|
|
Post by rededen on Apr 9, 2014 19:49:08 GMT -5
Thanks for all the ideas. I honestly think I buy things to console myself. I usually go on a spending spree when I'm feeling at my worst. Many people do this - it's an emotional release to a stressful situation. Some people eat. Some do other things. |
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on Apr 9, 2014 22:51:04 GMT -5
Yes, the spending sprees are a learned compulsive behavior in response to anxiety. We teach ourselves these behaviors by repetition, and soon they become automatic habits, even at times when they don't really soothe the anxiety anymore.
Stress happens, it's part of life. But we can teach ourselves to react to stress triggers in better ways.
Emmy, this is something you might consider asking your therapist about at some point. If you want, he can help you teach yourself to replace the compulsive behaviors with things that would make you happier, healthier, and calmer. I've done this using a method called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, with the guidance of my therapist.
|
|
|
|
Post by lucie on Apr 10, 2014 5:25:56 GMT -5
Oh yes, as rededen said, some people eat in stress. I do. I eat a lot of sweets and junk food when I am stressed. So I would say in your situation, when you want to loose some weight, buying things to console yourself is better than overeating. Maybe you could try a virtual shopping - someone mentioned in some other thread that she replaced actual shopping by adding pictures on the pinterest. And I second what papermoon said. Here is some energy for filling bags and taking them out  |
|
|
|
Post by aquamarine on Apr 10, 2014 5:56:41 GMT -5
"Maybe you could try a virtual shopping..."
This is a brilliant suggestion. I had to decide on one type of bathroom tile which was very difficult, but I realised that I could have all the ones I liked by downloading their pictures! Window shopping and mentally buying things are good games to play.
|
|
|
|
Post by OnTheMend on Apr 10, 2014 6:57:04 GMT -5
Pinterest is great place, I agree, and can be of a great help in many ways - BUT I have to remind people that it is also terribly addictive site and can rob hours and hours of one's time every day if one lets it. Ask me how I know. When I joined few years back, I fell in love - I am a very visual person and it was a great match - but literally couldn't get almost anything else done in my every day life for the next several months. It took me well over 6 months to recover from the worst addiction, during which time I had pinned over 10 000 pictures. So approach Pinterest with care, especially if you know you have internet addiction issues.
|
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on Apr 11, 2014 15:45:12 GMT -5
Emmy, will you have a regular appointment on Mondays with your therapist? I hope your next session is another good one. (And as I mentioned, you might want to bring your own box of kleenex... one time I was so embarrassed from using up my therapist's entire supply!)
Your post on the 40 Bags thread got me curious...
On this thread here, you said you tossed 8 bags, and on that thread you said 10, almost 11. Nice work on the extra bags! So, what I'm curious about is...
What method are you using to fill and toss those bags?
Have you found a type of bag that works best for you?
Where do you toss the filled bags?
|
|
emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23 
|
Post by emmy on Apr 14, 2014 13:29:14 GMT -5
I did bring my own Kleenex this time!! I realized how much I was really holding in all this time. All of my guilt and shame. Then I got so angry really for no reason. I got angry at myself, my parents, my life. I just can't believe I got myself into this mess. Even though I'm trying and going slowly I just can't shake the feelings of hopelessness. I feel like there's no escape from this without my parents finding out. And that thought to me is worse than death. I just have extreme paranoia over this. I really need to work on my mental state.
I got a few extra bags out (that I mentioned on the 40 bags thread) with our local trash pickup. I went out early morning before my parents were awake to toss them. I also took out another in front of them, to keep up appearances that I actually clean my room.
I also tossed the other 8 or so bags in a dumpster at my cousin's apartment complex. But that was only a one time thing. I don't have any idea how to get the bags out, but I've been putting small grocery bags filled with stuff into the home trash to at least help a little bit.
After tonight are a few days off work, so I'm really going to focus on cleaning in small times. I'm a little nervous to try the chat but I just might go in and see how it works. I really need accountability right now, because one little thing that triggers me and I'll just avoid even looking at the mess and just sleep or stay down stairs. I have been good at not bringing any new garbage in. Actually, it disgusts me. I even clean other parts of the house now. I don't know why.
I've also been keeping my bed clean too. Since I started WW my energy is up so hopefully that'll help with my motivation.
I have a squirrel outside on our front porch who comes to visit us. I like to watch him when I'm super depressed. Nature is my temporary escape I think. When I take breaks from cleaning since it's spring I might take a nice walk.
I hope you're all doing well. I feel really guilty for not posting for a few days. Sometimes I just feel too depressed. But I still sit here and read. I really like this place.
|
|
emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
|
Post by emmy on Apr 14, 2014 13:32:31 GMT -5
Also. I really just focus on small areas at a time. One piece at a time. I find that if I keep that frame of mind things work better. I'll admit that I have a bunch of bags just sitting in my room until I find a better way to ditch them. At first I used those big lawn bags but they're sooo heavy filled. I use tall kitchen bags now.
I find out that if I sit on the full bags it crushes down the plastic containers (mostly what I have along with paper items) and it gives me more space to fill the bag and it's not too heavy.
|
|
|
|
Post by PaperGrace on Apr 14, 2014 13:38:50 GMT -5
Oh do come to chat! We'll help you keep working, but at whatever pace works for you!
|
|
|
|
Post by OnTheMend on Apr 14, 2014 13:54:15 GMT -5
Good to hear from you emmy! Just quick note before I'll fall a sleep: never ever feel guilty about participating these boards. Amnesty is granted to post or not to post, to read or not to read, which ever suit ones needs. We do love to hear from your and I do encourage to even log in on the bad days (because it helps with motivation and accountability and maybe helps with the inner processes shifting into more optimistic I can do this! attitude), but you can freely skip posting if that causes stress or anxiety. |
|
|
|
Post by Arid on Apr 14, 2014 14:27:50 GMT -5
emmy: You are making *WONDERFUL* progress!!!
Arid
|
|
|
|
Post by whatgirl on Apr 14, 2014 15:06:13 GMT -5
You're doing GREAT, Emmy! You have amnesty from guilt here, there is no need for apologies at all. You are making progress and every bit of effort you have made counts. Focus on your achievements and feel good about them because you are doing really well! It is a big deal to get so many bags of trash out of your room, especially lugging them all the way to the dumpster at the apt complex. Is there any possibility of being able to do that again?
Really glad to hear that you have some time off work soon. Remember to set small goals and know that we are all here to support you as you go along!
|
|
|
|
Post by aquamarine on Apr 14, 2014 15:51:06 GMT -5
Do one small bag for each of us. Alphabetical order, so I am first! Then do it again. Cleaning small spots is a good plan, and it is great to hear that you have not been bringing any more in. If you keep going with the small bags you will get there.
|
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on Apr 14, 2014 17:32:08 GMT -5
I realized how much I was really holding in all this time. All of my guilt and shame. Then I got so angry really for no reason. I got angry at myself, my parents, my life. I just can't believe I got myself into this mess. Even though I'm trying and going slowly I just can't shake the feelings of hopelessness. I feel like there's no escape from this without my parents finding out. And that thought to me is worse than death. I just have extreme paranoia over this. I really need to work on my mental state. Have you ever scrubbed a roasting pan that has thick baked-on grease, covered all over with crusty old dried-up black and brown patches? When you first start to scrub, the pan gets more disgusting than ever. All that gunk starts to loosen and it's just so incredibly repulsive and nauseating. How did you ever let it get so bad? It'll NEVER come clean!  But you keep scrubbing even though you're totally grossed out and want to either puke  or give up entirely. But then lo! a little glimmer begins to glow through the foul nasty greasy black water. And with enough scrubbing, the gunk is gone and you've got a shiny pan. This is what happens whenever we delve in and clean the gunky parts of our mental and physical spaces. The cleaning process itself appears as though it's creating even more filth, stirring it all up, especially at the beginning... but that's really just an illusion. Oftentimes though, the illusion is powerful enough to make us so angry and/or so hopeless and discouraged that we give up. But I don't think you're going to give up, Emmy. You truly have made tremendous strides forward and upward in your attitude and in the many little (and big!) things that you've started doing for yourself and your home. I love reading your posts... even when you're feeling despair, I know it's just part of the process you're going through, the gunky part. And as you said yourself, your positivity IS getting stronger. You're building up mental muscles I bet you never thought you had!  |
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on Apr 24, 2014 13:44:33 GMT -5
How goes it there, emmy? Miss you! |
|
