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Post by chronic on Jul 5, 2008 20:33:01 GMT -5
Hi guys; Long time no see. I got myself all obsessed with another message board where I argue about politics all day. How silly huh? I am full of self loathing. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I'm currently getting unemployment. I told myself, after I was laid off, that if I got unemployment I'd use the time to look for another job but that it also seemed like the perfect time to get this house under control. Well, we were doing okay, and the kids got their rooms done and are maintaining for the most part. My partner and I were kicking butt on the living room and bedroom and kitchen but then just started slipping back into doing nothing and now it's getting almost as bad as before we started.  The thing is, I am so freaking tired and it seems like I've been "tired" for years. I really need to go to the doctor but I don't have health insurance and in my previous experience, the sliding scale clinics and such just want to patch you up and get you out. They don't want to explore to find the real reason for your problems. It seems that no matter how much sleep I get, I'm sleepy all day. It is a major effort to just shower. I manage to sweet talk someone else in the house into microwaving me something to eat. I don't know if it's depression, or poor sleep, or some problem like thyroid or low iron or what... but UGH. I have been on unemployment for over a month now and feel like I should have this done OR have a new job and here I am, doing nothing and a whole lot of it. Right now I could totally go for a nap. I came back to add something... I haven't left the house much since I got laid off. I do notice though, that when I am not in the house I feel much better. Could it be so simple as that? That the mess and filth and stuff all over is making me TIRED? I do have dust/cockroach/mold allergies... could the presence of those 3 be causing this excessive fatigue? Hmmmm. |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 5, 2008 21:26:03 GMT -5
 I was just thinking yesterday... " Chronic hasn't posted in a while. I wonder how she's doing?" Really! I can relate to getting sucked into discussion boards about causes one feels passionate about ... so ..... Sometimes I just have to go cold turkey on them. I know that I am not going to be able to contribute much to politics or animal welfare or Planet Earth if my life is a mess. When I was feeling as you do, tired, frustrated, unemployed, and in squalor ... I had to make myself ONLY come to Squalor Survivors and no other websites. I even ignored the news. I don't have TV either. So the only things I did was read Squalor Survivors ... (which has now transitioned to Stepping Out of Squalor) ... and go to my Debtors Anonymous meetings. Oh, and I did go to all the local job search websites to look at city government jobs, university jobs, regional government jobs, library jobs, school jobs, etc. And my local craigslist.com job board. No TV, no other internet sites. I did that for a long long time. With no TV, and no other websites, I didn't even know what was going on with the news. I told friends that if there was earth-shattering news, to please phone and tell me. But otherwise, I kept myself out-of-the-loop with news. It was odd, but necessary for me. I have found that going to my local "unemployment office" to be very helpfull when I need work. (even when I was inelligible to collect any money). The modern offices have facilities to help people find work. Counselors, trainers, computers. My local one has free phones, fax, resume paper etc. I went there every day to job hunt, as if I were "going to my office". It was much better than trying to job hunt from home. Finally I made my "3rd Step" committment in Debtors Anonymous ... which from my personal perspective meant " being willing to do whatever Higher Power guides me to do for employment ... to pay my bills. Anything". I peeled wallpaper off walls for pay. I washed windows. I worked for temp agencies. And I never borrowed another penny from anyone. Within 2 weeks I got a permanent job with full benefits. That was one year ago. I cannot promise you a miracle. Of course not. But I can say that it takes committment to find work. I know because I worked at dead-end jobs all my life. This is the first job I've had that was decent. And I am 50 years old. I too feel the oppressiveness of my apartment when it's messy and I walk in after a day of work. I'm not sure if it's physical health issues... but I don't have allergies so I don't think it's that. I think it's the psychological oppressiveness of the squalor (for me). I know that when my place is a mess, I feel uplifted as soon as I leave the house. I'll be sending you positive thoughts! Lioness
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 5, 2008 21:34:27 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you are struggling, Chronic! Goodness, my dh was out of work and it took him 18 months to find a job! A month on unemployment isn't really that long!
I am disturbed that you seem to feel worse when you are in the house. Tomorrow morning, can you make a plan to open all the windows and just leave for a few hours?!? Whether you go to the park, or the unemployment office, or just the library, I think that you should get out of the house for a few hours to let your allergies settle down! Hopefully someone can change (or clean) the filters on the fans or air conditioners while you are gone, and maybe you will feel better?
Now is always a good time to start. Don't worry about yesterday, or last month. Just start now, and be gentle with yourself.
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 5, 2008 22:38:32 GMT -5
I agree with both CLSS and Crazycatlady you can be dealing with both a psychological issue (being overwhelmed by the mess) and also a physical issue (allergies). Yes, open your house up, replace any filters and go to the unemployment office for any help they can give you to find a new job! And if nothing else at least once a day you should leave your house even if it's only to go outside and putter around in your yard or go to the store or just take a walk. Sunshine is a great mood booster.....so is fresh air!!  Please don't be so hard on yourself!  (Heck, I've always said that if I went on unemployment I'd take a month just to get rested up ) Here's wishing that you find a good job, one that pays well and has medical coverage!  |
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Post by BDG on Jul 6, 2008 3:56:28 GMT -5
First thing to know all of the symptom you are having could be related to the two problems you mentioned, thyroid problems and low blood or anemia. When I go off of my thyroid meds in the past I have slept for 18 hrs. at a time, and fatigue is a big part of it also, so please go to the dr., sliding scale guys are fine for this and tell them the problems you are haivng ask them to check for thyroid and anemia problems, it is a simple blood test and you will have the results in a week. If medical problems are the culprit you are not going to get any better until you get treatment.
As for the house if you can start back soon the cleanup of what you had aleady done will be much faster than last time, I too have backslid and found this to be true.
Also it is a new situation being out of work and even though you might have been looking forward to a bit of a break the issue of finding work and worries about the economy and paying bills is probably making you depressed, but just to be sure that is all it is, get the bloodwork done. Good Luck, I hope you get to feeling better soon.
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Post by Carrie on Jul 6, 2008 8:32:34 GMT -5
Hi chronic - The words of wisdom you've gotten so far have all been great. BDG is right that thyroid and anemia can cause fatigue. There are also many other possible causes for it, and while it's more than likely nothing serious, you want to make sure that it's NOT one of the more serious possibilities. You're probably right about the clinics not wanting to explore for causes, but they could probably at least eliminate the more worrying possibilities with a check-up and some blood work. As for the allergies, that is also a possibility since you tend to feel better outside of home. I've been very fatigued lately for the past several months myself, and I also notice I often have watery eyes, a slight headache and post-nasal drip. Started taking a 24 hr over-the-counter non-drowsy allergy tablet and I'm feeling noticeably better! So you might try that in the meantime and see if it helps at all. (I am very fortunate to have health insurance, so am going in a few weeks to have a complete physical.)
As for the squalor, I know what self-loathing feels like. I am famous for beating myself up when I know it's not a productive attitude to have! Heck, I even call myself NAMES sometimes! Crazycatlady is right, try not to think of how long you've been unemployed or not cleaning, just start TODAY! Not having a job and having a messy house doesn't make you a bad person, they are just problems to work on, right? We're here to cheer you on as you start taking small steps towards taking care of your health, finding work and cleaning up! Keep us posted!
Carrie
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Post by houndsnroses on Jul 6, 2008 10:28:03 GMT -5
Hi chronic! From your post you seem to be a good writer. Craigslist (craigslist.org, find your nearest city) always has postings for people to do short-term writing gigs. That could be a way to get a little cash-flow coming in while you job hunt. You can even work from a library if your computer area in your house is uncomfortable. I have done that myself, and eventually I found a full-time job as a professional writer. (Wish it paid enough for me to hire a maid!) Best of luck to you!
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