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Post by creativechaos on Dec 8, 2020 3:41:56 GMT -5
thank you for the encouragement, seahorse! great to see you here, NewLifeToday. i hope you can wear the t shirts - how awful that you have to outgas the paper and clothes just to be able to use them. it must make shopping a hard experience, and going in to those big box stores next to impossible; the chemicals, the lights - chemical sensitivity is no joke. i think more people have it than they realize, and blame other things. that UV-C light sounds good - does it work well for getting chemical smells out of things?
Kudos for getting your bills paid on time, Christmas boxes sent too. Good job getting things from the car in and putting away - it's so easy to neglect that. you inspire me with your daily actions, knowing how much you have to juggle with taking care of family. best wishes to you too, dear NewLife - thank you for the company here. **** spent much of friday and half a day saturday working at the office supply on printing calendars - i had done something really stupid, a wrong paper setting, and the ink did not bond with the paper so i ruined about 50 color copies and had to do a lot of rethinking, counting, and redoing. it took about 10 times as long as it should have - hence all those days INDOORs in the fantastic weather we had last week. Got some assembled to leave at the store with them - two sold as soon as i got a few bagged. this helps me pay for making them.
i have not been writing things down that i accomplish, like i had planned.
the few things i accomplished indoors were just chipping away at the kitchen, doing dishes more, sweeping the widening goat trail in the kitchen, sweeping up the loose cat litter all over the bathroom floor and in the walk in closet hallway, not leaving food out to lie around and attract more flies; trying to turn around the situation so that i don't feel like someone who belongs on Hoarders, Buried Alive - but i do. In reading Unswamping's post about the guy hoarder on the Hoarders show whose gf moved all his things into a warehouse so he could sort like with like and see what he had... oh, i WISH!!!
i did get time in at the garden one day - only about an hour. i did some rose pruning and light cutting back of lavender and a few perennials. still suffering with the elbow, still twinges of the bursitis. i am having to rest a lot more than i want to!
i've been averaging about 3 hrs sleep a night. can't sleep. yesterday morning i was up at 5:30 a.m. after not going to bed til 2:30. ugh. stripped the bed, changed the sheets, did a load of laundry - got a washer! put MOST of the clean things away, took a shower late last night before bed, hung and put away a lot of clothes; more to go.
talked to supervisor of the two RUDE receptionists at the sleep study center; i'd finally had it with their ill treatment of me, which had been going on for months. no one should have had to endure some of the things they have said to me! the final straw was last week. i went over their heads. the supervisor will be my go-to person from now on if i need to go back there. she gave me her direct phone number and email. she also FINALLY got them to send my sleep report to my doctors, and she moved up my tele health appointment a week earlier to THIS Wednesday; and she is mailing me a copy of the report and results.
combed some knots out of my old boy dear kitty. started in on a big pile beside my bed in the bedroom. very slow going. not enough stuff is LEAVING here. put away/hung up a lot of clothes. tossed favorite polar fleece jacket - the zipper pulled apart from cloth on bottom, no way to fix it. i loved that jacket, wore it for gardening and nothing else is fitting with regaining the weight. (i wonder in retrospect if i should have just zipped it up and worn it zipped.) cleaned some old food out of fridge. lots more to go.
my little privacy fence downstairs is sort of blowing down. i shored it up as best as i could, temporary fix; next big wind will likely undo it all. need to find a better way to hold it up than wiring it to T-stakes that are too short. i also think i made the fence too "solid" but i just wanted to wall off those people and their 4 packs a day and their scowls. but really i should have left about 1/4 inch or more between the "pickets." i think i made a big wind sail. may have to entirely redo it in better weather.
i know what i want santa- creativechaos to give me for Christmas; a portable drill with some guts and a REAL motor, but still lightweight enough to handle despite all my nerve/tendon arm issues! maybe a milwaukee... one with a light... -will have to consult with my handy friend on this site and IRL for some ideas, and wait for the sales. do they even make corded drills anymore?
i haven't done a darned thing for the holidays. i don't celebrate Christmas, but still would like to send out some cards, since so many people do. maybe writing a poem to put in the card or something, a nice quote - i think people will appreciate getting some nice mail this year - if they aren't too afraid of getting covid from the paper!
this turned into a long post and not a list at all. i would dearly love to be able to sleep again. i think i need to get off the screens more, and earlier at night.
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Post by NewLifeToday on Dec 8, 2020 6:51:34 GMT -5
CC, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. The UV-C light does help get smells out. Smells are made of molecules and the UV-C light changes the molecule. I have not tried the UV-C light to "dissolve" cigarette smells, but it might work. Congrats on your calendars. You are so creative. Part of the trouble, for me, with not sleeping, is the lack of beauty and harmony in my dwelling place, due to so much disarray. I heard someone say, years ago, that peace is the tranquillity of order. There are so very many pieces in that puzzle, layers and layers. I take trace minerals and glycine at night, which help the sleeping. Also my exercise and stretching routine helps me. It is very balancing and calming. I also stopped drinking tea again, which is helping some. Fragrance contamination can really disturb sleeping. That requires constant attention, as fragrances can sneak in with anything I bring in. Today I will do something to bring a bit more order and harmony into living space. Best wishes to you for a lovely day.
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Post by goldenthreads on Dec 8, 2020 12:44:35 GMT -5
I have little knowledge of this, but just looked at Home Depot's site, and there are still corded drills. My daughter needed a drill, and an actual hardware store employee (!) advised against the cordless kind, because the manufacturers periodically go and change the battery charger design (or something), so that when you need a replacement you can no longer get the old design that would fit your drill.
If I did a lot of drilling, I'd want a cordless one for flexibility and to save time, but for occasional use and cost (!) the corded one is the way to go.
Good luck in your investigation.
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Post by Unswamping on Dec 8, 2020 18:25:21 GMT -5
creativechaos corded drills are much better than cordless. They do still make them. Milwaukee is good as is DeWalt. I have a DeWalt and I love it. Powerful so it gets the job done but not unwieldy. I don’t have a lot of upper body strength. It’s definitely something you want to try out in person. It should feel balanced, that all the weight is not just on one end. Probably the most important thing is learning to let the tool do the work. Yes you have to grip it tight enough to control it but just that tight, not more. It’s not like manual tools, pushing harder doesn’t make it work faster.
I will try finding the link for that video. It wasn’t his gf, she is a professional dehoarding consultant. She is the child of a hoarder who she helped to recover. She has a remarkable understanding and great compassion for hoarders and their families.
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Post by Unswamping on Dec 8, 2020 18:38:15 GMT -5
Her name is Jasmine Harman. Here is the video I was talking about.
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 9, 2020 0:02:53 GMT -5
NewLifeToday, thanks for saying more about UV-C lights. i have chemical sensitivities to lots of things; just not bad. What you say about disarray is true - and my surroundings and inside my head are nothing but disarray and chaos; i'm more the chaos than the creative most of the time.
bless you and thank you, goldenthreads and Unswamping, for this info about drills. i have an ANCIENT corded drill that is great but it only goes forward - no reverse - and a really gutless corded drill i got for 5 bucks at a yard sale. i think i need something in between.
of course i dream of a cordless drill that is nice, but garden owner (retired carpenter) has one, as does her tenant - he has lent me his for little tasks. she would let me use it in her shop, maybe. she is kind of stingy about that stuff though. a neighbor here also has one. so i don't *need* to buy one and you both helped me to decide that. thanks!
thanks for the video link and the info, unswampy. i am going to watch this tonight!
today i worked on calendars at the office supply place. i got most of them done but made some more errors. wearing a mask for hours all day leads me to not drink enough - hence, dehydration. the poor medical staff and essential workers -may the Universe bless them and keep them safe. half of the time they don't even get a pee break - especially nurses.
i also did some sewing on some orphan squares lying around from years ago - vintage 70s and 80s cottons and blends, and made some nine patches. that felt good!
went to food bank too. took nice nap with cuddly cat. i have been up awhile and am ready to work for several hrs i hope.
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 14, 2020 3:29:40 GMT -5
wow. many days since i came here and wrote down things i did. today's accomplishments were making my appointment with the Exchange ( i wrote about that on my blog and 2020 items) and dividing some dahlia clumps this afternoon.
i sewed yesterday - i take a quilt workshop once a month. there are finally cheap ones that i can afford now that everything's online. this is a gift i give myself, and i am loving it! i love that i am sewing more, even amidst the chaos in which i live.
i got a cell phone! actually, weeks ago. i still don't know how to use it but i had my first tele-health appointment on it last Wed! it was easy! the supervisor at the sleep clinic helped me; once i downloaded the app, she walked me through a test to be sure i'd get on ok. wooo hooo!
did a few things at storage regarding books. may rethink this. for now it is helping with the anxiety at even the THOUGHT of releasing any books.
i know i did more this week but i'd rather just write about today and see if i can build momentum from there. i am happy enough that i am accomplishing something. i am also doing still not great but better on the dishes. not leaving them for weeks. part of this is, i have a fly problem - 3 types of flies i can't seem to get rid of; fruit flies and two other kinds i can't identify. one kind could be drain flies - supposedly hard to get rid of. i am s-l-o-w-l-y tiptoeing through the piles and piles in the kitchen... afraid of what i will find at the bottom of them all, while hoping whatever i find will help me to end the fly problem eventually. meanwhile, i will consider them my guests.
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Post by NewLifeToday on Feb 6, 2021 9:42:20 GMT -5
CC, I hope your day is going very nicely, and that your computer is on the mend, or something similar. I miss your posts! . Hugs and smiles to you. I am working on reversing a backsliding trend. Extreme stress and letting things go seem to go together. Am working on going forward. Small TaDa's/Every Ta Da Counts: cleaned a sink, cleaned toilet bowl, returned some things to the stores for family. Enjoying some quiet tea time here at SooS.
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Post by mylittlescholar on Feb 6, 2021 11:10:23 GMT -5
Hugs to you both!
I am scrambling out of a dip into depression caused by a medication mix up. its a reality check about how much harder it is to function when my brain is not giving me the happy chemicals. and how I need to be patient and gentle with myself when I am on the "B-day" schedule.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 2, 2021 14:24:13 GMT -5
[font fa000...
this is really really long and please give yourselves amnesty to skip my brain dump musings... i haven't posted here in a couple of months.
NewLifeToday; thank you for your post here and for thinking of me. I miss your posts too - you were such supportive and motivating company on this thread. I'm glad you are making forward progress again. Stress and mishaps certainly do lead to backsliding. You've given me incentive to try to revive this thread again and stick with it better - i hope my technological difficulties will settle down! Thank you; hugs, and GOOD WORK with all you have done to move forward!
mylittlescholar - thanks for the hugs! meds mixup sounds awful - it's one of the reasons I am afraid to take pharma meds. i hope that is sorted out.
I am considering trying wellbutrin for my ADHD - not thrilled about it but since i'm not sure about stimulant drugs with my stroke/heart risk, and am not wanting to take strattera, that's the only other drug option there is. or. i may just take tiny doses of the adderall when things get really bad and i'm having terrible days. physical labor, i think,, helps my brain. there is so much work to do in the garden i just have to do it - albeit inefficiently.
I cant seem to keep even the basics together. i know the potentially 3 abscessed teeth are sapping my energy and my mental acuity. I'm tired a lot, needing more rest.
It's been ridiculous, the series of events of the past month. I keep trying to crawl out of the overwhelm and stress, and keep ANY forward or even treading-water motions, going. I remind myself that this has been an extraordinarily stressful time and it has required a ton of self-advocacy, stubborn tenacity, asking for help, and facing fears and just doing it all - and at times, a good 5 minute self-pity session so I can get that out of my system and keep going... Then back at it... ~ Late January - computer graphics card died. Unfixable. ~ Early Feb. - someone smashed up back rear side of car. STill awaiting insurance payment, which probably 'totaling' car since it's so old. I will keep the car and use the salvage to try to keep the old car running; can't afford a new one! ~ mid February - 4 teeth started throbbing full time. 2, maybe 3, appear to be abscessed. I am not covered for root canals, only extractions. Big decisions to make and no help or even enough $$ to have a proper exam and x rays. Waiting to get in a dental van but since they've been unresponsive, must try something else which means mainland clinics with long waiting lists - and for that, i need a working car... i am NOT taking buses to some faraway clinic on the mainland in a pandemic, especially since i am choosing not to get vaccinated (and few people here are able to get them without going 100 miles away to get them.) So that is in limbo.
i am using some home remedies on my teeth and gums to keep pain and infection manageable. i'm practicing better dental hygiene (which for me, means ANY at all.) i quit my sugar bingeing. i am avoiding long term use of antibiotics where at all possible. my immune system can't handle them.
~ end of feb - my car died. Tow guy, who happens to be a high-end mechanic but a very nice guy, said he thought it was the starter since tapping it seemed to work. He showed me what he did... i am familiar with starters dying in just this manner. They get a "dead spot" and it's only a matter of time until that spot is hit again and one day they die completely. I am driving the car if i need to haul something. If it dies at home or the garden, that's ok. i can fix it there or have it towed within 5 miles to a mechanic by AAA. i ordered a starter and will probably attempt to put it in myself since i can't afford a mechanic - need a mechanic to fix the exhaust system - the pipe needs to be made "custom."
~ end of feb - second computer died - the one i was using til i could get another. this time data may be unrecoverable, since I don't know exactly what happened. i now have two hard drives to take out of two computer boxes. I may hire that out... if I think I can afford it. I realize how close I am to getting in debt... it scares me since I have managed to avoid debt for much of my life.
i'm using loaner laptop, and am thankful (never thought i'd hear myself saying this!) for my cell phone. considering giving up my land line i've had for 30 + years to save the extra $40 a month and be able to move to something faster and more expensive than 1 mps internet plan, or use that money in a better way. The loaner laptop is super slow and boggy... not sure if it has a virus or what... so far i am not liking it, or HP - but, better than nothing for now... i need to contact the lady...been putting it off. she didn't like the computer either...she still has stuff she needs to get off it so i can dump all the stuff i don't need, like games and excess programs.
there are so many decisions to make every day; much of them due to my poor past decisions and some of it just "shiite happens."
i've been walking more, since no car. it takes so much longer to do everything without my car - hours longer and i can't carry much. but in some ways it is probably helping me, even with my bad feet - i should walk more anyway. i hope to remedy that soon though - i need my car in garden season. starter is supposed to come into parts store this afternoon. i need a new computer router as well. luckily, since i rent my router from the internet company, that should be an easy fix; just swap it out for a newer router.
i have had little energy the past 3 weeks. the apartment has backslid to dangerous levels, trip hazards everywhere, kitchen so squalorous. i managed to do some dishes the other day but you can't tell. i had hoped to rearrange my living room into a sewing studio but it still is a fact that a lot of stuff needs to GO.
i start paying full $225 a month for storage on May 1, since i am not working for storage owners anymore. my grace period of being paid up is almost over. i would REALLY love to be out of the one small space by end of April and knock the fee down to $175 a month. i would have to pick up another small garden job to cover the cost and for now, as long as my body holds out, will probably do that. unless i can do it with art, which i doubt. Sewing is out since there are SO many better sewists than I... Maybe tutoring on zoom? idk. i don't have a whole lot of marketable skills.
i am making SLOW progress in the garden. it's a TON of work and i have had no energy, but the last 3 or 4 days i have forced myself to go over there. i had wanted to hire out about $100 of labor to help with redoing the side paths (the long main paths will have to wait... but now with the teeth, IDK... i NEED the help and it's worth it to me to a blitz and get it done! the thistles are already beginning to emerge and i need to get black plastic and chips down in everything i dug out so far.
the good news: i got a shed so my tools can finally have a DRY home! It's in pieces. super heavy, it's all wood. It got delivered and garden owner and a few people got it all unloaded for me. i spent time a couple days ago clearing out a space outside the fence for it, repaired a fence corner where rabbits could get in, and prepped and covered another garden bed. i think i now have 3 left to do, out of 10 that i could cover. two are un-coverable.. one long bed is un-coverable since it contains all perennials. i probably won't get to them all but gonna try, since dahlias don't go in for me til May, late May in wettest spots. i have a lot more dahlias this year, due to my insane tuber shopping spree.
TODAY i need to: call i-net company about swapping out routers call auto parts store to see when to pick up my starter - starter is in! decide whether to risk driving to garden, or walk both ways (adds 45 minutes or more to my time) pack for walking and/or driving work in garden on covering paths already dug out - goal: arrive before 1 pm if possible, put in 3 hrs work just get there, now that the day is almost over! do any amount! walk to auto parts store to pick up starter. call hardware store about metal or corrugated roofing options call salvage guy " " " - he is looking to see what he has. have another person to try who's a roofer...
DONE: washed some dishes cleaned some old food out of fridge took out trash cleaned some old food out of fridge auto appraiser called; we have a tentative appointment for Saturday - yaaay! messaged a few more friends in Texas to see how they're doing. ADDeNDUM: well. this day went south. or i should say i went south. the road to hellll and my good intentions and all that. it is 3:30 and i am letting fear and resistance of doing mechanical repairs stop me. i am always afraid to begin things i don't know how to do. i spent hours online avoiding and doing other research. i am going to try driving or walking to garden and work for any amount of time. if car starts, i'll leave it there. if not, then i get a nice walk in both ways and an hr of work done. i'd rather do the mechanical repairs there than here... too many eyes watching, many of them not friendly ... none of their business! the rain should hold off for a day or two. so that is the new plan. i feel like i am swimming in molasses with lead shoes.
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Post by NewLifeToday on Mar 2, 2021 15:04:22 GMT -5
CC, smiles and hugs to you. I am glad you are pressing on, in the midst of so much. I am sorry about the tooth trouble. That is hard. I had an infection in/near a tooth and took a round of the herb, Golden Seal, in capsules. Doing that and staying low carb keeps the infection at bay, for me, so far. I wish you every success and victory.
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Post by jlove on Mar 2, 2021 21:24:30 GMT -5
WTG on everything you got done CC!!!
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daybyday
New Member
Don't wait and take the chance of a serious illness beating you, clear it out now, time is precious
Joined: March 2014
Posts: 77
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Post by daybyday on Mar 3, 2021 23:34:25 GMT -5
creativechaos you got things done, you made progress forward which is great!! It is so hard when it all piles on at once like that. Stress can stop me in my tracks and I try to avoid then doing anything at all instead of doing even a few small things that are progress and a step in the right direction. And that just depresses me even more. You still got things done which is fantastic! I hope that your car, computer and teeth issues are resolved soon. Good to get the exercise, but know that it will be better when you can save the time it takes to get to the garden when walking. This is when it breaks my heart that we can't all live together in the same place. It would be so easy to lend a hand to each other. Keep up the good job of working on it, despite all the other things that try to sabotage us. Our will is stronger than them. Keep at it!
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Post by seahorse on Mar 5, 2021 9:16:46 GMT -5
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Post by gunnachange on Mar 24, 2021 18:49:45 GMT -5
Best luck to you.I read your story and recognise so much!!! My worst teeth are out.I hope you can get something done for them, I am so much better without the chronic inflammation! I continue to be overwhelmed by my heaps and piles and feeling like a failure...BUT! Now I recognise these feelings, I can start to acknowledge some improvements...I have a load of washing on, and will stop procrastinating soon and wash up the kitchen sinkful. Don't give up, you are clearly a very strong person to keep on keeping on!You are inspiring me too!take care of YOU! Tried to put in a smiley....didn't work! hope this'll do
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