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Hi!
Oct 14, 2008 16:43:29 GMT -5
Post by countesschan on Oct 14, 2008 16:43:29 GMT -5
So, I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes looking at the blank message box and wondering if I'm really going to do this. Am I really going to announce to the world that there is a foot high pile of trash on either side of the chair I'm sitting in right now? And the answer is that I don't know. I was only able to start typing by reminding myself that I don't have to hit the post button. Hopefully just getting this out of my head and onto the screen will help me mentally even if no one ever sees it. I hope I post this. I need help.
How did I get here? I've blamed my boyfriend for a long time. He will use a trash can if its close enough to his chair, but once that's full, he just starts dropping stuff on the floor. I got tired of being the only one doing any housework, and it became a battle of wills. Eventually he had to get tired of the mess and take out his own trash, right? Only he didn't and the mess got too overwhelming for me to even try to deal with.
But to be honest, even before I moved in with him, I was a level 1 most of the time, only bothering to clean up when things started to approach level 2. I tell myself I'm just ***, but I don't think that's it. When I'm getting paid, I'm the hardest working person there. So I know I'm capable of doing the work, I just don't want to when I get home. I guess unmotivated would be the right word.
I have a week off work, and I intended to use that time cleaning up. And I've gotten one corner looking ok. But I must have destroyed a mouse family home in the process, because now the little boogers are running all over the place, having little mousie turf wars or something. I've known we have a rodent problem for awhile, but as long as they kept to their hiding places, we didn't bother each other. Now that they're so visible, I'm afraid of how much worse things will get before they get better. I've actually made a rodent infestation an excuse not to clean my house.
Something has to be done though. Today a coworker gave me a couple of old computer monitors that were cluttering up his place and the whole time he was here, I was terrified that he would offer to help bring them inside. Nobody except me and my boyfriend have been inside our house for almost two years. I'm ready for that to change. I just don't know how.
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Hi!
Oct 14, 2008 19:21:18 GMT -5
Post by messymimi on Oct 14, 2008 19:21:18 GMT -5
Welcome, countesschan !
You should be proud of yourself for posting. I am proud of you for reaching out for help, .
Many here find themselves in a similar dilemma of doing great things at work, but getting little done at home. It's not ***. It's being tired when coming home from work. Then having to clean up after two people (or more, if you have kids). Then dealing with the pets (if you have any). Add being overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, fear of running into pests, fear of having to deal with everything, stir well, and you have the right recipe.
It happens to us stay at home types, too.
Physical limitations can also take their toll.
Now that you want it to change, it will. Not overnight, as it didn't get that way overnight. But one bag of trash, one mousetrap (if you decide to set them), one sinkful of dishes and load of laundry at a time.
I'm glad you are here, letting us share your journey out, and sharing in ours.
messymimi
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Hi!
Oct 14, 2008 22:44:56 GMT -5
Post by metamorpha on Oct 14, 2008 22:44:56 GMT -5
So, I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes looking at the blank message box and wondering if I'm really going to do this. Am I really going to announce to the world that there is a foot high pile of trash on either side of the chair I'm sitting in right now? And the answer is that I don't know. I was only able to start typing by reminding myself that I don't have to hit the post button. Hopefully just getting this out of my head and onto the screen will help me mentally even if no one ever sees it. I hope I post this. You did post! That's the way to do it. Babysteps can lead to serious progress. Oh, I'm so sorry. Pests add a whole new level of yuck to situations, but you got that one corner clean. There are traps that are little boxes, the mouse goes in and you just throw the whole thing away without seeing it. I'm a bit of a wuss. Good luck on the rest of the house. Read, read, read. The people here are so resourceful and helpful, and there is a lot of motivation to be found on the "Listzilla" board as well. And don't be afraid to post if you need help with something. We all deal with squalor here and we try out best to support one another on our ways out of the mess.
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Hi!
Oct 14, 2008 23:29:27 GMT -5
Post by notsomessyshell on Oct 14, 2008 23:29:27 GMT -5
Welcome and Hugs to you! You posted it! I know I stared at the screen for a while before I plunged in. I have found a wealth of knowledge, experience, and support here. You will to. You can do it. One thing at a time. Don't look at it all. Look at the corner you have accomplished. So now the little buggers are out, lets get them all the way out. I love the no seeum traps. Such a great invention. I must admit I am afraid of those old fashioned snappy ones. I sacrificed a thumb nail to one when I was trying to catch a little vermin that took up residence IN MY RECLINER. I got rid of mine you can do it, too.
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Hi!
Oct 15, 2008 11:35:10 GMT -5
Post by Sapphire on Oct 15, 2008 11:35:10 GMT -5
Congratulations on taking the first step!! I joined last week, and although my progress since has only been small, it is significant! Baby steps will get you there eventually!! Come on over to the Listzilla forum on here. There are daily challenges and lots of support and encouragement!
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Hi!
Oct 15, 2008 23:56:16 GMT -5
Post by Blackswan on Oct 15, 2008 23:56:16 GMT -5
Congratulations! I commend you for being so brave. It is hard to finally admit to squalor after all of the hiding of it. The more you read here, the more you will find that we are exactly like you. Everybody here understands how we live. This is the only place that I know of where we can talk about maggoty potatoes, and foot high trash piles and nobody blinks an eye. In fact, everybody will come running up to help, offer suggestions, and commiserate. You have definitely found the right place and we all welcome you with open arms, and no judgement. We are so glad you found your way here! This is the beginning of stepping out of squalor!
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Hi!
Oct 16, 2008 10:07:12 GMT -5
Post by countesschan on Oct 16, 2008 10:07:12 GMT -5
Thanks for the warm welcome. It is so nice to finally be able to admit my problem. But now that I've found this place, I may not be around very much. I have to go back to work Monday and I'm determined to have at least one room back before then. I've lost a good chunk of time helping a friend move and now I'm thinking I may have to unplug the computer to keep me from wasting the rest of the week. But I'll be back when I can walk through my bedroom.
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Hi!
Oct 16, 2008 14:14:04 GMT -5
Post by AnnieOkie on Oct 16, 2008 14:14:04 GMT -5
I'm glad you are here countess!! Good for you for recognizing your need to unplug from the computer. I'm better about staying off the computer at home than I used to be. My big time-wasters are TV and crossword puzzles. I look forward to hearing about your progress!
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Hi!
Oct 16, 2008 21:38:32 GMT -5
Post by crazycatlady on Oct 16, 2008 21:38:32 GMT -5
Welcome, CountessChan. Awesome work on cleaning one corner! Great job! I think many people struggle with striking a balance between real life and computer time. I know that I certainly do! One suggestion is to read one thread, then go clean for 15 minutes, then read again. I suppose different things work for different people.
I'm glad that you found us, and I look forward to hearing from you as you reclaim your home.
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Hi!
Oct 16, 2008 22:07:17 GMT -5
Post by pearblossom on Oct 16, 2008 22:07:17 GMT -5
So, I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes looking at the blank message box and wondering if I'm really going to do this. Am I really going to announce to the world that there is a foot high pile of trash on either side of the chair I'm sitting in right now? And the answer is that I don't know. I was only able to start typing by reminding myself that I don't have to hit the post button. Hopefully just getting this out of my head and onto the screen will help me mentally even if no one ever sees it. I hope I post this. I need help. How did I get here? I've blamed my boyfriend for a long time. He will use a trash can if its close enough to his chair, but once that's full, he just starts dropping stuff on the floor. I got tired of being the only one doing any housework, and it became a battle of wills. Eventually he had to get tired of the mess and take out his own trash, right? Only he didn't and the mess got too overwhelming for me to even try to deal with. But to be honest, even before I moved in with him, I was a level 1 most of the time, only bothering to clean up when things started to approach level 2. I tell myself I'm just ***, but I don't think that's it. When I'm getting paid, I'm the hardest working person there. So I know I'm capable of doing the work, I just don't want to when I get home. I guess unmotivated would be the right word. I seriously could've written all of this... except that my "boyfriend" would be my husband of now 9 years and while he didn't learn to clean, he DID start doing the cooking (I boycotted EVERYthing--I was so done). He cooks almost every meal to this day. Stops to remember that she needed to call a therapist for this new and really disturbing aversion to EVER cooking now.Congrats on posting. It's huge. It may be enough to motivate you. I think you'll be back!
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