nomore
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 5
|
Post by nomore on Dec 29, 2008 12:57:39 GMT -5
Well, what can I say.....if you are or were like me, you know what it's like to live in squalor, the shame, the sense of paralysis. It's something that slowly sneaks up on you until you feel so overwhelmed that you don't know how to change things.
Well...I could go into the details of the past, and how past efforts to change have failed, but I dont think that will get me anywhere. Let me just say that I have gotten fed up with living like this and refuse to live like this any longer. If someone would see my house at the moment, they would be shocked at how bad it is. But in the last few weeks, I have thrown away probably 20 bags of garbage, and continue working daily. Someone who saw it now, wouldn't see the progress, but I can, and I am encouraged by it enough that I will continue to work dilligently at every day.
For my fellow members I will say this. Things didn't get so bad overnight, and they certainly will not change overnight. But just by making a commitment to put some time in every day, you will see results, slowly but surely, and that should be enough encouragement to keep you going.
I know the feeling of being overwhelmed. The where do I possibly start, it's hopeless feeling. Just start somewhere . It doesn't matter where, and as you continue on, and begin to see order coming out of the chaos, your motivation will improve. That's where I'm at. I chose the name NoMore, because I refuse to allow clutter and squalor to ruin my life anymore. I know I have a very long way to go, but as the old chinese saying goes a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I threw more 2 bags of junk out today, and have 2 more filled. I will continue on day by day until I have the clean, ordered living space I wish to live in. Bit by bit, bag by bag, day by day. I will get there, because I wont accept anything less. We all deserve order and comfort in our lives, let's encourage each other and get thre together!
|
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on Dec 29, 2008 13:04:25 GMT -5
Welcome to the board! What a great message you bring with you. Thank you!
|
|
|
Post by mallery on Dec 29, 2008 13:15:05 GMT -5
Welcome, it sounds like you are very committed and making progress!!
|
|
nomore
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 5
|
Post by nomore on Dec 29, 2008 13:25:20 GMT -5
Thank you blackswan! I was really excited to find this community. I think many of us feel such shame and feel we are the only ones. I first went to SqualorSurvivors.com, and found the board here. I know like many of us, I have a lot of internal work to do as well as eternal. I think the links on SqalorSurvivor about working on yourself are very helpful. We can feel down about our living conditions, or maybe were feeling down and let our places go, and it is such a self reinforcing downward spiral.
Knowing that we deserve to come home to a place that is ordered and comfortable and that we dont have to be ashamed of is a good starting point. I, myself am a Christian, but whatever your personal beliefs may be, there is only one you, that unique combination of everything that makes you is truly your own, the world likes to tell us who is and who is not valuable, but the truth is we all are, and we need to believe that as an important first step in our recovery. Maybe part of our hoarding comes from not understanding something Jesus said, "A man's life does not consisit of his posessions." We are NOT what we own, We are who we are, and there will never be another like us. Posessions are nice, and can be used to enjoy and enhance life, but I know sometimes I have been guilty of holding on to things thinking somehow they enriched my life when actually they just were part of the things cluttering my living space. Posessions as I said, are useful things, but they are just that tools to be used not things to hoarde thinking they will somehow enhance or add something to us, no you are your greatest posession. I lost my mother two months ago. But one pearl of widom she taught us was, "If it can be replaced by money, it has no real value." You and the people you love, those are your real treasures in this world, the rest are just tools.
|
|
|
Post by lulu1949 on Dec 29, 2008 13:43:50 GMT -5
Welcome!
So sad you lost your Mother. It sounds like she was a very wise woman. You were Blessed to be her child !!!
This might sound goofy, but I just assumed all hoarders/squalorees were female!!!! Now I know differently.
I haven't allowed anyone in my house for 4 years. I plan on changing this, one babystep at a time!
Hang in there, you can do it with the help and encouragement of all of us !
|
|
nomore
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 5
|
Post by nomore on Dec 29, 2008 13:52:39 GMT -5
Thank you for your kind words. I am an American who lives in Tokyo. After rushing home when my mother passed away, I couldn't afford to go home this holiday season. So it has been a bit rough for me, being alone and missing her. But I have spent the time trying to decluttering and clean. The Japanese have a wonderful tradtion. They clean their houses from top to bottom every Decemeber and start the New Year with a clean house. I'm afraid I wont get there by new years but I will start 2009 with a much cleaner house than I had in 2008.
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Dec 29, 2008 14:52:43 GMT -5
welcome, nomore, and thanks for all your wisdom. i love that you have been throwing out bags and bags of stuff. thanks for sharing that japanese tradition too! i have been working for a few weeks and will not make new years either, but you inspire me to let go of more things in my hoard. it's so nice to read posts by others and know we all want to open our homes again to life and to the people that matter!
tokyo sounds wonderful! japan is intriguing and the love of nature built into their culture shows in what they create in their environments.
this is a great community, the best thing that has ever happened to me. you will love this community and what it has to offer. you are so right, the inner work is connected to the outer work, and the inner work seems to be about believing we are treasures and we are worth life and letting people into that life.
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Dec 29, 2008 15:17:12 GMT -5
Welcome, NoMore !
The sentiment behind your name is a good one. You have drawn the line in the sand and will not be denied what you want.
Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother.
I'm glad you are here.
messymimi
|
|
|
Post by skatters on Dec 29, 2008 19:20:07 GMT -5
Welcome Nomore! Wonderful, encouraging post.
I do hope you will stick around and kick me in the rear now and then!
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Dec 29, 2008 21:45:47 GMT -5
Welcome, NoMore. I'm so glad that you are moving forward to clear your home! When I first started this process, I had a mule headed attitude. I wasn't sure that I could "succeed", since I had failed so many times before. But I was determined not to stop. And no, it wasn't quick. But as you said, so long as you put some time towards making improvement, it does make a difference.
Great work in letting go of the shame, and of moving so much out of your home. Deepest condolences on the loss of your Mom.
|
|
|
Post by mallery on Dec 30, 2008 0:08:41 GMT -5
Know what's funny? After meeting NoMore here, I wouldn't be afraid to invite him in for coffee. We understand each other, this wonderful, wonderful group of people. That is not to say that we should be comfortable with squalor, but I do not feel judged here, in the least.
|
|
nomore
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 5
|
Post by nomore on Dec 30, 2008 0:23:02 GMT -5
Thank you for your warm welcome and condolences. This has been a really rough year. We almost lost my Father around the time we lost my Mom. He came down with pneumonia and it turns out he has leukemia. He is 89, and was unable to return to living on his own. And now his house is worth less than what he owes on it. It has fallen more than half since he bought it. But the important thing is, we still have him! It just reinforces that people are more important than posessions. And I know that I have cut myself off from others because of the clutter and mess in my house. I continue to work on changing that, and as one of you said, open my house those I care about. On a humourous note. I think we sometimes fall into believing the lie, "just in case". We save some of the most ridiculous things, "just in case" we need them. The space they take up is not worth the trouble. Buying a new one of some these "just in case" items would be far less expensive than the clutter and stress they cause us. I remember when we moved one time. We found about 20 bicycle chains in the garage that my father had saved "just in case". I guess if he ever wished to perform a houdini act and be chained from head to toe, he would have had all he needed . Or we save broken things, that we tell ourselves we are going to fix some day, but never get around to it. I am not saying that we should throw away *everything*. There may be some things that could be reasonably repaired and sold or used. Or some things that can be true "just in case" items, but I think there are far more of these things that we just need to toss and forget about, knowing that they no longer serve any useful purpose and need to be gotten rid of. Continue with the daily small steps, and keep your eye on the ultimate goal, and you will get there. Don't be paralyzed by the enormity of the job, instead begin and congratulate yourself on all progress you make, and tell yourself, tomorrow is going to be even better. And for some things tell yourself, for example, I dont need all these boxes, if I find a need one in the future, I will just get new clean ones, and pitch those old ones!
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 30, 2008 2:36:27 GMT -5
Welcom Ae NoMore! I too offer my condolences. You seem to be already making fine progress. I like that tradition. I will not make it but I like the sentiment behind it and will work torwards a cleaner house in the next year. Your comment on Just In Case reminds me of a blog I wrote regarding some of my hubby's hoarded just in case items. I found buried deep in the closet a box of DOOR KNOBS. Seriously. A box full of doorknobs. I was all set to toss them when my brother had to move and needed to do some repairing of the property. What did he need? Yep doorknobs! Dangit all if that wouldn't reinforce hubby's hoarding. But I still tossed several boxes of other odd itemes. Anyone need any coax cable. I just found a box full of that!
|
|
|
Post by heylady1 on Dec 30, 2008 15:58:31 GMT -5
Welcome Nomore! You have my deepest condolences on your mother's passing...very difficult for you I'm sure and I'm sorry too to hear that your father is ill... Your mother was a very wise woman: That is so very, very true! I am going to put a copy of that up on my fridge to remind me of that truth. Because sad to say, I hoard things. Especially for "just in case". The bad part is that it has on occasion worked to our advantage but I know that those cases have been the exception not the norm. ((sigh)) Changing our surroundings can be hard, but changing our thinking is harder still and something I'm still working on.
|
|
|
Post by Ican on Dec 31, 2008 17:16:02 GMT -5
NoMore, Hello and Welcome! Glad to have you here!
|
|