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Post by packusratus on Jul 12, 2008 3:08:58 GMT -5
Like I posted in another thread, I'm making significant progress on my apartment. The squalor made its way to every room. I'd say 1/2 of my apartment is done, including my second bedroom that I use as a closet. I've NEVER sorted it out and now there are a few boxes with clothes that still need to be folded or washed, but overall, it's like night and day. I actually smile when I see the change. I'm trying to incorporate little things like making a habit to wash the dishes. I'm still not one to do it everyday, but I've made a rule that when the sink gets full, then I MUST. So far so good because I washed up a sink full of dishes before lunch today. Anyway, I went for the second bedroom first because I realized I had clothes ALL over my apartment: my living room, my dining room, and my main bedroom. I realized that, like before, if I put that room off then I'd have no where to put all the clothes that have been thrown all over the place. Today I moved my full length mirror as well as ironing board into that room too (those two things were in the living room.) So now I'm ready to move on to the living room and my main bedroom. The dining area will be a snap, so I'm saving it for last. It's usually where I start (and end :  , so I know I can blast through it in an hour or two. However, the living room has dust everywhere, a box of CDs, dirty pillows that are so dusty that my cat no longer bothers (she's moved on to luggage I've not bothered to unpack - those are in the dining room.) Also, I live abroad in Asia, so all of my shoes and last minute accessories (head bands, earrings, etc) are next to the door. I've got to sort through the shoes I never wear and sort through the accessories that need to be tossed. It's going to be at least a day and maybe even two to sort through it all. What's happening is I'm starting to freak out.  I know I'll get through it, but I just wanted to talk about my anxiety. Maybe talking about it will help me when I hit "post" and then I can get back up and get back to it. It's just the anxiety freaks me out.  However, I just need to push ahead. I'll update later with my progress. |
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 12, 2008 6:49:27 GMT -5
You're doing so well Packusratus!!!  That is so awesome especially since you got the spare room (2nd bedroom) cleaned out and ready!!! That is a very big thing!! I know you can do the rest of your apartment too!! You go girl!!!  |
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 12, 2008 12:24:07 GMT -5
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Post by creativechaos on Jul 12, 2008 14:37:04 GMT -5
WTG, packusratus! You are making amazingly quick progress! Great job on begininning to train yourself to maintain; that's one of the huge pieces to staying desqualored. I still struggle with that one. Do you have another thread on this group that details your progress in your apt? I'd love to read that, it so.
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Post by packusratus on Jul 13, 2008 6:45:02 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for the support. My update is this. I haven't gotten much done, but I've also refrained from beating myself up about it. That's a good thing because I'm hard on myself. Someone I know sent me a link to www.flylady.net/. I guess she helps people with tips and products to beat clutter. I probably won't buy anything, but I'll check out the site to see what she's got. One thing I noticed is a very smart tip from her to just spend 15 minutes a day doing something. I do think that's a great tip because it really is, for me about learning, to do it little by little. I still have it in my head that one day I'll get up, work like a madwoman and it will be done. I know it won't happen that way, but in my head that's still a lingering hope for some reason. I'm getting myself over that and this 15 minutes a day tip I think could work for me. You're doing so well Packusratus!!! That is so awesome especially since you got the spare room (2nd bedroom) cleaned out and ready!!! That is a very big thing!! I know you can do the rest of your apartment too!! You go girl!!! I think so too, it's just loosing steam and getting overwhelmed is freaking me out. However, it's another reminder that I'm not perfect. I'm human and this is a new process for me. I've just got to be patient with myself. I'm horribly impatient with myself and with others. Packusratus, you are doing amazingly well!!  Just focus on one little area at a time, not the whole thing. If you look at everything still to be done, it WILL cause anxiety. (I am very prone to anxiety myself.) But it doesn't have to be done all at once. Repeat after me: babysteps, babysteps. In the meantime, WTG on all you have done. Cheers!!  You're right. I simply froze and got near to nothing done both yesterday and today (it's late here now, but after I post this I'm going to, at least, strap boxes together to throw out and put recyclables in the bag to take out on the day the trash service comes to pick it up.) The guy called me yesterday. I flipped and freaked out. I start a three week job on Friday, so I know time is running out. But yeah, babysteps because looking at it all as one big project is getting me to the point where I want to just give up, but I won't let myself do that. I'm halfway there. WTG, packusratus! You are making amazingly quick progress! Great job on begininning to train yourself to maintain; that's one of the huge pieces to staying desqualored. I still struggle with that one. Do you have another thread on this group that details your progress in your apt? I'd love to read that, it so. Yeah, here is the link to the thread I started about reversing my 3rd degree squalor: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=845I can't say it's quick. I think now that I've finally decided enough is enough AND I know that one step to my goals is to have a place where I can have company, I know I need to take action. However, I've been stuck in a state of depression for around 2 to 3 years. One thing I forgot to mention is I'm also being treated for a thyroid condition, Graves Disease (hyperthyroidism), and for awhile my medication had my hormones really low: a depression causing low. That left me for a few months with just being able to pull myself out of bed to get to class and work. When it came to anything else, it just didn't happen. It's been a process of realizing my endocrinologist was being way too by the book with my condition and wasn't making an attempt to tune into what I was saying and also me, the patient, being way too passive. Once I got to some online forums and started talking to others with the same disorder who were being treated with similar medication, I got a better grasp on how things like my moods, my periods and energy level reflected my hormone levels. Then I could take charge and just be very firm with my doctor that I was more than a number. I was a person who had to live with this condition daily. Once I got aggressive, he changed my doses and it's been an upward progression since then. However, it took awhile for me to even get a clue as to what was going on. I'm so hard on myself that I tend to blame my character instead of realizing it's a medical problem or a reaction to trauma or whatever. I've learned to not be so hard on myself and that's helped a lot. This is just one more step on "getting my life back together." |
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Post by neveropentheclosets on Jul 13, 2008 14:04:02 GMT -5
Hi packusratus,
First - I love your name! Second, I'm really impressed by the steps you've taken with your life and health. I read your other post and while you've been through a lot you are making real progress on getting your life back. Congratulations! Particularly around recognizing how your health issues and treatments were affecting you. Good for you for taking a more active role in your own health. Doctors are not infallible.
You'll get there and you're right to keep concentrating on baby steps. Some wise people on this board say "Motivation follows action" and I try to keep this in mind when I'm particularly unmotivated (like now.. haha)
notc
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Post by packusratus on Jul 13, 2008 20:20:27 GMT -5
Hi packusratus, First - I love your name! Second, I'm really impressed by the steps you've taken with your life and health. I read your other post and while you've been through a lot you are making real progress on getting your life back. Congratulations! Particularly around recognizing how your health issues and treatments were affecting you. Good for you for taking a more active role in your own health. Doctors are not infallible. You'll get there and you're right to keep concentrating on baby steps. Some wise people on this board say "Motivation follows action" and I try to keep this in mind when I'm particularly unmotivated (like now.. haha) notc re my handle, thanks  It's silly and wasn't taken... Yeah, I got a bit done last night. Just little stuff. I broke down and taped up some boxes. I put more plastic bottles I'd found out for trash collection. I'd sorted them before for disposal, but never put them out. So I find myself stumbling through piles of junk and finding them buried and still waiting to be put out for recycling. I also put a bag of trash out. That stuff will be put out for collection and it's out of my house! Today I have to go to the doctor but I find when I have to go somewhere in the day, it's really hard to just put in a bit of work. It's weird. I've got this thing in my head like I ought to be able to put a whole day to cleaning. I don't know why. Maybe it was because my mom was a stay at home mom, so that's how I see cleaning - an all day thing. I might be wrong about why I see cleaning like I do, but today I'm going to try to put some time in. I've got laundry to sort out. The extra bedroom is stuck because I'm washing clothes that have were tossed on the floor forever collecting dust. With me moving on to the living room, I've got layers of dust on things. I've got a dirty couch with a cream colored covers that need to be taken off and washed. I'm not overwhelmed. I'm more confused about what to do first (...heh..wait, that is being overwhelmed.) Anyway, time for me to get up and keep it moving. I'll get something done even if I'm confused. |
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Post by neveropentheclosets on Jul 13, 2008 21:16:25 GMT -5
"Today I have to go to the doctor but I find when I have to go somewhere in the day, it's really hard to just put in a bit of work. It's weird."
Oh my gosh! I feel exactly the same way, but I've never really put it into words like that. Not just about cleaning - it affects me in my work too. For instance, I'll plan to get in early but don't for whatever reason and then it throws the whole day off. I find it really hard to buckle down for the two hours between 8 and 10 because I didn't have two additional hours between 6 and 8. I definitely get that way with cleaning the house, getting stuff ready for my dds school, exercise you name it...
I think it relates to perfectionism, which sounded really strange to me when I first thought about it - considering my house is so much less than perfect! But, I've read a lot about it on this board and it really resonates with me. Somewhere I got it into my head that there was a "right" way to do things and then because I could only rarely measure up to my "right" way, I'd do nothing... It's a concept I'm really trying to work on in every part of my life - the idea that doing something is worthwhile and far better than waiting around until I can do it "perfectly" (whatever that means...)
Anyway, like I said, you really put it into words for me up there!
notc
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Post by packusratus on Jul 14, 2008 0:00:14 GMT -5
"Today I have to go to the doctor but I find when I have to go somewhere in the day, it's really hard to just put in a bit of work. It's weird." Oh my gosh! I feel exactly the same way, but I've never really put it into words like that. Not just about cleaning - it affects me in my work too. For instance, I'll plan to get in early but don't for whatever reason and then it throws the whole day off. I find it really hard to buckle down for the two hours between 8 and 10 because I didn't have two additional hours between 6 and 8. I definitely get that way with cleaning the house, getting stuff ready for my dds school, exercise you name it... I think it relates to perfectionism, which sounded really strange to me when I first thought about it - considering my house is so much less than perfect! But, I've read a lot about it on this board and it really resonates with me. Somewhere I got it into my head that there was a "right" way to do things and then because I could only rarely measure up to my "right" way, I'd do nothing... It's a concept I'm really trying to work on in every part of my life - the idea that doing something is worthwhile and far better than waiting around until I can do it "perfectly" (whatever that means...) Anyway, like I said, you really put it into words for me up there! notc I'm glad I could help I did get up and I did get some stuff done. Right now I'm procrastinating again. I mean I've got to sit down to decide what to have for lunch (I'm teasing myself here, 'cause I know I could also be working and thinking about this.) I can't even blame the Internet because I was a clutter bug before I got my first laptop years ago and had high speed Internet.  But I took the laundry out, hung some stuff up to dry, and put some stuff away. I put out more recyclables. I swept the floor in my second bedroom and it's not so bad. There are two boxes with stuff to sort, but it's like night and day and I realized that if I could get the rest of my place "there" I would finally be able to open up and have guests over. I'm just slowly talking myself down off the perfectionist ledge. However, I keep looking at the dusty floor, the clutter, the masses of shoes and accessories to sort through and I keep finding something else, anything else, to do. I'll get on it if it means making myself stay up all night...  Now that I see it really is a lot about me just wanting stuff perfect and having to recognize nothing is perfect, I'm slowly making progress. I did, however, switch my appointment to Wednesday. I just want to stay home today and get more done. I know I feel more comfortable that way, so today I'm not going to fight it. I'll fight it on Wednesday. I'm feeling the perfectionism weigh in on me a bit and I've not started my bedroom which is the room that's the worst and the one I spend most of my time in. |
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Post by neveropentheclosets on Jul 14, 2008 17:53:39 GMT -5
Hey - sometimes you have to just let your inner perfectionist out. I'm all for making thoughtful choices, like deciding to change your doc appt to give you more uninterrupted time...
Sounds like you've been making some real progress. How's the bedroom going?
notc
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Post by packusratus on Jul 14, 2008 21:26:39 GMT -5
Hey - sometimes you have to just let your inner perfectionist out. I'm all for making thoughtful choices, like deciding to change your doc appt to give you more uninterrupted time... Sounds like you've been making some real progress. How's the bedroom going? notc Thanks for asking. The second one, the one I use as a closet, is going well. The reality is I've got all sorts of boxes with junk in them, and I'm consolidating and moving those boxes into that room with limitations. There is a certain area of space and I won't let it fill up more than that. I'm doing that because this is about speed and getting my place company ready. Later I'm going to need to sit down and sort through them - tossing most and keeping only a little. That's going to be time consuming and, right now, I want to get all rooms presentable. Yesterday I dug into the living room. I took the covers off the sofa, washed them, swept up and dusted layers of dust off the floor, the windows and surfaces. I can't believe how much dust had built up! When I see it and get to cleaning it really does show me how depressed I was and how I just chose to disconnect in a very troubling way. I've not gotten to the shoes and accessories, but it's literally like night and day in the living room right now. I can see the floor! There is space! I can sit on the sofa!  Once I get that side area with the shoes, accessories and bookcase, the living room is finished. I've been avoiding having the Internet service folks come over to replace my DSL modem (typical squalor behavior there...letting things go to ruin rather than getting them fixed.) Instead, it's jerry-rigged with tape to keep it going. I know once I get into it today and start going through all the chords that it's going to get ripped up and things are going to get overwhelming for me. I've been avoiding that area for awhile and it's the area I see all the time. I've scheduled the Internet service visit for tomorrow morning. It was for today, but I'm not going to make it. I stayed up late last night and I might take a cat nap and then get to work (I seem to work better in the afternoon/evenings on this house cleaning project.) The service visit puts the fire under me to move my activity to my main bedroom because that's where life is for me in a little space where I sit in front of my computer for way too many hours and the part of the bed I sleep on. Everything else in my bedroom I can't use because either I can't find it or the clutter is blocking access to it. It's not so intimidating right now because I've already gone through two other rooms where I've just said "enough" and started breaking down boxes, binding them together and putting them out for the trash collector. The trash collectors will have more trash and boxes from me tonight and recycling goes out tonight too! Yeah! I'm still washing clothes and going through this bedroom is going to reveal all sorts of stuff that has fell under the bed or is stuck in a corner. it's good I got a big tub of washing powder for free a few weeks ago because I'm doing about two loads a day. The goal today is to hit nightmare central, my main bedroom, then tomorrow morning while I'm waiting for the Internet guy to show up, I can work on the part that's the easiest to clean. From there it's going to be sorting and seeing if I can maintain it. I've already decided I will be hiring a maid to come in once a week or so. I've never been a good house keeper and there is nothing wrong with admitting I need help to keep things maintained. On my own I've never been able to consistently keep my place neat, so when things get tough house keeping is the first thing to go. bedroom 2 - done (being used as a holding place for things to sort) bedroom 1 - working on nightmare central today living room - almost done - shoes, accessories, magazines and bookcase need to be sorted dining room - tomorrow morning while waiting for service call kitchen and bathroom - still in decent condition For the whole place, I'll need to mop all the floors once it's all done. There is so much dust and build up that if I mop as I finish I just track dirt back on it when I'm cleaning. I mopped the kitchen but with tracking back and forth it's dirty again. So I'll need to do a big mop maybe this evening or tomorrow morning. I just need to wrap my head around the fact that with house work and cleaning it's always a work in progress. Maybe I'll actually be able to have company sometime late this week or next week  We'll see... |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 19, 2008 14:34:24 GMT -5
I think that you are doing grand, PackRatus! I think that sometimes the beginning of cleaning up is the hardest. For me, I was fully aware that my house was "a mess", but the more I cleaned and cleared, the more mess I seemed to find! I struggled with overwhelm, too. (Actually, I still feel overwhelmed by the messiness sometimes.)
Someone in this community once suggested doing one square foot of space at a time. It is similar to the 15 minute time frame for working. (And the numbers are TOTALLY arbitrary! If someone can only work for 1 minute, that still helps.)
I was a follower of Flylady before joining a squalor forum. While I think that she has some wonderful ideas, I believe that I didn't get the message clear enough that I needed to sort and declutter and give things up before I could get my home clean. I hope that the combination of Flylady and SooS will be a big help for you!
I just wanted to post some encouragement for you. This is hard work! AND....call a cleaning lady now. Even if they can't get into every room to clean, they can pitch in now and help move you along quicker. I have had someone coming in every two weeks since the beginning of the year...it is a wonderful thing!!!
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Post by packusratus on Jul 19, 2008 19:26:45 GMT -5
I think that you are doing grand, PackRatus! I think that sometimes the beginning of cleaning up is the hardest. For me, I was fully aware that my house was "a mess", but the more I cleaned and cleared, the more mess I seemed to find! I struggled with overwhelm, too. (Actually, I still feel overwhelmed by the messiness sometimes.)
Someone in this community once suggested doing one square foot of space at a time. It is similar to the 15 minute time frame for working. (And the numbers are TOTALLY arbitrary! If someone can only work for 1 minute, that still helps.)
I was a follower of Flylady before joining a squalor forum. While I think that she has some wonderful ideas, I believe that I didn't get the message clear enough that I needed to sort and declutter and give things up before I could get my home clean. I hope that the combination of Flylady and SooS will be a big help for you!
I just wanted to post some encouragement for you. This is hard work! AND....call a cleaning lady now. Even if they can't get into every room to clean, they can pitch in now and help move you along quicker. I have had someone coming in every two weeks since the beginning of the year...it is a wonderful thing!!! You're right that I should call the cleaning lady now, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Also, right now I'm working for three weeks all day everyday except Sundays. I won't have the time until this job ends. However, then I will call her because I'm going to need help and I'm going home for a week in September. It will be nice to have her stop by that week I'm gone and just make sure Miss Kitty's litter box is clean and her food is stocked. I think what made me start this was a big trip I took at the start of the year. I knew my place was ridiculous, but I HAD to have someone come over fill my cat's feed bowl and water and clean the litter box. It was embarrassing. I'd just graduated and not taken a long trip for about 2 1/2 years, so I had 2 1/2 years of clutter and mess. Someone referred me to that site, but FlyLady really isn't working for me. The only thing that resonates with me is the 15 minute rule. That's great. But I've not been back to the site in days. I come to this forum a lot though. For me, I'm a communicator and I like just reading people's messages and getting support from others. So thanks for your feedback. I do appreciate it. |
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