aoife
New Member
Joined: July 2016
Posts: 8
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Post by aoife on Sept 3, 2019 11:42:10 GMT -5
I am lost. With the holiday, I received four days away from the office. Endless opportunities to do something. Anything. But once again, I managed to accomplish nearly zero. I did manage to take out 1 bag of trash, which is almost laughable considering what remains to be done. Conditions have only broken down further in the last few weeks. I find myself hating returning home. Dreading it, in fact. I find it more and more difficult to think of myself as a "normal" human being. Intellectually, I understand that I'm isolating myself and that in itself causes problems, but I want to reach out less and less. Whatever self talk I manage is a repeat of an endless loop: "I'll do 15 minutes or 30 minutes or 1 hour today" and then when nothing comes of it, self loathing appears-as regular as the sun rising. I'm sure many of you have stood where I am today. Please let me know how you broke free.
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 3, 2019 11:50:15 GMT -5
This is going to sound trite - but I just forced myself to do something. Anything. then I forced myself to do two things. Even small things like taking out a bag of trash counted. then I would concentrate on an area. Like my bed. I wanted a nice clean space to sleep in.
it truly is step by step - inch by inch - day by day...
and some days are better than others and I learned the better days were days I accomplished something.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 3, 2019 12:17:56 GMT -5
One of the key sayings here is "Motivation FOLLOWS action.".
When I began, 15 minutes seemed way too overwhelming. I had to do one minute or 30 seconds. Then I had to ABUNDANTLY congratulate myself for that tiny increment of action. This made it easier for me to do another 30 seconds or one minute.
Just a few of these per day was way better than being paralyzed by the thought of 15 minutes and then doing nothing.
Eventually I was able to work myself up to 5 minutes at a time, and then more.
And after months of that, I was able to work myself up to more.
Eventually -- hours of desqualoring every day -- which was needed due to decades of accumulated mess.
But I had to start where I was at. It's not about expecting yourself to be somebody else.
The thing is that I felt positive after small actions, so I was able to do more small actions, and the small actions really do add up.
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Post by phoenixcat on Sept 3, 2019 12:45:38 GMT -5
ohblondie is right. There is a reason that two of our signs are "baby steps" and "motivation follows action". Some of us are not intrinsically motivated and only really get moving if an inspection, a repair or a visitor is on the horizon. I probably fall into that category. Most often I find that my thinking regarding my home is very similar to my thinking about any life changes. I aim high - expect high and then get discouraged if it all doesn't happen quickly. I forget (repeatedly) how much work and time everything takes. That is true for health changes, weight changes, financial changes, relationship changes - basically anything that includes the word change. It really is just one tiny step (decision) all day, every day. Do I eat the fruit or the cake? Do I buy another shirt when my closet is full of shirts? Do I pick up a bag of garbage as I walk from room to room? Do I carry my dishes back to the kitchen? Do I buy another new organizing system when I already have five that I haven't used? If thinking about working a set amount of time paralyzes you - maybe something more tangible - don't work in minutes - work in tiny goals - fill a grocery bag of trash and take it out of the house. Fill a grocery bag of recycling and take it out of the house. If you aren't bringing in - it will catch up. Or if you are bringing in take out containers - then commit to getting those out plus one more small bag. Not sure what your financial situation is or whether you can even access a sink or washer/dryer. However, if you can afford it - let someone else do it for you. Drop off a few bags to the laundromat - most have pay by the pound services. Or, take a good book and wash a bunch of your own at one time. If the dishes are blocking your sink - find some boxes and offload them until you can rinse out your sink - then do a few a day. And if it is just too disgusting or you can't even access a sink or washer/dryer - it isn't a crime to just throw it out. We always say here - you aren't doing anyone any favors by making your home an extension of the landfill. I have cats - I can't tell you how many times I've just purchased new litter and boxes and just thrown out all the old ones because I didn't want to deal with cleaning them. I am in maintenance now. I have lots of clutter and stuff packed in various storage spaces but I can have people over and can find things. But there was no magic way out - it was just small steps - repeat daily. Defend what you have done and add another few inches every day. At some point, it will all catch up with itself. A good day is when you did those tiny steps. Some people do the "daily" and then add a bit of backlog. Wash your daily dishes and add a few more. Take out your daily trash and add a bit more. Open your daily mail and add a bit more. Others clean one square foot at a time. Get the square foot done around where you sit and then start to branch out. Defend the spaces you've done. It is much easier to do it than think about doing it. If you run into a roadblock of a decision - just ignore it and go for something else. Most people can get out tangible trash/recycling and that can make an amazing difference. A lot of times we will get bogged down on the thoughts of cleaning a small area when the reality is that first we have to actually access the area. If you can get to the point of getting trash/recycling out and access basic daily activities like sleeping, food prep, dishes and laundry - then the cleaning and de-cluttering can take place. Many times we look at the whole picture and get paralyzed when we really only need to look at a very small part of it to make progress. Not sure if this was helpful - if I had a magic fairy - I would send her right over. But we all know you can do it - one baby step at a time!!! And, defend those baby steps - they cost a lot of time and effort - don't want to do it twice or three, four, five, six times! PC
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Lost
Sept 3, 2019 14:30:23 GMT -5
Post by ohblondie on Sept 3, 2019 14:30:23 GMT -5
phoenixcat has great ideas. Probably the reason I like tog o to the Laundromat so much is that I can sit and read a book for 20 mins. Without feeling guilty. small things, one at a time with built in rewards.... I am trying to get my LR cleaned out. So much of what I find belongs to DS or DD.... I always try to load up DD's stuff in my car because I work near her apt and I can drop things off on her porch. I was hoping to get a carload to her today but I only got one item in the car to bring to her. It is a big bulky item and the bonus is, it is one less item in my LR. baby steps. tomorrow hopefully will be another item. I am shooting for that big box....
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Post by papermoon on Sept 3, 2019 15:01:56 GMT -5
I broke free from inertia by taking out a bag a day... whether trash, recycling, or compost. Even if it's not a full bag, I still take out a bag a day, every day. The important thing, i found, is to make it a daily occurrence, then it becomes a daily habit, and then it becomes easy.
Same thing with doing the dishes daily. Same thing with making my bed daily.
You've got to prove to yourself that you can do at least one of those things every single day. It's empowering. Then you can do more. That's how it works.
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Lost
Sept 3, 2019 15:59:34 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by joyinvirginia on Sept 3, 2019 15:59:34 GMT -5
I needed help to get things under control. I hired a professional organizer to come do a walk thru and give me a plan with suggestions. I kept that plan on my fridge for years! at times thru the years I have hired a maid yo help with the maintenance. When I had boxes and piles of papers from my parents home, a good friend came over and sat with me, cried with me, and prodded me to not keep too much stuff. get help if you can
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Post by def6 on Sept 3, 2019 21:34:12 GMT -5
Hello aoifeI'm so sorry that squalor and/or clutter "stole" your joy during your recent holiday away from work. I know this scenario well; You can't really relax and it's certainly not a fun time. I started cleaning in my smallest room: the bathroom. I just took everything out... down to the bare walls and threw it in a box. No decisions on what to get rid of. Then I started scrubbing. I got everything so clean and shiny. I made special point to wash the shower curtain and the rug on the floor. I took out my nice hand soap dispenser and filled it up. For once, I took time and did not allow my thoughts to worry about any other part of the house or anything I had to do. Later on, I would just go in to the bathroom to look at how nice it was...It made me feel better.
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