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Post by Moodle on Jun 21, 2008 9:59:12 GMT -5
lulu, Bless your heart. I would do the following: -your husband is right; go to a hotel now. -turn this over to your husband and let him hire a cleaning service -call the social worker/boss nurse and tell them that you have taken their advice, are having a company come in to clean, and are moving in with your father in the meantime. Refuse to leave a forwarding address or number--you have no obligation to these people (CPS, yes; these people, no) -I would have to change docs -I would not allow a home health nurse back; I would insist on meeting them at their office. (No medical personnel can 'make' you do anything, like having a home health nurse, unless they have a judge's order.) -Expect CPS to show up at your house. When they can not get you, they may call the City regarding reports about your house. That's where your husband and the cleaning service will come in handy. You do not want your house to be condemned as a 'public nuisance', which is what has been happening of late. If your husband is there with the cleaning service, the City will probably leave you alone if there is no structural damage to your house. -With you no longer living there, CPS will try to find you, but they will find you in much better living conditions (whether at the hotel or at your father's). They may still monitor you for a while, but things will be much better with all of the squalor gone. I am soo sorry that this has happened to you. Please keep us posted.
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Post by cantankerouscluttr on Jun 21, 2008 10:47:14 GMT -5
Lulu, as I reread your post I noticed the fear you had that the situation would end up on the news. I hope that this tidbit is a bit of comfort, as long as you refuse permission to any news medium to come on your property, they cannot take images of any part of the inside of your house.
I can understand the fear, awhile back in my area a news crew did enter the house where the children were removed and took footage which was shown on the news. Know that should something like that happen, there are legal remedies I don't know how the local news managed it, but it is a right to privacy not to have pictures or filming taken inside a personal residence without permission. However, the media can stand outside on the street and take images of the outside of the residence, but are not permitted to use images or film that reveals the inside, even if the door is open.
I'm glad your husband is supportive and you have some money to help you with a solution.
It is hard to be in the position you find yourself in, but perhaps the outcome of what you're going through now will be worth it all. As I shared before, I was in a similar situation the last time I was pregnant, though CPS was not called, I had been threatened that they would be. Since that time I have moved and, though I still don't maintain as well as I would like. There is not the constant fear of losing my children. A big part of that change was after I found ss and learned some of the reasons about why my house got to the state it did. It could be a blessing in disguise, even though it doesn't seem like it at this point.
And you are trying to find a solution to the problem, that is a big step.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jun 21, 2008 13:03:41 GMT -5
Hi Lulu, You have gotten some terrific advice and your husband sounds like a great guy. What state are you in?
I know you are uncomfortable with what the nurse did, but she is legally obligated to report potentially hazardous conditions for both children and adults. She was reporting because of YOUR health as well as the health of your child and your unborn baby. Since she helped clean so much when she was there, I think you SHOULD have her come back! Maybe she will clean some more!
Please accept all the help you can get, and talk to your local social services to see if they have more resources they can call on to help you, resource mothers and similar programs.
Before you do anything else, get small plastic grocery bags or a trash bag and go around and bag up any animal waste and all diapers and get that out of the house. Make sure things smell good.
Take care of yourself. Gestational diabetes is NOT fun. I had it with both my girls. It did go away after I delivered, thankfully. Please keep us posted. Joy in virginia
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Post by crazycatlady on Jun 21, 2008 16:16:08 GMT -5
Welcome to Stepping out of Squalor, Lulu! You have found a great resource for help! And I'm very glad that you have joined us!
I agree with JoyinVirginia, that the nurse is a mandated reporter. The way you described the house and the kitchen, she was obligated to call CPS. The fact that she cleaned your sink and refridgerator first shows that she is commited to helping you regain a clean space, and your health.
It is not the healthiest to be eating microwave meals (high in salt) if you are having blood pressure problems. Get the cleaning company in as soon as possible. You can either stay in the home or leave while they are there cleaning. Then let the nurse back in. She will help you come up with a healthy eating plan that will work for you, your daughter, and your unborn child.
Although this has been a shocking and scary experience for you, I hope that in the long run it means that you will be able to get the help you need to maintain a home that is healthy for you and your family! It sounds like your husband is a keeper. And I'm so proud of you for giving up the puppy! That had to be hard.
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Post by MsHavisham on Jun 21, 2008 18:27:57 GMT -5
Lulu - first, a big hug I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think comingclean's suggestion was great. Tell them you and your child will be in a motel until the house can be cleaned. I don't know where you are located, but sometimes home health also provides housekeeping assistance. Two family members who were mobility-impaired got regular vists from a nurse and a housekeeping assistant. I wish I had more details on the program, but I was just a child at the time. Do you think your doc would be willing to certify that you have a medical need for the service? I am going to buck the trend here and not advise you to bolt to another practice. Talk to your doctor and see what help is available to you. You didn't mention if you also hoard, but if you do... you know that can be a form of OCD, right? If you were diagnosed with OCD, maybe you'd be eligible for additional help specific to cleaning and organization? If so, that could help with CPS. While it's true they don't care about your problems, they do care about how your problems are likely to impact your children, and if unhealthy conditions are likely to re-occur... "What steps is Lulu taking to see it doesn't? What kind of support is available to Lulu so she doesn't backslide?" etc. That said, I also think you should talk to someone about this nursing supervisor. Does she work for your doctor's practice or a home health agency? The disgusted glances, etc., were completely unprofessional! You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect no matter the state of your home - and by people involved in your medical care above all!
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Post by dragonchilde on Jun 21, 2008 22:53:45 GMT -5
Oh lulu. I'm so sorry. In the nurse's defense, she's probably a mandated reporter... she HAD to call CPS. If someone had called later, and they found out she had not, she could lose her job or worse. She perceived a potential danger, so she had no choice.
Oftentimes, people who don't understand what squalor is all about don't react with any sort of sympathy. i'm sure she felt that she was doing the right thing, and maybe, just maybe, she was... I know it sucks to be put in that position, but at least it gave you the motivation you needed to get past your shame and call for help. Try to look at the positive... in my experience, CPS doesn't usually take children unless they feel that the guardians are truly not going to change or unless there is imminent, serious danger... and I'm sorry, dirty sinks and fridges are gross, but not dangerous. Well, unless you've got a creepy mold monster in the back like I do.
Hang in there. I've got a three month old, and my pregnancy is the reason my house got as bad as it did. I had a healthy pregnancy, though, so I can't imagine how difficult it it for you. It's hard to work up the motivation when you've got a baby sapping your energy as it is. Hang in there. You'll get through this. You can be embarrassed if you want, but you know something? I guarantee you that cleaning company has probably seen worse!
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Post by reesa on Jun 22, 2008 2:28:52 GMT -5
lulu how are you doing?
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Post by MsHavisham on Jun 22, 2008 17:35:11 GMT -5
Lulu, I hope you aren't responding because you and your daughter are at a hotel, getting some rest, taking care of your health and getting some help with the house.
I'm bumping this so when you return to CyberLand, you will see we've kept you in our thoughts. We're here for you! Please let us know how you're doing as soon as you can.
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Post by onwardandupward on Jun 22, 2008 19:36:55 GMT -5
Lulu, I was out of town last week, so I am just catching up. I am very glad to hear that you have the support of your husband and the financial means to hire help. All of the advice I can think of has been covered already, but I want to add my support.
((((hugs)))
Onward
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lulu
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 5
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Post by lulu on Jun 22, 2008 23:21:18 GMT -5
Just leaving a quick update. Saturday a cleaning service came to the house and evaluted the situation and gave me a quote. The lady that came was very, very nice and I felt comfortable with her. So, she and her people will be here in the morning at 8am, Hooray!!!! So far I have not seen or heard from cps. Thank you all so much for all the support and suggestions. I'm just trying to take things one at a time. If not I become so overwhelmed with it all. It has been such a help to know you all are out there hoping for the best for me, Thanks!!!!!!!
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Post by metamorpha on Jun 22, 2008 23:26:26 GMT -5
(((lulu))) So glad you found someone to come in and help so soon! Good luck. Keep posting updates. We're all thinking of you!
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Post by threeg on Jun 22, 2008 23:47:00 GMT -5
Hi Lulu, I'm glad that things are working out ok at last. I haven't been on SOS too much this week, so I just read the whole thread. You have had a lot of support and good advice, and I know that everyone is sending good thoughts and prayers up for you every day. 3g is me
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Post by razy on Jun 23, 2008 3:05:25 GMT -5
Hi Lulu I am so glad that this is working out for you.
I agree with the others about having the nurse back, she obviously is someone that cares a great deal about the people in her care and I am sure she agonized over making the call to involve other people. You never know - one may you may see her as the angel that saved you.
It was so so brave of you to give up your puppy, but the best choice for all.
Aroha and Kia Kaha
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lulu
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 5
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Post by lulu on Jun 24, 2008 11:03:25 GMT -5
MY HOUSE IS CLEAN, HOOOORAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had let my husband do this some time ago!!!! I could kick myself for being so hard headed! The cleaning service was very nice and did an excellent job. I would say they went beyond what would would be expected. They did not make me feel bad or seem at all judgemental. They even said they enjoyed cleaning and felt like they helped people. I told them yes, they do not probably realize how much they do help people. My husband wanted me to make sure I set up regular service with them, especially while I'm pregnant. So I did, I will have them returning weekly for now. My husband won't be home for several more weeks. It feels like a weight has been lifted. I did not realize how opressive it was having a messy house. I made a nice breakfast for my daughter and I today and it was so easy to get it all cleaned up and back to looking like nothing had happened. Clean up was less than 10 minutes. Having a clean house has lifted my spirits and makes me feel more in control. I just wished I had done this sooner!
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Post by dragonchilde on Jun 24, 2008 11:30:14 GMT -5
That is wonderful news, and I'm so proud of you! I really wish I could afford the help of a professional organizing service, just for one day... I have so much stuff, and I don't have a problem getting rid of most of it, I just have a hard time knowing how to go about it! I'm so thrilled. I know how hard it is when you're pregnant (that's how things got this bad this time around for me) just to have energy to get out of bed, much less do hardcore cleaning.
You DESERVE that cleaning service... and kudos to your hubby for hiring them!
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