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Post by yearning4order on Dec 11, 2009 23:52:28 GMT -5
I'm aware this may also get locked, or deleted, but I feel compelled to post since I've also been "that new lady". I'd like to point out that if you are new, it's not our job to placate you. We hope that all new folks can realize there is a place for you here, and help and healing for you here--the deal is that this is also the internet and you will not like everyone, nor will everyone like you. If you don't like what someone wrote, you can ignore it.  I have been on both sides of this--I remember one of the first times in chat getting my feathers all a-flutter about something someone was sharing that didn't seem related to cleaning and oh man did I whine about it. DJ, I'm really sorry. Since that time I've come into chat and realized that there are reasons we share a variety of things, and that it all connects in one manner or another. Another time I got all snarky with poor Misc about what I thought this group should be about in terms of our personal privacy and she reminded me that no, my little idea of how it should be might not be the group idea. She has been gracious and tolerant of me in spite of that! And Misc, I'm very sorry. I now get it why the privacy statement is the way it is. We come here seeking help because we are the ones needing the help. If you don't like what someone is reading, don't read it. After I had one specific member unleash on me personally, I inquired if there was an "ignore" feature to the forums that could allow me to never have to read anything that person wrote again. Sadly there isn't, but the stark reality is this: this group doesn't need me, I need the group. So I overlook the things I can't relate to, find offensive, or otherwise don't like and try to look for the things I do because God knows I need the help. And I've found help here in truck loads. I've been the new lady wanting people to be different to make me feel more comfortable. Realize that you are as comfortable as you want to be, and you never have to read things you don't like. But if you directly judge a post or a poster (which I do not recommend) you will 1. Not get the change you are seeking; 2. Not like what you do get, which is likely conflict. What we are really here to do is grow together through this silly squalor thing and help each other up and out. Since I've been here I've thrown away amazing amounts of things, desqualored things that months ago I didn't think I would ever get around too, many nights I'm able to do dishes without a lot of drama, and the last handful of repair people that I've had here I have invited in unafraid. I even voluntarily let me landlord come in this week! I couldn't have done this by myself, it was the help of all of you--and all of us with our shining wonderfulness and our wartiness--there is a place for all of us. |
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Post by moggyfan on Dec 12, 2009 0:20:19 GMT -5
Wow--I wish you could come teach my students! This is really a wonderful & refreshing piece :-) as it applies not only to the Internet but to life,  . This old teacher gives you an A+ |
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Post by DJ on Dec 12, 2009 0:38:54 GMT -5
no worries. i was extremely angry at the time but this isn't the place to take out wrath and furry, and it's not really a place to shun or outcast people who need help. i tend to feel that support groups are like family. you might have alot of issues with quite a few of the people sitting at the dinner table but you don't start throwing mashed potatoes at them, and if they need help you help, because you're in it together.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Dec 12, 2009 1:07:57 GMT -5
I hope this helps: I have absolutely no CLUE what you're talking about. I'm being 100% honest. If you'd offended me I'd probably remember it, because I get my hackles up pretty easily. So, no biggie here. I don't even remember being in a discussion like that, with you or anyone else. |
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Post by morethanyouneed on Dec 12, 2009 3:57:55 GMT -5
Ah, I caught this on the way to check my personal messages and it seems like YET ANOTHER dig at me. I could be wrong, but it sure seems that way. But let me clarify for you, I do not think it is permissible to ignore potentially offensive ethic descriptors. If someone used the N word, would you just turn away? If someone were calling women the C word, would you look away? If you heard someone tell a racist or sexist joke, would you turn away?
I think that's sad. In the world I'd like to live in we would be able to talk about these issues and have a dialogue.
I am an early childhood education teacher. I have been trained to teach children how to spot bias and how to use their voices to question something that makes them, or could make someone else uncomfortable.
New people on this board shouldn't feel they have to grovel at the feet of more senior members. I shouldn't hold my tongue when I see an offensive word just because I am not a senior member.
And indeed, I have had people saying they would like me to say (which is so lovely) but I really don't want to be "THAT" new lady, as you so warmly and kindly put it. Do you realise your ignorance is showing?
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Post by Celeste on Dec 12, 2009 6:23:23 GMT -5
Essential points on both sides have been stated and your positions made clear.
As all "discussions" about this topic have turned heated, hurtful and unnecessarily judgmental, I'm ending it. Further attempts to revive it will result in deleted messages or locked threads. We need to focus on dealing with squalor again.
Please treat others with compassion and respect, no matter their race, religion, sexual orientation or personal convictions.
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