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Post by danny15 on Feb 3, 2015 12:30:08 GMT -5
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Post by Unswamping on Feb 3, 2015 13:08:52 GMT -5
I decided that my sofa is a trauma trigger. As an adult, i had never had a sofa until my friend gave me this one. She felt that "normal" people have sofas and i "should" have one. Guess what, former friend, my life has not been "normal". Having a sofa brings up bad memories for me. That is probably why i keep piling it up with junk. So in march, when it warms up, i will either try to sell it or give it away. If that doesnt work, it will just go in the trash.
First i have to see what kind of damage the kitties might have done to it. My armchair has been shredded on the back down to the wood. My littlest kitty loves to run on the sofa and behind it. She is really hyper and who knows what she has done to it. I love littlest-kitty but thats not reason enough to keep this. Getting rid of it will free up space for fun, kitty stuff. If she only knew what i had in store for her.
Its funny that my sister came to my house once, years ago. She commented on my lack of sofa. I pointed out to her that there was no lack of seating in my living room and that everyone was able to fit a chair that they liked to sit in. I had two rocking chairs and an eclectic mix of other chairs and ottomans. So not only did everyone get a comfortable seat to themselves, they could put their feet up too. So im not going to concern myself with whats "normal", im going to aim for comfort in my house.
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Post by lostchild on Feb 3, 2015 17:34:50 GMT -5
swamped by stuff they said it the wrong way but I bet they just wanted you comfortable. My mother said the same words then I realized she just wanted me to have a better life and thought if she gave me a sofa it would help. My mother says a lot of mean things but doesn't mean to. Many people don't realize how they sound. They probably meant well if they gave you something of that substantial a gift.
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Post by Unswamping on Feb 3, 2015 19:01:09 GMT -5
lostchild you may be right that she meant well. Some people have had blessed lives and have never had any thing traumatic happen to them. She was one of them and lacked empathy (the ability to put yourself in some one elses shoes, as opposed to sympathy, which is different). We generally got along well until she would bring up my family. She had a wonderful relationship with her parents and felt that everyone should worship, revere and otherwise have a incredibly wonderful relationship with their family. Im glad that she had that kind of relationship but i dont. Some families are very abusive and the children are best off removing themselves from contact. I had explained to her numerous times about how different my family was from hers and why i was trying to minimize contact. I didnt need to hear from her that the abuse was my fault, that i just am reading things wrong. She became former friend after repeated attempts to set boundaries, telling her i can not discuss my family with her at all, ever and she just ignored that.
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Post by gadget on Feb 3, 2015 19:47:18 GMT -5
Thank you for this wonderful topic. I have been reading and rereading it over and over again. I see myself in so many of these posts and the wisdom and comfort has helped me to tackle one of my Trauma Corners.
I have been very sick and I have lost a lot of weight. My clothes all hang on me and I just couldn't face looking at myself in the mirror. The horrible old hag looking back at me frightened me so much! I would just throw on anything in order to get to work on time and try my best to avoid my reflection.
I had some unexpected time off work. I live near Boston and we have had two big snowstorms in one week. We got over 5 feet of snow! So I had 4 days off. I decided to work on my closet. I tried on everything and forced myself to look in the mirror. I gave 7 big bags of clothing to the Salvation Army store. Today is my birthday and I was able to go out and look almost normal. I feel so much better. I can look in the mirror again and not see death warmed over.
My next traums corner to get around is my hair. The medication I have to take has just destroyed my hair. It is very oily, stringy, flat and feels slippery. The last time I tried to get my hair cut, the hairdresser refused because she said it felt disgusting. I was so embarrassed and just slunk out of the building. I don't know if I will have the courage to try another salon. I might call and explain my situation first. I am tempted to give myself a buzz cut with my son's old clippers and get a wig.
I have had a lot of financial trauma lately. I am resolved to get my paperwork together and in order. I will work on this a little every day. I will stop when I feel overwhelmed. I have a coworkers husband helping me to get back on track investing. He is a professional financial advisor but I don't like him or trust him. I don't know why, it is just a gut instinct. He just creeps me out. I have insisted on googling all his suggestions and I feel the investments he suggests are very shady. I am going to call him tomorrow and tell him NO!
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Post by Unswamping on Feb 3, 2015 20:27:00 GMT -5
gadget i hope that you are well now. weight loss because of illness is always hard to deal with. Im glad you found the courage to confront your closet and to weed out all those clothes. Im sorry that the hairdresser was so rude to you. There is no excuse for that, its very unprofessional. I think your idea to call first at another salon and explain the condition of your hair and that it is because of the medication. Do you know anyone else in your area that you could ask for a recommendation for a stylist? I like that you are following your gut instinct with the investor. Maybe you could say that you decided to put it on hold right now, so as to not cause difficult feelings with your coworker. Its a part truth, it is on hold until you can find someone you feel comfortable with. Im glad you posted.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 3, 2015 20:28:56 GMT -5
Oh gadget! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! I hope you are physically feeling better. I'm so glad you went through your closet and culled clothes, and kept things that fit and make you feel better! I'd like the name and phone number of the hair dresser. I want to go beat her up! I cannot believe ANYONE would be so rude or crass!!!!!! That's just horrible!!!!!!! There is a service here that will come to your home for shampoo and haircut. I'm guessing most towns have someone. Would that make you feel more comfortable? And go with your gut instinct on the investing!!!!! Sending prayers, positive thoughts and energy your way. And a big hug. And another happy birthday wish!
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Post by lostchild on Feb 3, 2015 21:24:20 GMT -5
gadget Happy Birthday. If something smells wrong it usually is. Don't trust him. The hairdresser should be slapped until you feel better or she is unconscious.No . What she did was ridiculously rude. I am glad you faced your closet and the clean out was successful. Have a blessed day!!!
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Post by danny15 on Feb 4, 2015 10:31:09 GMT -5
gadget First HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Second I agree with Day and lostchild. I'll help with some smackdown on that so-called hairdresser! Sorry you got slammed with all that snow! I am no fan of snow anymore. But what a great use of your time gathering the courage to go thru your closet! I'm so happy you feel better about yourself now! Yes call another salon and explain your situation. They may have some suggestions. Or talk to your doctor or nurse and ask for their suggestions for hair care. They must have other patients having the same medication results. Before you do the buzz cut/wig solution check into all possibilities. I looked up wigs online recently and there was so much to be considered ~ real human hair vs. synthetic, styles, cap sizes, clip-in pieces, care and cleaning routines, etc. What really surprised me was that the wigs wear out pretty quickly and need to be replaced. Depending on how much you want to invest in one it might be best to check with a professional stylist first. I admire your resolve to get your finances in order! That's a HUGE trauma area for me too. Definitely go with your gut about the financial advisor. Like any professional you trust with important things (health, finances, legal advice) you have to feel comfortable with the person. on facing and dealing with all these challenges, gadget!
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Post by Unswamping on Feb 4, 2015 16:34:08 GMT -5
Picked up my mail today hoping my car registration stickr had come. It didnt but i got four pieces of mail i need to deal with. I just shoved it in my bag until i got home. Now im home and really am dreading it. I promised my therapist i would work a bit on the office before monday, easy things so as not to trigger avoidance. These are not easy things for me to deal with. My pain level is very high today so its not going to happen today. I just wish this stuff could have come next week.
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Post by Unswamping on Feb 5, 2015 10:55:40 GMT -5
Opened the four pieces of mail this morning. First a bill from doctor for only $50, which i knew i owed from december, Not the couple of hundred i was dreading it would be. Second insurance eob, that sats i owe said doctor an additional $10 for january. Should have opened that first. Oh well. Seems they paid for wrist xrays etc so i dont owe anything there. Third piece of mail turned out to be a fyi statement, nothing more. Was dreading that was going to be more money too.
So it seemed that there was alot more dread about the mail then was needed. At least for the first three. The last one was the worst. It is something very important that ive been waiting months for and now i have an answer. Its not good. I was denied benefits because they claim that i failed to complete paperwork. I have a company that is supposed to be assisting me with this and they were supposed to submit the form on my behalf. I guess they dropped the ball. So now i have a nightmare to deal with this.
Im going to have to dig out all the paperwork on this. I have no idea where it is, its somewhere in the mountain of papers in my office. Then i will need to make phone calls. It brings up all sorts of things from the past that were very bad. Of course i haven't received my car registration sticker yet so while i renewed my car registraion, i have an expired sticker on my car. I have a doctors appointment today that i have to drive a good distance to and am terrfied i will be pulled over. I dont think i could handle it even if everything is okay because i have proof i renewed it. Bad trauma memories.
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Post by angela on Feb 5, 2015 14:39:19 GMT -5
Oh no Unswamping, I'm so sorry about this letter. I wish I was there to help somehow. Since I can't be, is there someone who can? Someone at the company that is supposed to be assisting? gadget to you too. I'm sorry about that mean hairdresser. Keep coming here and posting. We can hold each other up even when we can't physically help each other out.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Feb 5, 2015 18:33:13 GMT -5
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Feb 5, 2015 18:44:07 GMT -5
Oh gadget you are having a bad time there! Did I tell you about the time I went to the hairdresser to get a hair cut and she sent me home, because I apparently had lice? I was horrified. They were so cruel and I slinked out feeling like a leper. Now, the professional hair dressers will make you feel good despite anything your hair has to offer. Mine was caught from sitting on a dirty lounge in a waiting room, I remember itching and itching and then I realised what it was when the hair dresser told me. Maybe you can ask the hospital to recommend someone who deals with patients who have side effects from medication? Maybe a private hair dresser operating from home may give you the privacy and be able to show true professionalism? My hair was a health issue and against the law to touch me with the lice apparently. But yours is medical and I feel so angry that hair dresser made you feel like this. Perhaps contact those places that deal in making patients feel good with make up and hair styles and wigs. Remember buzz cuts look great and you could start a whole new trend of how you cut it, have fun with what hair is there! Own it - and to hell with hair dressers who can't be professionals!!!!
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Feb 5, 2015 18:53:56 GMT -5
I also once got so sick my skin tight trousers fell to my ankles!!! Now that was a nasty sight. I think you have to embrace this trend you are setting here gadget. How many would love to be thin and have that waif haircut and not have to carry 20-100 excess kilos around?!! YES!! A lot of us here! I know it is from illness and you must be so ill and suffering, but I see a wonderful spirit ready to fly here and conquer the Squaloree-sickness You HAD to think of your health first! Stuff the housework and bills, health is NUMBER ONE! I can see the beginnings of a butterfly emerging here! Take it easy and do not make yourself sicker by overdoing it. No athlete over does it without injury and you are the same! Just remember hair does grow back. It is not permanent! I have had my hair issues, too. It is embarrassing and makes you cringe, I know. I went to school with a little girl who wore a wig...but what I remember more about her was her smiling face. Wigs are great! Who really wants to style their hair every morning when you could just pull on a style!?!!!
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