scarlett
New Member
Joined: April 2022
Posts: 6
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Post by scarlett on Apr 11, 2022 2:21:10 GMT -5
I'm new here. I recently started seeing a therapist (for the first time) for my anxiety/panic attacks and last week I kinda delved deep into my home life growing up. I have come to realize I was pretty much raised in squalor (that occasionally would kind of improve-- and then immediately fall back into to disgusting chaos). My therapist told me that what I had to deal with was really rough and likely contributed to a lot of the issues I have now (most of which I call being "bad at adulting"). His reaction really struck me. I don't know why it took HIS reaction to this to make me realize how bad it was. I've had people very close to me try to tell me this before, but I basically brushed it off. I thought, so my family is messy, some families are just like that. Now I really see that things like rotting food in the fridge, giant roaches everywhere, clutter on every surface, mushrooms growing on the bathroom floor, the house falling into disrepair, not being allowed to have friends over most of the time, or my mom freaking out whenever the doorbell rang-- are not at all normal or a healthy way to grow up. My parents are still in the house we moved into back in the mid-ninetees when I was in middle school and have completely run it down. I haven't been in there in years; it's so gross it's hard to breathe. They used to tell my sisters and I that we were the reason our house was a total mess and when we moved out someday, they'd finally have it clean all the time. I always knew this was a lie because they never cleaned-- just made me and my two sisters do it all as our weekly chores... with no guidance or proper tools. I remember having to attempt to vacuum and wash dishes the second I was tall enough to with practically no instruction, which would've been okay in a normal home, but in our house, things got really bad, and fast. It was overwhelming and completely unmanageable for three young girls to deal with all on our own. My dad was (and still is) the primary source of the squalor, but my mom does have a bit of a pack rat tendency. She mostly collects house plants and rocks and trinkets, but to the point where simply dusting becomes an enormous undertaking-- every surface is just completely packed to capacity. It took me years of being away from them (and living with my fairly tidy husband) to break some of the bad habits they instilled in me. To this day I still let the bedroom get pretty messy, which really bothers me-- but never with gross things-- just laundry and stuff, so I guess that's excusable (somewhat). The rest of the house we keep nice enough to not freak out if someone drops in (but I still do anyway-- thanks for that Mom)! I hope that my continued work with my therapist and maybe getting some more insight into this situation and it's consequences will help me work through some of my issues. That's why I'm here. Sorry for the length of this. It feels good stating it in a way for once that truly acknowledges the weight of it. I now realize that a lot of my faults aren't all my fault and that makes me feel a lot less down on myself  |
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Post by Ally on Apr 11, 2022 10:54:18 GMT -5
Welcome Scarlett,
I grew up with parents with pack-rat tendencies that only got worse as they got older.
I have acquired the same pack-rat tendencies.
Over time, without some type of program, intervention, or therapy, it will tend to just get worse and worse.
I'm glad that you are exploring this with a therapist.
Spend some time exploring the site, and join in which ever way seems most helpful!
Ally
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Post by sillycanuck on Apr 11, 2022 17:47:05 GMT -5
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Post by sillycanuck on Apr 11, 2022 17:47:48 GMT -5
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Post by joyinvirginia on Apr 12, 2022 6:30:15 GMT -5
Welcome Scarlett! Share any particular challenges about cleaning organization, etc. and you will get some suggestions that might help.
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scarlett
New Member
Joined: April 2022
Posts: 6
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Post by scarlett on Apr 12, 2022 23:31:47 GMT -5
Thanks you guys 😊 Generally, my main issue in the house is I have a hard time letting go of clothes. I am the same size I was in high school, so it's been 20 years of gradually accumulating hand-me-downs and clearance clothes) 😬 We live in a small house with not much storage capacity in our closets and dressers, so it's a big part of the problem. Also, my art room/spare room is a bit chaotic at times due to the amount of supplies/projects I have going on at once (and being a horrible procrastinator with said projects). I also lost a lot of physicality recovering from several biopsies and surgeries I had recently and it makes me even more unmotivated to fix these issues right now. Weirdly, though-- just writing all this out to complete strangers-- makes me want to start making some lists and goals and whatnot! Definitely a step in the right direction. Haven't felt that inkling in quite a while 😁 Thanks for that. Let me know any ideas y'all might have and/or if there are any particular threads on here you'd recommend I read through.
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Post by Nael_C on Apr 13, 2022 6:27:11 GMT -5
Hello scarlett and welcome to the forum! It's such a positive thing that your realizations brought you to a place like this, where you are going to find resources, priceless advice and help on your way to whatever your goals may be now or later. My advice is to not start with big lists, and take it slowly but steadily. Speaking for myself, I do enjoy the instant gratification though, and bathroom is the room to go when you need some of the feeling. My journey started with shining the sink and defending it. And adding from there.  |
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scarlett
New Member
Joined: April 2022
Posts: 6
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Post by scarlett on Apr 13, 2022 11:36:52 GMT -5
@nael_C I love that! Think I'll clean the sink today and see where it goes from there 😊
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Post by def6 on Apr 13, 2022 16:53:26 GMT -5
Hello scarlett and Welcome Congrats for getting a therapist...I think everyone should have one. Best of Luck on your journey to better adulthood -It's what we all need. I too have adulting issues: I put my drinking glass down on the table (for instance) and 1 month later decided to take it back into the kitchen where it belonged...let it sit a little longer in there until I finally washed it. But at this point it had mold growing on the surface of the liquid that was still in there. So I had to really wash it , pour boiling water over and bleach it. Not to mention I didn't use a coaster when I put it down on the table so now there is a ring on the finish of a perfectly good table.  That's just one of many!  |
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