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Post by cyn on Oct 30, 2014 6:06:14 GMT -5
Hi Kimmy - I'm new here myself, but I've been squaloring for decades. I'm definitely loving this site, the inspiration, and all the wonderful people. How cool that you've known them for ages!
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Post by syzygy on Oct 30, 2014 8:13:06 GMT -5
Wow, this is a surprise! Hi Kimmy! Welcome back.
It sounds like you're right back on the wagon. A clean bedroom in 4 hours? You must have been a whirling dervish-warrior!
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Post by ohblondie on Oct 30, 2014 8:38:46 GMT -5
There are so many people on this site that are "hero's" to me. We all support each other and cheer each other on. As time goes on, the newbies become the long timers, and hopefully the inspiration to a new batch of newbies! !!!
That being said. ...... it is always nice to be able to want and say hi to the one that started it all. ... . and pigpen.....I miss her and hot all is well with her. .. and inga rae....etc
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Oct 31, 2014 7:53:57 GMT -5
Thanks ohblondie. Yes I love everyone here too!!! There is one common element we all share and funny how here the messier you are the more we love ya ha ha. Oh yeah I sooo wish Pigpen was here, too. It has been a long time now and this would be the ONLY group I still am a member of after over a decade, which shows what strong friendships we made and are still making here!! Oh yes Sygyzy I remember you too, wow, so many still here helping, that is so nice to see!!! Oh yes, I am still tackling one corner of the bedroom, but the rest is really nice. Not bad for a reformed messy who relapses at times!!! Hi Cyn, oh yeah, crazy how some of us were around when it started...and I am so glad I did work up the courage to post that day about my mess. It was incredibly hard, I was so scared. I look back at the photos and I feel so sad for the girl who went through that (me) and shake my head wondering what would have happened had people like Celeste and Pigpen and others come forward and been so nice about it.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Oct 31, 2014 8:04:20 GMT -5
Hi Di and Sunny...yes stuff the idiots and their ridicule. They really need to wake up that to make fun of someone in this position drives them to suicide. I am a big fan of baskets, too...instant clean up!!! Thanks Wy...yeah, it is not so traumatic now..I can look at it and laugh. But I also look at it and realise how very sick I was and how sad it was nobody gave really effective help other than a doctor and people here. It really would have been useful to have some in person support at the squalor...I see TV shows about it and they are very brutal on the Squalorees, whereas I believe in a more gentle approach to heal people from the inside out, not just dispose of the so called junk (which is very important to Squalorees!!) Hi TML, ha ha, I love cats, they are so sweet. It is great to be back here. Hi Def6, yeah who would have thought people would love my story so much...I thought they would throw tomatoes at me!!! (Though I had so much squalor good luck at hitting me with a tomato!). I am so glad I dared to share back then. It helped me and 1000s!!! Yes Gottaproblem, it really has to be taken seriously how suicidal this squalor thing makes you, how anxious and how scared and how hopeless you feel. Being overwhelmed is terribly hard and if I can do it while shaking and crying and with the world watching, so can you!!!! Congrats on selling a house!!!!
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Oct 31, 2014 8:17:31 GMT -5
Hey Joyinvirginia and Hollyhock, I am excited too !!!! It is so nice to see such support on the net still... there is so much nasty stuff about now, yet here we have always been so nice and helpful with pure hearts. Hi Twix, yes I had some really terrible, horrible things happen to me that made me very sick. I think the general answer to PTSD and depression is finding a PASSION and going with it. Then the good stuff takes over the bad in a big way. Hi Fivecat!! Good to see you here, too! And you too Lucie...such a sad way to meet you here but hey, there is hope, believe me...all it takes is to dare to try. Liesel, you have made a vital point about perfectionists. I struggle daily with the tidy and clean thing, as it will never be "perfect enough". But I think we must say well being 2 points away from perfection is better than being 45 points away...and allows for change and improvement. Depression does not help at all...I too would rather hide under the bed covers and sleep than face my little corner full of Squalor I am tackling, but I did the rest of the bedroom and I continually question how I can do it better...but at least it is presentable! I have a big interest in interior decorating now and how I can make any space inspirational. And oh yes, gee I had to laugh at my mess, there was no other way as I had cried and cried and cried over it. I was a nervous mess, I slept on the floor on the rotten food, on a dirty blanket... It is so much better sleeping in my clean sheeted bed now - it is not perfect, but I am getting there by reading decorating books and wondering how to improve. We all owe ourselves a clean bed and sheets and blankets and pillows, no matter how bad we feel.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Oct 31, 2014 8:23:17 GMT -5
Hey LaraTaylor, yes I do wish everyone had access to this. It is much needed and I hate to think how many fellow Squalorees died before we came along. It is so sad. I think you going through it is the BEST way to help others. We cling to our stuff and we love it and it is so hard to let go. I do not think I would have survived without the help I got by posting. I think the sight of my photos probably made a lot of people feel comfortable as the extent of my mess was so extreme that it was probably hard to beat. I have seen some more intense photos and tv shows of squalor, but I think mine was up there. The trauma I was suffering was beyond belief. And it showed in the state of my home.
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Post by onwardandupward on Oct 31, 2014 8:41:49 GMT -5
Kimmy,
I want to thank you for your warrior-like bravery in sharing your photos with the world. I first saw them at a point in my life where I felt I was the only person on the planet who couldn't seem to avoid piling up messes in her home, and beyond hope that I would ever be able to clean things up.
Your photos and your story were a major awakening for me. Your story reached out across the miles to a complete stranger and helped me understand that the SS site was where I needed to find support. I found amazing support there, and have found amazing support here as well.
You gave me courage to post before and after photos from multiple homes over the years, in hopes that even one person would find something in them that would give them a push the way your photos did for me.
I am so glad you are here!
Onward
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Post by larataylor on Oct 31, 2014 10:04:51 GMT -5
Warrior Kimmy - you "came out" around 2001-2002, right? I was in a pretty good place at that time … I had enough money, I could hire house cleaners … I had a young child … my upstairs living space was in good order, though my DH was working away at squaloring the basement, where our home business lived! Then Bad Things happened, and a few years later, I was poor, depressed, had no house cleaners, and the squalor had taken over the whole house. I realize now that I *never* learned how to maintain a clean, tidy house (or even a clean, tidy apartment) on a daily or weekly basis. I was bad enough on my own, but with a cluttery spouse, I was hopeless. I was always "chasing" clutter and squalor. In medical pain management, you don't want to "chase pain." You want to get the right dose of medication, and take it before you feel the pain. Home maintenance is like that, too, and some of us just didn't learn how to do that! Better late than never, though!
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Post by ohblondie on Oct 31, 2014 10:30:11 GMT -5
I agree with you Kimmy. Society is so hard on those that don't fit the norm or challenge the norm. Neat and clean and you are a model citizen. ... you are respected and believed. Taken at your word. Squalorous and you are labeled a loser and bad parent and worthless. Even if you are the best parent in the world and the most generous and compassionate person. You are judged. Frustrates the heck out of me.
I would live to be an organizer type person and work with people who need help. I would provide compassionate and non judgemental Assistance. I am good with figuring out systems to help people.
I just like helping. I wonder if that is why I have a hard time accepting help?
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Post by aquamarine on Nov 1, 2014 3:21:51 GMT -5
" I think the general answer to PTSD and depression is finding a PASSION and going with it. "
This statement deserves to be highlighted. A cause, a very strong interest certainly can get us through all kinds of trouble and give us something to live for.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Nov 1, 2014 7:39:20 GMT -5
Yes passions require strong feelings and that drives you up out of squalor in a pleasant manner I think....just finding that passion is the thing...and it may change. Even if you have a hard time finding a passion, try feeding the squirrels or something...get to know their little personalities and read about how they live and take an interest in something other than the very draining squalor.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Nov 1, 2014 7:42:23 GMT -5
Yeah ohblondie, sad but true. I never judge anyone for their home, I get it and have been there...but most will because they have never experienced that debilitating degree of trauma that results in squalor. I am glad I went through it as it did help a lot of people inadvertently. It would have to be the worst thing ever - worse than depression and worse than anything else, just so paralysing.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Nov 1, 2014 7:50:31 GMT -5
Oh thank you onwardandupward, you described that so well...and I thought I was the ONLY ONE too!!!!!! I guess we never thought anyone could be as bad as us!! What a blesssing my picture show came to you at such a good time. What I love is that you did not just sit there...you ACTED, and you CONQUERED! I was in a very very sad state back then and severely weakened and vulnerable. Totally overwhelmed by the house. There was really nothing left for me except to have a go at posting it on the net. I was desperate. That seemingly insurmountable mess had to go - but I cried every time I tried to start and shook so bad I just shut my eyes and tried to sleep it off. It is sad it is ridiculed in society...it is not like we are serial killers, we are just exhibiting our overloaded trauma oozing like lava from a volcano into our surroundings. That is no crime. Support from all avenues MUST be provided and sad thing is we all seem so far away from each other...
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Nov 1, 2014 7:53:27 GMT -5
Ha yes Lara, it should be taught at school how to "LIVE" and clean and such...it aint easy!!! I could have afforded cleaners, but they would not have fit inside my door!!! Plus they would have run once they saw that mess of mine. I swear the fear of living in that was worse than if I had had ten dead bodies in the home...I was petrified someone would find out!
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