amyece
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 14
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Post by amyece on Dec 28, 2009 4:59:14 GMT -5
Ok, as I mentioned I am getting married next month. We currently live in an apartment. Me and my fiance are both starting back to school and cutting back on work hours. My parents have offered to let us stay in the apartment that is attached to their house rent free. Only pay the utilities. Its not much smaller than where were are now and we would save at least $600 a month. It has its own seperate door, seperate kitchen , bathroom. So it really is an apartment. Now for the problem. I lived there last. I was there for about 2 years until I moved in with fiance over a year ago. I left it in terrible shape.  Mainly because there was no room to bring stuff with me. So I just brought the necessities and left the rest. That was HORRIBLE for me to do to my parents. Now I NEED to get in there and clean it out. I TRULY feel like I wish I could hire someone to go do it. But I would not know who and I would be embarassed for them to tell my parents how bad it really is. There are even dishes in the sink. Stuff thrown everywhere. When I was living there I slept ont he couch because the bed was covered. I am somewhat afraid that creatures will be in there so I am also scared to just go do it. I am embarassed to ask anyone to help. Any advice? It really is selfhish for us to have a MUCH cheaper living arrangement that we cannot utilize because of me. |
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Post by serenitynow on Dec 28, 2009 8:44:20 GMT -5
Hi amyece, I guess my first question would be: Can you afford an organizer/cleaner? I wouldn't waste a second worrying about your embarrassment over the condition of the apt. or your parents finding out. It's not the helpers place to report to them and you can make it clear that you want them to be discrete about it. Also, worrying is a waste of time and a distraction you don't need. You can google organizers for your area and ask around for cleaners. I would go for a company and not a single person. Is this an important issue to tackle NOW? Absolutely. I think it was 60isolderthanthat who wisely wrote that this cluttered living would be divisive in your marriage. This could be an exciting time of anticipation for you! Lots of new transitions and an opportunity to save a substantial amount of money. Please don't fritter it away with stressful "what ifs"! So my advice would be Get on it PRONTO. Find a therapist who deals with hoarding if necessary. Tackle this impediment to your life now and bring your fiance along with you. New habits are crucial NOW. And from what you've written, this is an entrenched way of being for you and increasingly so for your fiance. You fortunately are willing to deal with it now as you've been very open and honest in your posts. Play a "scrooge" scenario in your mind about being visited by the Ghost of your Cluttered Past. See him pointing to the messes and the accompanying pain that came with it..the arguing, the time spent rooting around for things, the energy wasted hiding this from others, the increasing isolation from friends and losing out on the fun of entertaining in your new place, not to mention possibly raising children in that mess. See you and your beloveds' faces full of stress amid the chaotic, endless downward spiral... Then fast forward to an alternate future. See the peace and tranquility of an ordered, happy life. Witness coming home to a place that's light and airy and clean. See intimate candlelight dinners with your husband and occasional happy get- togethers with friends who leave your place uplifted with smiles. Delight in a charming, cozy bedroom. See you and your husband being there for each other unencumbered by a chaotic lifestyle. Can you afford it? You can't afford NOT to. Take the time now to fix up that cozy new place. Sit down with your fiance and discuss the seriousness of the situation to him and together come to an agreement about what you both want from your new living quarters. Spend the money now to invest in your future. Don't stress out over doing a half***** job yourself . You're not there yet. But others are. Let them help you. Learn from them. Invest that extra money you're saving! You can do this. The opportunities are literally falling at your feet! Please pick them up and give thanks! Well enough rambling from me. I just want to cheer you on    Best Wishes, serenitynow P.S. In the beginning I wouldn't hesitate to invest some of that saved money in a biweekly cleaner. Stay on top of this. Watch as many hoarding type shows as you need to in order to impress upon yourself the seriousness of backsliding into a maze of "things". Take this VERY seriously. Your entire peace of mind and future hinges on it. |
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amyece
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 14
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Post by amyece on Dec 28, 2009 8:58:11 GMT -5
Serentiy,
Thank you for the lovely post.
I tried google and not seeing much in the way of hoarding experts. It seems that most cleaning places would not want to take on that job.
Honestly I am scared for anyone to see it. I keep telling myself I will go start working on it. But its just such a big job.
My mom knows its bad but has not been in. She has offered to help me though. I will go over today to assess the damage.
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Post by Script on Dec 28, 2009 9:13:31 GMT -5
Dear friend: please put on your WonderWoman boots, pull up your Big Girl Panties, call on any and all help that is at all available to you: and find a way to move into that apartment. The rewards to you and your spouse are incredible...........You can do it: and we are here to help...............
xxoo
ps:
$600 a month? that translates into $7200 per year
there were times in my life when I would have done ANYTHING for that kind of dough.....
...
in fact, in 2000-2001, I got up EVERY DAY at 4:30 am (sometimes earlier) to do a couple of hours of translating work (moonlighting) before my 'regular' job. I even worked on Christmas Day........I did this for about 3 months: in order to make $3700, to pay off some old bills. We were DESPERATE for the money in those days........
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Post by sporadic on Dec 28, 2009 9:17:30 GMT -5
www.NAPO.netYou want to search for an organizer. Do you want to post your city/state? Maybe we could assist you in finding help.
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Post by brightbeginning on Dec 28, 2009 9:18:01 GMT -5
Oh boy-with a wedding coming up in one month, you don't need this now. I too would say to get a housecleaner to do it. I'm sure you will DEFINITELY find someone in your local newspaper. Don't worry about the mess or that person telling your parents. You just tell them not to say anything. It's EMBARRASSING-I know-it really is to let someone see your place like that, but really-what other choice have you got? Especially if you are afraid that there might be creatures in there-that fear alone would not make me go in there! We get a local Pennypincher paper that comes out here once a week, and it is filled with housecleaners, handymen, etc. Maybe you get one too?? Don't waste any more time on this-hire someone.
Debi
Debi
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Post by sporadic on Dec 28, 2009 9:26:35 GMT -5
Dear friend: please put on your WonderWoman boots, pull up your Big Girl Panties, call on any and all help that is at all available to you: and find a way to move into that apartment. The rewards to you and your spouse are incredible...........You can do it: and we are here to help............... Exactly...yes! I know you don't want to do it, but you need to do it. We all have to do things we don't want to do. Push up your sleeves, take responsibility and tackle it. You can get it done! It will not be neither pleasant or fun, but you can clean up the mess you left and have a nice place to live.  |
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Dec 28, 2009 9:51:45 GMT -5
Relax, sit down in a comfy spot , clse your eyes and picture your new(old) apartment all cleaned up, cheerful and organized. A clean bed, clean kitchen, clean everywhere. Then get up and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Dec 28, 2009 11:32:43 GMT -5
Don't delay, get on this NOW. Go over there, then plan what has to be done. Try to be realistic. In your shoes, I'd probably hire a small dumpster, then go to the local Home Depot and hire a couple of guys for the heavy lifting. Pay by the JOB, not by the hour. If it's small, chances are good that for $100, you can get two guys for four hours to empty it to the bare walls.
You've lived without that stuff for long enough that you should be able to throw away ALL of it if you must. If there's a speck of mold or animal mess, for instance.
Get it done. Do not delay. You increase your psychological pain by delaying this. Get to it.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Dec 28, 2009 11:53:51 GMT -5
Do it. This is a great opportunity to set things right. There are probably companies that offer "maid services," with a team of cleaners. I've done this before, and never regretted it. They will assess the situation beforehand, and come prepared.
Do it.
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Post by shopgirl on Dec 28, 2009 14:27:56 GMT -5
Maybe you're procrastinating on this project because, as a newlywed, you don't want to live next door to your parents? Privacy concerns? Maybe it's worth the extra $600 a month to live elsewhere?
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Post by AnnieOkie on Dec 28, 2009 16:39:47 GMT -5
Remember the "amnesty" clause, too. Unless there is anything of true, real or emotional value in the apartment.....TOSS IT ALL! You obviously have the necesseties for living where you are now, so just take those with you when you move back in. This is truly worth it for the money you will save in the long run.
Go, girl, go!!!
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Post by threeg on Dec 28, 2009 17:50:51 GMT -5
Amyece, you can do it. I have had similar problems, and did what I had to do with a bit of help. When I left my first home in the country, I hired a dumpster, filled it three times, and moved to the city. When I moved here, I had to donate almost 3 rooms full of stuff, and I did it. Now that my sister is here with her SO, we are once again donating and tossing to make room for her belongings. Yes, it's a lot of work, but it CAN be done. As Glinda said to Dorothy, "The best place to start is at the beginning." Good luck!  3g |
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Post by rickie on Dec 28, 2009 18:23:53 GMT -5
Not sure if you've mentioned your location in any posts, but if you're around Toronto by any chance I could probably come help for a day. I'm quite harmless and nothing in the apartment would shock me. Just PM me if that might work for you.
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amyece
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 14
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Post by amyece on Dec 29, 2009 1:34:05 GMT -5
You guys are so sweet. I don't know that I have much money but I will get my mom to help me. There is not a TON of stuff. But there is a lot. You are right that I must not need it. There are a few things that I REALLY do want to keep but not many. My parents even said they would get it painted and any repairs done.
I am in the US in GA. Thanks for the pep talk!
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