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Post by dizzyupthegirl on Apr 29, 2024 18:13:06 GMT -5
Hi all!
Today I started cleaning my bedroom for the first time in years. The trash was piled shoulder high in one corner of my room and waist high on the other end. Today I tackled my waist high side, I’ve reached ground level but am very far from even being done with 25% of my room.
I’m currently laying in a small corner of my bed feeling disgusted and humiliated with myself. What kind of 25 year old woman lives like this? I’d say I don’t know how I let it get this bad but I do.
I went through an awful break up around my 21st birthday, and then proceeded to have a miscarriage soon after finding out I was pregnant. I hid all of this from my family, which wasn’t easy considering I still live with my parents. All of those events lead me to feeling so alone and triggered all of my left over feelings of grief that I never got help for.
I was 19 when I lost my sister to a fentanyl overdose and then lost my grandmother a few weeks later, my sister was like a mom to me. My actual mom and I don’t really have a relationship despite the fact that we live in the same house. All of this lead me to binge eating and hiding the evidence in my room. I let it pile up, years and years worth of garbage.
I’m struggling to see the light in all of this. I’m feeling so defeated by the fact that I know it’s going to take me at least a month to clean my tiny bedroom. It used to take me an hour at most to clean my room, I hate what I’ve done.
I keep trying to motivate myself by telling myself that once I’m done I get to redecorate. But even then I feel ashamed of the entire house. My whole family lives in squalor, not to my degree but still something to be ashamed over.
How do I keep going when I feel like I barely have a thing to keep me going.
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Post by goldenthreads on Apr 30, 2024 0:22:50 GMT -5
I'm so sorry about the tremendous difficulties you've endured. That's a lot. There's a well known association of trauma and the kind of accumulation you've described. Please don't feel ashamed about your room. You are not alone in this. Instead of looking at the big picture of your room, I'd suggest you focus on a very small area at a time. Today you got a significant amount of trash out by working on one small area. You can do that again. Personally, I'd start working on that other area of trash next, because stuff you know to be garbage is really disheartening. You don't have to aim for a specific amount every day unless you find that motivating. The main thing is to persist with the faith that continual efforts in decluttering will eventually be visible, even if it's hard to imagine now. Mathematically, as long as you keep removing more volume than you add, that's inevitable. It might be motivating and encouraging to give yourself interim rewards along the way, rather than waiting for the finish line. For example, you got down to the floor in that corner. Can you dust/wipe down the wall in that little area, vacuum or sweep the floor there, and then place a favorite object there? Or just leave it bare--whichever makes you feel better. You can look at that area and appreciate what you've done. We have a community here who support one another in our challenges, on bad days and better ones, and I'm sure others will chime in with ideas on how to make progress, how to persist, and especially how to be kind to yourself when you're discouraged .
![](http://storage.proboards.com/1879832/images/lFTBctQFfqWMCTeNaWal.gif)
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Post by ohblondie on Apr 30, 2024 10:15:53 GMT -5
Golden threads is a wise woman with good suggestions.
Small but consistent bites!
Sometimes I will run one piece of trash to the trash can just for the feeling of accomplishment
It will look worse before it gets better and progress might feel slow but all of a sudden it will catch up and look so much better!
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Post by Nael_C on Apr 30, 2024 16:45:03 GMT -5
Hello and welcome dizzyupthegirl! I'm sorry for all the difficulties you had to face and glad that are now in a place of digging out of the previous situation. I find that small rewards along the way help me. Like, today I only finished the front veranda, but I still treated myself as if I had finished more. If you have a side table beside your bed, maybe declutter this and decorate it for a start, as your reward. I have found that such small areas of tidiness and order encourage and motivate. Soon other areas start to become part of the tidy-beautiful, and your mood lightens up and you feel better. Good luck and keep us updated or ask if you need a cheer up or some talk. You can also make your own blog to document your progress. ![](http://storage.proboards.com/1879832/images/TXPFwkXtwLYjtjIEtzLg.gif)
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Post by def6 on May 1, 2024 12:06:14 GMT -5
Hello dizzyupthegirl Congrats on getting started, sometimes that is the hardest part. ![::elephant-dancing::](//storage.proboards.com/1879832/images/iaSieRHkVx0xPreeNjjU.gif)
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