im atticus & this is the most honest ive ever been Jul 22, 2008 5:47:51 GMT -5 Quote Select PostDeselect PostLink to PostBack to Top Post by atticus on Jul 22, 2008 5:47:51 GMT -5 I have no witty story or introduction all I can say I’m in a dark hole right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’d have to say it’s a third degree mess maybe four considering I have no idea what the person I live with does while I’m at work and the place is such a mess it would be hard to know. I sit at my desk right now and I can see a broken couch my dog has pissed on a toke full of broken boxes a clock and some soda cans and many more where that came from probably some dog crap in the mix. a small fridge that has some rotting bread on top of a lot of other messes that have came and gone before it. it’s small because the fridge in our kitchen is broken and has been for a year and the place is such a dump we cant move anything anywhere let alone thing of anyone helping us move the hefty appliance. This house is the definition of *** or depressed come to life, it’s what its like when you just give up caring and would rather act like it would clean it’s self. I live in a three bedroom house it’s large it’s old its drafty poorly built and I have holes in the floor in the bathroom (due to an old water leak not the squalor) we have had mice for a while, we had roaches before the mice and now they are mostly gone or hiding, and now I have a handful of rats that have shown up in the past few days and I fear for my animals ( I have three dogs and a cat ) and I help make most of this mess when I stopped working a few years ago and stopped doing anything else. My clothes smell I have to wash them daily and fabreeze the hell out of them, I work in a retail job and the worst was my boss having to tell me a customer complained that I smelled like a bucket of rotten mop water. I’m at my wits end, I feel like there is no way out of this hole and It’s the worst, as in no one else has been this bad before. It’s to the point the sight of maggots don’t make me cringe even though I havent seen them in a while due to the fact I can’t cook and leave food to rot on the stove because our gas was cut off due to a massive leak a year ago and we cant have anyone in to fix it because I would probably get reported to the city and my house condemned. I live in fear my landlord will mail us wanting a visit or inspection, to the point I have nightmares about it and lay awake worrying. I like to think I’m a reasonably good person, I put on a face like it’s no big deal but it’s slowly killing me inside and I’m not sure what to do about it. I just don’t know what to do and this is my last resort for help. A human being (or even animal) should never live in this kind of ugly filth nor should they get into a spot where they feel like I do in my head like it’s hopeless and a lost cause. this isn’t pretty or witty or happy or hopeful, this is what is real when im not acting and this is what it’s ilke in my head and I’m scared it’s a lost cause. did I mention I hate cleaning and always have, I was the baby of my family and my mom or grandmother always just did it for me so I moved out and things don’t clean themselves anymore.I’m atticus nice to meet you all.