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Post by serenitynow on Jul 23, 2009 9:03:25 GMT -5
When I start seriously addressing (as opposed to seriously thinking about) the condition of this place, all sorts of s*** seems to rise to the surface. This past week I've been plagued with nightmares and wake up exhausted and with a headache. They are vivid and lurk in the background of my mind all day. They concern my family of origin and the way I was treated and I'm always yelling at them- something I was never allowed to do..I didn't exist. I'm not a stranger to therapy by a long shot and frankly I'm sick to death (interesting turn of phrase) of this. I have PTSD among other things. It seems to come and go by spurts and dealing with this house of clutter always exacerbates it. So, I know it's complicated on many levels. I KNOW that. Does this happen-the nightmares- to anyone here? And do you just push through it? Sometimes I feel so hopeless...
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jul 23, 2009 9:34:55 GMT -5
Been there. Good sign that you're defending yourself--it's a sign that you're addressing these issues effectively. Keep at it, and the dreams will evolve over the months/years.
You can improve them even faster by learning some techniques for lucid dreaming. One of the first things my counselor did for me 20 years ago was give me information on this process. I learned how to identify that I was in the middle of a nightmare, and affect its outcome. This improved both my dreams, and the morning after.
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Post by Script on Jul 23, 2009 10:41:18 GMT -5
I have serious night terrors, and have also had nightmares all my life.
*I wake up screaming *neighbours have called us ("is everything ok?")----they could hear me in their homes *this has happened in hotels, camps, retreat centres: it is not related IN ANY WAY to emotions, work, business, worries: it seems totally random. *I scream with such intensity that I hurt my throat. *I do not have PTSD in any way
BUT.................... my DearHubby was a child in Italy during WWII and he saw lots of terrible things. I think he has mild PTSD. He wakes up with dreams of terror too. He doesn't scream.
WHEN I WAKE UP SCREAMING: DH goes into high alert. He starts to shake me. I am afraid that one day one of us will get hurt, or be scared into a heart attack, or something.
When I wake up screaming, if I feel ANY FEAR that I might slide back into the terror, I force myself to get up and MOVE and wake myself up completely. Eat something. Go downstairs. Play on computer.
I can recall when I was about 7 years old: terrible dreams about the "Lassie" tv show: the tension and suspense was more than I could take. I was not allowed to watch this show; and in fact didn't want to. To this day, extremely suspenseful shows, books, movies are TORTURE to me.
I do have 'bad dreams' about squalor, especially bathroom or food-related, but I don't wake up screaming from them. I rarely remember the details of the true night terrors.
xxoo from Script
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Post by puppybox on Jul 23, 2009 11:17:14 GMT -5
not for a long time. While its awful, I think its a sign you are confronting and addressing your squalor! Facing the issues that led to it. write down your dreams so you can examine them later when you are no longer upset.
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 23, 2009 11:22:15 GMT -5
Yes, Howardsgirlfriend, I know you're right about lucid dreaming. I don't seem able to do that yet-at least not with these. Sometimes I can with the good ones. It takes away from the joy as I know it's a dream. Dang! And it happens spontaneously. I'm not using a technique. I do have ESP. I think a lot of "us" are sensitives. Script- I've had the screamers too. More often when I was younger. I'd wake up the neighborhood. And the sleepwalking... Just when I think I've been able to put some of the trauma behind me, it always seems to resurface when I'm dealing with clutter issues. I feel completely depleted today and sooo frustrated.
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 23, 2009 11:24:59 GMT -5
Thanks puppybox! I do forget to do that.
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Post by mouse on Jul 23, 2009 12:09:39 GMT -5
I've had anxiety-related dreams for most of my life, which sometimes turn into full-blown nightmares. When I was in 3rd-degree squalor, I used to have dreams in which I would come home only to realize that someone had been there in my absence (usually my landlord/landlady, but sometimes my bosses at work and sometimes my parents). I also sleepwalk and talk in my sleep. Since I got out of squalor, and keep my bedroom essentially clutter-free, I sleep a LOT better. It's as though getting rid of the physical clutter got rid of a lot of the mental clutter as well. I still have anxiety dreams, but they are fewer and farther between, and I recover from them a lot faster. Essentially I agree with everyone before me: it means you're dealing with your issues, and eventually the content of your dreams will shift as you become more empowered. ~Mouse
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 23, 2009 13:15:23 GMT -5
I used to have nightmares when doing more active counselling work on family of origin and abuse issues. I believe I am living with some level of PTSD, and pretty sure the practitioner who prescribes my antidepressant agrees with that.
I don't have a lot of solutions, it's been a very, very long time. It is exhausting to have repeat wake up in terror events at night to be sure. The suggestions here about how to work with the dreams are good ones.
One thought I have is that some homeopathics can help reduce some of these things, and that might be a useful resource because I'm sure by now you are simply *tired* and need some sleep. People forget that night terrors can lead to actual fear of going to sleep, which causes more fatigue, more stress, makes our PTSD reactivity even worse, etc.
You might want to check out a product made by Boiron called Quietude. It has some homeopathics in it that are supposed to reduce night waking due to stress. The other thing I've been trying lately is taking a calcium supplement at night.
I wanted to add something at risk of sounding too "woo-woo". For some of us who grew up in traumatic/abusive environments, I do think we sometimes develop heightened senses as a way of trying to cope with the insanity around us.
I don't have what I would call ESP, but I can be very empathic. This is both a blessing and a curse because there are times when it's useful to get the additional information that comes to me from this, but there are other times where I am crippled by the input I receive because I don't know how to respond to everything.
Case in point--when I can empath that someone doesn't like me, I'm being judged, etc. (long before it becomes obvious to others that this is happening) I still don't have a very mature way of responding to this.
Shielding is everything, and I sometimes have friends remind me that yes I do have a good "sense" about people, that I'm not imagining things. The tricky part is what am I doing with the information? Beyond making sure I'm not doing something offensive or harmful to another person, me being me is not something I can alter, and I can't alter what is going on for another person. I regularly forget this.
If you are quite intuitive or sensitive, you might want to take a look at that. Again, not to be too woo-woo, but cleaning stirs up a great deal of energy aside from emotion, for those who are affected by it. Fortunately I don't get anything besides the emotional piece related to what I'm cleaning (either from my childhood or immediate past, but is it possible that if you are highly intuitive that you need to somehow energetically "scrub" yourself or "shield" yourself? Most massage therapists, acupuncturists, etc wash their hands after working on a patient to get rid of the "energy" of it.
I once had a midwife friend talk to me about her experiences with this, as she was quite intuitive and used to "feel" in her body some of what her birthing mothers were going through. While this made her uniquely effective in her work, there were serious repurcussions, and in the end she began working on self-shielding. At first I didn't understand how this could be such a bad thing, but when she explained that the effect of stillbirths and miscarriages carried over to her as well, it made some sense.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jul 23, 2009 14:51:57 GMT -5
You can start learn to engage in lucid dreaming by asking yourself several times a day whether you are dreaming or not, then checking. This gets your brain into the habit of checking.
One of the easiest ways to check whether you're dreaming is to read something like a sign, then turn away, turn back, and read it again. I do this a couple of times each day.
If you're awake, of course the sign will read the same way both times. If you're dreaming, the content of the sign will change.
I knew this was working when I started doing this while I was dreaming, too. When I realize I'm dreaming, the dream starts to improve without my doing anything else.
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 23, 2009 14:58:40 GMT -5
One of the easiest ways to check whether you're dreaming is to read something like a sign, then turn away, turn back, and read it again. I do this a couple of times each day.
If you're awake, of course the sign will read the same way both times. If you're dreaming, the content of the sign will change.
Oh, thank you for this. I'm going to start doing this right away.
I don't have good dreams. They range from anxiety-inducing and creepy to full out terror. When I was a child, I could control them to an extent. I would realize that I was dreaming and make myself aware that no matter what horrible thing might happen, it wasn't real. I would lose the fear of whatever was after me or was happening, and the dream would sort of fade away.
I could even "decide" things. For instance, in one dream I remember a train was coming and I knew it was going to derail and kill everyone who was standing around this area. So when I saw it coming, knowing it was a dream, I decided that if I punched the train as was about to slam into me, it woudl break into squillions of tiny, harmless pieces. I just told my dream that that's how it was going to happen--my brain, my dream, my script. So I stood my ground, punched the train, which shattered, and I woke up. This was a wonderful skill to have.
I can't do it anymore. Sometimes I become aware I'm dreaming, but I can't control my own actions and things quickly spiral out of control. And because I dream in color and feel pain during dreams, I often wake in a panic not knowing what's real and what's not. I hope the sign trick works for me and helps me start to take back a little control.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jul 23, 2009 15:49:08 GMT -5
When I started this technique about 20 years ago, I had at least 2 nightmares a month. I hardly have them at all anymore. They slowly grew less intense, then less frequent.
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Post by Meme on Jul 23, 2009 15:59:26 GMT -5
yes- I do have night mares on occasion or sometimes very thought provoking dreams - I can never put them together in the morning- just bits and pieces float by-- I think when we are beginning and in the midst of this journey we can have more intense feelings as we are not just sorting and cleaning and tossing or keeping things but we have to deal with the memory- be it good or bad or just indifferent and our mind goes into a high alert- it may even be healthy to allow these things to come to a fore front where we can see well enough to start letting go- as hard as it is to let go of the past it is a good thing as we then can have a future. these are just Meme thoughts ---------and maybe right for some and wrong for someone else- hugs
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 23, 2009 16:02:37 GMT -5
I'm going to start practicing too. I had read of training yourself to see your hand in your dream as a signal to alert yourself that you were dreaming. By shielding, do you mean surrounding yourself with white light? I know about that but haven't tried it. I like the books on space clearing. I also understand what you mean about being too empathic. There was a Star Trek episode (the original) about a female Empath who took on everything around her. Boy was that one familiar! Basically, I was raised to take care of/be projected dumping ground for others. "I" didn't count. "I" didn't exist really. So I'm very attuned to helping/understanding/making allowances for others. Your post has brought up many things for me on many overlapping layers. I think I'll get off now and start drawing a diagram about the "layers". Thank you. I have been afraid to fall asleep.
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Post by mish on Jul 23, 2009 23:28:45 GMT -5
I do wish you "serenity now"!! I'm in the middle of reading a book on space clearing, called "Creating sacred space with Feng Shui" by Karen Kingston - in fact, I might have read about it on here! It is a bit "woo-woo" (thanks Yearning!) but despite that I was compelled to extend my library loan so I could finish it. And I know what you are all saying about being empathic/sensitive, and the hidden feelings and thoughts that come up as we attempt to declutter. I love you guys!!
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Post by annieblue on Jul 24, 2009 4:26:44 GMT -5
Hi Serenity,
Just want to chime in here:
Nightmares? Check.
Often concerning family of origin? Check.
Always yelling at them? Check.
House desqualoring makes it worse? Check.
PTSD? Check.
Exacerbated by desqualoring? Check.
Complicated? Check, Check, Check.
Push through it? Not exactly. I spend a lot of time working on reducing anxiety. LOTS of deep breathing & meditation.
What I am currently realizing is the more I desqualor the more I verge on sheer panic over the fact that I will one day have to do the same with my mother's house which is many-many-many times worse than my own. I don't want to go there in my brain, I sooooo don't want to go there, & this causes the anxiety & panic to manifest in all sorts of unhealthy ways.
Is it possible there is something hidden for you too? Something you keep pushing down & down & refuse to acknowledge in the light of day as it would be far too overwhelming?
Just thinking aloud here.
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