kitrin
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 65
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Post by kitrin on Jul 14, 2008 8:36:00 GMT -5
When we moved into the house we bought nearly three years ago I managed to stay in semi maitanence mode for the first year.. the basement never got fully unpacked but it was in a storage room on shelves and boxed etc. Trouble is as I am sure with most of you after a while I got tired of having no time for myself. So keeping up the house became less important. I was less picky about the jobs I did around the house. Dishes started to pile up for a few days before doing them. Laundry became something that got done when I had to again I could not bring myself to spend my whole evening every evening going down to the basement over and over to switch loads ( family of 6 meant multiple loads in a day after all). Dusting went from every few days to once a week to once a month to goodness knows how long. I went from being tired of not having enough time for myself to taking too much time for myself. All of a sudden I was back to having crisis cleaning days again. At least this time around the rooms never got as bad as they had been. Or so I thought. Maintaining is hard! One really needs to have a change of mental attitude to be able to do it successfully. It is not just a change of our actions but of our mental state. I need to get over the ME attitude. I need to stop the woe is me about being tired and worn out from working for a living and having a home to keep to realizing that while a family and job and small home is not my dream existence it is my lot in life I have to make it work to find a version of happiness that works. I hate the mess. I hate the disorganization. I have make myself remember that I hate these things even more than I hate not having time for myself! Yes I have managed to make my main floor livable for the most part in the 3 years since we moved but I have not made this home the stress free clean and organized home I dreamed of when we moved in here. Now is the time for me to do that. Now is the time I stop worrying about time for me. Time for me will come. Adjusting how I manage my ideas about daily and weekly jobs will balance out the work load. Retraining my kids about how they manage their daily chores too. I have no dreams about how to spend my free time when I am done digging out the basement and bedrooms. I first have to see how long these jobs will take. Taking the mess one day at a time before I allow myself time to day dream  |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 14, 2008 20:17:37 GMT -5
- Kitrin, Your entire post one of the most profound things I've read here (and on old forums) in a long time. Thanks for posting. I need to put this part on my refrigerator, my computer monitor, and my bathroom mirror, and the dashboard of my car! Maintaining is hard! One really needs to have a change of mental attitude to be able to do it successfully. It is not just a change of our actions but of our mental state.
I need to get over the ME attitude. I need to stop the woe is me about being tired and worn out from working for a living and having a home to keep ...
to realizing that while a family and job and small home is not my dream existence, it is my lot in life. I have to make it work to find a version of happiness that works.
I hate the mess. I hate the disorganization. I have make myself remember that I hate these things even more than I hate not having time for myself! _ |
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Post by syzygy on Jul 14, 2008 20:23:03 GMT -5
In a family of 6, you can't be the only one doing household chores.
I'm not sure how old your kids are, but can you start getting them to do some? For middle school age and up, let them do their own wash. Younger kids can do smaller chores. Older kids can do more.
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Post by Carrie on Jul 14, 2008 20:48:20 GMT -5
Syzygy is right, you need to be able to delegate some of the work to others who live with you. And from what I have read, once you get to maintenance you actually have MORE time free. Because maintenance takes up much less time than catch-up. Also, if you're in maintenance phase, then if you want/need to take a day or two totally "off" without doing any housework at all, you can do that and it won't take you too long to catch up when you're "back". I do remember, when I was a good housekeeper, waaaaay back when ............ that it didn't take all that much time per day to keep things up. But I did the same thing you did - once I had kids I decided that I wanted as much "me" time as possible, and the housework went right down the tubes! I guess it's a matter of self-discipline - knowing what you need to do and doing it without complaining. You sound like your attitude is leaning right along those lines. Just don't deprive yourself TOTALLY of "me" time, then you'll just feel resentful. And by the way, good for you keeping the main floor livable! Things could be worse!
Carrie
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Post by packusratus on Jul 14, 2008 22:04:33 GMT -5
I have to agree with the others. It sounds like you've put yourself in this sacrifice mode regarding maintaining your home.
You need help. It sounds like a big space and a few people using it. What I noticed is you didn't mention any of them in your post. Husband? Kids? I don't think you're living in this big space all alone.
Get them to help you. I know when I was a kid I LOVED helping my mom clean (in fact, I think she did too much and that's one big reason I'm not the best at cleaning as an adult.)
My chore was cleaning the bathroom when I got older. It's probably why I do it so well now. I would also load the washer and hang the clothes out to dry as well as take out the trash and wash the dishes. Ironically, going through the list of things I did as a child reflects on the things I do now. I'll keep my kitchen and bathrooms very clean - always have, but have mad clutter everywhere else. I know kids like to be involved in projects like that, so get them on-board. They'll lighten your load and learn in the process too.
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kitrin
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 65
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Post by kitrin on Jul 14, 2008 23:07:16 GMT -5
To clarify the kids do help..
However no matter how much I try to remember the " even chores done improperly bless the home" motto.. I am tired of ruined clothes, crusty dishes and still stinking cat boxes that are supposedly done... no matter how many times I have tried to get the kids to do jobs right they do not. So I do the lions share. They think they are because I have to nag them to actually FINISH their jobs all day when really they could have done their chores in 20 minutes had they not messed around all day.
No one else in the house cooks unless you count hot dogs and kraft dinner which I find repulsive... so all meal prep is up to me.
maintaining is hard for ME because it is too easy to let one day of not doing a chore turn into 2 .. to turn into a week. This is how my brain is wired.. YMMV.
I have my daily chores/personal hygiene/meal prep worked out to about 5 hours a day depending on if it is a heavy laundry day or not.
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Post by BDG on Jul 15, 2008 12:15:29 GMT -5
If I recall correctly you were one of the first ones to try the lick and promise cleaning method, and you said it helped so maybe try that again. To cut down on laundry my SIL an RN gave each one of her family a different color bath towel and several matching wash cloths a week, they had to hang them up to dry for the next bath, she said the body is clean after a bath and so there is no need to use a different towel everytime. Hubby and I do the same thing but we use about two towels a week each. It cuts down on laundry considerably. If you can alternate the bed changes, like maybe half one day and the other half another day, so that you are not having to wash and put clean sheets on all of the beds at once. My Mom used to make me change my school clothes if clean when I came home from school and hang them up for one more wear, doing this kept them looking newer longer, I wasn't playing in them and getting them stained up, also less washing meant less fading of the material which eventually happens with a lot of washing. This helped preserve my clothes and cut down on laundry. This is one I have read that is very frugal, but it is also good time saver. When you cook, cook double portions and freeze half immediately, that way the next week or later in the week you have most of a meal already cooked, it does take a bit of planning, but it helps cuts down on your time spent in the kitchen and saves on the electric bill too. Also plan a few nights that give you a break on hours over a stove, sandwiches and soup and maybe a store bought dessert or a really fast one preparation wise was a meal my kids loved, hubby snurled up his nose on occasion, but he ate it. The kids loved fish and chip night, (store bought fish sticks and a bag of frozen french fries) and they cooked it, sometimes fought over who got to cook it as my middle child liked her fish baked still crunchy because they were still half frozen.  Okay so maybe it was not the healthiest meal in the world, but most of the other meals were so I figured it was alright for one night. I also used my crock pot a lot, it is great for slow cooking a bad cut of meat and making it tender, I also used it for soup brown beans, soup, chili, whatever you can throw in there and forget about until meal time. Pay attention to the store sales, one of our grocery stores is having a sale, deli prepared whole chickens for 3.99, I can't buy a frozen one here for that price. I bought two their whats for supper tonight. Look for ways that make things work for you, things that make your life simpler in terms of maintenance. Good Luck, BTW I remember you posting the house on the old board when you were looking at it, it was a beautiful home. |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 19, 2008 14:51:08 GMT -5
I struggle with this as well. Sometimes when I don't want to do something, I actually have to remind myself that I AM the Mom, and it is not unrealistic for me to pull some of the extra work!
However, I work full-time, and I'm not very good at cleaning up. If I tried to do it all, I could not. Also, I firmly believe that a large part of my job as a parent is to ensure that my kids are capable adults. So they each need to learn how to do the various chores. However, since we spent so much time living in a mess, initially it was pretty impossible to get them to help. I was trying to figure out how to clean! Of course they didn't know much. In fact, at the beginning, I would tell them that we were trying to get a room to look like the babysitter's house. (Really really clean and neat!)
Maybe we need another thread of ideas on how to get other family members to pitch in. But the first step for me was getting me to pull my share of the load. (I have NEVER worked for 5 hours on house stuff after working outside the home!)
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