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Post by larataylor on Sept 22, 2014 14:24:49 GMT -5
I think by the time you get your place cleared out, your habit of taking out the trash will be well established! I've found that de-cluttering has become part of my psyche such that I can't handle an object without wondering if I should keep it or not.
If you get one room (or apartment zone) cleared, then you can begin to practice your maintenance skills, too, until those become second nature. You can do this with the kitchen sink, or one floor, or the bathroom. Practice "defending" what you've gained.
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 22, 2014 18:08:14 GMT -5
I am practicing on defending my kitchen and half bath...
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Post by Unswamping on Sept 22, 2014 21:12:16 GMT -5
Julieanne i can understand the fear of "how am i ever going to manage keeping this clean?". Once you have cleaned up an area, maintenance is much easier. It really isnt a frightening as it seems. One of my former therapist told me " life hardly ever lives up to our anxieties". She was right. I have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I found my fears about maintaing my gains to be overwhelming.
I decided to focus on cleaning up the mess first and then i could deal with maintenance. My kitchen is in maintenance. Once i cleared the floors and counters and got rid of alot of things i didnt need or that belonged elsewhere, i arranged everything that was left. It wasnt perfect but everything fit. I started with washing the dishes every time the sink was full, i have a very small sink. Then i wiped the sink after i was done. I stretched the habit a little more and gradually added wiping the counter and stovetop. Now after practicing this for two months, its automatic. It actually bothers me when the kitchen is messy.
I did a big cooking on saturday, making several different meals that i portion and freeze, lots of dishes. I felt a little panicky but realized i now know how to do this, i did the big cleanup, ive been maintaining. It takes a little time, practicing new habits, occasionally slipping up. I found that if im capable of doing a big cleanup, im just as capable of maintaining. Its much easier to clean a small mess than a big mess. I find the kitchen doesnt get really dirty now. The counters and stove get wiped everyday so there isnt any more crusted on mess. Now that there is nothing on the floor that doesnt belong there, it is very easy to sweep and mop the floor.
Therapy is very helpful, especially if you had a traumatic childhood. I find that my understanding of say, why my hallway doesnt stay cleared, didnt really happen until i cleared it out entirely. Once it was totally cleared, i had several panic attacks. I sat with them, did my deep breathing and grounding exercises and a childhood memory of hiding in the hallway to escape abuse popped in my head. So i am still working through that. The hallway is cluttered but much less so than it was. I am gradually moving things out. I found hanging some pictures on the wall helped give me something to focus on, to remind me i am here now, in the present. My home is safe and i no longer need to hide from abuse. Reinforcing that the past is past and i am safe now helps alot.
Sometimes it takes several attempts to clear the clutter, just keep working at it. Go at the pace that is comfortable for you, dont feel that you have to get it cleaned up as fast as someone else did. Theres no pressure here, its not a competition, just a safe, supportive place.
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Post by dayeanu on Sept 22, 2014 22:10:54 GMT -5
I have learned a great deal about myself and my "issues" without trying to, through de-cluttering and cleaning.
Often while I'm slogging my way through a mess, I will remember something, or have an insight, or recognize a recurring reaction.
I call it "cleaning, as therapy".
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Post by dtesposito on Sept 22, 2014 22:18:48 GMT -5
Now that there is nothing on the floor that doesnt belong there, it is very easy to sweep and mop the floor. I'm just beginning to experience this. a childhood memory of hiding in the hallway to escape abuse popped in my head. Diane
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 23, 2014 8:07:12 GMT -5
So much easier to clean when you don;t have to keep picking up piles and moving them!!
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Post by larataylor on Sept 25, 2014 8:38:46 GMT -5
Try putting "keep & maybe keep stuff" into plastic bins, with lids. Then you can move them around to clean the floor, and the stuff doesn't get dustier than it was already. And you can make a stack of them when you have room for that. When trash is gone, you can do a second round, donating what you don't need and finding places for what you really want.
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Post by boyswillbeboys on Sept 25, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -5
My biggest tip to deal with the worry and anxiety that you may not be able to maintain once the clean out is done is to start maintaining now. That means if your have your kitchen floor clear to be swept start each day by sweeping your kitchen, and maintaining the progress you have made. Start washing dishes as you go, so that no more dishes pile up, wash more than you use, you will be improving, and learning the maintenance skills you need to continue once the big clean up is done. I make a point of vacuuming the centers of my rooms every time I work in there, so if I am working on my living room, the first thing I do is return it to the level it was when I stopped last time (I have three kids, this is a daily thing) I vacuum, almost every day, because I have to clear the center in order to vacuum, vacuuming is now a habit for me.
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Post by larataylor on Sept 25, 2014 9:46:19 GMT -5
Yes, boyswillbeboys! I think it's really important to clean the part of the floor you can see! It's exciting to see that part getting bigger.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2014 10:04:28 GMT -5
I've been at this de-squaloring thing for at least 5 years. One thing I have learned is that you may go through stages of clutter tolerance (or empty-space tolerance-- however you want to look at it).
I now see clutter where I never saw it before. And I feel o.k. with *really* empty spaces.
For me, it just took time. I would unclutter, then the clutter would build back up; I'd declutter even more the next time, then it would build back up, but not as much; I'd declutter again, this time even more, etc.
The decluttering/re-cluttering cycle has been frustrating at times, but it has also gotten easier, and each time, I've been less bothered by the empty spaces.
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Post by desireelafleur on Oct 5, 2014 14:10:45 GMT -5
I have no clutter tolerance. I almost took my husband's head off when he said he was going to the dollar store with the express purpose of picking up a puzzle for the Bugga. No. Just no. Why can't we spend the money going to a corn maze? Better yet save that dollar toward bills?!?!?!?!? EDIT: I should amend that statement to read that once I clean an area I am vicious about protecting it now. There is so much stuff to get rid of that I buy things only if they are essentials. I can't even remember the last bra I bought for myself for heaven's sake because I don't NEED it. But we NEED a puzzle with a 110 pieces? Really? My husband hates when I "relegate" stuff to a room or a corner or the basement or attic. I explain that if we don't do that we actually have no living space, and no where to eat. He says we should put stuff where it belongs. I ask him wear that is exactly. It's impossible for everything in our house to have a home. Impossible.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 6, 2014 9:57:25 GMT -5
Desiree - I totally understand your vicious defense of your cleared space. I'm about to get vicious about the magazine, mouse, and keyboard sitting on the couch right now.
I could put the magazine in recycling. We've been getting "Rolling Stone" for a few months now. My best guess is that a young musician who admires of my daughter subscribed to it for her. (He also sent her a guitar.) And I've noticed some good articles in it. But a magazine subscription is really one of the last things I want to have. I'm trying to get everyone in the family to look it over before recycling it. But argh … DH can't just pick up a magazine, look at the cover, and say "I wanna read that article" or "nah" ? How hard is that? Really? I'm just bringing him a tiny decision to make, and he can't just make it? And then he gets mad when I mess with his stuff? It's enough to make me pull my hair out and then strangle him with it!
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Post by lostchild on Oct 7, 2014 11:32:33 GMT -5
I have been vicious with defense. Nothing is allowed to stay in dining room nor living room. I get all stuff cleared before bed. Right now there is two week break for fall and I am defending my daughter's room. Company everyday with tons of dolls. I make sure it migrates back to her room nightly.
I know she needs room to be creative...I just won't give the whole house.
I pick up all study materials before bedtime. Trust me I can't clean everything but I can give it a heck of a shot.
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Post by desireelafleur on Oct 7, 2014 12:20:48 GMT -5
lostchild, That is why decluttering is so essential, right? Theoretically the dining room table should be used strictly for dining right. Yet there is so much stuff on it...but no where for all that stuff to go. You don't want to give over the whole house yet..yet..that's what it takes to fit so much STUFF...at least the dolls have a home to go back to!
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Post by ponygirl on Oct 7, 2014 12:27:32 GMT -5
I've been at this de-squaloring thing for at least 5 years. One thing I have learned is that you may go through stages of clutter tolerance (or empty-space tolerance-- however you want to look at it). I now see clutter where I never saw it before. And I feel o.k. with *really* empty spaces. For me, it just took time. I would unclutter, then the clutter would build back up; I'd declutter even more the next time, then it would build back up, but not as much; I'd declutter again, this time even more, etc. The decluttering/re-cluttering cycle has been frustrating at times, but it has also gotten easier, and each time, I've been less bothered by the empty spaces. Five years for me, too.
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