I have recently received word that our dear Meme has passed on, at the age of 63, on November 13, 2011.
Three days prior, she posted she from hospital room that she was keeping the room tidy.
In her last few communications to us, she asked us to please keep getting rid of stuff. She always thought of us, and never complained for herself.
A Timeline of Meme's membership with us.This was *intended* to show her character
(but it reads more like a list of facts).
Background for those who may not have known her.
It will help fill in gaps for those who have been away.
This doesn't really capture who she was.
You have to read her writings to know who she was.
2006-2008 with hubby "Papa"Meme joined the former forum at Squalor Survivors during the year 2006.
When she came to us, she was living with her husband "Papa", dog "Dogman", and a bird.
She shared with us that her husband was called "Papa". She later posted that everyone of every age (friends and family) -- everyone that was close to him ... had called him "Papa". Loved ones had been calling him "Papa" for over 20 years.
Nevertheless, sometimes members were confused when
she said "Papa is sick today" and they would reply to her
that they hoped her
father would feel better.
Some members didn't realize that "Papa"
was her
husband's nickname.
Right from the start, Meme began sharing with us her grace and joy and love. She often posted helpful advice.
Meme later told us that the owner of Squalor Survivors (Pigpen) had told Meme that perhaps it would be better if Meme posted less and did more. Meme listened and took these words to heart.
Throughout all her time in the forums, Meme limited the amount of time she spent with us, so that she could focus on what was important in her life, and so that she could unclutter effectively. She always did some useful tasks ... BEFORE turning on her computer. She wasn't online every day.
When the Squalor Survivors forums dissolved in May 2008, we moved over to a new forum here at Stepping Out of Squalor -- and Meme moved with us.
Meme took on the username here at SOS of "papaswife" sand then later "Meme papaswife" -- so that it would be clear that "Papa" referred to hubby's nickname.
Meme's dear husband "Papa" developed pancreatic cancer ... But Meme had already worked long and hard to declutter the house. She was very proud that she could invite the nurses in to care for her dear husband, and that the nurses said that the house was nice and warm and welcoming. "Papa" was able to spend his last days in a clean home surrounded by love.
We all shared Meme's tears and observed Meme's grace when "Papa" passed on in July 2008.
2008-2009 Widowhood. The teen relative.We followed Meme's widowhood journey, and read about their dog "Dogman" learning to live without Papa.
Throughout all this time, Meme spoke to us with realness, humanness, loving wisdom, and grace. She spoke to us of small moments of joy and hope. She spoke to us of perseverance with uncluttering.
She shared with us (in the Byways section of the forums) little vignettes of her moments with grandchildren. And of course, more stories of Dogman.
In January 2009, a dear teen-aged relative came to live with Meme and Dogman and the bird. Many of you may know the name ... but please don't mention it here, as I am posting this message on the General forum which is in public view, and that young person wishes to keep anonymity.
When our member ThreeG's DSO/fiance passed away of pancreatic cancer in March 2009 .... ThreeG and Meme became the best of friends. Both ThreeG and Meme had both lost their beloved men, and they had much to share with one another.
Meanwhile, Meme continued to be committed to completely decluttering her home. Her late husband had collected some items that had been possible pieces of intended projects. Meme lovingly found friends to take some of these items away. Meme began to get rid of more and more stuff.
Meme continued to write to us about taking responsibility.
And she helped us to realize that we needed to be committed to desqualoring -- for the sake of our children and pets -- because it's the right thing to do. We must do for them whatever is TRULY best for THEM, and not for what might satisfy our own skewed view of the world.
She talked of honesty and tactfulness and grace and courage.
And yet she was always loving and never judgmental.
She also wrote to us about using the fine china and not saving it for some special occasion. Every day can be special.
She loved to make us smile!
2009-2010 Meme's illness beginsMeme began to have some illness symptoms, but it took a long while for the doctors to figure out what was happening.
In September 2009, Meme was diagnosed with cancer. I'm not exactly sure what kind.
Just one week later after her diagnosis, her beloved dog "Dogman" (who was elderly and ill) ... passed on. And then the next day, the bird passed on.
In October 2009, she got more info about the cancer, and that it was quite bad.
Meme was sad but did not despair. She rested when she needed to. She decluttered when she could.
She kept on sharing love with us. Yet she remained "real" and not Pollyanna.
Some treatments helped but .. Other treatments made her dangerously ill and had to be discontinued. She became very weak and it took a long time for her to regain any strength at all.
There were days when she was very sad, and was honest about that with us. But somehow, her very essence kept uplifting us.
Meme began to slowly regain her strength.
Her beloved teen-aged relative (who we shall keep anonymous here on the general forum) ... grew up ... and had been taking care of Meme. But when Meme got her strength back, she unselfishly encouraged the young person to move out and enjoy life as a young adult. Meme wanted the young person to have the fullest life possible and not be tied down to caring for Meme. The young adult obeyed and moved out and had her own life ... but came to visit Meme very often.
Meanwhile, in 2010, our SOS forum member ThreeG got pancreatic cancer herself and passed away just a few months after the diagnosis. This was a great loss to all of us ... and our Meme had lost a dear friend.
2010-2011 Stabilization and more declutteringMeme had terminal cancer but .... then it stabilized for a while (It wasn't gone, but it had stopped growing).
Meme knew that she still had a "terminal" diagnosis, so she endeavored to clear out as much stuff as possible, so that nobody would have to clean up after she passed on.
Even though her home had been "good enough" when her husband was dying .... she realized now that there were more layers of clutter that she wished to release.
She made posts about how she was rearranging shelves even though she was barely strong enough. She climbed into the attic to get rid of more stuff, when she could barely even crawl. She kept on.
She wrote to us about living in balance. About taking a day off to really enjoy life, and not worry. And then to resume decluttering.
She was doing relatively well; and proudly walked in the "Cancer Relay for Life" event in June 2011.
Meme adopted a cat for companionship, but the cat was very frisky and possibly ill, and would playfully/aggressively bite and scratch at Meme. The doctors said this was unsafe because of danger of infection. So Meme was very sad. She had to call the pet shelter and thankfully the shelter found another home for the cat. Meme was too heartbroken to post about all this here ... because it was too fresh and raw. She emailed me about it ... I think it's okay that I tell you now.
What is amazing about Meme, is that even when she was sad, she still never lost faith. She still kept on doing what she felt was right. She kept giving love to others.
And she kept on decluttering!
July-November 2011
Cancer starts growing again, Meme fights onEventually, the cancer began growing again. She posted that she was hoping to stay alive long enough to attend a Very Important Family Event (Some of you may know what that is, but I will leave that anonymous here in this General forum thread).
I learned that she DID attend the Very Important Family Event. But at the party afterwards, she collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.
This was in mid-October 2011.
Two days later, she emailed me that she was in the hospital and asked me to post it on Byways, which I did. She let us know that she was in the hospital, with one lung unable to work.
The cancer in her neck/esophagus/stomach/whatever ... had eroded her bronchial tube so that one lung was irreparable. The doctors were trying to get the good lung to be able to work well enough by itself.
Meme began writing to us on her Blackberry from her hospital bed. Sometimes she posted directly to Byways, and sometimes she emailed me a message for everyone, which I posted for her onto Byways.
She announced that she was expecting a great-grandchild, and hoped to live long enough to see that day.
In all of these finally messages to us, she insisted that we understand that we CAN clean up our homes. And that it's important to make our lives better.
And she asked us to keep tossing stuff out, for her.
And Meme said she was decluttering her hospital room every day!
In fact, I learned recently that the Beloved Young Adult Relative had frequently been to see Meme in the hospital, bearing gifts. And Meme had said that she had to declutter some of the old gifts before new gifts could come in!
Meme's last message to us was on November 10th, 2011. She passed on three days later.
A copy of her final messages to us
regarding getting rid of stuff,
and Meme's last wish for us that she asked us to honor,
can be found here:
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/16943
Throughout her life, she had a deep and abiding faith in her spiritual beliefs, so she must have passed on in peace.
Meme is survived by several relatives, including grandchildren. The great-grandchild will be born in late winter or early spring (North America) of 2012.
Legacy of writingMeme loved to write. Her husband "Papa" encouraged her to write because it made her happy. She had several blogs in various places on the internet. She was considering writing a book.
I later learned that she belonged to many online communities. I'm thinking that Meme was probably well-loved in every community that she was a member of.
As I said above:
This doesn't really capture who Meme was.
You have to read her writings to know who she was.
Or you'd have to see the impression she made upon our hearts.
That's why I'm asking you to contribute your memories and thoughts as a reply to this post.Remember:Out of respect for the family's wishes, I'm asking that we don't mention any of the family members' names here on the General forum. Thank you.
