canary
New Member
Joined: January 2010
Posts: 48
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Post by canary on Jan 13, 2010 0:10:43 GMT -5
Let me preface this by saying I'm not calling anyone dirty or neglectful of their bodies. But surely I can't be the only one out there who sometimes gives up on brushing my hair after a hard day?
For those of you who don't have to go outside your homes on a regular basis, do you ever put off personal grooming the way you might put off cleaning your home? I shower every day and keep up with that kind of thing, but my hair is extremely difficult to handle. The times I have managed to keep it knot-free and neat for a while, I have had to brush it no less than four times a day for ten to fifteen minutes each time. So often I put it off and say it can wait, and then a week later my hair is matted and sticking out all over the place and I have to cut through the tangles to get them out.
I suspect this has a lot to do with trying to put everything ahead of myself. If the house is a wreck, why do I deserve to look nice? I feel like I almost do it intentionally to force my shame about my squalorous nature out where everyone can see it.
Does anyone else have similar problems or tips for keeping these situations in check? The days of rushing in a panic to hide clutter and dirt aren't far behind me, and I'd like to stop anxiously tearing through my hair whenever I have to go out as well.
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Post by eagle on Jan 13, 2010 1:01:17 GMT -5
Canary, I have a couple of tips, which you can take or leave as you choose. First, get a good haircut and styling at a salon. A professionally done hairstyle goes a long way toward boosting your self-confidence and that may help you desire to maintain it.
Also, shorter hair doesn't need quite so much brushing, doesn't tangle nor mat like longer hair.
Link your desired habit (brushing your hair, for example) with another habit that you already do every day, no matter what. When laundry was an issue for me, I linked doing laundry to getting up everyday. It is now a daily habit for me to do a load of laundry everyday, and it began by linking it to getting up in the morning. So give that a try. Perhaps you have a habit or behavior that you do without fail, that you can link the hair-care to, thus making it easier to develop the new habit.
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Post by Arid on Jan 13, 2010 1:20:45 GMT -5
My mother tortured me for years by yanking a comb down from the top to clear the tangles out of my naturally-curly hair!!! Now, as an adult, I comb my hair from the bottom up! It really makes a HUGE difference. I clear the loose hairs out of the comb frequently as I work. It also reduces the breakage and split ends in my hair.
Arid
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Post by Arid on Jan 13, 2010 1:22:32 GMT -5
P. S. I NEVER use a brush--not with my curly hair!!! I use a large-toothed comb. My hair wraps itself around a brush as if it were the tentacles of an octopus!
Arid
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Post by marigold on Jan 13, 2010 3:20:54 GMT -5
I agree with Arid - untangling the bottom tip of the hair first, then when it's untangled, move an inch or two or three up (closer to the roots) and stroke downwards until you have untangled that, then in such manner progress upwards until the whole of your hair is untangled - that's what I had learned from a book "Vogue - Young Beauty" when I was 16, and am still amazed that, of all the people, I have not yet met a HAIRDRESSER who uses that painless technique to comb through hair! Also, applying some hair conditioner after you shampoo and rinse your hair helps to comb it through (with a wide-toothed comb with rounded edges, of course). Then rinse the conditioner well out. Also, don't rub your wet hair with a towel - just pat it gently with it, then wrap it around your head like a turban and leave the towel on for around 10 minutes so it soaks the water up. It's best to leave your hair to dry up naturally, but if you have to dry it with a hair-drier, at least don't hold it too close to the hair, but at least 10-20 cm away. If your hair is long enough, during the day, you could keep your hair in a pony tail, or a bun, or a braid so it doesn't tangle. I hope some of this all helps make your hair silky and knot-free
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Post by illuminata on Jan 13, 2010 3:37:33 GMT -5
For those of you who don't have to go outside your homes on a regular basis, do you ever put off personal grooming the way you might put off cleaning your home? I shower every day and keep up with that kind of thing, but my hair is extremely difficult to handle. The times I have managed to keep it knot-free and neat for a while, I have had to brush it no less than four times a day for ten to fifteen minutes each time. So often I put it off and say it can wait, and then a week later my hair is matted and sticking out all over the place and I have to cut through the tangles to get them out. [...] Does anyone else have similar problems or tips for keeping these situations in check? The days of rushing in a panic to hide clutter and dirt aren't far behind me, and I'd like to stop anxiously tearing through my hair whenever I have to go out as well. I have long[ish], thick, curly hair too, and what most people don't realize about thick, curly hair is that it is often fine and fragile hair...it just doesn't appear that way because of the sheer volume of it. I shower and wash my hair every day, simply because brushing/combing my hair every day is not going to work with my rat's nest. Just trying makes me look like fail. So, here's my current routine: - Wash and condition hair using Suave Sleek shampoo and conditioner (I comb my hair in the shower while the conditioner is still on it)
- Apply hair serum (current fave is by Smooth-n-Shine), comb through hair with wide-toothed comb
- Apply hair styling product (again, current fave is by S-n-S)
- Use hair dryer on low heat with diffuser or air dry
- If I still have fuzzy spots, I use smoothing spray (again my current fave is by S-n-S, I think it is called Polishing Spray)
If you use a polishing spray, or any sort of hair serum/smoothing spray, or even some kind of smoothing leave-in conditioner or smoothing lotion, and a wide-toothed plastic-tipped comb (mine has kind of thick, curvy teeth spaced w i d e l y apart), it should make it easier to comb through your hair. And once it is totally dry, I rarely "comb my hair out", and then only with lots of smoothing spray and a wide-toothed comb or gentle, cushy brush. A trim every so often on the split ends helps too. As far as "do I do this every day, even if I don't go anywhere"...it's funny, but for whatever reason I just cannot function unless I've had my shower and got my hair did. I don't have to put on makeup (unless I'm going out) or put on nice clothes, I just want my hair washed and clean underwear on. I insist on it. I don't know...for whatever reason, I want to put a clean face to the world. Maybe it's my way of trying to appear "normal" to the world at large while hiding my home. In fact, the messier my house gets, the more OCD I get about my appearance...the cleaner my house is, the more I think people will be forgiving of my appearance. But I still wash my hair every day. Go figgure. Hope this helps!
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beeble
New Member
Joined: September 2009
Posts: 9
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Post by beeble on Jan 13, 2010 4:49:53 GMT -5
Maybe I'm missing something but... if you're brushing it four times a day for 10 or more minutes a time just to keep it untangled... why not just braid it? I mean is there a reason it has to be loose?
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 13, 2010 8:21:54 GMT -5
Interestingly thoughts - and very to the point with me lately. The taking care of ourselves bit especially. I shower every night and wash my hair but have dropped off conditioning or any pampering at all.
I like long hair - part of it is severe demand resistance to my family insisting on short hair when I was at home and also from my sister's comment YEARS ago that long hair was inappropriate past a certain age.
But my hair in winter develops a life of it's own - and it ain't pretty! I think the extra layers or the way the coats go up around your neck makes the worse tangle area up under the back of the neck. I can have clear untangled hair until I hit that point. And working from home - several days I forget to do much but put it up in that ponytail and then wonder why it is so bad when I start to go out and brush it.
I also have gotten to where I wear the most awful things while working from home - especially clearing out areas to move so I don't ruin anything - which is embarrassing if someone comes to the door and I'm in sweatpants and old sweatshirts with holes and stains.
SO - I hearby resolve (cringe) to make using conditioner and brushing my hair out everyday a priority. And once I move - I intend to choose to keep clothes that are not too ragged and make sure I will not be shamed to have my new neighbors come to the door unexpectedly.
I also have tons of lotion and will never take the time to use it - my new house will have a large tub I can soak in and I think another good habit to take up would be bath soaks and lotion after bath. I know I would feel better if I decided I was worth taking care of ... no matter what shape my head and body are in.
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Post by Chris on Jan 13, 2010 10:04:17 GMT -5
Canary, Hair products can be so expensive but totally worth it when you find the right one which will detangle and help to condition/smooth. I had found one at Sally's and I wish I had the bottle -- the maker is I think Ion or something like that -- a creme colored bottle with red/maroon lettering and it's a detangler. I'm out right now and grabbed some other brand which I have to finish for money reasons. If you ask them in a place like Sally's you can get good advice. My son used to just mix conditioner with water and use it on his hair - the lady who cut his hair told him what to do. I almost always wear a ponytail because my hair is wild if I let it stay down. I've come to the place in my life where I do not color my hair, I don't listen to those saying long hair is not "appropriate" past certain age, I don't use makeup other than Pond's for my face and lip gloss or lipstick if I feel like it, I shower every other day in the winter, I live in jeans and ONLY dress up if it's a funeral or something. Being at home I do dress completely to the shoes until after supper when I get into pjs. I find being dressed right (for me that's jeans, athletic shoes and shirts) helps me be more productive and feel good. Routine helps a lot as does having the house in the best condition I can -- as I've moved more into maintainance I find that I have more time for my routines. Oh and I just wanted to say that if you have the time there is a group called "the long hair community" which is just full of tips and helpful (often extremely low cost) ideas on dealing with long hair. I got so many ideas there. I mention this because it sounds as if your hair is really a main issue. And believe me I know that a bad hair day (ya right for me I've had bad hair years) can cloud everything else. Good luck - you've got some great tips from others here - it's a very helpful thread!!!
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Post by JessicaMessica on Jan 13, 2010 11:07:22 GMT -5
my hair used to mat too - until i started using conditioner. now i rarely have to brush my hair. your mileage may vary, but it worked for me. if you aren't using conditioner, maybe you could try and see if it helps?
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Post by Script on Jan 13, 2010 12:17:07 GMT -5
Let me preface this by saying I'm not calling anyone dirty or neglectful of their bodies. Okey dokey, I'll say it for you: "I have been dirty and neglectful of my body LOTS OF TIMES". I am sure that one reason I kept my hair abnormally and unflatteringly short for so many years was so that I didn't need to care for it. The more I recover on all fronts (physical and financial squalor, mental - physical health), the more I am able to care for myself. Some people who had become accustomed to seeing me in ragged dirty clothes, unkempt hands-hair etc are SHOCKED when they see me now on my best days (curly, longer hair, manicured nails, swanky designer clothes). Even on my not-so-great days, I still look a ZILLION times better than in the worst days of my past. I use this ONE example a lot as a symbol of the depths to which I had once sunk: I used to wear baggy washed out sweat pants, running shoes and camping tee shirts in offices where the other women had on Armani suits. I am NOT making this up. PS: I don't have to spend a LOT of time on my hair, no matter what, but my hands require very extensive care: very fragile skin. Even without the nail biting and skin picking, they are prone to damage. To keep things 'in control' I should put hand-nail creams/oils on AT LEAST four times a day. I should NEVER put my hands in water in the kitchen; I should ALWAYS use rubber gloves to do everything, including peeling veggies and mixing foods. When I am down and uncaring, I just DON'T......
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Post by dailystruggle on Jan 13, 2010 12:34:39 GMT -5
Okay, another dumb confession. That's another thing that I didn't learn how to do from my parents: How to have proper hygiene. I have no idea how to put on makeup or to style my hair. The bathing part and brushing my teeth, you kind of figure out. What is a diffuser? I have naturally curly hair. It's not as curly as it used to be, but still a nuisance. I currently have really long hair. I'm thinking of getting it cut and layered though. I'm so depressed that hygiene just doesn't seem so important, even more so since I don't know what to do.
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Post by Script on Jan 13, 2010 14:35:33 GMT -5
A diffuser is an attachment that you put on the blowing end of a regular hand-held hair-dryer. It is flat, circular, with short 'teeth' like in a brush/combo. The idea is that you hold up your long curly hair, scrunch it a bit, and move the diffuser around. Instead of helping to make your hair STRAIGHT, it keeps the waves/curls. You can run it through you hair directly, or just keep your hair on your head and fluff it up through your fingers. Even if your parents were models of fashion, diffusers are a NEW sort of tool. I found out about them just recently myself. Helpful hint: read magazines. Watch shows on tv. LISTEN when people are talking. Even reading CATALOGUES help keep a person up to date. You don't have to follow everything slavishly. But a bit of knowledge helps so that you don't feel so out-of-touch. good luck
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Post by charis on Jan 13, 2010 15:14:32 GMT -5
I apologize if I am hijacking yr thread, dear canary You never said anything about the texture of your hair, but if it is curly you might look at this website, I love it: www.naturallycurly.com/
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Post by illuminata on Jan 13, 2010 16:19:19 GMT -5
Okay, another dumb confession. That's another thing that I didn't learn how to do from my parents: How to have proper hygiene. I have no idea how to put on makeup or to style my hair. The bathing part and brushing my teeth, you kind of figure out. What is a diffuser? I have naturally curly hair. It's not as curly as it used to be, but still a nuisance. I currently have really long hair. I'm thinking of getting it cut and layered though. I'm so depressed that hygiene just doesn't seem so important, even more so since I don't know what to do. My mom was a "beautician" (back in the day when they were still called that), but because she always cut my hair, and because for a while she actually washed and styled my hair FOR me (yes, until I was about fourteen or fifteen years old), I didn't learn how to "do" my hair or that there was any hairstyle other than either a curly halo or a brushed out "feathered" cut until I started dating my husband when I was eighteen and got out into the world a bit. While I wore makeup, I didn't know much about application or how to use it to my advantage because she didn't teach me. I've just sort of learnt as I've gone along in life. I agree with Script (sorry, I still think of you as Script!)...look at catalogs, magazines, or just go to the mall and take a stroll while looking at people's hair. It gives you a good idea of what people in your area are doing as far as fashion goes. What flies in New York might not be accepted in Middle America! One word of caution about curly hair and layers...too many layers give you the "cottonball" look. Try to have a few just at the bottom. My daughter has curly hair too, and she currently has it cut in a bob that is shorter in the back and longer towards the front, with a few layers just at the last couple of inches of hair. It just touches her shoulders in front and is above her collar in the back, all one length except for the few layers at the bottom. It's very easy to maintain and looks nice all the time, plus is just long enough for her to pull back for sports. Baby steps, in this too...cut off a LITTLE BIT of hair. If you like it, you can keep it or cut off a LITTLE BIT more. Don't go hacking on it just because you want a change. Use a LITTLE BIT of makeup...maybe some foundation and mascara and a swipe of lip gloss. When you get comfortable with that, you can add some eyeliner. When you get comfortable with that, add a bit of eyeshadow or blush. You don't have to go full tilt boogie the first day!
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