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Post by artsygal on Jul 6, 2008 16:27:07 GMT -5
I'll just write because I don't know where to start.
I haven't posted in a week and I haven't been making progress on my house, except my incontinent dog's poop, which is good. After getting back from from out of state (after helping my mom with knee replacement surgery for a month), I was relieved that even though my house has a lot of work to be done, I wasn't freaking out because I have the support of SOS. I rested up for a few days and became sick for a few more. Mentally I was still fine about my house and maintaining but nothing more because I just physically couldn't.
Now I've been back almost 2 weeks and I am becoming overwhelmed. My friend (of 32 yrs) who almost died from a near complete liver laceration after being thrown from her horse, is having a very, very difficult recovery at home. This happened about 6 weeks ago. She was in the hospital for 14 days, (while I was out of state) and was doing fairly well until 10 days ago. To make a long story short, I've taken her to her surgeon twice. On the 4th took her to the ER. Stayed with her the last 2 nights and tomorrow I need to advocate for her when she goes in to see her doctor. She is down to 95 pounds and is barely eating or drinking. She is too weak too really know what needs to be done. Her roommate is of no help and is ignoring the whole situation. Her other friends are very helpful but have been out of town or working.
On my side I have been stuffing this all in my head and I'm worried and exhausted. I have tried to contact her friends for help and I know they can when they are able. Everything is overwhelming and my house is beginning to feel impossible to tackle. My mindset about my house has gone from possible to helpless. I know i can get out of this rut. I need some help because I don't know where to start or even how to feel good about just maintaining the essentials. I have a huge mindset of all or nothing, which is creeping back in. Any suggestions are very much appreciated.
I'm so glad I posted, I feel better already.
best, artsy
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Post by Carrie on Jul 6, 2008 17:17:46 GMT -5
Oh artsy, I'm so sorry about your friend! It's no wonder you're finding it hard to get started with that worry going on. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can for her. And give yourself a break! You've been so busy helping others lately, and that's a very understandable reason why you'd go home and feel overwhelmed by housework.
What area of the house is bothering you the most? What would be the most help to you if it were done? Pick something and just start!! Do 5 minutes at first if you need to, then come back and read more on SOS. Maybe the next time you can do 10 mins. Maybe you want to catch up on dishes, or throw away some junk mail. Whatever it is, let us know here what your plan is so we can cheer you on!
Carrie
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 6, 2008 17:34:37 GMT -5
- Aw Artsy! Big hugs to you  Don't think about ALL the work that needs to be done. Just do one little thing for yourself in your home each day. One little thing. Afterwards, you can do another little thing, or not. Remember that any little thing is better than NO little thing. Doing something each day will get the momentum going. And you are being a great friend to someone in need. Give yourself a pat on the back. And good for you for seeking out other friends to help, too. Take care of yourself! Hugs from all of us ...  - |
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Post by WestsideStory on Jul 6, 2008 17:53:56 GMT -5
Dear Artsy --
Remember that you and your friend and your house are in the hands of your loving Higher Power.
I am going to give you an official WestsideStory pass which will excuse you from doing a top to bottom clean-up of your house while you are so worried about your friend and spending so much time being her advocate and helper.
When you are home, get extra non-judgmental loving and hugs from your dogs. They are more intuitive than most people give them credit for, and really want to help you with doggy love and appreciation.
Like CL said, if you can do one thing, that's great. Praise yourself, feel good about it, and then go to sleep or do something else to take good care of yourself. Caregiving and advocacy are stressful, so you need to be extra kind to yourself. If your mind starts playing the radio station WF***, remember you can change the channel to another station. Sometimes writing, like you are here, or in a journal, or a 10th step, can help release the emotions and give you some clarity and peace of mind.
Hugs and good wishes to your friend --
WestsideStory
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Post by glowworm on Jul 6, 2008 19:45:24 GMT -5
Hi Artsy, I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress over the house right now. You can clean it up when the time is right. Now is not that time. Your friend needs you. The house can wait. My thoughts and prayers are with your friend. And with you.  |
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 6, 2008 20:19:45 GMT -5
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Post by syzygy on Jul 6, 2008 21:22:58 GMT -5
I think you should be proud of yourself- you're a responsible, kind, compassionate, loving woman! You're helping those closest to you when they really need me. How lucky they are to know you!
A messy house is nothing compared to that.
Right now, you need to focus on taking care of yourself- as well as others. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat regularly, and find a way to relax and de-stress.
And like everyone one else has said, focus on doing something small at home. Actually, I think the most important thing you could do is something you're already doing- cleaning up after the dog. Personally, I think that accomplishing that and taking out the garbage is all you should strive for right now.
And there's no need to apologize for not cleaning when you're sick. When you're sick, concentrate on getting better. If you push yourself to keep going, you might end up even sicker.
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Post by stressedbythemess on Jul 6, 2008 22:06:43 GMT -5
Artsy - dont feel guilty.
That is a heck of a lot of curveballs from life to be dealing with in short succession. Take care of yourself, and your pets, first so that you don't wear too thin trying to deal with all of this.
your priorities are right where they should be if you ask me, and you shouldn't be berating yourself that you aren't superwoman with time-freezing powers to squeeze in 30 hours a day.
Well wishes for your friend.
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Post by artsygal on Jul 6, 2008 22:57:31 GMT -5
Thank you, carrie7on, CourageouslyLion, westsidestory, glowworm, pegausus48, syzygy, and stressedbythemess!!!!!!!! All of your advice has helped me ground myself, logical in my head I knew that I had valid reasons, but emotionally I have been feeling not so good about me. You all are so encouraging and helpful!!!! After I posted this, I ate a snack and laid down for a nap, which ended up being 4 hours long (Much needed). Made a late snack and have been reading all of your nice and helpful posts. My friend's friend came back into town today and has been with her today and tonight, she is also driving tomorrow for the stressful doctor's appointment and I'll be there as well. My plan for the rest of the evening is just to get a garbage bag out and fill what I can, while loving my dogs and spacing out on TV. I will post an update tomorrow. Hugs and graditude for everyone!!! |
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Post by ramatama on Jul 7, 2008 10:46:14 GMT -5
- And you are being a great friend to someone in need. Give yourself a pat on the back. And good for you for seeking out other friends to help, too. oh yes, the Lioness has written it so well. Our admiration goes out to you for your efforts. ...and like she says, just start somewhere, doesn't matter where, anything counts, and you will feel better having done at least something and don't berate yourself! Actually you must praise yourself for knowing where priorities of life are!!!!  hang in there! |
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Post by Moodle on Jul 7, 2008 12:19:44 GMT -5
My friend (of 32 yrs) who almost died from a near complete liver laceration after being thrown from her horse, is having a very, very difficult recovery at home. ((((artsy)))) I am so sorry to hear of your friend's injury. You are definitely a great friend to her! Just one question: Where is her family?? |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 7, 2008 13:14:56 GMT -5
You are a great daughter, and a great friend! I agree with all the other posters, and couldn't say a word better myself!
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 7, 2008 14:06:30 GMT -5
What a wonderful person you are Artsy! Your friend and your mom are lucky to have you!!  (BTW I hope your mom is doing really well!  ) Being there for the people in your life is so much more important than how clean your house is. The only things I would worry about at this point is to continue cleaning up after the dog, taking out the garbage, doing enough dishes to get by and same with laundry. Make sure you get plenty of rest and good meals too. I hope your friend gets the help she needs from the doctors...so very glad you are to be there with her!!  |
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Post by artsygal on Jul 7, 2008 18:48:40 GMT -5
Thank You ramatama, moodle, crazycatlady, and heylady1!!! Everyone has said such kind things, I'm blushing. And wonderful obtainable suggestions. Thank you all. Today I went with my friend to the Dr. and found out my friend has a UTI on top of all of it, but it could have been worse, she was extremely worried it was her liver or bile duct which where injured. She also was going through narcotic withdrawals as the surgeon forgot to authorize her a refill before the holiday weekend. She is feeling better and relieved. I think with me, helping others being empathetic and getting through the healthcare maze, comes natural to me. Granted I'm exhausted right now, but I'm not overwhelmed by it. When it comes to housework, I know I have a lot to learn, it does not come naturally to me. Sure I know how to clean, but it can at times seem so forced, it's not easy. And in my head i think it should be for me. I've learned from this group that I'm by know means alone , how to break the cleaning up into manageable bits, an learning to accept that it's okay for me that maybe i have to work at it, even if it's uncomfortable at first. So thank you for that wisdom and cheering. I got @ 3 hours of sleep, went to drs., ate lunch and proceeded to sleep for 5 hours this afternoon. Tomorrow is garbage day so my goal is just that, and as a bonus I'd like to begin to clean out my refrigerator and throw the contents out right away, maybe one shelf. best, artsy Oh and my mom is doing very well with her recovery, thank you. She is a nurse and I know that's where i got my "nursing skills" and her empathy towards people. I wonder why I didn't get her cleaning skills,  , I guess you can't have it all ...  |
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Post by Carrie on Jul 7, 2008 21:17:14 GMT -5
So glad both Mom & friend are doing better! You're right to break your goals up into manageable parts and your goals for tomorrow sound good. By the way, I LOVE your quote about gratitude! Very inspirational..........
Carrie
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