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Post by Magpie on Oct 12, 2014 23:04:11 GMT -5
A note for folks with sensitivity to meds - there are many enzymes in the liver which are responsible for breaking down various meds. It is possible to be a slow metabolizer in an enzyme and thus more prone to having side effects. For the slow metabolizer (like me!), a reduced dose may work without having the extreme side effects. When I first started on an antidepressant, I found that I ran on about 2/3 of what was considered the minimal effective adult dose. And you have to watch out for drugs going through the same enzyme - its like pouring water through a funnel - only so much can go through at a time. Too much, and you can have a problem. You may find it helpful to look at this link on Cytochrome P 450 - medicine.iupui.edu/clinpharm/ddis/ and see what meds had good and bad responses for you. It may help you identify if you, too, might be a slow, or rapid metabolizer. (I've a friend who is ultra-rapid; she can get up after surgery in 5 minutes and be coherent!)
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Post by lostchild on Oct 13, 2014 2:04:44 GMT -5
I am rapid metabolizer so for me I have to take really high dosages of adderall in order to have the same effect a low dosage has on others. My son take 20 mg whereas I take 80 mg a day. The effects run out sooner than most. My dosage only last about 6 hours at most effective so that's when I do my most complicated work. I can't afford the extended release...350 per month whereas regular is 53 per month.
I have learned that rapid metabolism makes it difficult to get effective pain relief.I need high dosages of pain meds.
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Post by irisbloom on Oct 14, 2014 20:07:17 GMT -5
I'm really glad my thread has not only helped me but benefited others by starting a conversation about depression and mental health care. I'm bordering on an activist for mental health awareness so this is so awesome.
Update and will likely be long so sorry...
Little Bloom and I saw a rainbow a while ago. So nice. While I have a bizarre phobia of out of the ordinary sky phenomena (seeing meteors for example nauseates me and gives me the bad kind of chills...like spiders do and I about had a phobic meltdown when the northern lights appeared over my area a few years ago) I do still love rainbows. So does Little Bloom. She was thrilled. So cute.
Squalor... Living room is back to a .5 level. Bathroom is a 0. Kitchen is a 2 and bedrooms are a 1. Not great, but progress. Goal is to have all but the bedrooms to a .5 by Saturday when I will have friends over for D&D. Bedrooms will be next.
I've fallen behind in one of my classes this semester but the professor is very kind and has given me a whole week to catch up. I tried to offer to get the late assignments in tomorrow or Thursday but he told me to take a week as he doesn't want me to rush them or panic and lock up mentally any more than I already have. I would like advice but will start a thread I think for it, for all creatives who battle creative block or similar issues.
Depression is better but now battling insomnia something fierce. I've slept about three and a half hours in the past 60 hours. The good news is family is helping out a bunch. My daughter loves the clean-ish living room and is helping us keep it maintained. Going to take a "sleep med" (not a true sleep med but an anti-depressant with a strong sleepiness side-effect that shouldn't make me do the crazy stuff drugs like Ambien cause) tonight and see if that helps me sleep at least seven hours. My friend who is a nurse suggested taking melatonin as a nightly supplement in addition to the "sleeping med" at the same time each night (eleven so everything is kicked in by midnight which is the bedtime my therapist and I decided on) and my pdoc confirmed that it will be fine. I also asked my pdoc about taking valerian root in addition or if it would be overkill but she had no idea about that one so I won't take it yet. Extended family is helping by taking Little Bloom a bit more often for visits so I can have some me time to study or pursue a hobby since my school schedule is more rigorous than I expected it to be this semester. Usually I get alone time once or twice a week while she's in school but for the past few weeks I've had to be there Monday-Friday due to club and professor meeting schedules. With Mr. Bloom's sleep schedule, the most feasible way is to drop me off there after he drops Little Bloom off at montesorri, go home and sleep, then pick us both up. So even if it's an hour long event I'm there all day.
I need some accountability in getting back to my general practitioner and getting new copies of my missing insurance cards. I keep forgetting to call.
Oh, and random, but Mr. Bloom bought my Anniversary, Christmas, and Birthday gift early to keep my spirits up as there's been a lot of troubles lately (deaths in the family and the death of a friend). He combined the holidays into one as it's expensive and while we really couldn't afford it I went for it. It's a handmade, leather-bound (I'm a baaaaaaad vegetarian...won't wear leather shoes or belts but I couldn't say no to this...), lockable sketch diary. He said it's perfect for symbolically storing poems I'm not ready to publish yet due to their subject matter. Yes, I'm a modern Emily Dickinson. Write many poems, let few see the light of day in my lifetime. The paper is very thick and the book cover has enough give to make it a scrapbook of sorts. I'm going to reformat the poems in a pretty font, print them, cut them out, burn the edges of them (I'll be careful!) and paste them in as well as supplementing photos and sketches. Possibly even pressed flowers and bush stems too, if they will fit. I hope my daughter will want it when I'm gone and will pass it down. It's well-made enough to be an heirloom for a long time. After Mr. Bloom had me get it with my Etsy account and it arrived I had to show it to my therapist who despite being a vegetarian herself said it was beautiful and that my plans for it are very good. The maker is also super nice. Since Etsy won't let me leave feedback yet (my guess is they want us to have adequate time to use our purchases or return them if needed before leaving feedback) I messaged them a long message praising the heck out of the diary and describing my plans for it. They thanked me for the message, saying it was wonderful to wake up to and said they have spare keys if I ever need one.
I wouldn't say I'm in a bad place right now but a mediocre place. Things are rough but I'm getting some relief and some pleasant experiences too. As I like to put it, life is tolerable.
And recently I got to meet some of the forum members offline at the park Mr. Bloom and I went to for many of our dates early in our relationship. Was lovely to meet them and very lovely to return to the park and had a very pleasant lunch. I hope my quietness didn't bother anyone. I'm not nearly as talkative in real life as I am online. I prefer to listen, absorb, and learn. I like hearing people's stories. I also hope my Egyptian pendants didn't bother anyone as I know the group that came to Squalorfest is predominantly Christian. I wear the pendants daily if my tension headaches or migraines aren't getting to me and they have a special meaning to me due to some stuff in my past. While I thought about leaving them off for the afternoon I felt it might be better if I just be myself.
And...Little Bloom just walked up to me and showed me her drawing. A brachiosaurus drawn in pencil and covered in scribbled orange marker. She said it's on fire... Hmm. This doesn't even begin to cover her strange ideas and dark humor. She's also only six-and-a-half and has some mild delays so acts like she's about five. The tendency to strange priorities and weird humor has gone on since she was three and acting two-and-a-half. She watched most of Fahrenheit 451 with me, almost cried when Montag's books were burned, and laughed when Montag turned the flamethrower on Beatty. We were watching on my laptop and I quickly lowered the screen and she bent over trying to keep watching. Her art and play therapist raises an eyebrow at her antics but has no idea where they come from. She loves and is gentle with animals, wouldn't hurt a fly, and even refuses to eat meat though we offer it...she's just...strange. I half expect her to grow up to be a Poe-reading, Death Metal-listening teenager who wears too much eyeliner and collects skulls... Which is ok. Whatever keeps her happy and out of trouble. I think I will take the drawing and show it to her therapist though and see what she thinks. Dinosaurs on fire. Yikes.
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Post by lostchild on Oct 15, 2014 0:19:21 GMT -5
Maybe she knows some crispy Dinosaurs...just saying...My daughter came home from daycare announced she had a boyfriend. He gives me money and proceeded to pull out 6 cents. This was when she was three and she is nine now and very precocious. You just might have a philosophical child.
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Post by quietbird on Oct 15, 2014 1:34:33 GMT -5
Oh, that book for your poems sounds beautiful. A thing to treasure. How nice. I bet you will really enjoy filling it up. As for dinosaurs on fire, there are weirder things. Kittens on fire, for instance. Dinosaurs make sense - I've seen many illustrations of fire coming out of the sky towards dinos, or dinos surrounded by it (the meteor / extinction theory) - perhaps your dd saw something like this, or heard about the dino/meteor connection? Also, I believe there is a fire in one of the Land Before Time movies if she's seen that. She's probably thinking about why they're not around anymore.
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Post by Fivecat on Oct 15, 2014 5:04:53 GMT -5
i feel fairly certain your egyptian medals offended no one, certainly not me. as for you being quiet, i dont think that was a problem, either. still waters run deep i think everyone was just so very glad you came. i know i was and being yourself is always best
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Post by messymimi on Oct 15, 2014 7:58:53 GMT -5
Irisbloom, it was wonderful meeting you, and i didn't mind that you were quiet, although i was a bit afraid we overwhelmed you! What i really wish is that i could have spent more time with you, or lived close enough that i could come over and help you when things get bad.
Speaking for myself, i wasn't bothered by what you were wearing in any way, i'm glad you felt more comfortable by being yourself.
As for your daughter, she sounds amazing. My Bigger Girl dresses in all black and wears a dog collar, then shocks people when she opens doors for them and tells them to "have a blessed and beautiful day!" in her cheerful voice. It's great that Little Bloom is so unique. Maybe she's thinking about the meteor that was supposed to have killed off the dinosaurs, you never know what ideas children get, and how those play out.
As for you, i'm glad you are feeling somewhat better and the house is getting better.
messymimi
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yetipants
New Member
Joined: July 2014
Posts: 47
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Post by yetipants on Oct 15, 2014 8:33:09 GMT -5
About the insomnia--do you get on the internet before bed? I used to, and when I tried cutting that habit out, I noticed a difference literally the next day. I was able to fall asleep quickly, get up easier in the morning, and was much less drowsy during the day. I think the internet just revved up my brain so much I couldn't shut off to go to sleep.
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Post by irisbloom on Oct 15, 2014 11:31:40 GMT -5
Actually, yes, I do get on the internet before bed. I also write and play around with digital art. With my schedule though, it's hard to do without the computer before bed. I may save digital art for days I'm home while my daughter is in school and use a tinting program for my screen at nights. I've heard the screen light can cause insomnia and tinting it can help. I may also try to pull myself away from the computer after I take my meds and read a book instead.
Meds worked by the way and I managed to get about seven hours of sleep.
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Oct 17, 2014 4:43:30 GMT -5
I wish depression were as easy to treat as a broken leg. For me, it's an ongoing, often worsening problem. The most I seem to get from treatment is to feel sort of okay. I don't get joyous, or even happy. And eventually I go back down the tunnel on every single drug. I feel like I am the worst pile of genetics on the planet. I don't understand how these genes were carried forward as long as they were. I don't understand why there's not been suicide at every turn in my family. Maybe the truth is that I and my parents got the worst end of it, everyone else is fine. Either way, the problem is always me. My poor husband just responds to whatever ability I have at a given time. Right now, my abilities are pretty poor. I'm not working, I'm not keeping the house clean--just doing a couple maintenance chores while letting everything else backslide. I don't know if I'll be able to find and keep work. At a time like this, I can't really afford to see the shrink, but I probably need to. I just wish the science were hard and fast, like it is with a broken leg. Yep, but it is not. More therapists than I can count. More drug regimes than I can count. I appear highly functioning: 1) highly "successful" career (whatever that means). 2) highly attractive (or so everyone says). 3) highly compassionate and passionate and concerned for others. 4) highly-situated in the upper eshelon (why is this coming up as an incorrect spelling? detour while I just took the time to look it up) of an IQ in the range of "Very Superior Intelligence". blah blah blah. the above list is minute compared to the list of the stuff of which my family is pushing me to rid. I have been suicidal since 1978. I have never attempted. Mainly because of points 3 and 4 above; I am fully aware of the impact such acts cause. But I certainly have wanted. I'm back in it. The downward spiral. And I was doing so well (see my most recent posts, earlier today).
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Post by desireelafleur on Oct 17, 2014 8:54:21 GMT -5
I wish depression were as easy to treat as a broken leg. For me, it's an ongoing, often worsening problem. The most I seem to get from treatment is to feel sort of okay. I don't get joyous, or even happy. And eventually I go back down the tunnel on every single drug. I feel like I am the worst pile of genetics on the planet. I don't understand how these genes were carried forward as long as they were. I don't understand why there's not been suicide at every turn in my family. Maybe the truth is that I and my parents got the worst end of it, everyone else is fine. Either way, the problem is always me. My poor husband just responds to whatever ability I have at a given time. Right now, my abilities are pretty poor. I'm not working, I'm not keeping the house clean--just doing a couple maintenance chores while letting everything else backslide. I don't know if I'll be able to find and keep work. At a time like this, I can't really afford to see the shrink, but I probably need to. I just wish the science were hard and fast, like it is with a broken leg. Yep, but it is not. More therapists than I can count. More drug regimes than I can count. I appear highly functioning: 1) highly "successful" career (whatever that means). 2) highly attractive (or so everyone says). 3) highly compassionate and passionate and concerned for others. 4) highly-situated in the upper eshelon (why is this coming up as an incorrect spelling? detour while I just took the time to look it up) of an IQ in the range of "Very Superior Intelligence". blah blah blah. the above list is minute compared to the list of the stuff of which my family is pushing me to rid. I have been suicidal since 1978. I have never attempted. Mainly because of points 3 and 4 above; I am fully aware of the impact such acts cause. But I certainly have wanted. I'm back in it. The downward spiral. And I was doing so well (see my most recent posts, earlier today). Number 3 may be more important than you think. First of all you are aware that people love you (even if you might not understand why) and because you love them you understand that harming yourself would cause them distress. I would also encourage you, and anyone else who suffers from depression, toward charity work. (Or increase it as much as you can if you do already) As much of it as your schedule can tolerate. I have come to realize that depression causes us to act selfishly. Because we don't believe in ourselves and assume we have nothing to contribute we don't even bother. We set standards for ourselves that are impossible to reach and we expect other people to expect the same thing. There is a certain amount of obligation towards those we love. It comes with the territory. The is no obligation (other than simple human compassion) to volunteer at a food pantry, thrift store, animal shelter, the children's ward at your local hospital etc etc and the people who benefit from your volunteer work have no expectations (usually ) they are simply grateful and you can make difference with them. Depression causes us to focus on ourselves and come up short. It's important to battle that process.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 17, 2014 12:50:01 GMT -5
echelon - I thought there should be an s, too. Could not rest until I got it right.
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Post by TML on Oct 18, 2014 9:43:16 GMT -5
A note for folks with sensitivity to meds - there are many enzymes in the liver which are responsible for breaking down various meds. It is possible to be a slow metabolizer in an enzyme and thus more prone to having side effects. For the slow metabolizer (like me!), a reduced dose may work without having the extreme side effects. When I first started on an antidepressant, I found that I ran on about 2/3 of what was considered the minimal effective adult dose. And you have to watch out for drugs going through the same enzyme - its like pouring water through a funnel - only so much can go through at a time. Too much, and you can have a problem. You may find it helpful to look at this link on Cytochrome P 450 - medicine.iupui.edu/clinpharm/ddis/ and see what meds had good and bad responses for you. It may help you identify if you, too, might be a slow, or rapid metabolizer. (I've a friend who is ultra-rapid; she can get up after surgery in 5 minutes and be coherent!) Hi Magpie, I know exactly what you mean. I am a CYP2D6 poor metabolizer as well and it runs about 6- 10% in the Caucasian population. A regular dose of Paxil makes me sick as a dog after the second dose. So my meds had to be adjusted. I am considering going on Zoloft which is metabolized by a different enzyme CYP3A4 and thus should not have the same issues. It is the t1/2 of the drug which is so much longer as well. I find on paxil I do much better with 10 mgs every other day. It is not just lowering the dose that helps but depending on the t1/2 of the drug increasing the dosing frequency (i.e. every other day instead of every day). In some ways I think being a CYP2D6 PM actually saved me some grief in a round about way as I did not end up addicted to opiates when I had the car accident. The downside is most of them do not work as well so very little pain relief (i.e. advil works better for me) and they just had the adverse effects and made me sick. The nurse at the rehab/hospital was always asking would you like some oxycontin and I was like "No! - No way it makes me sick as a dog and does nothing for the pain". So I ended up with Tylenol which worked much better. For the ultra metabolizers it is the opposite since they are able to metabolize the drug to the active metabolites - they get more pain relief and some sort of buzz/CNS effect with less of the adverse events. soapyclean - trust me you do not want a broken leg. I had broken open compound fractures in both femurs and my right knee shattered and my left knee with 4 fractures. I am full of metal plates and pins and it is totally depressing when it takes so much energy just to walk and to try to do what used to be simple things. The science is there and yes they did do miracles but damage is damage no matter what.
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Post by wynken on Oct 18, 2014 22:03:09 GMT -5
I'm another with odd metabolic disorder, and B6 and Zn is the cure for suicidal thinking for me - Plus to take care of my allergies as well so I don't have a leaky gut and odd molecules causing havoc in my blood stream. I found these links for my pdoc and was surprised how many of these symptoms I have. Bad reactions to sedatives, no help from the psychotropic drugs I've tried, and no pain relief with most painkillers. I'm like the person who was left with tyronel, only I needed to search for one of that group without sulphates as the presevative as too much of that made my guts even more sensitive and reactionary than they were before. some links on the Mauve Factor X thing. (Its had a few different names. My initial info on it linked it to suicidal thinking, which is not highlighted in these links.) www.vitalityandwellness.com.au/pyroluriahealth.howstuffworks.com/diseases-conditions/chronic-fatigue/the-mauve-factor.htmnutripath.com.au/product/mauve-factor-formerly-kryptopyrroles-spot-urine-test-code-4011/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18383989a nay-sayer = www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/pyroluria-and-orthomolecular-psychiatry/(I include the last because there are always some who won't believe. And also its a reminder that not everyone with certain difficulties will have this disorder, and be helped by this regime.) The dose is 50mg of B6, and equivalent to 25 mcg? of elemental zinc. However - personally I think a balance of all the Bs is needed, and to get a good collection of the minerals that work with zinc as this is ongoing. Pdoc likes the notion of going off this for a month every so often, but I doubt I can safely do that ... maybe if things settle I'll see. I'm still trying to get taking these as a regular thing to do, and up their priority from supplement to med status in my mind. And that applies to the mega 3s for brain and joints as well. Also - probiotics - there have been tests with good results for people who can't / won't take regular antidepressants. My version is - the cure only helps if the solution meets the person's particular chemical need. And that I'm a bunch of chemicals tied up in skin. Edit to add - I am not at all sure of the correct Zn dose. What is in my complicated Ca supplement is way more than that.
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Post by ohblondie on Oct 20, 2014 11:43:30 GMT -5
I want to say I love this thread. and I do but I don't
I don;t love that people I care about are struggling so - I want to hug everyone and make it all better.
But what I like about this thread is the open and honest discussion over wht works and what doesnt work. And the acknowledgement that we are struggling in some way or on some level. And the support that is so freely given...
I am wiping tears from my eyes.....
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