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Post by sunshineshouse on Jul 24, 2014 19:04:44 GMT -5
I am in a similar situation except a plumber would have to enter my house, and it is no way near good enough. When I get to where you are (a big WTG - I know you worked diligently), I will likely have the same fears you described. I would worry that the longer I wait, the more it is going to cost me because of increasing damage. So it is the cost factor that will push me to go ahead. BUT to deal with the fears, play them out. What if the plumber does give you disapproving looks or makes a comment. What will your reaction be? Will you respond? If the plumber yells, what would he yell about and how could you respond. If the plumber reports you, how will you respond. All of these scenarios are much much much less likely to happen than the simple .. the plumber goes down to basement and does repair and gives you a bill (now the bill may be the scary thing : ) ). Sometimes instead of trying to push the fear away, explore it and say What am I afraid of? I'm an adult, let me just face this. It is going to be an emotional time for you - but short lived. Then afterwards you can say "Wow I am so proud I had the courage to do that!" And we will all revel in your great success with you!
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Post by Unswamping on Jul 24, 2014 21:05:33 GMT -5
HFH i hope you have called the plumber and gotten the problem resolved. At my old house, i came home one night to the very strong smell of heating oil. I went to the basement and there was oil on the basement floor. I had to call the heating company and have them come out. It was a disaster in my basement and i had no time to do any cleaning. When i went down to the basement i found that my cats had been using the basement as a litter box. It was only after the repair guys where there that we discovered that the cats favorite place to poop was under the oil tank. I was mortified when one of them went out to the truck and came back with a shovel and heavy duty trash bags. They were totally unfazed by it, they got to work, cleaned up the oil and cat poop. They made the repair and even left me half a bag of cat litter to "soak up any oil that might surface back up from the concrete floor". They informed me how lucky i was that i had so little oil in the tank (i was scheduled for a delivery in a few days) because otherwise if the tank had bern full i would have immediately have to leave my house and the epa would have had to come in to do a clean up. I knew the basement was bad, lots of stuff, lots of trash and a persistent water problem. I had no idea about the cat poop. They were really wonderful about it. They said they had seen worse, at least there were no dead animals (they didnt see the dead bird i found). I have severe anxiety in general and specifically about letting anyone in my house. Heres my point, i survived. I had to take medication for my anxiety between the phone call and waiting for them to show up. Once they were there, they were professional and did what they were supposed to do. After they left, i of course beat myself up over getting so worked up about it. My former therapist gave me a sign that reads "life hardly ever lives up to our anxieties". Since she gave that to me many years ago, i think the only time that may not have been true was 9-11. Even then, as terrible as it was, it did not live up to my anxieties. If you havent called yet, please call. If you dont have a supportive person who can be with you before and while the plumber is there, may be you can arrange for someone here on the forum to be in chat with you and help you through it.
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Post by HFH on Aug 2, 2014 10:42:57 GMT -5
I have not called. I did e-mail a company today online that says it does that type of repairs in our area. I wrote the email several times and it took me about 15 minutes to press the send button. My anxiety level is through the roof. Most likely I will not respond to their reply I am stupidly, illogically UNABLE to move on this. I am reaping all the chaos, and backlash of NOT taking action, but I am still TOTALLY TERRIFIED to even make a dumb phone call. It is so stupid. It is no wonder my kids have no respect for me, as I do not have any for myself. I have seen people on tv shows with phobias of certain animals, or of flying, but this is just ridiculous!!!! I CAN'T MAKE A STUPID PHONE CALL TO BETTER OUR LIVES!!!!! It's INSANE!!!!
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Post by isingandlaugh on Aug 2, 2014 11:16:39 GMT -5
Hi, HFH! Just read this thread. I completely understand your fears of letting someone in. Sometimes in similar situations I ask myself, "will it be easier in the future? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?" the answer is always, "No, it will be MORE difficult tomorrow, next week, next month, because I will have tortured myself that much longer and the problem will keep getting worse. So, NOW, this very minute, is the easiest moment it will ever be." My daughter and I call it "Rip off the Bandaid" -- We know it will hurt, but we've got to do it, do it now, do it FAST with NO THINKING, and we're done with that bit, and can move on. (you know the torture of slowly pulling off a stuck bandaid bit by bit) It's simple simple simple no-thinking, which is what works best for me in these situations. A big hug to you, HFH. You are in good company. Everyone here understands. You are not alone. Give a gift to your future self (another saying in our house ) Rip off the bandaid! Then come back here and we will all celebrate with you! I'll start blowing up the balloons. : ) Xoxox
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Post by Unswamping on Aug 2, 2014 11:39:09 GMT -5
@hidinginhouse please do not beat yourself up like that. You are a wonderful, worthwhile person who has a problem. You are not your problem. You sent the email which was very difficult. That is a HUGE thing! Pat yourself on the back for it, do a little "woohoo, i did it" victory. . There are a lot of people who have the same fears. I am afraid to even open my email account, i have over a 1000 emails in there. You have a phobia, which by definition is an irrational fear. It may not make sense to you or anyone else. The feeling of fear is real. Lots of people have phobias, you are not alone. My advice, which you can take or leave: First, give yourself permission NOT to make the phone call. You will not make the phone call. Its okay, really. The world will not end if you dont. 1. Accept that you have this fear. It is what it is, right now, this minute you have a phobia. 2. Realize that the fear is a feeling and that feelings arent facts. You can change them. You can work around them. 3. Write down exactly what you are afraid of, what thoughts come into your head when you think about this phone call. 4. Take a break, drink some water. 5. Go back to your list and look at each thing you listed, one at a time. Dispute the item, write down exactly why this item isnt true. If you need help, you can post on line here. 6. Practice some deep breathing. Once you are relaxed, picture yourself picking up the phone. Dont actually do it. Can you picture yourself picking up the phone and being calm. It can take a few tries. Just keep working on it. After you can picture picking up the phone in a calm and confident manner, add the next tiny step, dialing the number. Thats as far as you need to go. Keep working on this adding tiny steps, staying with each step until you can picture it in your head without any anxiety. Its important to do tiny steps, you don't want to overwhelm yourself. You will feel some anxiety but it should not be overwhelming. If it is, break it down into smaller steps. 7. Once you can picture yourself calmly going thru all the steps, picking up the phone, making the call, hanging up and feeling pleased that you had a good resolution on the the call, get a good nights sleep. This will help solidify the positive work youve done. 8. When you feel ready, you can start by just picking up the phone. Do the relaxation first,you want to stay calm. Pick up the phone and then put it down. Make sure to congratulate yourself on completing each step. This is hard work. 9. Continue adding steps until you can make the phone call.
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yetipants
New Member
Joined: July 2014
Posts: 47
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Post by yetipants on Aug 2, 2014 13:17:38 GMT -5
Could you maybe have a trusted friend contact the plumber first, and sort of prep him/her for the situation? "Look, she's very sensitive about the state of their house. They've cleared the way to all the areas they think you'll have to access and she is working hard on the rest of the house. But they really need to get this plumbing thing fixed." Then the plumber can call you and set and date and time.
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Post by HFH on Aug 2, 2014 13:24:30 GMT -5
I emailed another plumber in our area. It was a bit easier, but still hard. I wish I had a friend here that I could even trust to tell about our plumbing and house issues.
You all are giving me such good advice and suggestions. I keep telling myself "See, they make perfect sense! The plumber is not out to get you."
I hope I can answer their reply and set up something....this is getting so old and even I am getting tired of thinking and whining about it.
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Post by HFH on Aug 2, 2014 13:35:32 GMT -5
HFH My former therapist gave me a sign that reads "life hardly ever lives up to our anxieties". Since she gave that to me many years ago, i think the only time that may not have been true was 9-11. Even then, as terrible as it was, it did not live up to my anxieties. " style="max-width:100%;"] " style="max-width:100%;"] I will keep repeating this to myself!!
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Post by Unswamping on Aug 2, 2014 13:44:06 GMT -5
Thats great you sent another email! that was a really brave thing. I wish i could get the courage up to open mine. Did you know there was a phone call thread for people who have trouble making phone calls. Ill look for the link. Recently i had to make a phone call, actually a couple and i was really anxious. The first one, the sooner i called and found out exactly what was what, the better for my anxiety. So i called and got voicemail. I left a message and had to wait fir someone to call me back. They called back and it wasnt as bad as i thought (both the situation and the call). Then i had to pull together some paperwork for a phone appointment. I was really anxious and had an anxiety attack because she was 25 minutes late calling me. When it was over, i was surprised to find it hadnt been as difficult as i imagined it would be. Both times as i was on the phone, i concentrated really hard on what the other person was saying, that seemed to help with the anxiety.
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Post by Unswamping on Aug 2, 2014 13:47:00 GMT -5
HFH My former therapist gave me a sign that reads "life hardly ever lives up to our anxieties". Since she gave that to me many years ago, i think the only time that may not have been true was 9-11. Even then, as terrible as it was, it did not live up to my anxieties. " style="max-width:100%;"] " style="max-width:100%;"] I will keep repeating this to myself!! Please do, it really helps! Maybe make a sign on put it above the phone. When i find mine its going on the desk next to the phine and the mountains of paperwork i need to tackle.
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Post by TML on Aug 2, 2014 13:52:34 GMT -5
Hi, I agree with everyone else it is time to call plumber and it is fantastic that you are trying to get ahold of plumber.
I also agree there is no reason to apologize to plumber. I am sure he has seen worse. I read somewhere that 1 out of 10 people have similar problems house/hoarding. So if he does not have issue then likely someone he knows does and I am sure he has seen plenty.
This does not really fit here but it does remind me. I once saw a cartoon and it had cats in every window of an apartment building. All the cats were thinking, I am so lonely. I wish there were others cats around.
Sometimes I think that is how people with house issues are (whether it is clutterer, hoarder, squalorer, etc). We sit and look at our houses and say, I am so ashamed that my house is so bad and I am so unorganized when everyone else has beautiful homes and keep things so clean. Then like the cat cartoon you back it up into larger and larger spaces and there are so many people dealing with the same thing. That is why I think SOOS is so important. Instead of all of us feeling alone, we can work on it together.
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Post by isingandlaugh on Aug 2, 2014 15:15:34 GMT -5
I'm so excited that you contacted another plumber in your area! That is huge! I wish I had the perfect encouragement to say and I wish we could all be there on your front step with you. In a way, we ARE there with you. Charge on! You'll get nothing but praise and applause from here with each step whether giant, medium or teeny tiny.
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Post by HFH on Aug 4, 2014 11:15:29 GMT -5
Well, one of them called and left a voice mail for me yesterday. I haven't called him back yet. Stalling...... [/img] and hiding. My son has been acting up all weekend too, so my anxiety is way over the top today.
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Post by isingandlaugh on Aug 4, 2014 12:40:36 GMT -5
HFH! Wonderful! You have a contact waiting! You're on your way!
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Post by soapyclean on Aug 4, 2014 16:16:24 GMT -5
HFH, congrats on the cleaning up! This is just my .02, but I would call without giving a name or address and state firmly, "I need to know that the plumber will respect my privacy. I am in the process of working on my house, but it's not there yet. Can you assure me that I will be respected".
I bet you anything the receptionist will laugh and say the plumber's seen it all and will not care. Because they have, honey. They've seen it all. They've seen my house when I had a bunch of cats and clutter and was sitting in my kitchen floor eating breakfast because all the chairs and table were full of clutter!
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