning in my favourite PJs or i might put on a dress and heels and play donna reed. yes. yes, i've actually done that. i might make tea and have cookies while i declutter. listen to good music focus on a small area. a very small area sometimes. I Am Decluttering The Top Of My Desk.Only The Top Of My Desk. I Don't Care About The Rest Of The Mess. If something else bothers me while I'm working on tiny area then write it down for later, at least it gets it off of my mind while i'm working on what i'm focussing on take care of myself while i clean. Again, yeah, I'll actually clean with big ol' fluffy socks on while my feet soak up mint lotion. i'll clean with gloves on with lotion on my hands. and sometimes you'll see me looking like kermit the frog with a face mask on because i'm not decluttering and doing something stressful, i'm wasting some time while i start a manicure, facial whatever. go for frequent walks and breaks. note- not while wearing face mask. stop and calm down frequently. seriously, stop and take a few deep breaths. not to get a better lungful to start a wailing panic attack with but really, a few deep breaths, thinking about my breathing, thinking about where i am, what's around me and that all in all.. it's rarely as bad as all the feelings, and stories i attach to the situation. think about the idea that i have in most ways chosen what's in my life. i chose to acquire this stuff or at least chose to acquire and keep the people in my life that brought all this stuff into my life that i chose what's happening in one way or another.. being extreme, i COULD just walk away from it all and start a new life waitressing in montana but i'm choosing to do this and it's really not the end of the world. but i can choose to get rid of stuff. choose to change how i live. choose to bring fewer stuff into my life. i guess that kind of helps. when i think i chose to live like this for some reason some how... and i can choose to live differently.. and i can try and learn to be ok with it all. both the situation and changing it. and then i go make tea again and have cookies. really not trying to be flippant. it's what i do. And it's helping enough that i'm not taking xanax for my anxiety attacks anymore.....
|
|
janie
New Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 12
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 14:16:42 GMT -5
Post by janie on May 26, 2008 14:16:42 GMT -5
Hi chosen, I get that anxious feeling, too. It does seem overwhelming and impossible when there are so many decisions to make "all at once"... so I sometimes give myself a "time-out" and go to bed for 20 minutes (I set a timer) and sometimes (not always) I feel refreshed and better able to cope.
I also cannot say enough for script's article (THANK YOU script!!!) and Dr. Burns book: Feeling Good. I bought the book after seeing it recommended here, and I don't think there has been *anything* that has been more effective at changing my morale and coping skills. Ever. It has made a profound difference in the way I view things.
janie
|
|
|
anxiety
May 26, 2008 14:49:17 GMT -5
Post by onwardandupward on May 26, 2008 14:49:17 GMT -5
Thanks for posting the link Script...and for writing the original article.
For me, the ebb and flow of anxiety itself has helped me get over being anxious....it passes. That is something I know for sure. And as soon as I stop worrying about if it is going to pass or not, it loses its grip.
At least that is how it works for me.....oh, and lots and lots of therapy with an excellent therapist!
Onward
|
|