honeydew
New Member
Joined: March 2022
Posts: 7
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Post by honeydew on Mar 23, 2022 11:14:41 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I'm Annie, it's so nice to find an older-style forum community to be a part of.  I'm here because it's recently hit me that I grew up in a hoard. In hindsight, it's so obvious... but my house was never as bad as the un-enterable rooms I saw on Hoarders, so I thought my home growing up was just messy. I thought, when I went over to other people's houses, that they also shoved all of the clothes that normally sat on the dining table into unseen rooms and pretended that they were clean all the time. My mom told me nobody's house was actually clean, everyone was pretending. My mom has always wanted to get out of her hoard. She constantly would ask me for help growing up, and I would try... it would never work. One particular memory that will stick with me forever is when I tried to help her declutter. I decided we would start with shoes, so we gathered all of her shoes and put them in the living room. There were over 200 pairs. She couldn't bear to part with even one, citing emotional memories linked with each. Our decluttering day ended with her having a panic attack and calling me a bully. Today, I'm 24. She often calls me over to get something from my childhood, like "I found this sentimental item of yours, and you need to come get it or I'm going to donate it." I show up, and there's nothing of mine. It'll be a pile of hers or my sister's random junk and she'll pretend she thought it was mine, trying to give me the piles. I never take anything. I joined this forum because I'd love to learn how to keep a tidy house. Growing up, we never cleaned anything unless someone was coming over, and even then we just shoved things into other rooms. I'm pretty good at decluttering, and donate a sack of items once every few months. My issue is maintaining my space. When I'm done with items, I just drop them without thinking, like a toddler. I don't know how to get started and looking around at my place, I feel overwhelmed, and I can get so sad thinking about how this should be easy, my mom should have taught me how to clean, why can't I just DO it? It seems so easy for other people. When I look on YouTube or blogs for resources, it's all "lifehacks," like "organize your socks in this way!" But how do I learn to put things away instead of just down? What about the things I own that have no place, like my laptop and wallet and library books? Anyways, I'm ranting. Thank you for welcoming me here, I'm happy to feel less alone <3 |
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Post by goldenthreads on Mar 23, 2022 11:59:03 GMT -5
Welcome, honeydew /Annie! 1. You can make it easier to put things away by creating well-placed solutions. Examples are hooks for your keys, or hooks/pegs for coats rather than hangers. 2. Some putting away may never be automatic. What you can do is every day devote a period of time to looking around and putting things away. Don't tell yourself that five minutes is nothing. You can make quite a dent in any messes this way, and over time it will become easier and habitual. 3. Where do you use the laptop? Where do you read the books? Can you make a little place for each of those? Examples: end table near chair, section of desk. 4. Do you have a launch pad? If you have a space near the door (or somewhere), you can put your lunch, wallet, shopping bags, work stuff, and anything else you need right there so it's ready when you leave. Children and pets would influence where to locate this, of course. Good for you on not taking the things from your mom's house and having a habit of decluttering. You've already learned more than your mother taught you, and you'll get the hang of the other things you need to learn in time. |
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Post by sillycanuck on Mar 23, 2022 12:06:25 GMT -5
 Welcome to the site |
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honeydew
New Member
Joined: March 2022
Posts: 7
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Post by honeydew on Mar 23, 2022 13:53:00 GMT -5
Thank you, goldenthreads !! I could keep library books by my bed and the laptop in the living room, but wouldn't that look cluttered? Or are those minimalist spaces I always see online where everything is tucked neatly away actually unrealistic? You know... I have never thought to do this before! I have a space shelf in my closet with nothing on it, maybe this would be a good place to keep everything, then I can grab it after I get dressed and put it away as I'm changing into my comfy clothes after work  I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for the warm welcome! |
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Post by goldenthreads on Mar 23, 2022 14:28:17 GMT -5
I could keep library books by my bed and the laptop in the living room, but wouldn't that look cluttered? Or are those minimalist spaces I always see online where everything is tucked neatly away actually unrealistic? It's up to you. If you like everything neatly tucked away, then I think the answer is going to be furniture with drawers and/or doors. I put some library books on my bookcase, but the ones I read in bed--well, they're usually on the other side of the bed under the covers (I have a fluffy comforter, so they don't show). Sometimes they're on a lower shelf of the nightstand. Maybe you could tuck a couple under the pillow or in a slide-out box under the bed. Experiment. It's going to depend on your preferences, money, and space. Also, congratulations on immediately being able to think of an empty space on your closet shelf. Some of us are still aspiring to that! 
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Post by Nael_C on Mar 24, 2022 4:18:20 GMT -5
Hello there and welcome honeydew!What a beautiful username you have! I love it! You can make it, you are in the right place to find the resources, friendships, advice, motivation, knowledge and tips to do it. I too grew up in a hoarded house, my mother is a compulsive hoarder. We were constantly moving between levels, from 2 to 3 and sometimes 4 when things got out of hand, which was more often than not. So, I get you when you say you want to have a tidy house.You will have to learn new habits, build them slowly and steadily. We are all here for you to help you on your way and cheer you up when you succeed or hold your hand when you feel disappointed. For a start, here is a big warm hug for you.  |
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Post by joyinvirginia on Mar 24, 2022 9:58:16 GMT -5
Welcome honeydew! You may want to start a blog about your particular challenges, or join in on a listzilla thread that is task focused. Whatever works for you.
I like professional organizer Peter Walsh. He has a phrase that he recommended people put on a card or post-it and put it where you can see it every day: DON'T PUT IT DOWN, PUT IT AWAY.
True confession: I still put things down on the desk and tidy those things every couple weeks. It's all about what works for you.
Over the years I have progressed from too much stuff all over the place, to most of the excess stuff and clutter being stuffed in one "trophy room". It will one day be a guest room, but for now has stuff from both my adult kids, and even some stuff from my deceased parents home. I was calling it a doom room, but I wanted a more positive term. I remember my grandmother had a room like this, and my dad called it her "trophy room". So I'm making it my "trophy room" because it's a more positive and fun name!
When you are deciding where to put things, think about what is most convenient for YOU. I leave things that I use all the time out and visible.
I have a small bookcase close to the front door, and library books stay on the top of that when not being read.
I have a panini maker and toaster that usually live on the kitchen counter, because I use them every day almost.
Used to have a small table right by the door, that dog leashes lived on. Recently round an attractive wooden bar with hooks that I hung there instead, the leashes hang neatly.
Dirty Laundry is in a mesh hamper until it's washed. Clean laundry stays in a plastic laundry basket until it's put away. (If that takes a few days, it's ok )
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Post by def6 on Mar 26, 2022 21:43:57 GMT -5
Hello honeydew I can so relate to wondering why I'm not organized or efficient. Why me? It would be so much better and easier to do things right the first time. I guess, I'll never know why. The good news is we can all work on improving and form new habits. |
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Post by peaceandfreedom on Mar 27, 2022 9:49:30 GMT -5
Welcome, honeydew . Glad you found us. Just yesterday I wrote on my own blog about my lack of skills for housekeeping because I had no one to teach me “how” when I was young. I have learned so much here, and still have so much more to learn. But a couple of days ago I scrubbed the bathroom floor the old-fashioned way, on my hands and knees. Now it just gleams, and I want to thoroughly clean the rest of that room now. We have a saying here, “Motivation follows action” and I just experienced it. So.just.start. Somewhere. And then keep going from there. And like someone said above, even 5 minutes can make a difference! |
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honeydew
New Member
Joined: March 2022
Posts: 7
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Post by honeydew on Mar 27, 2022 11:13:22 GMT -5
And like someone said above, even 5 minutes can make a difference! I love this! Thank you so much 
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honeydew
New Member
Joined: March 2022
Posts: 7
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Post by honeydew on Mar 27, 2022 11:15:49 GMT -5
put on a card or post-it and put it where you can see it every day: DON'T PUT IT DOWN, PUT IT AWAY. I've tried this method, unfortunately my ADHD makes me totally block out things I see everyday... this carries over to messes. I usually don't notice something is messy until it's pointed out to me or I take a specific action to analyze my area. I love all your other little tips about where you keep items! It's quite inspiring 
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