slobovian
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 77
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Post by slobovian on Jun 19, 2008 16:38:06 GMT -5
Well, I decided to bite the bullet and hire a company to clean/detrash my apartment. It wasn't a regular maid service. It was actually a company that also does crime scene clean up. I figured if they could handle that, they could handle anything, but it was really, really expensive. However, I've been so depressed and overwhelmed and making no progress that I knew that was the only way I could get it done. I was hoping that it would be good enough that my apartment would let me stay, but I was wrong. I still have to move out. So now I've spent all my savings and have to find another place to live immediately. Fortunately they are letting me out of my lease, but they will still charge me for having to replace the carpet and baseboards because of cat urine.
I spilled my guts to my brother and he was very understanding. I asked him to take care of my cats for a while, because finding a place to live on short notice with pets is twice as hard.
For the time being, I'm probably going to move my furniture into storage and either find someone who's looking for a roommate, or live in an extended stay motel. At this point, I think I need to start over and simplify.
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Post by mouse on Jun 19, 2008 17:43:56 GMT -5
Hey there,  ('Cause it sounds like you need one) Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'm surprised that your landlords won't let you stay after you hired a professional crew to come in and deal with the place, though. Did they tell you why they wanted you out? Anyway, it's good that you found someone to take care of your cats, and if you need a break to get yourself sorted out, then you should by all means take it. Also, this doesn't mean that your best "isn't good enough." It means that you are being given an opportunity to re-evaluate what's important to you, and maybe figure out the way you really want to live your life.  Have another , just because. ~Mouse |
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Post by messysue on Jun 19, 2008 18:19:23 GMT -5
So sorry to hear that they are making you move.  |
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Post by glowworm on Jun 19, 2008 20:05:08 GMT -5
Here's another one from me. Hang in there. |
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Post by metamorpha on Jun 19, 2008 23:39:52 GMT -5
I'm very surprised they wouldn't let you stay. It must have been embarrassing having to call your brother, but I'm glad he's taking your cats for you for awhile. Good luck.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jun 20, 2008 9:36:29 GMT -5
- It seems you aren't technically being evicted via a legal process. Instead, your landlady is requesting that you leave and "letting you out of the lease". It seems to have the same effect on you as being evicted, but at least you don't have to deal with courts and sheriffs. But I know how scary this must feel. I've faced eviction threats in the past, and worried about my pets. So, first off, I send you more hugs  Second of all, you did what you could. You were very brave to hire the professionals to clear out your home. You have great COURAGE to have made the commitment and got that done! This is huge! So, you didn't do it perfectly. You didn't have enough time or money to replace/clean the carpeting and wood. But, you still did a HUGE thing.  --- Now, let's look at the future: I like to look at words and rhymes ... so I will do that here ... Now I want to look at your name "slobovian". Well, you've hired the cleanup company to extract the "slob factor" from your home. But, due to the cat damage, the landlord is saying you have no home now. So when you remove the "slob" from "slobovian", what is left? Well, you could have varying words that end in "ovian". - Pavlovian
You could have a "Pavlovian" conditional response (as in "Pavlov's dog") ... (when the dog heard the bell or chime, the dog salivated -- anticipating dinner).
In your situation that could be anybody's first emotional response: to have heart palpitations and a queasy stomach -- anticipating terror and homelessness, because you have no savings, no place to live, and don't know where you'll be moving to; and tears -- anticipating being parted from your beloved cats.
You also might be having the conditioned anxiety that wherever you move, you'll become messy again. These conditioned responses (reactive feelings) are normal, but ... do you really need to buy into them?
- Markovian
(note: I just found this word in rhyming dictionary this morning, had never heard it before. Apologies if I misunderstood the definition).
Markovian:
There is something in probablity theory called a "stochastic process". A mathematician named Andrey Markov studied about this -- and it's therefore called a Markov chain or Markovian process.
From wikipedia: "a mathematical model for the random evolution of a memoryless system. Often the property of being 'memoryless' is expressed such that conditional on the present state of the system, its future and past are independent."
"The Markov property states that at any times s > t > 0, the conditional probability distribution of the process at time s given the whole history of the process up to and including time t, depends only on the state of the process at time t. In effect, the state of the process at time s is conditionally independent of the history of the process before time t, given the state of the process at time t."
When I apply this as a metaphor for your situation, I would say that this is significant. Your Future is not dependent on your Past. You may have memories of the past, but they don't have to condition your future. Your have endless possibilities in your future, and none are predetermined. Lots of random variables in the future. And lots of conscious choices you could make. You are "conditionally independent" (independent of the conditions") of your history.
- Jovian
Jovian: relating to the planet Jupiter, or having the qualities of the god Jupiter (Jove).
In Roman mythology, Jove (Jupiter) is the Ruler of the Universe. His symbol is the thunderbolt. God of the state who distributes laws, controls the realm and makes his will known. He oversees and protects his cities. He is bright and shining.
The adjective "jovial" comes from the characteristics of Jove. Jovial means hearty, robustly cheery, zesty, good-humored, joyful, jolly and vibrant with vitality and optimism.
So, you could become Jovian. With hearty jolly-ness and good humor, you could become the bright wise ruler of your own Universe (your life) and overseer of your own city (your new home).
So ... When you remove the "slob" from your name, which of the above three "ovian" words will you choose? - Pavlovian response -- automatic/conditioned reaction?
- Markovian process -- understanding that your past doesn't control your future, and therefore being open to the many possibilities of the future?
- Jovian attitude -- Joyfully taking charge of your life?
I know this must seem all very easy for me -- to be typing interesting rhyming words from the comfort of my home. But I've been where you are, and I do understand. Your statement "I think I need to start over and simplify" -- that's very brave and wise. You have a good attitude and you will go far in life. We believe in you and will be here supporting you ! Sending love  and good thoughts  Lioness - |
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slobovian
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 77
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Post by slobovian on Jun 20, 2008 10:42:03 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone for your support.
I'm trying to hang in there, and I'm trying to get some help from a non-profit agency for some counseling. Gotta love our wonderful healthcare system here in the US, that doesn't require that health insurance policies cover mental health. I can, and do, get all the meds I need, but therapy, even short term, I have to pay for out of pocket. So do I spend my time trying to find a new place to live (which ain't easy when your broke), or finding some low cost or free counseling? It's like you can get help if you're suicidal (which I'm not, YET) but there's not much out there for the uninsured. I never really considered myself part of the "working poor", but with my my medical expenses and underinsurance, I guess I am.
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rhall
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Post by rhall on Jun 20, 2008 11:24:20 GMT -5
Slobovian, you're very brave to do what you're doing. Is there any way you can live with your brother for a while? Support is so important for major transitions. Even a week or two would be a good thing.
Having said that, maybe you need to think of a rooming situation instead of isolating yourself in an apartment by yourself? I've found it much easier to maintain when I have people around.
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slobovian
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 77
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Post by slobovian on Jun 20, 2008 11:48:58 GMT -5
Slobovian, you're very brave to do what you're doing. Is there any way you can live with your brother for a while? Support is so important for major transitions. Even a week or two would be a good thing. Having said that, maybe you need to think of a rooming situation instead of isolating yourself in an apartment by yourself? I've found it much easier to maintain when I have people around. Unfortunately, my brother lives in another city. I've been on vacation this week (I took off just to clean!) but I'm feeling like such a loser that right now I'm scared that when I return to work on Monday that they'll fire me. I know (I hope!) it's just me and my depressed brain. Anyway, assuming I'm still employed, I will stay in this city and try to find someone who's looking for a roommate. With gas prices and the rotten economy, lots of people are looking for roomates to share expenses. Without the cats, I shouldn't have too much of a problem finding someplace to rest my weary head. I meet with someone on Monday. If my worst nightmares come true and I'm suddenly unemployed (and you know, when it rains, IT POURS) then I will move back to my home town, where my brother and most of my friends live. It's probably not a bad idea anyway. If I have to move out, I'm going to move to a month to month situation so that I CAN move and be closer to my bro. I would want to find a job back home first. I've weathered periods of unemployment before, but it would be really hard to do right now. |
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Post by shabbychic on Jun 20, 2008 13:35:40 GMT -5
hmm... could it be they wanted you to move for some unrelated reason, and used the mess as an excuse? Now your landlord (landlady?) will have to pay to replace the carpet and baseboards, whereas if you had stayed they wouldn't. It would have made sense to let you stay, if the mess was really the problem. (I think that is how I got away with paying rent late when I was unemployed/underemployed. The landlord would have had to spend big bucks to get the place ready for another tenant so it made financial sense for him to wait for the rent.) So maybe it's not that your best wasn't good enough, maybe it had nothing to do with you. Still it sucks, but it frees you up for other maybe better options.
And I agree with CLSS, Slob doesn't belong in your name.
Shabby Chic
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slobovian
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 77
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Post by slobovian on Jun 20, 2008 15:52:32 GMT -5
hmm... could it be they wanted you to move for some unrelated reason, and used the mess as an excuse? Now your landlord (landlady?) will have to pay to replace the carpet and baseboards, whereas if you had stayed they wouldn't. It would have made sense to let you stay, if the mess was really the problem. (I think that is how I got away with paying rent late when I was unemployed/underemployed. The landlord would have had to spend big bucks to get the place ready for another tenant so it made financial sense for him to wait for the rent.) So maybe it's not that your best wasn't good enough, maybe it had nothing to do with you. Still it sucks, but it frees you up for other maybe better options. And I agree with CLSS, Slob doesn't belong in your name. Shabby Chic I wonder if something else is up too. There's just something about the whole thing that seems weird. I mean right now the apartment smells like cat pee. I admit it. But cleaning the carpet hasn't even been attempted yet. You would think it was caked with human feces and used needles. It's not. It's cat pee, and I've been living there and paying my rent on time for 2 1/2 years - close to $20K. Now, I realize that some people are really sensitive to pet urine smells, and I realize that my nose is probably desensitized, but still, shouldn't I be able to pay for someone to clean the carpet? You now, make the attempt? And in case anyone was wondering, when I say that I paid a lot to have the "crime scene" people clean for me, it cost $2K. That's right TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS - wiped out my savings. It took three people 2 full days and they hauled all the trash away. It was bad - full blown level 4. But as they said, "it's pretty bad, but we've seen much worse". I have a friend who's been a real estate broker and apartment locater for over 20 years. He said no matter what they've said, that I should wait for them to put it in writing. So I'm not going anywhere yet, because I'm paid through the end of the month, and I have no more money until my next paycheck. I'm talking tuna fish and peanut butter sandwiches until Friday. I'm going to go ahead and pay the carpet guy $100 to clean the carpet because at least that way I know that I've given it my best shot. I'll still be looking for another place to live, but without written notice to vacate AND written notice that I'm released from my lease, I'm not going anywhere because they could say that I "abandoned" the apartment. Anyone ever seen that movie "Scanners", where the guy's head explodes? I kinda feel like that. Right now, I just want to go home and spend my last night with my kitties (for now) and go back to work on Monday. Thanks everyone |
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Post by syzygy on Jun 20, 2008 16:04:38 GMT -5
Congrats on being strong enough to call the cleaners and hire them! That's a huge deal.
I think it's a good idea to get things in writing from your landlady.
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Post by heylady1 on Jun 21, 2008 7:47:33 GMT -5
Would it help if you went to your landlord and had a talk with them? Let them know that you've had problems with depression, and that you are removing the cats from the apartment. Let them know that you are willing to clean the carpeting and replace the baseboards too...I'm not sure why they would let you go if you fixed anything you damaged, especially since you've been a good tenant money wise. I'm sure you haven't caused any problems for them either like them having to call the cops on you etc...point all this out to them, and repeat the problems you've had with depression, etc...... A big cyber to you and I hope everything works out for you!! |
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Post by Moodle on Jun 21, 2008 10:21:27 GMT -5
Great job, and very brave, hiring the cleaning company! Personally, I would not waste my $100 on carpet cleaning. The carpet needs to be removed. Cat urine will not come out. If I recall correctly from our old site, you live in Austin. Austin's housing market it tight and it does not surprise me that they want you out of the apt. Honeslty, I think I would start looking for a job in my home town where I had a stronger support network. What is keeping you where you are now? Wishing you well, slobovian....can we start calling you vivian now???  Big hug to you. |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jun 21, 2008 11:37:15 GMT -5
Wishing you well, slobovian....can we start calling you vivian now??? Ooh, ooh, great idea! The name Vivian means "alive"  |
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