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Post by larataylor on Aug 27, 2020 20:39:09 GMT -5
pilotgirl - I can imagine how scary this is for you. I was seeing a guy for a while who never invited me to his house, and it turned me off. After nine months, I think this may be getting weird for your guy and his daughter. They could be imagining things worse than the truth. The way you told us your story felt very real and honest. And generally, being real and honest (though it can be terrifying) has worked better for me than being cagey and secretive! I think you could tell him honestly that you want your home to be welcoming and comfortable for him, but you're overwhelmed by the state it's in. I'm a clean freak, too, but I love to dig in and clean up a terrible mess. He seems eager to help you, and he might love the project of getting your home back in shape. In your position, I would get a skip and work on the most embarrassing things first before having him over to see it.
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Post by itsybitsy on Aug 27, 2020 21:50:01 GMT -5
creativechaos - lovely post and with the best advice of all: do it for yourself.
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Post by mouseanne on Aug 28, 2020 11:28:41 GMT -5
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Post by Arid on Aug 28, 2020 14:12:00 GMT -5
At the very least, doing nothing is likely to destroy the relationship that you currently have.
Now, will *that* idea motivate you to hire a skip?
Arid
P. S. Here in the U.S., dumpsters come in various sizes. One can choose a small one, a huge one, or something in between. You don't have to wait until you have enough rubbish gathered up to fill an enormous one! A.
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Post by Arid on Aug 28, 2020 14:18:10 GMT -5
One more thought, though . . .
On the other hand, would you *really* want to live with "a clean freak?" I wouldn't. As a person with "cluttery" inclinations, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life trying to clean to someone else's expectations.
Besides, do you know if his "clean freakinshness" is what most people would consider "normal cleaning" standards, or are we talking about "over-the-top, obsessive" cleaning standards?
I think that it is important to know which he would insist upon.
I would be miserable if I were living with someone whose life revolved around keeping things clean, clean, CLEAN.
Arid
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Post by hiding on Aug 28, 2020 16:24:29 GMT -5
Do you fly? I ask because of your screen name and also because it's not that unusual for folks who enjoy one type of machine to enjoy another. For example, many auto racers are also pilots.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Aug 29, 2020 15:10:53 GMT -5
Welcome pilot girl. You have a good thing going with this guy. He has offered to help with bushes. Can you get ONE room presentable, cleared of trash and with a place to sit, plus bathroom usable? Then ask him to come over with the tool to trim the bush. He knows you are embarrassed about your house, you told him. He has asked to help with the outside. say yes to the offer of help. He wants to help, see how he does. just an fyi, garbage bags can deteriorate over time especially if they are outside. Hire someone to come pick up the trash now, or get that dumpster (what we call skips around here) now. you don't have to fill it up, haulers will take it away whenever you want it gone!
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 31, 2020 11:05:39 GMT -5
well and succinctly said, larataylor - hiya again, pilotgirl - i hope we didn't all scare you away!
we would love to know how you are doing. you have a lot here to digest and think about and do. come on back and get some support and some cheers on your progress.
i'm a "messie" myself. h@ll, i hoard. we all have our things we've had to, or have to, overcome. i know i could never live with a clean freak (nor them with me). Arid asks some very good questions about all that. High(ie controlling or unrealistic) expectations of another person, on anyone's part, are the death of many a good relationship. As joyinvirginia said, you have a good thing in his willingness and desire to help you. sometimes, "giving" is receiving help from another person who cares for you. He obviously cares for you, as you do for him.
it's important to know what he expects of you if he is a clean freak - AND... even if he is, if you two care for each other, you don't HAVE to live together! many a good relationship is achieved through having separate dwellings. being honest about all of it - and your fears that you might lose him - will be the best path to take. secrets have a way of coming back to bite you in the behind.
So let us know how things are going and if you were able to get a tip and get the bags of garbage gone... contratulations on your progress so far. we're cheering you on, for both your cleanup and your relationship.
hugs; cc.
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Post by ohblondie on Aug 31, 2020 15:32:01 GMT -5
I would hire that skip asap and load it up asap. get as much out as you can. then do some cleaning inside. He is offering help so you want to be able to have him over to help with that yard work. ASAP! (I need to listen to my own advice!)
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Post by imamess on Sept 24, 2020 5:56:02 GMT -5
Relationship wise my advice would be to take a ride with your guy, go to somewhere quiet and private and tell him what you have told us. GF & I spent many hours baring our souls to each other when we first began to get serious sitting on the front porch in the dark. We told each other everything, painful gut wrenching things that we had never told anyone. He likes things clean, I'm a messie. He overlooks my tendencies, he inspires me. If you truly care for each other, tell him.
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 24, 2020 10:23:52 GMT -5
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