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Post by valor on Mar 14, 2009 16:12:09 GMT -5
Yes, Creativechaos, I think you've got it exactly right, at least for me.
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Post by valor on Mar 14, 2009 16:25:09 GMT -5
Wanted to add that I had read somewhere about things and situations carrying an "emotional charge" ----sort of like an electrical charge of energy. In my case there was a lot of negative energy attached to cleaning and organizing due to some things that had happened in my life. Somehow I had to overcome it, ignore it, or just accept it, in order for it to stop influencing my approach so strongly. Yes, it's like a "ghost" that haunts. You know, I think we've suffered enough---we don't deserve to be haunted anymore! Would we "haunt" other people the way we do it to ourselves-I doubt any of us would be that unkind to others. Perhaps some of us suffered abuse in the past, and so we became used to unkind treatment out of necessity (couldn't leave, was a child, etc) I have to remind myself that if I keep looking at the past, it's like trying to drive a car forward while you keep looking over your shoulder--you're bound to crash. Better to keep your eyes on the road ahead. I'm going to give this to myself and to everyone else dealing with this
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Mar 14, 2009 23:06:10 GMT -5
I use the phrase ghost squalor, too. but I mean something different. When I am in fear about some horrid manifestation that I have been ruminati ng about for years -- the black bag of old food stuffs that was on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen of doom -- the closed off k of d -- for years. that I pictured as maggoty and a cache of horror --- except when i finally got there, it turned out I had disposed of it years ago. And it didn't exist. (It's what I pictured when the neighbor left the notes about smell -- when I said "I can't do what she wants.") Many other such -- feared agglomerations -- that actually weren't.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 15, 2009 9:56:27 GMT -5
Wanted to add that I had read somewhere about things and situations carrying an "emotional charge" ----sort of like an electrical charge of energy. In my case there was a lot of negative energy attached to cleaning and organizing due to some things that had happened in my life. Somehow I had to overcome it, ignore it, or just accept it, in order for it to stop influencing my approach so strongly. Yes, it's like a "ghost" that haunts. You know, I think we've suffered enough---we don't deserve to be haunted anymore! Would we "haunt" other people the way we do it to ourselves-I doubt any of us would be that unkind to others. Perhaps some of us suffered abuse in the past, and so we became used to unkind treatment out of necessity (couldn't leave, was a child, etc) I have to remind myself that if I keep looking at the past, it's like trying to drive a car forward while you keep looking over your shoulder--you're bound to crash. Better to keep your eyes on the road ahead. I'm going to give this to myself and to everyone else dealing with this This really hit home with me. If I continue to wallow in squalor because of things I have suffered in the past, it is like allowing the abuse to continue. I couldn't stop it then. I can now. I don't have to live like this because of things that happened years ago. That is like allowing them to still abuse me. I'll take one of those hugs, thank you.
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Post by brenda on Mar 15, 2009 15:14:39 GMT -5
I carry a lot of shame about my past filth. My sister likes to remind me how messy I was and recently said in front of several people that she had a video of my bedroom from when we shared an apartment 15 years ago and would they like to see it. 15 years ago.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 15, 2009 16:05:26 GMT -5
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Mar 15, 2009 16:07:47 GMT -5
brenda, I think people like that need to be set straight. clearly, firmly, once and for all.
you deserve it!
love, hopey
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Post by AnnieOkie on Mar 16, 2009 10:59:25 GMT -5
Awwww Brenda, I am so sorry to hear how horrible your sister has been to you. That reminds me of something my ex used to do. ONCE, when I was about 22 (and very irresponsible), I had just met my ex and I called in "sick" to work. Well, I wasn't really sick, someone from work saw me out and reported it to my boss. I was counseled and it got dropped from my record a few years later. For years, up until the time we were divorced, my ex would periodically bring that up at Sunday dinner with his parents/family. I suppose people like that need to make themselves appear "better" because of some inadequacy that they feel. I agree you should say something to her.
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Post by Moodle on Mar 16, 2009 20:38:20 GMT -5
If I continue to wallow in squalor because of things I have suffered in the past, it is like allowing the abuse to continue. I couldn't stop it then. I can now. I don't have to live like this because of things that happened years ago. That is like allowing them to still abuse me. This is golden, dayeanu. Seconding, valor, too.
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Post by Moodle on Mar 16, 2009 20:41:18 GMT -5
I carry a lot of shame about my past filth. My sister likes to remind me how messy I was and recently said in front of several people that she had a video of my bedroom from when we shared an apartment 15 years ago and would they like to see it. 15 years ago. How mean of your sister, Brenda. I have learned that a sister is not always a friend. Big hug to you.
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Post by brenda on Mar 18, 2009 0:32:41 GMT -5
Funny thing is now her house is very messy and I think she did that to take attention off that fact. She thinks she is funny when she drinks which does not help matters.
I am so over trying to be friends with her and limit our interactions. If I told her I was hurt by what she said she would just bring up examples of what I have said or done in the past she did not like. Pointless.
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Post by valor on Mar 18, 2009 8:13:02 GMT -5
Brenda, Your sister the cinematographer may indeed be trying to shift attention away from her own situation.
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Post by valor on Mar 18, 2009 8:20:38 GMT -5
What your room looked like 15 years ago has no bearing on today, she's trying to hang some ghost squalor around your neck. How can you miss her if she won't go?
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 5, 2010 15:39:30 GMT -5
- Hello everyone. This thread is two years old. I just bumped it up to the forefront, as I'm currently out of squalor ... and now struggling with Ghost Squalor myself. I have to remind myself that if I keep looking at the past, it's like trying to drive a car forward while you keep looking over your shoulder -- you're bound to crash. Better to keep your eyes on the road ahead. This quote from Valor is very helpful to me right now. -
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Post by AnnieOkie on Oct 5, 2010 15:48:51 GMT -5
How timely! I mentioned "ghost squalor" over in the thread regarding my deposit on the rental property I just moved from. I re-read the original post and hope that the "ghosts of squalor past" choose to visit me less and less from now on. Thanks, Lioness.... ....hope it helps you, too.
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