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Post by helpmeimamess on Jul 20, 2008 16:23:46 GMT -5
I've been a long time lurker here (and previously on squalor survivors) and I have my problems with clutter and cleaning. My house was always cluttered, sometimes unclean, but I did my best. I cleared out most of my clutter and even had my house in almost showroom condition in order to sell it. Even then I required noticed before someone could see it. I have pets and well they come with the mess so I cleaned before anyone came. It all went great, had an offer, and I relaxed on the cleaning (it was killing me to clean so much - who can live like that?!)
So what's the problem? Well I have just been humiliated beyond belief. I came back from a long journey yesterday, very early in the morning to a house that REEKED of god knows what. The pet sitter had left the dog to run around the house, and the dog had dutifully pooped and peed all over the basement. You can probably imagine the smell. Add to that the dirty dishes in the sink I haven't got around to cleaning, the rug in the living room that smells so bad from pet mess and the other rooms getting cluttered again and the house really isn't looking or smelling very good.
I left the cleaning until today, but I have been so exhausted I haven't got around to it yet. I was taking a towel covered in dog pee (why does she do that?!) into the basement, and as I was passing the back door, two guys were just standing there! They were the house inspector and the buyer's friend I think staring at me through the glass. I had to let them in, and eventually more people turned up, the buyer, her daughter, her parents all in my disgusting smelly house. I just wanted to cry. Then my husband who I rang in a panic sent his mum and sister around to be there for me. So great - now I have the house inspector, the buyer and her family PLUS my in-laws in my disgusting smelly house. I had to try to clean up dog mess (and the dog hasn't been well - eww) whilst the inspector was in the basement. I gave up eventually. There was just no way to get rid of it and clean it. I just want to die. They were there for hours. I feel such a failure. I just wish I could curl up and die. I really do.
Has anyone ever handled anything like this? How do you get over the shame?
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 20, 2008 17:31:37 GMT -5
Oh, my. That just isn't fair, and after you had the house so clean, too! Did you explain that your dog had been ill, and that a dog sitter was hired but did not show up?
I'm not sure what to advise you. I know that when we sold our house, we actually sent the dogs off to live with a friend for a few months! So the fact that you got the place clean with the animals there shows that you CAN do it.
Can anyone come help you clean up? If not...just do a little bit...a 15 minute challenge. Throw some pee stuff in the washer. Every little bit helps.
Welcome out of lurkdom. I'm sorry you had such an experience! 
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Post by Carrie on Jul 20, 2008 17:40:16 GMT -5
Oh, helpme .......... I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I think this scenario is every squaloree's worst nightmare! I haven't had such a thing happen to me yet, but I fear it every day. I'm sure there are others out there who will share their stories with you.
What I can relate to is the feeling of humiliation. There have been times when I have felt so awful about my living conditions, I couldn't stand to be with myself. And I've had "minor" incidents, such as when my daughter brought her new boyfriend over here and the house was a disaster! (to my further horror, he even used the bathroom!) Luckily they didn't stay long, but my face was burning red for an hour after they left!
Try to give yourself a break, seeing as you were away and that's what most of it was due to. I know that doesn't help the horrible feelings you had to endure while they were there, but it really wasn't all your fault.
Then give yourself a hug. Tell yourself that just because you tend to have a problem with housecleaning, you are not a bad person! You have some wonderful qualities, I'm sure, that others would love to have!
Next you might want to look at it as a "sign" from the powers that be ........... maybe it's a nudge to you to get you motivated to make some changes! That's what we are here for, and there are so many lovely folks here who can cheer you on as you make progress.
I hope there won't be any negative repurcussions from them seeing the house that way, will there? If you think it would help, you might just make a few phone calls and apologize for the state of the house and explain that you were away and the animals weren't taken care of properly. I don't know if that would make you feel better or worse, but it's an option.
I know you can make improvements in your home, and I'm glad you posted after lurking for a long time! You'll see how much support and help you'll get ............. let us know what happens, okay?
Carrie
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Post by helpmeimamess on Jul 20, 2008 17:53:49 GMT -5
You know, I was so shocked they turned up unannounced that I kind of shut down. I really thought anything I said would just sound like an excuse. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. I have just gone and put the pee stained towel in the wash, so that's a start  I have also made a start on the dishes. You're right, I can do it, I'm just mortified they chose a time when it had lasped to turn up like that. There really is no-one to help though. Hubby is away on business, so it's just me, the dog, two cats and an autistic child! It's a struggle. I guess it's just hard to take. I spent three months of my life doing nothing but cleaning, decluttering and painting. I threw out three dumpsters worth of stuff and made myself ill both physically and emotionally getting the house ready to sell as fast as I could. I spent time on the squalor surivers website lurking and getting inspiration from the posts there (thank you to all of you for that). And the two times the buyer has seen it before it's been immaculate (I spent 4 hours each time making sure the place was spotless). I just hope they don't pull out of the sale because of this. Really the smell is too awful to describe. It hurts that my in-laws only saw mess and dog mess rather than the spotless house I spent so much time creating. It's hard not to beat myself up for not cleaning more after the offer came in. I've just been in such a state of depression that it takes all my energy to clean like that. Still I have made a start, and tonight I will tackle that basement and the house should at least smell ten times better! |
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Post by helpmeimamess on Jul 20, 2008 18:03:09 GMT -5
Carrie - my husband has apparently phoned their realtor to complain, telling her about the pet situation. Hopefully it will help. I am angry they turned up unannounced and I'm just going to cross my fingers that it hasn't ruined the sale.
And yes it probably is a sign - a nudge I need right now. It's so easy to lapse. I know I need to take better care of myself (I have been having problems with that because I am so depressed lately. Luckily even though I haven't bothered getting ready this morning, I was dressed and did at least look okay despite uncombed hair and no make-up!).
Has anyone ever considered giving up their pets? I have to confess I wonder if I should. I just find it so hard to clean up after them all the time. Course my children would never forgive me.
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 20, 2008 18:41:41 GMT -5
When my husband had a major stroke (years ago), we ended up losing our house and our new car. The three of us ended up living in a run down single wide trailer and it wasn't in the best area of town either. I drove a beat up old car too. Although I was working, money was very tight as my job was our only source of income. When we lost the house, I ended up selling most of our decent furniture for the money, and bought or got for free a neglected chair, loveseat, etc...our kitchen table at that time was a card table. Because the place was so small, any shelf in there was crammed with essentials because there really wasn't any storage to speak of. I can remember this one shelf that was built into the kitchen wall and it held everything from a toaster oven to toys and christmas stuff, dog food too. Did I mention we had our dog there too? Still a puppy at the time but.... It was at this point that my husband's ex and their two kids showed up from out of state to visit along with half of the ex's family too. Can you imagine all those people crammed into that little trailer? The adults seemed delighted by this turn of events. And me, I was humiliated beyond belief. My only consolation was that I would never see these people again in my life (except the kids). I would never talk to them on the phone, or invite them over, etc....and his kids, well, they just didn't care because they were kids. So you have to ask yourself, what are the chances you will ever see that inspector or the buyers friend again? Will you have constant contact with the buyers themselves? People with whom you remain in contact I would definitely explain the situation to; you were gone and the pet sitter didn't do their job, what a mess to come home to!! Most reasonable people will understand this. And don't worry about the ones that you'll never see again!! This too shall pass... |
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Post by onwardandupward on Jul 20, 2008 19:04:25 GMT -5
First of all, welcome. Second, here's a hug. You need one. Third, it sounds to me like you may not be dealing with just the current mess. The mess that you were faced with when the inspector showed up may not be quite as awful as you think. Could it be that you are imagining all of your previous mess when you think of what the visitors saw? If you recently had your home clean enough to show, it is probably not too bad right now. Try not to panic. It could turn out just fine. Onward |
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Post by angelinahedgehog on Jul 20, 2008 19:08:16 GMT -5
helpmeimamess, I recall that several members have made decisions to give up some (or even all) of their pets. It's a difficult decision, to say the least, but in each case, they knew that things were not going well. Something had to give.
I know of at least four family members who had to give up pets for various reasons, and none of the children in those families have burning resentment about it. Yes, it is a loss. It is a sad thing. But it can be handled with a minimum of disruption.
I believe that one member made her pets "outside" pets rather than inside pets. They were still loved and cared for, but they weren't indoors, and that helped make maintenance a lot easier.
Take it easy on yourself, okay?
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Post by helpmeimamess on Jul 20, 2008 19:50:38 GMT -5
heylady - good point. I will NEVER see the inspector again and it's doubtful I will ever meet the buyer again either as my name isn't on the deed so I won't need to be there at closing. My in-laws did mention I must be tired after the long journey so hopefully they understood onward - you're probably right, the mess to them probably didn't seem as bad as it did in my head. I'm sure the state my house used to be in was clouding my judgement on it. The dining room was still immaculate, the bedrooms had a few clothes, the living room wasn't too bad apart from the rug that smells bad. The kitchen, well that was messy but what do they expect dropping by unannounced? The dishes were dirty and all over the kitchen along with toys and food and trash. Mostly it's the smell that I'm horrified at now. I remember what it smelt like when I stepped into my house at 2am. It reeked bad. Maybe I can pretend that they all had bad head colds and couldn't smell a thing. And the dog poop, ugh that is probably the most humiliating one of all. angelina - it's such a hard decision. It would be so much easier for me right now. But we're looking for a house with land so I can let the dog out a lot more (the neighbor at the moment won't allow my dog out on her own at all and stares out of the window at me if I step outside the house. I shouldn't let it get to me but I do, so I don't take the dog out except for certain times so she can go to the bathroom). Having outside pets sounds like it might work though. Having them all confined inside isn't working out. The resentment I think would come from my family thinking I didn't stick it out long enough. I have another month in this house that's all. I guess I should just find a way of coping for a month. Sighs, well another load of laundry is on (one of the cats decided my bath mat needed a wash too apparently) and the poop is picked up from the basement and the air freshener is masking the smell somewhat at the moment so I'm having a coffee and trying to relax. |
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Post by Chris on Jul 20, 2008 20:17:23 GMT -5
Time will help - you'll feel better and less humiliated after time. I think it's horrendous that they came with no notice - and I would no doubt have grabbed my keys, ran out and locked the door behind me and explained "you can not go in there right now". But, gosh what an awful thing for you to go thru. Time is one thing that will really help. This too will pass but right now it's real rough I imagine.
If anything about this situation helps you overcome cleaning challenges in the future then you'll look back someday and thank the whole lot of them for the rude awakening. Bless you - I can only imagine the clean up and the energy involved. I will be keeping positive thoughts for you that the sale goes as you want and that you feel better quick.
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Post by Chris on Jul 20, 2008 20:21:35 GMT -5
Have you considered boarding the dog for a month? Just to help you with the situation. I don't know how much it costs nowadays but I remember having to board my cat once for a few weeks and it wasn't too much money at that time.
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Post by helpmeimamess on Jul 20, 2008 21:26:40 GMT -5
I really wish I had the money to put the dog into boarding, it would be an ideal solution right now, because she really is a very sweet dog. Unfortunately the move is costing us a fortune and we've run out of money! And ty for the positive thoughts |
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Post by threeg on Jul 20, 2008 21:52:25 GMT -5
Hi Helpme....welcome! That realtor was a real jerk, and I hope that he/she feels rotten after what happened. That being said, most people know that having pets means having messes once and awhile. Hopefully they will understand. My dogs were never inside unless they were sick or having puppies, so I had no dog poop to deal with, but my cats were another story.  They just LOVED to pee on clothing or rugs and did it regularly after they were adult cats. Why I still don't know.  I didn't get rid of them, but once they died I also didn't replace them. I was tired of the hair, pee, and poop all over the place. The last two of my cats were sick and had to be put down. Then the last dog was euthanized, as he was dying and in pain. I miss them still, but I don't miss the messes. Wishing you good luck with the sale of your house.   3g is me |
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Post by megtreb on Jul 20, 2008 22:35:43 GMT -5
Dear Helpme...
I'm really sorry you are having so much trouble right now. But you are right, a month is really not that long, soon you will be out of there!
I just want to say that when cats are peeing in inappropriate places, it is sometimes because they have a medical problem, usually a urinary tract infection or crystals in their urine, like my Luna had. The first thing to do when they start doing this is take them to the vet. I don't know if this is true of dogs, but I would guess so.
Also, sometimes when kitties have a urinary (or a bowel) problem, they come to associate the litter box with pain and then they won't use it anymore, even after they are better. It might help to get a new box that is different from the old one, or try a different kind of litter.
Good Luck with your new home!
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Post by BDG on Jul 21, 2008 2:24:44 GMT -5
Can you fix her a place outside during the day in a shady area, maybe you could fence a small area in if the yard is not fenced, bringing her in and alternating time spent inside with time spent outside, and then let her spend evenings with you. This is what I do, it cuts down on the mess quite a bit and the dogs love spending more time outside.
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