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Post by downandout on Jun 9, 2010 15:00:42 GMT -5
my question is does it get easier to resist buying/picking up stuff/saying no? case in point. yesterday hubby got off of work at a normal time (hurray!) and so i went to pick him up. coming home there was an accident ahead delaying traffic so i went down some side streets to avoid it. as we were going down the road there it was. temptation on the curb! a big round chair looked to be in good condition too. i slowed down and he said what a nice chair that is and i said i had one just like that in my first apartment and how much i had loved that chair. but then we had to go thru the whole "where would we put it" and "do we really need it" talks. going down the street tho we still had to make up more stuff so as not to go back and get it. things like "maybe it smells because the owners are smokers" and "bet its ripped up where we cant see it" and "it might have bugs in it like roaches or fleas"! think the bug possiblity was the deal breaker. but you see the effort we had to go thru to avoid taking it home? does this ever become like second nature or do you have to fight it all the time? its discouraging sometimes. heck im still thinking about that stupid chair.  |
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Post by Chris on Jun 9, 2010 15:06:46 GMT -5
Hi downandout --  -- in my opinion -- it gets much easier with more time. From my perspective here's why = I have spent so much time now sorting thru things and having to deal with getting rid of things -- thru all the various methods like donating, throwing away, selling, leaving out at the curb, etc. etc. .... and I now am more aware of what it will take to deal with *stuff* if we buy/pick/accept too much stuff. So it becomes easier to judge whether something will actually get used or have I already had to toss 6 bottles of shampoo because it got too old ... or have I already been thru the process of selling/purging 3 desks so now I know we don't need another desk. The impulse still coming initially but now the logic kicks in a lot faster it seems like and I'm able to rationalize with myself and bypass some of the temptation. Just keep at it -- you'll be amazed. It won't always be this difficult.  |
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Post by glimmercat on Jun 9, 2010 15:10:18 GMT -5
Been there.  I think it doesn't so much get "easier", as it "comes in waves". Sometimes you have no problem resisting, and other times, watch out! Obviously, when you're already stressed (whether physically/emotionally/whatever) you're probably more susceptible to the "urge". But sometimes you might surprise yourself. Like they say in AA, "Fake it till you make it".  meow |
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Post by mellowyellow on Jun 9, 2010 15:53:04 GMT -5
Yep, it comes in waves for me too. Sometimes, it's a no brainer to look away, or just say no. Other times, I have to think and think, and drive around a block and look at it. I have gotten to a point where I can go look at the item, think about it, and then walk away from it. But not always.. case in point, my lovely new (to me) vintage yellow chairs. Only Hope has seen them (because sadly photobucket and me don't meld). But I think (and she said) they look cute and nice and all that other good stuff. And they fit the space, and are attractive and useful. As for bugs.. if there is ANYYYYYY chance of bugs, that's the easiest NO on the planet for me. Regarding the chairs.... they were metal and vinyl, but I still kept them outdoors for a full 24 hours to make sure I didn't see any crawly things coming from them... Yechhhhhh............  |
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Post by eagle on Jun 9, 2010 16:08:11 GMT -5
I believe it's both. Easier with time. Waves of temptation, which come periodically, but as time passes the strength of the temptation gets weaker and they get further and further apart. How long this takes will be variable with each person, of course.
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Post by puppybox on Jun 9, 2010 16:29:38 GMT -5
I agree, it does get easier but one has waves of backlash, but this sort of depends on the object for me. AND, good news, once one aquires something its easier to admit it was a mistake and to then let it go. before, once in my house it would NEVER leave. now, If I bring it
in I can see if it was a mistake after not too long and get rid of it.
HAVE the conversation though. with yourself in your head if alone. that is how you you get better.
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Post by mellowyellow on Jun 9, 2010 16:52:31 GMT -5
(okay.... is it just me? "the waves of temptation" image is starting to sound a lot like contractions.... not like i'd know or anything... ) |
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Post by blossoming on Jun 9, 2010 18:16:02 GMT -5
 i'm not really a picker upper, more of a dropper downer, that is i don't pick up what i drop down. . in that area, i have found it does get easier. BUT it is also something that i must be vigilant about. so, must keep on top of it, but does become easier. so, i guess that means both. |
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Post by downandout on Jun 9, 2010 18:47:04 GMT -5
hahahahahahahaha  love it! so its like when you quit smoking? eventually the urges pretty much go away? whew!! at least when i quit smoking i had a patch. wonder if they make a patch for this? it does help to know that eventually t his will get easier. a light at the end of the tunnel. thank you everybody!!  |
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Blackswan
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Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jun 9, 2010 20:54:30 GMT -5
also, dont feel sad that u had the impulse to pick an item up, that has always been your norm. instead feel joy that you had second thoughts and were able to resist. that shows that you are CHANGING and making progress.
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Post by Starting Again on Jun 9, 2010 22:30:15 GMT -5
I used to be a QVC junkie. I bought a lot of great stuff that I didn't really need, and flooded my condo with it.
Then I lost my job and now I just don't have the money to buy such things. I gave away much of the expensive stuff and I hope I am now kicking the shopping addiction. I think I might be because I am really regretting it. I wish I had the money I spent on QVC. Live and learn.
Unfortunately there is still a lot of stuff (great and otherwise) that is not from QVC and my condo is still overwhelmed.
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Post by dtesposito on Jun 10, 2010 10:27:24 GMT -5
My impulse to pick things up in alleys has definitely lessened, I still feel it but it's much easier to think the item through and resist when it's not something I need or I don't know a specific person who could use it RIGHT NOW (not some mythical person that I meet in the future who will be so grateful and fulfilled because I'm able to match them up with this object.) I think the "wave of temptation" comes if I'm feeling particularly vulnerable, or "poor", or whatever it is that makes me need to collect things in the first place. I'm feeling that much less often as time goes by. I would say that in the last 2 months, I've picked up two things in the alley. One was actually very useful, it was a clean milk-crate kind of container that I had a need for in my basement storage area, so I don't even count that one. The second thing was a 3 foot high plastic light-up ghost decoration. Now, I felt guilty as I picked it up, as I carried it home, and as I stood there looking at it in my apartment. I couldn't believe that after all the progress I'm making, that I picked this thing up and carried it home. But in the end I let go of the guilt, because I LOVE anything related to Halloween, in fact I have some Halloween things up in my apartment all year long. This item looked pristine, like it had just come off the store shelf. And, I put it down into my storage unit, so by the time Halloween actually comes around I'll know whether it's something I want to keep or not. When you consider that I walk through alleys often on my dog walks, two items in two months isn't bad at all. I was kind of upset the other day when I was opening up a new bag of cat litter. The top of the bag is closed with a cardboard strip which has a thick string running through it, and if you pull the string the right way it comes off in one long piece to open the bag. I was mindlessly opening the bag as I usually do, and this heavy, bright red string came off in one piece and my immediate thought was--this is a nice piece of string for crafts--I should save this for someone.  I think it'll take a very long time, if ever, that the urge to pick up/save things goes away. What I'm aiming for is that following the urge, I can think logically about whether to follow through on the urge or not. And I'm making a lot of progress on that. Diane |
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Post by puppybox on Jun 10, 2010 12:36:13 GMT -5
dt, i don't think you do need to count the halloween decoration either. it isn't squalor if it brings you pleasure and has a place.
the "pleasure" of hoarding is the absense of pain from throwing it out, not pleasure from the thing itself.
walking dogs does lead to finding stuff, doesn't it!
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hopehope
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Post by hopehope on Jun 12, 2010 1:16:08 GMT -5
when I stopped smoking, I had already had the mental freedom. so dropping the physical thing came on its own and I never needed to go back.
unfortunately, I know -- this business of having my things ripped out and away from me -- or being forced to crisis toss -- sets up boomerangs. is so counter productive. too bad people don't listen to this. (remember oprah's first fast?)
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Post by downandout on Jun 12, 2010 4:26:01 GMT -5
i hate to say it but i know we would have picked up that ghost too! we loooovvvveee decorations like that! even tho we already have way too many of them.  its such a big change to make. not only the way we view objects but also the way we think about ourselves. yes i should be happy that we kept on going that we didnt bring the chair home. i am proud of hubby for his part in this hes just as big of a hoarder as i am. im proud of myself too! |
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