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Post by humancrouton on Aug 13, 2008 19:03:02 GMT -5
I'm new here, which goes without saying, I suppose, as I am posting an introduction. I don't really know what to put here... except that I am obviously living in squalor and have realized that it's a problem. (cause otherwise, uh, I wouldn't be here- I'd be happily living in a clean house. urgh.) We rent right now, which is a big problem, because eventually the landlord will want to come in. He's a hot head, and he's got a temper, and he's VERY pushy and easily ticked off. He's already mad, because the property that ajoins ours (which he also owns, both houses sit yard-to-yard together, though they are individual homes) is for rent, and he moved the elderly renter out himself, and he wants to re-rent to 'nice people' who will not like to have a view of our not-so-nice yard. I figure, at some point, he's going to come in here, and he will blow his lid. ...even if he doesn't, I have to do something about the yard (which isn't TOO bad in truth, but still.)... The fact that just the idea of a day fixing up the yard is a terrifying one... or that cleaning the house makes me sick to my stomach... much less the fact that my habits seem to be getting worse... all that scares the HECK out of me. I have all these bright ideas about how to begin, how to overcome it... but they never happen. It's like there is something fundamentally WRONG with me, and I cannot seem to get past it. I only 'came out' to my RL friends today- I finally just started talking about it on my blog. They all seem so understanding, but then, I don't let them into my house to SEE... do they really understand? I just don't know how to fix the worst of it, before it gets more horrible, or I get us thrown out of here or something. I have ideas, I have lists... but I'm not seeming to get past that stage. Now what?
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 13, 2008 19:27:27 GMT -5
Welcome humancrouton!! Glad you are here. Being a newbie here myself, I can say that I have read A LOT of the previous posts and gotten a good look at the wonderful advice and support that is available here. I would suggest that you read various posts.....keep posting here and get to know some of the ways people here have begun to gain control of their clutter and/or squalor. I'm sure lots of nice people will be posting here on your thread and giving wonderful advice. So far for me, just having this place to be accountable has been a God-send. I have accomplished more in the last few weeks than I have done in years. Take a look at some of the before/after pics and you will se that miracles do happen. Good luck on your journey here. I know you will find what you need. Annie
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Post by messymimi on Aug 13, 2008 20:24:19 GMT -5
Welcome, humancrouton . You must be as much a "Peanuts" fan as I am . It is easy to relate to the characters, as they have so many of the same peccadilloes and neuroses we do. I relate to the problem you have of ideas, lists, no action. Each day begins with plans, and ends with little or nothing done. If there is something *wrong* with you, then I have it too, and so do many others in this community. I have taken a different tack lately and tried to start good habits, one at a time. They seem to be sticking. If you did not have to deal with a hot tempered landlord, I would recommend starting small and building on success slowly. Because of that situation, you may have to get drastic. Some people are motivated by having an accountability group or posting a list and then doing it. You can find threads like that on listzilla. Or feel free to start your own thread of to dos and tadas. No matter where you start, starting is the hardest part, I know. Usually once you start, it gets a bit easier (as long as you don't try to do too much and burn out and quit). Remember we are here to cheer you on. messymimi
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Post by humancrouton on Aug 13, 2008 20:58:05 GMT -5
I couldn't find a better avatar for the moment... and the landlord makes me feel that impending sense of doom, even if it isn't as impending as it FEELS like! I really need to deal with the yard and front porch... it will buy me time on the rest. I know others have a far 'worse' yard problem to conquer, but mine seems pretty hard, all the same... Dang, I dunno where to start!
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 13, 2008 21:18:23 GMT -5
Welcome, Hu. (Is it ok to call you Hu?) I found lots of help here, and at the previous forum. One of the most important things was "motivation follows action". In other words, instead of waiting until I felt like doing something, if I would just do one little tiny part of it, I might feel like doing more. And (this was kind of earthshattering to me, although it sounds simple) it is ok to do something even if I don't want to!
By starting to make little changes, and getting positive feedback for it here, I was able to make big changes in how I live. I hope that you find help from this community, too. I'm so glad that you found us!
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Post by Mystic Pegasus on Aug 14, 2008 6:27:40 GMT -5
Hi Hu You say "before they throw us out", so I assume there are others... family? friends?... also in the house- or are they *furred family*? If there are other hu-mans (crouton or otherwise ) then get them involved... make an action plan together and keep each other motivated and moving!
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Post by humancrouton on Aug 14, 2008 8:30:48 GMT -5
(Hu is fine!) I do have my otherhalf- but he was raised in level 3 squalor himself, his whole life, and he is SO hard to convince that there is anything WRONG with this- He finally realized the situation was out of control only recently (me too. ugh.) and so I have his support- especially in throwing things away and such- but not nessecerily his /help/ in cleaning things. He grew up eating out of cans and things- so when he uses the can opener and leaves it dirty on the counter, he cannot understand why I WASH IT before I go plunging it into another can... it's gross. old crusty food does not belong in new, yummy food. ...that is his part of this. We made this mess together- for different reasons. He also works outside of the home, while I do not. This adds to my personal frustrations, because I feel I 'should' be cleaning since I do nothing else, and he makes messes enough to frustrate me- I guess I am a little bit the clean freak, and it overwhelms me enough that we GOT to this point- much less that he isn't really able to understand what would have to happen to get out. I don't want to escape with it sounding like I am not the problem, because I know I am more than equally at fault! This is a joint problem, and we are each working on our own issues within it. We do have animals, but not very many- a single dog who is pretty well trained (so no mistakes inside! she was trained as my service dog, though now she grows a bit older and is in semi-retirement, now that I am also healthier and do not need her skills as much!) and three cats. I would knock that down to two cats, but I have been unable to find the right home for the third- and don't think I haven't tried! (GRIN) We adore her and all, but that's another story- she is needy-cuddly-kitty, and she deserves a home that would be hers alone! (or with a friend, but not competing with two other cats and a dog too!) The cats make some messes, but that is HIS part of it- the dog is 'mine' and the cats are supposed to be his responsibility... he is getting GOOD about the downstairs litterbox... but not so good about the upstairs spots they use when they are up there- where the old litterbox was that he used to never clean. (sigh) We made our bed together, so to speak, and are now both tired of wallowing in it. :/
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 14, 2008 9:06:18 GMT -5
As the messy person in my relationship, I can tell you that dh's unflinching support and love no matter how I struggled was a key to me having the confidence to change. Your post taking responsibility, and not blaming your partner, impresses me. Your relationship sounds very different from mine, since you (the cleaner half!) are the one wanting to change things. Yet I am certain that it can be done.
When I first started changing, and cleaning, no one in my family was on board. But they did help some. Eventually, it got to the point that we could all see how much nicer it was to have a cleanish home. Especially to be able to have friends over!
One idea to help engage him is to ask if he will do a 10 or 15 minute challenge on a room with you. Working together, you will really make progress.
Just stick around this place....you will be amazed at the great help you will find!
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Post by humancrouton on Aug 14, 2008 10:30:43 GMT -5
Something unique that I find happens between us, is that he will say 'Just tell me what to do!' ...except then he feels so overwhelmed too, he cannot always DO it- like if I say 'pick up just your clothes from that spot on the floor' and he goes nuts trying to figure out where they would go, or so on- To be honest, I am a creature of habit- I will always put my dirty clothes in the same place. He just sort of explodes all over the house. it SHOULD be easy for him to clear a small spot of his clothing, but it's not, because the hampers are full, the closets empty but blocked, etc... and so like I said, his support is there, but not nesecerily his HELP. If I could say 'not one of my things is in that pile' you'd think I could shift blame- but sometimes it's not so simple. for example, maybe it IS his pile of clothes, but my box of stuff that he piles them on. Ya know? It IS a two-person mess in this house! I used to be a zen-type clean freak... I think I blew a circuit somewhere...
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 14, 2008 13:49:38 GMT -5
Dear Hu or HC, if you would prefer , I know it is hard to start the cleanup. You don't say specifically what needs doing in the yard or on the porch, but I assume there are things to be thrown away. Depending on the extent of the problem (and the size of things), get heavy duty contractor trash bags and/or a dumpster. Then, toss, toss, toss!! Once the "stuff" is out of the yard, it can be mowed (even weeds look better mowed). Get any huge weeds out of the planting areas and don't sweat really small stuff for now. If you get a dumpster, once the yard and porch stuff is in, add as much trash as possible from the house while have the opportunity. (Maybe you could unblock those closets?) I will be cheering you on!!
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Post by humancrouton on Aug 14, 2008 14:05:35 GMT -5
The yard itself is free of debris- the problem was we let it get SO tall with grass, when mowed and weed-wacked it... so now it's a bit like a field of mown hay- which is killing the grass under it. The planters got over-run with weeds, (scary ones that are resistant to pulling- they came up from under the beauty bark and the landlord says they were there before he refurbished) so he had us spray round-up there. It's now platers of DEAD weeds. (grins sheepishly) So raking in both cases is in order- and that will produce a pile of vegetation... I guess bagging it would be a no brainer, but it seems overwhelming to me, all the same. What to do with it, once it's all off the lawn and out of the planters. We had a billing dispute last year with the garbage people. They charged me 200+ bucks for a three month bill of 18 bucks a month- they had jacked me up for the trash containers (which they came and took some time later, because duh they were still there) and some other charges that they said they would remove if we could show them our last payment... ...like many people, poor records, and poor choices meant I got cranky, and let them just shut off the garbage service- the one bag or so of normal household garbage that we produce each week goes into a neighbor's bin at like, 3am before the 6am trash pickup each week. Yah. I should be ashamed, and I am. But now I don't know how to fix that... I know you can take trash to the dump, but it's very expensive here- so it would be cheaper to restore trash service, somehow... I just feel both weird about havng let it lapse for SO long (over a year!) and I don't quite know how we will come up with the money to pay the back payment either. It's possible, but not likely to happen overnight either. Yah, it makes changing this a little more complicated! but not impossible- just... harder.
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Post by AnnieOkie on Aug 14, 2008 14:10:31 GMT -5
HU-This was a response to you that I posted in another thread. I'm not sure if you saw it or not, but maybe it will help? "humancrouton-I would say that working on getting your garbage service back might be the biggest step in helping yourself right now. I understand about the money thing. Maybe you could call them and ask if you can set up a payment plan if they could restore service. After all, they don't want that stuff piling up either. The worst they can do is say no, but at least you could work toward getting that bill paid. Hope that helps."
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Post by humancrouton on Aug 15, 2008 14:12:34 GMT -5
I am starting to realize now, losing garbage service might have been one of the contributing factors in all this. I started to feel shame about that (sneaking our one bag a week into a neighbor's can at 3am) but then I also felt SUPER pressured not to allow the one-bag-a-week to grow... which would have meant more recycling and less throwing away... I'm going to work on that, it is my goal for next week. Making SURE that we can restore enough garbage service that we have an outlet TO clean up with!
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Post by zinnia on Aug 15, 2008 20:32:01 GMT -5
The fact that just the idea of a day fixing up the yard is a terrifying one... Just do one little part at a time- admire your work, take a little break, and then try to do a little more. Welcome!
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 20, 2008 11:29:03 GMT -5
hi Hu;
Well at least you are getting that garbage out! The feeling of being overwhelmed can be tackled one step at a time, by baby stepping. I think reestablishing your garbage service would give you freedom from the guilt and shame that you are feeling. I know that when I am feeling ashamed about things, it weighs on me and I get depressed and let things pile up, and my maintenance stops. One thing affects another; and it goes both ways -- when i stop my maintenance it affects my self esteem because then i feel ashamed of myself. Here on this site and on SS before that, I began to make changes and you will too. I find the dread of doing a "dreaded" thing is a lot worse than just starting in and doing something about it, and, it usually takes a lot less time than I think it will, and i feel better when i do something, and motivated to do more. wishing you the very best!
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