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Post by overwhelmedandtrying on Mar 20, 2023 2:58:38 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I came upon this site and read through it and decided to reach out too.
I have lived in a cute little house for 4 years, my SO of 5 years owns it and I rent it from him. I was proud of my little house and kept it clean and nice until 2 years ago when I had a bad fall and broke my leg. The recovery led to bad habits- add in depression and anxiety and I admit - I have a drinking problem (working on that as well) plus 2 cats, and I now have a huge overwhelming mess. So many days I would tell myself I’ve got to get it cleaned up. Eventually something is going to happen to require my SO to need to come inside and he would break up with me and evict me if he saw this place. You would think that would be enough to get me going but it only made my anxiety worse.
I started off at least if nothing else, fill up a bag of trash. Doing a little is better than doing nothing, just do something. The way I wanted to crawl in a hole of embarrassment when he finally told me my clothes and hair smell. The trouble I was going through to make sure I didn’t smell when I saw him was probably as much effort to just clean up the mess but it just seemed too big of a job. I would sit in my room trying to force myself to get up and clean but I just could not do it.
Two weeks ago, after drinking, I slept for several hours. He called me several times and texted and when I didn’t answer, he came over to see if I was okay. I woke up to a truck pulling out of my driveway so I checked his location and sure enough it was him. I text him back and he called me, obviously angry and did not want to see me that night. I just figured it was due to the late time and he was mad because he knew why I had been asleep for so long.
The next night he asked to have a calm discussion. I assumed it was about the drinking but he told me I did not lock my door, and when he opened it to lock it for me he was sick, devastated, pissed off, and disappointed. He could not see me the night before because there would have been no way he could talk calmly to me. We had a very open and honest talk, and I promised to get to work. That I have already started slowly but now that he knows, and still loves me, that’s a whole load of anxiety and stress I no longer have which has helped.
The past two weekends I have made some progress and taken pictures to show him the improvements and that I am really doing the work. He and my adult daughters have been very encouraging but I still have a long way to go.
I’m wondering if it would be helpful to make a list of big and small jobs I can do, to help me keep track of my goals and my progress and help feel accomplished. I will say that getting up and doing the work does give me energy to keep going, it’s just hard finding that first bit.
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Post by sillycanuck on Mar 20, 2023 9:17:55 GMT -5
Great to see you have a supportive IRL....add this group as a cheering squad as well !
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Post by outfromundah on Mar 20, 2023 10:10:16 GMT -5
WELCOME!I’m wondering if it would be helpful to make a list of big and small jobs I can do, to help me keep track of my goals and my progress and help feel accomplished. I will say that getting up and doing the work does give me energy to keep going, it’s just hard finding that first bit.
If you feel drawn toward making a to-do list, then why not try it. It can be very satisfying and encouraging to check off the items you've done. We call those ta-da's!
Personally, I can sometimes feel overwhelmed if my to-do list is very long, so shorter lists work better for me. I do benefit from seeing - in writing - what needs to be done.
Check out the Working in Threes thread. You can post three things you want to get done and then come back and post what you did, or how it went. Taking small steps can really do wonders!
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Post by ohblondie on Mar 20, 2023 11:34:15 GMT -5
there are many ways to get this done - the best way is to find a way that works for YOU!!
Props to SO for waiting til the next day and discussing this in a calm manner. Yelling gets you nowhere.
I usually post in the weekday workalong thread. Sometimes I post the items I really need to get done that day/night (I am still working FT). Sometimes I post what I was able to accomplish the day before or over the weekend.
I can attest to a couple of things.
Motivation follows action. Once I get rocking and rolling - I find it is easier to keep going. When I get 5 boxes out - all of a sudden I want to get 10 boxes out.
Pick one thing helps too! Sometimes I just go through and pick up all the garbage I can and get it out. Or all of the mail or all of the dishes.
the best is to Defend! Once I clean out an area I work hard as heck to defend that area and keep it clean and organized.
Welcome aboard - we are all here to help!
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