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Post by packusratus on Jul 18, 2008 7:22:12 GMT -5
Okay, I'm well into sorting out my home, finally. I realize that I just set an unrealistic goal thinking I could do it all in a week. I remember talking to my therapist about this months ago and saying that it would take a few weeks to get everything in order. From where I am now with my place it's another week or two weeks because I've started a three week job where I almost all day. After that, I'm on vacation again, but for the next three weeks I'll get to test drive keeping up my habits to maintain my place and I'll have to keep chipping away at my goal. So why am I feeling down about it? I'm talking myself off that perfectionistic ledge again. Part of doing that is just typing it out in a place where other people understand. Also, I feel vulnerable. There is a guy. I like him. I thought he liked me. We went out and, I thought, we hit it off. He, unfortunately, got into a fender bender and ended up in the hospital for a few days. Of course, I wasn't wishing for him to be hurt, but it did buy me a few extra days to get into cleaning up my place. I wanted to visit him in the hospital and bring him something home baked, but he said he didn't want me to see him "like that." He's in one of the more vain professions, so I can handle that. A friend gave me what I thought was a great idea: find out where he is, bake for him and just drop it off but don't go in the room. I'm thinking great idea. It's nice. It's not too much (so I thought). It shows I can compromise (my priority really was just doing something nice for him.) He responded well, I thought. A great phone call with a lot of "where are you?", "oh, how cool!", "wow! thank you!", but I didn't double back. I let him be. Just a text message or two a couple of days later but I waited for him to call. He did the day after he got out of the hospital about 5 or 6 days later. I'm thinking great...game back on. Without all of the details because there isn't much more to it, it's just not working out. No plans to see him this weekend. No consistent contact from him  Wahhhhhhhhh... I'll get over it. It's nothing serious. Another guy will come along, one always does, but eh...it still sucks to like someone and have it fizzle out. So here I am with a bruised ego, a dirty apartment and a headache because my three week job is run by a micromanager from hell. Any advice on how to work through it? |
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Post by metamorpha on Jul 18, 2008 11:39:22 GMT -5
 Would plenty of hugs help? Maybe you can make a daily promise to yourself? Like, "Tonight, when I get home from work, I will put my books in the bookcases, and then pour myself a glass of wine." My husband seems to handle chores better when I bundle them in with his workday. So make one chore a part of your day each day? I'm sorry that you're dealing with all this junk at once, but it's great that you're trying to give yourself more time. You're trying to be reasonable and treat yourself the right way. And that's good, because you do deserve that.
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Post by puppybox on Jul 18, 2008 13:10:23 GMT -5
I SO hear you.
life sucks sometimes, this too shall pass etc. play some good music to clear your head and/or take a long walk if the weather is good. love, puppy
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Post by packusratus on Jul 19, 2008 5:26:05 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback and support you two! Would plenty of hugs help? Maybe you can make a daily promise to yourself? Like, "Tonight, when I get home from work, I will put my books in the bookcases, and then pour myself a glass of wine." My husband seems to handle chores better when I bundle them in with his workday. So make one chore a part of your day each day? I'm sorry that you're dealing with all this junk at once, but it's great that you're trying to give yourself more time. You're trying to be reasonable and treat yourself the right way. And that's good, because you do deserve that. I think the daily promise is a great idea. I did a little bit yesterday, but nothing compared to the other days. But, this is where I get too hard on myself. Yesterday was the first day of a three week job. I came home with a bad headache and there was man-drama. Doing just a little in the midst of that is okay. I SO hear you. life sucks sometimes, this too shall pass etc. play some good music to clear your head and/or take a long walk if the weather is good. love, puppy Yeah, well, where I'm hard on myself, I'm also REALLY hard on other people. That occurred to me this morning en route to work. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I realized was it really necessary to get so worked up? I forgave him and forgave myself. (Yes, I've left out the details...don't want to talk about it.) Sent him a text saying what was going on with me yesterday and he messaged me back. Communication is open with him again and there is no rush because my apartment is not visitor ready yet. Maybe I can learn to be a kinder and gentler me to not only myself but to others. Having a thyroid disorder does mean my moods are much more intense now, but I'm trying to learn how to manage it better AND I've learned a few times to back down and apologize when my temper gets the best of me. (I've always had a fiery temper and strong personality, now though, I get angry much quicker than I ever had.) |
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Lochmess
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 55
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Post by Lochmess on Jul 19, 2008 15:56:58 GMT -5
From a different viewpoint, maybe you want to try to consider this episode with this guy as an opportunity to get your home in order, doing all the cleaning for YOU, finding the motivation and the incentive in you, to please yourself, instead of looking for motivation elsewhere or in other people ( = this guy who's not ready yet, exactly like you).
:-)
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Post by packusratus on Jul 19, 2008 19:14:12 GMT -5
From a different viewpoint, maybe you want to try to consider this episode with this guy as an opportunity to get your home in order, doing all the cleaning for YOU, finding the motivation and the incentive in you, to please yourself, instead of looking for motivation elsewhere or in other people ( = this guy who's not ready yet, exactly like you). :-) You're right about that. I'm honest enough to admit that cleaning up started with the idea that he and others would be able to come by. However, he's definitely on a delay now. Communication is back but I sense this is going to be a long-term project (him, not the decluttering). But just yesterday I met someone else, so there really is always a new guy if you're open to it. So my goal is just to clean up my home, period. I feel great walking in and seeing open space. I feel great that I can use my other room in the way I intended when I moved in 3 years ago, as a dressing room/closet. I now iron and get dressed in that room instead of running haphazardly around my place trying to find where I put my underwear, shifting plugs around to plug in my iron (which was in the living room because the other room was too full of junk) and I can even lay out what I'm going to wear the night before. I feel great that I've got a kitchen that I can use and a fridge that is clean. Even my cat is happy and is using the litter box more (she's an old cat, 18 human years old, and I suspect sometimes getting to the litter box is an issue even when it's clean). She's also sleeping on the couch again because, wow, there is room to crash on the couch! The bedroom/closet room she loves because that room has always been closed (as it had clothes, luggage and boxes thrown everywhere, I kept her out of it.) Now she walks in, looks around, sniffs here and there and then walks out. Overall, I'm feeling better with this change. Now I need to keep that motivation up and finish it. I'm the type to freak out midstream and just stop. However, I know that's my perfectionism and impatience kicking in. I'm going to beat that this time though because I really do want to change and just have a place that makes me happy and a place where I can entertain. |
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spacemaker
New Member
Space (where I can see carpet), the final frontier
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 88
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Post by spacemaker on Jul 20, 2008 0:15:34 GMT -5
Hi Packusratus,
I can certainly relate to having all the negative feelings when someone I like does not turn out to like me - hope you are feeling better soon.
I made a decision a number of years ago to choose to look at this in a different way. If someone does not call back or does not want to go out again, I choose to think of it as them having done me a favor. To me, it would be much worse to waste my time with someone who did not really like me or was just pretending to like me to meet some need of their own. It frees me to move on and maybe meet someone who will be more compatible.
Still sucks and it can hurt but I try to realize that those feelings are much more about my own hangups and insecurities and that the real truth is, I am now free to move on to someone or something better!
I really like what you did with leaving him something at the desk without going into his room. Given the circumstances, that was just perfect.
XO,
SpaceMaker
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Post by packusratus on Jul 20, 2008 1:34:25 GMT -5
Hi Packusratus,
I can certainly relate to having all the negative feelings when someone I like does not turn out to like me - hope you are feeling better soon. I made a decision a number of years ago to choose to look at this in a different way. If someone does not call back or does not want to go out again, I choose to think of it as them having done me a favor. To me, it would be much worse to waste my time with someone who did not really like me or was just pretending to like me to meet some need of their own. It frees me to move on and maybe meet someone who will be more compatible. Still sucks and it can hurt but I try to realize that those feelings are much more about my own hangups and insecurities and that the real truth is, I am now free to move on to someone or something better! I really like what you did with leaving him something at the desk without going into his room. Given the circumstances, that was just perfect.
XO, SpaceMaker Yeah, I think we all have it or, if we don't, we've got egos made of steel  I do think it was a great idea that my friend gave me and since he is a buddy of mine from university and, most important, a guy, I did trust his advice. This was more about the recipient than anything and, you're right, about wasted time. Like I said, communication between me and Sir Hospitalized is open again, so we'll see what happens. Part of it was me reacting and being ready to cut the guy off and that wasn't called for either. I've got to learn that I need to be easier on others as well as myself because no one wants to deal with that. He doesn't HAVE to like me in that way just because I like him. It was just he was nice and assertive: saw me, asked for my number, called a few days later, called again, then asked me out. Then the car accident happens and I thought things were just on hold. Instead, things might just be dead It was just interesting to have the realization that, in spite of calling me when he got out of the hospital, that he was distancing himself. That hit me on a day where I'd also had a crappy day at work and walked in the house with a headache. I rarely get headaches, so when do, I'm definitely stressed. So layer what felt like rejection from someone I was starting to like on that and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. Today things are better. Someone else has caught my eye. We'll see if I've caught his.  We'll see if that can lead to a good round of dates. The crazy boss woke me up today with a text message just before 7am on my day off. That screwed up my sleep for the day, but I fired off a message back telling him NEVER to do that again. It does mean, however, instead of getting back to work on my apartment in the morning the way I planned, I'm doing it in the afternoon because I was groggy and went back to sleep. Eh...it's better than not doing it at all. Now it's time for me to get back to it. |
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Post by Platypus on Jul 20, 2008 3:59:00 GMT -5
 I just hate that mico-managing approach. It actually has the opposite effect on me, and as I am very intelligent, they end up with a very angry, very bright worker. Not a good combination, company-wise.  Now I am a sub-contracter. Much better. 
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Post by packusratus on Jul 20, 2008 5:26:46 GMT -5
I just hate that mico-managing approach. It actually has the opposite effect on me, and as I am very intelligent, they end up with a very angry, very bright worker. Not a good combination, company-wise. Now I am a sub-contracter. Much better. What do you mean opposite reaction? That's the exact reaction I have. My opinion is don't hire me if you don't trust me to do my job. I understand briefing me and getting me up to speed but after that don't constantly peck at me with this and that. I'm not going to not work well in that situation. I thought I'd be able to avoid butting heads with this fool because it was just a three-week job. That's why I ended up going home with a headache. I'd sat on firing back at him, but he'll seriously harass and bother employees to the point that they're completely stressed out. I don't work there full-time and I've got my primary job which I'm on vacation from right now. I don't have to sit back and tolerate this sort of silly behavior. The fact is he needs me and I'd like the extra pay because it will cover a couple of upcoming trips. He spoke to me the night before and I guess he thought that opened the door for text messages in the 6am hour. It doesn't. I was very firm that he not do that again and take notes when thoughts go through his block head. Plus, what he asked for (a copy of my bank account info so he can pay me) is standard. Everyone asks for it and everyone knows to bring their account information, so they can get paid. It wasn't something worthy of a early morning text message. Very few things ever are. He's just neurotic, disorganized and, clearly, silly. He's not figured out how to make a checklist and actually use it, so the people working under him have to somehow work around it. What's funny is everything else about it is good. Fairly stress free work hours, well supplied, tons of resources, etc. It's the guy in charge. If we could just put a muzzle on him and lock his phone away after work hours we'd all be fine But the good news is, in spite of being disturbed this morning, I got part of my room done. So now I'm looking at a big open space of clean floor! I've got more to do but getting that done is great! I also moved my exercise bike to my big window, so I can start using it again (it was basically a clothes hanger sitting in my room and collecting clothes on the handle and dust just about everywhere else.) |
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