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Post by HFH on Jul 25, 2009 9:41:51 GMT -5
A few days ago we started cleaning out the younger boys' room and the 2 oldest decided they wanted to move back into that room. No problem....EXCEPT now their new room is very clean, uncluttered and nicely sparse due to the fact that they put EVERYTHING they do not want into the hallway, bathroom, my room, the other bedrooms. Now they are refusing to help the rest of us stating that "they worked so much already cleaning their room" YEAH INTO EVERYONE ELSE'S SPACE .....AND they want me to drive them to the carnival today
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jul 25, 2009 9:54:22 GMT -5
SAY NO. It's not acceptable to intrude into everybody's space. Don't let them grind you down. Who's the parent?
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Post by megtreb on Jul 25, 2009 10:08:03 GMT -5
Yes it is true it is not acceptable to intrude into other people's space, but isn't that whats happening to your sons if stuff they don't want is stored in their room?
Do YOU want the things they have taken out of their room? If you do then maybe you can find other homes for them?
If they don't want this stuff and you dont want it, then it should be taken out of the house - either given to charity or thrown away. It sounds like a great opportunity to do some decluttering. It isn't fair to make them keep things they don't want in their own room - a child's room is his or her own space and the child should have the right to decide what goes in it.
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Post by Chris on Jul 25, 2009 10:52:21 GMT -5
I can certainly remember those days! What worked for me with my son was to set up boxes or bags for trash, donation, garage sale (we used to have those back when my DS was here to help). I didn't let him put the trash in the can until I'd checked to see if there was anything I wanted/needed/ or knew someone/place to give it to. It's difficult with kids but teaching them that the job is not done until all the "overflow" has been taken care of is important. And mostly they do pretty well as long as there is a way to "sort". Bags, boxes, box tops -- anything to sort the unwanted stuff into. Good luck! I'd think they would be eager to complete the work and then maybe go to the carnival .
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Post by HFH on Jul 25, 2009 12:15:04 GMT -5
I did not say I was forcing them to keep the stuff. They should have thrown it out if they didnt want it, not move it to another space
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 25, 2009 12:24:41 GMT -5
Very recently I posed a cleaning & parenting related question, and at least one reply I received was erm, let's just say inappropriate.
I see that you are new here, and I haven't yet seen from other posts how old your children are. One thing I also don't know is your personal level of struggle with squalor and such. The suggestions or feedback you get from any of us are just that, and use what is helpful, disregard the rest. Some folks also get very restimulated about their own childhoods and may project that on you (which is what I think happened to me).
I'm wondering if there is a middle ground solution for all of you? Kids do have a keener awareness than the rest of us of the need to mix play in with the work, and sometimes that is the blessing they bring us. I'm wondering if there might be a way to agree to all work together for a specified period of time and then go to the carnival for a bit? So everyone gets something they want?
Here is my piece of "oh man, my childhood wound bleah!"--my mother made cleaning a horrible activity. Any fun that could have been had was stomped out. As an adult the only tasks I don't out and out hate in terms of cleaning are the ones that either my dad showed me how to do, or that for whatever reason she didn't feel the need to get OCD on me and ruin the experience. So of course my thought is in this case wondering how to preserve the childrens' innate desire for things to be *fun* while getting them to be clean.
(Mind you, I'm not saying you are a fun stomper or OCD, I'm saying my mother was so of course this comes to memory as I read your post and think back to my own childhood.)
This is something I am still learning to do, I don't have a lot of good suggestions. I know there are many others on the list who are quite creative about this. Oftentimes when we as parents come here posting about parenting/cleaning issues it's because we need some support or extra creative ideas to help us figure out what will work in our families.
You have my permission to work creatively and take breaks, and work out solutions that defend the work you are doing, while keeping it as fun as possible for everyone. Ultimately the clean *house* is a gift for everyone.
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 25, 2009 12:37:03 GMT -5
HFH, Your kids don't sound that different from others that my friends complain about. I guess if it were up to me, I would have put a stop to it while "the crime was being committed". You may have been away though or unaware of what was going on. Plan A) Talk to them calmly and tell them you'd be glad to take them to the carnival but they are expected to clean up their stuff tomorrow. If it's your stuff/household things, they can still help you put it in an agreed upon place. Plan B) Beat the s*** out of 'em. JUST KIDDING! I'm wondering about the younger ones. Was their room involuntarily hijacked? The older ones do not have that right. serenitynow
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 25, 2009 12:45:35 GMT -5
I'm reading yearning4orders post and I agree with it. Actually I can empathize because My SO is "helping" me today and he's being a royal pain in the neck about it So I would go along with doing it tomorrow but chipping in to make it a pleasant time. And who knows- it may start a precedent. (trying to be positive here) Good Luck with it all.
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Post by megtreb on Jul 25, 2009 18:19:52 GMT -5
Oh HFH, I apologize. I misunderstood your situation. I just assumed that your boys would have tossed their unwanted stuff if it was ok with everyone else in the family, and there was some reason the things couldn't go out of the house. I have been involved with too many family situations just like that. My mistake.
I totaly agree that the kids should take the stuff to the curb, how many more steps can it be? Yes, tell them to take it out!
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Post by breakingfree on Jul 30, 2009 9:13:34 GMT -5
Oh HFH, I apologize. I misunderstood your situation. I just assumed that your boys would have tossed their unwanted stuff if it was ok with everyone else in the family, and there was some reason the things couldn't go out of the house. I have been involved with too many family situations just like that. My mistake. I totaly agree that the kids should take the stuff to the curb, how many more steps can it be? Yes, tell them to take it out! This is exactly what happened to me as a child growing up. When I didn't want something, I wasn't allowed to get rid of it. So, I would put it somewhere else in the house. Then, of course, all of the mess became "the kids' fault." BF
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Post by Meme on Jul 30, 2009 21:32:49 GMT -5
I realize the day is now maybe over but this is my answer-- the car does not move until the stuff moves- you are the driver and parent and you just simply you are driving them any where before the job is done-- they then choose the consequence-- give them a reasonalble time line and then just go about doing your thing- and sometimes the rest of the family will also pay the consequences of other's behavior but..........
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 31, 2009 2:17:22 GMT -5
This was a great post to read, lots of good ideas. If you feel brave enough, can you share with us what you did? If you don't feel comfortable doing that, it's ok too.
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