Re-Introducing myself for about the fourth time? Jan 28, 2023 15:24:35 GMT -5 cando, ClimbingPyramids, and 6 more like this Quote Select PostDeselect PostLink to PostBack to Top Post by cellybird on Jan 28, 2023 15:24:35 GMT -5 Hi again! I have been coming back to this board every so often since I joined in 2012, and it has helped me immensely with the, in hindsight, very minor issues I struggled with. I say that because what stands before me now is a challenge I really can't even fully get my head around.So my original story was that I was a young adult who lived with my parents in an inherited house full of my grandma's stuff. Cats, smoking, poverty, and general daily life had left the house in terrible condition. I was working on stuff like cleaning up the basement, cat urine, and decluttering someone else's life. Since my last post in 2019, some of that is still true. But the overall situation is much more daunting and emotionally painful.So my beloved father developed lung cancer over the summer of 2021, only being diagnosed in November, with stage 4 cancer, with metastases pretty much everywhere, including his brain. He went very fast, and was gone in January 2022. It hit me like a hurricane. I still haven't STARTED going through his stuff. And he had a LOT of stuff. But I spent most of 2022 trying to get some things done for the house. I bought a powerful new vacuum, a dehumidifier, an AC for downstairs, cleaning supplies. But his death weighed on me, and my mother was deteriorating as well. Most of my time was spent looking after her, and what little energy I had left was devoted to the cats and drawing. I got in a terrible depressive funk, complete and utter burn-out. Then my mother died on December 24, 2022. It came out of nowhere. She had been hospitalized for various treatable ailments, and the day after she was discharged, I woke up to find she had passed in her sleep. She died in my house. She died in her bedroom. In her bed. I haven't started going through her stuff, because every time I'm in there for too long I have a panic attack. I went into one of her drawers to get some tylenol and I realized, she's never going to open this drawer again, and I RAN. So the day after she passed, my aunt who lives across the country and is 1/3 owner... oh god I guess I mean 1/2 owner now, of the property on which I live, called me and said she thinks it makes sense to sell the house. I said YEP LET'S GO. I don't want to continue living here. This house has nothing but bad energy. I used to say, "This house is where dreams go to die", and that hasn't changed. It's worse now. But moving means going through everything, going through not one, not two, not three, but FOUR lifetimes worth of stuff. My grandma's, my dad's, my mother's, and mine. I set myself a goal that I would have at least one bag of donations and one bag of garbage out of this house every week, but how long will that take me?My aunt said she thinks now is the time to sell, and I'm like yep so true. Yeah right! I feel like it will take me years to go through everything. Now I think the company she's thinking of WILL allow you to sell as-is, as in with belongings still in the house. But I can't not go through everything. Once my mother and I found several thousand dollars hidden on the back porch. There might be money somewhere else. And even if there's not, I still can't just run away without going through my dad's books and my mother's books and both of their clothes and everything else. So, basically panic, grief, chronic physical pain, depression, and did I mention I feel like an abandoned 10 year old orphan, all lead to paralysis and inaction. I guess I laugh at my past self, thinking she had problems. I mean I know she did, but at least she could fall back on the support and love of her parents. Anyway, it's "good" to be back, ?