atticus
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 1
|
Post by atticus on Jul 22, 2008 5:47:51 GMT -5
I have no witty story or introduction all I can say I’m in a dark hole right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’d have to say it’s a third degree mess maybe four considering I have no idea what the person I live with does while I’m at work and the place is such a mess it would be hard to know. I sit at my desk right now and I can see a broken couch my dog has pissed on a toke full of broken boxes a clock and some soda cans and many more where that came from probably some dog crap in the mix. a small fridge that has some rotting bread on top of a lot of other messes that have came and gone before it. it’s small because the fridge in our kitchen is broken and has been for a year and the place is such a dump we cant move anything anywhere let alone thing of anyone helping us move the hefty appliance. This house is the definition of *** or depressed come to life, it’s what its like when you just give up caring and would rather act like it would clean it’s self. I live in a three bedroom house it’s large it’s old its drafty poorly built and I have holes in the floor in the bathroom (due to an old water leak not the squalor) we have had mice for a while, we had roaches before the mice and now they are mostly gone or hiding, and now I have a handful of rats that have shown up in the past few days and I fear for my animals ( I have three dogs and a cat ) and I help make most of this mess when I stopped working a few years ago and stopped doing anything else. My clothes smell I have to wash them daily and fabreeze the hell out of them, I work in a retail job and the worst was my boss having to tell me a customer complained that I smelled like a bucket of rotten mop water. I’m at my wits end, I feel like there is no way out of this hole and It’s the worst, as in no one else has been this bad before. It’s to the point the sight of maggots don’t make me cringe even though I havent seen them in a while due to the fact I can’t cook and leave food to rot on the stove because our gas was cut off due to a massive leak a year ago and we cant have anyone in to fix it because I would probably get reported to the city and my house condemned. I live in fear my landlord will mail us wanting a visit or inspection, to the point I have nightmares about it and lay awake worrying. I like to think I’m a reasonably good person, I put on a face like it’s no big deal but it’s slowly killing me inside and I’m not sure what to do about it. I just don’t know what to do and this is my last resort for help. A human being (or even animal) should never live in this kind of ugly filth nor should they get into a spot where they feel like I do in my head like it’s hopeless and a lost cause. this isn’t pretty or witty or happy or hopeful, this is what is real when im not acting and this is what it’s ilke in my head and I’m scared it’s a lost cause. did I mention I hate cleaning and always have, I was the baby of my family and my mom or grandmother always just did it for me so I moved out and things don’t clean themselves anymore.
I’m atticus nice to meet you all.
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 22, 2008 7:23:07 GMT -5
im atticus & this is the most honest ive ever been
I have no witty story or introduction all I can say I’m in a dark hole right now and I don’t know how to get out of it.
this isn’t pretty or witty or happy or hopeful, this is what is real when im not acting and this is what it’s ilke in my head and I’m scared it’s a lost cause. Hello, atticus! Welcome to honesty, support, and recovery! I've had people at work complain that I smelled bad, so I can sympathize especially with that part of your post. It's very hard to keep the laundry washed when the entire home is full of filth and chaos. And many of us can relate to being unable to phone for repairs due to the squalor. And yet the broken appliances/plumbing/walls keep making the problem worse. It's a terrifying cycle. The cockroaches and mice and now rats must make things seem like a lost cause, but ... there is HOPE here. Your life is not a lost cause. Many have recovered, and you can, too. The recovery won't be overnight. But since you are willing to post here, it shows you have a willingness to begin. You will find love and support ... and practical DOABLE advice here. Here's a hug for you:  Lioness - |
|
|
|
Post by anonymoose on Jul 22, 2008 9:09:35 GMT -5
Hi Atticus,
You could be me, except I live alone with my critters, and I know how humiliating it is when the issue gets dragged to work in an ugly way. My old boss told me I smelled like cat piss - I cried for days. It didn't motivate me and make things better, it depressed me more and things got worse...the only difference is that I started doing my laundry and stuffing it into a plastic tote, changing right before I ran out the door, and letting the year round open car windows dry my hair so it wouldn't soak up "house smells". Anyway, I just want you to know that you aren't alone.
|
|
|
|
Post by pegasus48 on Jul 22, 2008 14:45:01 GMT -5
... I’m in a dark hole right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’d have to say it’s a third degree mess maybe four considering I have no idea what the person I live with does while I’m at work and the place is such a mess it would be hard to know Atticus, welcome to S.O.S. A lot of us here recognize that dark hole you are talking about. It is really scary. One way to start fighting back and pushing back the darkness is to get some large heavy duty trash bags and start throwing away junk. If you start with the things that are obviously trash (moldy bread, cat poop, cans and food wrappers, etc., etc.) you can make a noticeable dent in the chaos, which will make you feel better. It will also get rid of some of the rat attractors. Grant yourself amnesty from recycling at this point. Just toss it out: cans, newspapers, etc. You can start recycling once things are back under control. You will find that the more you toss out, the more you will want to clean things up. You will see progress!! ...I was the baby of my family and my mom or grandmother always just did it for me so I moved out and things don’t clean themselves anymore. I can really relate to this. I never learned to do housework when I was young because my mother, grandmother, and aunt all lived in the same house and did it all. And, yes, I was the baby, too. I can't say I love housework, but I do love a clean house. I am learning day by day how to get mine clean and keep it clean with the help of everyone here. You can do it too!! Here's a hug to get you started.  |
|
nonimouse
New Member
Joined: July 2008
Posts: 41
|
Post by nonimouse on Jul 22, 2008 19:30:09 GMT -5
I've also had to hear that my clothes smell bad. Humuliating, isn't it?
I put all of my work clothes into plastic storage totes as soon as I get them washed and get dressed just a few minutes before I leave the house. That seems to have stopped the cmplaints for now anyway.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Jul 26, 2008 9:33:45 GMT -5
I'm glad that you are here, Atticus. You show impressive strength in posting how bad things are at home. I hope that this is a beginning for you, and that others who feel hopeless will see that this is a safe forum to come to for help.
I like what Pegasus said, about just filling a trash bag. If you are ready, it seems like that would be a lovely place to start. Please believe that it is possible to make things better. Lots of us have done so, and over time, you can too. It may not look or smell a lot better in one day, but over time, the little things truly do make a difference!
|
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Jul 31, 2008 11:21:02 GMT -5
hi atticus and welcome. thanks for your post; we have been where you are. i, too, am in the smelly clothes club. it can really hurt because of the shame we already feel. there is some great advice and support in this group, no one will ever judge because we understand!
when things get bad, i start with the obvious trash. if it all looks like trash, get yourself one of those huge dustpans and a stiff broom or a snow shovel, and some contractors bags.
the first thing to do is reclaim some floor and usable sitting space. if you're ocd like me, you may enjoy counting. i have to make a game of it, i hate housework that much. so i pick up 10 things at a time and put them away or wherever they are going to go (trash, donation, etc). i also have some plastic tubs and once the trash is picked up, i throw stuff into those -- instant improvement. then i sort through those one at a time. have you checked out listzilla? that's a great place where a lot of us go to act. it's nice to make a list of tah-das, however seemingly small. those small things add up in a hurry! nice to meet you. as lioness said, you can do it, and we're here for you and for each other. you won't find a better or more loving group.
|
|
|
|
Post by puppybox on Jul 31, 2008 12:45:43 GMT -5
Hi atticus,
I too had roaches and other bugs, and no hot water and couldn't call the repair guy,making it hard to wash. The only reason I've never had rats id because I've always lived at least on the 5th floor. The bugs at one point were so bad there was always something moving within sight at all times. I had dog poop on the floor etc. Anyway, I recognise the black hole. I would have maybe killed myself except no one would have taken care of my dog. The more time you spend in your home stressing about it the worse you will feel, so I suggest if you are not up to taking action just go out. Welcom and be sure to come back a lot. The previosu version of this website really saved me.
love, puppy
|
|
|
|
Post by vorkosigan on Jul 31, 2008 19:28:25 GMT -5
Hi, Atticus. I know what you're living with. I've also feared landlord visits, been unable to get repairs made because I couldn't let people in the house, gone in horror of the vermin (I couldn't name them -- I would call them "visitors" rather than their actual species), etc. I also remember what a relief it was to look online and discover there are other people like me, that they aren't crazy, that they suffer with it just like I do.
The others are right -- get some disposable gloves and garbage bags (contractor's bags cost more, but are practically rip-proof; you can find them at hardware and home improvement stores) and just bag up obvious trash. Don't recycle, don't sort -- just grab garbage and throw it away. One bag a day, or one half a bag a day, is all you have to do. I know it seems overwhelming, but you don't have to fix it all at once -- it's just that one bag a day.
|
|
|
|
Post by limegreen on Jul 31, 2008 19:45:27 GMT -5
Welcome Atticus, you have come to the right place, and it sure is good to meet you. I have uninvited critters in the house, even now, a legacy from when my squalour was at it's height. Just to echo what everyone says, grab a bag, stuff some trash in it, take it out of the house when you leave for work and dump it. Even a deli bag is better than no bag, and a hecka lot of stuff got moved out of here a deli bag at a time. There's a lot of love here, and a whole lot of support. I can personally testify to that, during the emergency clear out I had before my landlord inspection, this place has been a godsend.
|
|
|
|
Post by Platypus on Aug 3, 2008 11:14:38 GMT -5
Hi,  , I am really moved by your words and I am sending good vibes over the seas to you.  Of course you are a good person, you are just not in a good space at the moment. Yep, it is a dark hole but there is light, and you just switched it on when you joined us here. Why don't you go over now, find one tiny piece of trash, one soda can, and just toss it out!  Get really angry with it because it is stealing your life from you. That piece of trash is squatting in your home and is not even paying rent!  I will never love cleaning, but using this site I can get myself motivated to do it regularly. Your are most certainly not a lost cause, yours is a challenge but it is not hopeless because you CAN turn it around. It may be one step at a time and part of it is finding out what works for you, but people here are fighting the same battles and will help. We will also benefit from knowing you because your story lets us know we are not alone in this. Your words are very powerful. Thank you for posting. |
|
|
|
Post by zinnia on Aug 3, 2008 21:30:34 GMT -5
You really can do it-- just a little at a time sometimes.  Welcome! |
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 5, 2008 16:33:46 GMT -5
atticus-I read your post from 7/22 and can feel the hopelessness through your words. THERE IS HOPE HERE! I wish you would post again and let us know how you are doing. I have only been a member here for one day, but I have gotten many good wishes and know these people truly understand. Interact with them, I know it is going to help me, it can help you too!!
|
|
