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Post by clutterfree on Feb 4, 2010 17:31:29 GMT -5
I just found out from my cousin that my aunt has been living in level 3, possibly 4, conditions for who knows how long. She always made excuses for my cousin not to come in.
She's an alcoholic and has been depressed for years. My cousin took her home one night and went in anyway, which of course caused my aunt to fly into hysterics.
While my aunt was at work, my cousin went and started cleaning and said she spent several hours there and barely made a path to the bed. She didn't throw "stuff" away, just things like empty boxes, rotting food and trash, and I think she cleaned the bathroom. She really just dealth with the filth, not possessions.
My aunt wasn't upset at that, though she wasn't crazy about it either. I think she was resigned more than anything. I offered help to my cousin if she wants help cleaning. I think at this point that's all I can do. I rarely see my aunt anymore, though I love her, and I know she would not bring it up to me. I think she would be even more hysterical and ashamed to know that I know.
This has shocked me beyond belief, and yet it was something I soft of suspected--though not to this degree, I guess. I'm a jumble of emotions over it, even though I realize it really isn't all about ME.
My cousin was bothered by telling me, but she needed someone to confide in.
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Post by Chris on Feb 4, 2010 17:59:09 GMT -5
 I am so sorry. It is so very hard -- perhaps one of the hardest things in life --- to see a person we care about suffer with problems or illness. It just makes you feel so helpless. I hope that your aunt will begin to allow people to help her. I imagine the alcoholism and depression complicate things a lot! And your idea to help your cousin -- I think that's really good -- even if it's just listening. This way you can be of anonymous help to your aunt in whatever capacity you and your cousin work out. Good luck!
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Post by StuffNoMore on Feb 5, 2010 6:45:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry your Aunt is going through all this. You're a wonderful niece to be there for her. It may be hard for her at first to allow you to help but hopefully with a slow and gentle approach from you she'll be more accepting to your help and your cousins. She's probably very embarrassed by having others see her living conditions and I'm sure we can all understand that. Keep us posted on how she's coming along. With you by her side through this I'm sure her life will be much improved. Bless you for being there for her.  Hugs SNM |
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Post by clutterfree on Feb 5, 2010 8:28:37 GMT -5
I did tell my cousin how bad it was for me living in squalor--she's always known I was messy--we grew up like sisters--but hadn't been in my house during the years that it was a nightmare, and hasn't been here since to see that I'm not even messy anymore for the most part.
So I made a confession of my own and told her just how bad things had gotten at one point. And I told her that if she thought it would help make things easier for anyone, she was free to tell my aunt that I'd been there and knew what it was like, and that I understood.
I hope it at least makes her feel better, if nothing else.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Feb 5, 2010 9:12:30 GMT -5
Perfect!
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Post by StuffNoMore on Feb 5, 2010 18:47:06 GMT -5
You're a wonderful niece!!! Hugs SNM |
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Post by kadymae on Feb 6, 2010 18:22:52 GMT -5
Oh, Clutterfree ...
I wish there were some easy way to help your auntie and your cousin. (And of course you are a jumble of emotions -- these are people you love!)
Whatever you choose to do, just make it clear to your cousin and your Auntie that you love them and that you want good things for Auntie.
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Post by Arid on Feb 7, 2010 15:24:56 GMT -5
clutterfree: Take a look at what I wrote on the "Two new books" thread here on the General Forum. The first book that I mentioned directly addresses the issues that you have raised. It is a book that is well worth buying, in my opinion.
Good luck.
Arid
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